Day 87: on disappointment

This was not the New Year's Eve that I had planned, to be honest...

I went down with Himself to the new temporary location of the Alano Club, where I helped with the "smudging party." Himself treated me to a tasty brunch. We stayed there a little longer than either of us expected, and that was apparently our mistake.

When we got home, the Queen Mother was in a mood as I got dinner ready. Let's just say we had a significant Difference of Opinion over the state of the house and of the household. Himself convinced me to stick with our plans to go to the NYE event we had been planning to attend, and we would simply return home a little earlier than expected. I agreed and we left, but I had a very bitter taste in my mouth over the argument.

The party was okay. Some tables had a wide selection of party favors, others were all but bare. The dinner was a Mexican-style buffet, and I got the vegetarian goodies. There was going to be a speaker before the comedian, but after the speaker was finished, Himself said he was done, as he had a headache and his back was bothering him. So we left.

I guess I was clinging too tightly to my expectations about tonight, and I guess I was more upset at leaving than I thought. I cried out my frustrations on the way home. We did agree to stop for some dessert before heading home, but the whole day - afternoon and evening - just did not go my way at all, and I wound up super frustrated. I suppose there's always next year; hopefully we'll have someone looking after the Queen Mother besides us!

I will be staying close to home tomorrow. Perhaps that will be my contemplative post. Tonight just stunk.

Day 86: on new year's eve eve

Himself and I made it to the support group today, despite it starting half an hour earlier than usual due to the holidays. I was grateful to be able to sit upright in a chair for the whole group; this time last week, I was flat on my back in bed, hoping the muscles in my low back would quit spasming and seizing up. It took about a week, but I'm back to feeling reasonably normal again. It was good to share where I was, and witness where everyone else was as well.

After the support group was finished, we made the drive down to La Jolla so Himself could get his back X-rayed at the VA Medical Center. He says he didn't see any obvious fractures. Though he's not a doctor, he has been in some gnarly accidents, and would know way better than I if there were any fractures. We're taking this as good news. We made a quick stop at Trader Joe's on the way home to pick up a few essentials before dinner.

After dinner, it was "mission of mercy" time to drive down to a friend's place and pick up some personal belongings for him, as he is currently rehabilitating at a skilled nursing facility. Then it was a quick trip to the old Alano Club for a bit of a scouting mission. It was mind blowing how different it looked, stripped down to its essentials and all but empty within. Tomorrow they plan to have a "smudging party" at the new place at noon. I have sage, and a hand drum, and I'm tempted to go and contribute my skills to help clear out the old energy and set the foundation for new energy to come in. We shall see if that happens; I didn't make any promises one way or the other.

The Queen Mother went to bed an hour earlier than usual, as she'd had a headache for most of the day. Himself and I are probably going to turn in pretty soon as well. We actually have plans to be out and celebrating the New Year tomorrow evening: dinner and a comedy show, possibly some dancing, though with Himself's wonky back, probably not that much. At any rate, it's nice to have plans for tomorrow. Some years I've been out celebrating (we had a nice long run of First Nights in town, and I attended many of them); other nights I've stayed at home and rung in the new in Sacred Space. This year, I'm actually looking forward to going out and being sociable, since the last few years have felt horribly isolating.

I'll see if I can squeeze in a contemplative post, if not tomorrow, then definitely on Tuesday. Meanwhile, we count down the final hours of 2018...

Day 85: on refilling my well

While Himself went down to San Diego for Moving Day, I chose to focus on my Inner Work today. I did some more therapeutic writing, clearing out old stagnant energy from the past; now I'm finally ready to review 2018! I also did a whole bunch of coloring on my Yuletide mandala, which I posted a little earlier over on Instagram. It felt good to focus on myself and put the Inner Work first, something I haven't always been successful in doing.

I also did some cooking for myself for dinner tonight, something I was getting into right before I met Himself. It turns out he was a cook in the Navy, and I acted as his sous chef after we got together. Our initial quest was a search for the perfect Palak Paneer, and I think we had just about nailed it when cancer raised its ugly head and put an end to our dual cooking adventures. 

