Day 206: on a marvelous monday

It rained off and on today, but that didn't stop me from enjoying a day out with an errand here and a commitment there. An actual April shower - who'da thunk it? ;)

I got a nice bonus today when I found a bigger total in my account than had been there yesterday. Seems my State Tax refund was direct deposited. Now to see when the Federal one might arrive. I was able to pick up a few other things besides chicken for the Queen Mother.

I was totally pleased to find a big jar of mixed nuts on our latest, and hopefully LAST, pantry visit. I have been looking for a healthy snack that I could indulge in on my own, and this will definitely do the trick. 

We would have gone to the peace vigil this evening, but we had a commitment we had made weeks before the insanity unfolded a few days ago. I honored that commitment, and Himself came along in support. Things unfolded rather nicely. We stopped off at the ocean afterwards for a few minutes, inhaling the salty air and doing a bit of stargazing. The skies were busy tonight, as we tracked airplane lights moving toward, and away from, San Diego proper.

We had to make a pit stop at a Hampton Inn. I had booked a stay there when we thought we were going to be fumigated in November, but cancelled it when the fumigation was postponed. We received word over the weekend that the fumigation is back on for mid-June, and I wanted to confirm that they would still accept the cats, and for how much. (Yes and not for much at all.) If the timing works out with the VA settlement money, we could go directly from fumigation into condo renovation, and I have the temporary accomodations worked out.

The skies look to be a bit clearer tomorrow, and it looks like I will have the time to tend to some domestic business. Looking forward to a productive day. :)

Day 195: on a more orderly day

I got a bit more sleep overnight than I had the previous night, so that was one point of improvement. Today was also full, but not as chaotic.

I accompanied Himself to the all-important Oncology appointment today. In this case, no news was most definitely good news. He is still In Remission and "good to go" for another 90 days. :)

From there, we went over to have his port access removed, and then a trip over to where they schedule GI procedures. The GI folks had scheduled his next "coming and going" appointment for June, three months after the last one, but the Oncology folks say he doesn't need another one until September, six months after the last one. The GI folks saw reason, and his appointment was duly rescheduled. Good news all the way around. We also made notes to schedule the next CT scan (prior to his next Oncology appointment) in May, when we need to pay a visit to the eye clinic. His eyeballs are a whole 'nother story, which I will share later.

Our next stop was at Ralphs, where we got ourselves some sandwiches and chips for a little picnic lunch at the beach. The rip currents were very apparent today; fortunately, there weren't many swimmers in the water yet, as the ocean is still a bit too chilly. I got some quality beach time today, and I was happy.

We stopped at Trader Joe's on the way home, and arrived before dinnertime. We checked the mail just in case - still no letter. In this case, that was a good thing, as Himself's stepmother has stopped payment on the check she wrote and will wire him the money instead. With any luck, we will have it tomorrow; at worst, we might have to wait till Monday.

Between yesterday and today, I am moving to break up the Stinking Thinking that says I am "too damaged" to be helped, and "too negative" to be able to receive (financial) help. Stuff happens, and can happen to any of us, and the worst thing we can do is Suffer in Silence. I am working on telling my truth faster, and speaking up when I need help...and I AM Receiving Help. So there. :)

Tomorrow it's the Queen Mother's turn to visit the doctor for a follow up appointment, followed in the evening by the happy chaos that is a Passover Seder. With this in mind, I chose to skip the caregiver support group today in order to rest up. There will be another one next week that I can attend.

Today I made progress in climbing towards the summit of the mountain.

Day 178: on all tricksters day

Way back in November/December, I took what Himself told me and calculated that we would see results in 4-6 months, and I needed to work some magic to get to that point. With our arrival in April, we are entering that "golden" period, and I have worked the magic to get here. Himself is going to check this week to make sure his VA attorney has filed his case; once he has, we will begin to scale the summit of the mountain, so to speak.

Today's visit to the VA Medical Center entailed a flushing of Himself's chemo port. He does this every month or so because he has chosen to keep it implanted in his body. When he needs blood drawn, as he did today, all anyone has to do is access his port and they can get all the blood they need, thus sparing everyone the challenge of trying to access a vein in his arm, or elsewhere.

That was his only appointment for the day, so the next stop was the nearby Ralph's deli, where we got some sandwiches. We wound up re-registering with the store because his phone number got flushed out of their system, so that delayed us a bit, and I began to get frustrated and angry, as I felt this was cutting into precious time I could be spending at the ocean!

While it's true that I'm getting better at catching myself before I plunge headlong down the rabbit hole of Depression, the reverse seems to be true as well: my fuse has become much shorter, and it's easier for me to start looking for the rabbit hole to dive into. I find myself becoming way less tolerant of delays and interruptions to "my" agenda - a sure sign that I'm heading back toward Burnout, and more spectacularly than the first time to boot!

Today I brought myself out of the rabbit hole by remembering my endeavors of Going Small...sometimes I can only carve out a little beach time, or I have to fold in some fun while I am out taking care of errands, because it's too challenging to set aside an entire day. So let me Enjoy what I can carve out, when I can carve it out, and not sweat it if plans change half a dozen times during the day. Memo to Self - !

Once we got everything straight at the grocery store, the law of You Will Hit Every Red Light When You Are In a Hurry to Get Somewhere kicked in. I'm sure the tricksters got a good laugh today. We eventually made it to the ocean, however, and had just enough time for a nice picnic lunch at the beach. I even shot some video on my phone for my Messenger Daily Stories, which I'm going to attempt to start again. (Whatever it takes to stave off insanity, right?)

We were a bit delayed in getting home, but the Queen Mother wasn't too put out. I timed how long it would take to get her dinner ready, as the increase in her IHSS hours became effective, at least theoretically, as of today. So once I establish my "baseline," then I can fill in the rest of the hours with laundry, grocery shopping, and things like that. Now we hope the DMV comes through with the right records!

While Himself went down to take care of business in San Diego, I stayed home and decompressed, first listening to some gentle meditative music, then switching over to some more upbeat "Chill Lounge" music. I've just now switched back to the gentle meditative music to start winding down.

Here's hoping that we begin to receive Resolution to our various quests!

Day 164: on remembering & receiving

Made it to the beach today. Didn't stay as long as I would have preferred, but I remembered the lesson of Going Small: sometimes a few minutes will expand and fill up all of the time. The beach was covered with rocks, with all of the Winter storming we've had, yet at low tide, there was plenty