Anyway - I cooked a cup of rice in our handy rice cooker. As that was going, I combined a can of pinto beans and a can of corn in a pot, and added half a box of tomato & red pepper soup, which covered the beans and the corn. I warmed that up on low heat, and took half a "log" of faux meat, crumbled it into a skillet, then browned it on medium heat, adding water as needed. The log said to use oil, but I really didn't want oil spattering everywhere and burning me, or making a big mess. When the rice was done, I combined the "meat" with the bean-corn-soup mixture, then scooped some of the rice into a bowl and covered it with a few ladle-fuls of the mock chili I had just made. This allowed me to combine the rest of the rice and the soup mix in one bowl to refrigerate for later. I ate the small bowl with some tortilla strips...delicious! (I should get 2-3 servings out of what I made tonight.) I'm going to be doing both black and white beans next time, and maybe a bit less soup, but I'm definitely making it again. :q

Himself has returned home with the news that the move from Point A to Point B is complete, and now only a bit of cleanup at the old place remains. He's also planning to rest and sleep in a bit tomorrow. I can't say as I blame him.

Our Sunday support group is tomorrow, a bit earlier than usual due to the holiday schedule. We're looking forward to going. 

Day 84: on an easy friday

Here is a switch: Himself is in bed before me! He has been pushing himself all week to help an Alano Club move, as he has close ties with it, and today all of the work and stress caught up with him. They didn't want to move, but they don't have a choice. Long story with a lot of drama, and I'm not sure what details I'm at liberty to share at this moment. In addition, tomorrow is the Actual Move, and he said he would need to get up early to get down to San Diego to execute his role in getting everything from Point A to Point B.

So while he (sort of) rested today, I enjoyed my morning ritual of Tea with Morning Pages before breakfast. I made it out into the kitchen and wrested Order from Chaos once again, gathering up all the recycling and getting some of it out to our special blue bins in the patio. I had also intended to get started on digging around for some extra insurance for the Queen Mother today, but that didn't come to pass. My mind was not in the mood for Yet More Sleuthing.

I really don't like the short cold days of Winter, especially when it's actually cold outside. (Don't laugh, East Coasties!) Last year I didn't have to get any of the "Winter clothes" out because it never got super cold. Tonight is the first night temperatures are approaching freezing, so out came my fuzzy Sherpa tops! I would rather stay home and "hibernate" when it feels this cold; tonight, though, I armed myself with a hot winter beverage and set out with Himself for our weekly meetings. At least the air was fragrant when we returned - several of the condos in our complex have fireplaces, and they were being put to full use this evening. I'm also grateful that that cats had the good sense to come inside as well; they have become quite accustomed to, and appreciative of, the Domestic Life!

Tomorrow I will be most likely staying home to keep an eye on the Queen Mother while Himself tends to his business. I'm thinking of trying a culinary experiment for dinner. I'll fill y'all in tomorrow on what it is, and how it goes. :)

Day 83: on taking care of the essentials

My money from the state arrived today, so I was able to take care of a few more bills and do some much needed grocery shopping. As lovely as the charitable pantry is, they don't have items to cleanse dentures, nor do they have Kleenex boxes, nor do they offer cat food, at least, nothing the cats would actually eat. There are also certain things the Queen Mother will only eat a certain brand of, and won't accept any substitutes. So we loaded up our supply of canvas shopping bags and headed out.

It's Himself's turn to have a wonky back - he overexerted himself yesterday, and has been a bit out of sorts today. Fortunately, there are the little shopping scooters available, so he drove around while I got necessities. I had to rest my back for a little while after we returned home, but not for too long. Everybody is basically happy now.

I received a lovely surprise in the mail when Himself came home: a mermaid coloring book, based on one of Doreen Virtue's oracle decks. I may or may not have done a wee Happy Pagan dance. It will be nice change of pace to color in when I need a break from the intricate patterns of the mandalas. I'm grateful to have such cool friends who support me in all sorts of ways. :)

Since we took care of necessities today, tomorrow will be the day I roll up my sleeves and return to following the (seemingly) never ending paper trail. Oh what fun. ;p

Day 82: on "turning it around"

Himself was committed to helping out with a club's "Boxing Day" today, so he was down in San Diego as part of a packing and demolishing team. I was still feeling rather protective of my back, so I stayed home, and got an earful from the Queen Mother as I ate my breakfast. I'm not sure what bee flew into her bonnet, but she was in some kind of mood for the first part of the day, kvetching about pretty well everything. Then I handed her a handful of Christmas cards that had arrived Friday and Monday, and both of our moods changed. I'm going to say we have some of the most awesome friends on the earth, hands down.

It's curious - I started a GoFundMe last month, but it was from a place of Fear. I was really loath to updated it after the initial influx of funds, because of Shame. After I took it down a few weeks ago, we have received numerous Blessings: some friends  have shared food, others with come forth with different offers. I'm very surprised and grateful at the energetic "about face" that I have experienced. Perhaps I was worried about nothing after all...or perhaps I was so focussed on Money, that I closed myself off to other forms of help, and once I abandoned my focus, I somehow "relaxed" enough to be able to truly Receive the assistance coming my/our way.

On that note, once I had finished breakfast, I called back the Queen Mother's life insurance company to re-request a copy of the worth of her insurance policy. I figured out that if you put a "1" in front of our home number before dialing it, we can receive faxes, which is what we did. Then it was a matter of calling the county office to get their fax number, so that I could send them the fax that I had promised would come by today at the latest.

With Himself not coming back till later in the evening, I summoned up my courage, shut the cats in the house, laced up my tennies, and walked a few blocks over to the credit union, then back home. Inkblot especially will follow me around like a dog, if I let him; since I had to leave the complex, I didn't want him to follow me all the way to the credit union, lest he get spooked and run into the busy street! One of my intentions for 2019 is to see if I can leash-train him (it can be done, true believers!) and take him on controlled Adventures Outside. My back was a wee bit stiff from the trip, but not horribly bad at all, especially when compared with Himself's back after his busy day.

Today was a good day to ease back into the Flow: I completed the one task I needed to do, and I/we received a genuine Christmas miracle. Tomorrow I resume the "wild goose chase" in seeing if I can find sufficient supplemental insurance to satisfy the Queen Mother's Medi-Cal requirement. Wish us luck!

Day 81: on finding a bit of merry after all

It was raining when I woke up this morning. In colder climes, this would have been snow, and the perfect recipe for the fabled "White Christmas." As it's SoCal with its "Liquid Snow," it turned out to be a Wet Christmas for most of the day, much to the cats' dismay. ;)

With an invitation to attend the annual Christmas feast and party at the Live & Live Alano Club in San Diego, I had a choice: part of me saw the rain and wanted to stay home, nice and quiet. Part of me wanted to get out of the damn house and be a Social Person, to see and to be seen, and see if I could find a smidgen of the holiday spirit I seem to have misplaced with my back misbehaving. I had a choice, and I chose to push through the quiet melancholy in search of a bit of jolly for my holly. Glad I did!

After a quick breakfast, Himself and I grabbed some holiday beverages ("unleaded" eggnog for me, coffee for him) and braved the soggy roads for the trip south. We passed a handful of accidents along the way; people seem to forget how to Drive in Weather in SoCal on an annual basis. We made it unscathed, fortunately, and our prayers went out to those who wound up having a way worse Christmas, thanks to the slippery highway.

I've posted pictures of the festivities on both Messenger and Instagram in my Stories sections. There was plenty of food to be had and plenty of gifts to be opened and exchanged. I dutifully picked the ham out of my collard greens and enjoyed a vegetarian plate, while Himself enjoyed the meat. We split a dessert plate with cheesecake and chocolate chip cookies. As for the White Elephant gift exchange: we started with a hand soap + lotion set, then wound up with a set of tealights. This made me very happy - in taking care of myself and the family, "getting tealight candles" has been far down the priority list, well behind "securing cat food and people food," and also such matters as "paying bills." So to finally get my hands on some tealights made my Inner Priestess very happy.

By the time we were ready to leave, the rain had stopped, the skies were much clearer, and the roads were much drier. We made up two plates to go: one for Doug, a friend who's going through some challenging times these days, and the other for the Queen Mother, with smaller portions this time (lesson learned from Thanksgiving). Now it's a quiet evening, and I have rested my back sufficiently to be able to blog about my day.

Christmas turned out to be not bad at all, and perhaps I can carry this serenity and sense of Grace through the rest of my Yuletide. :)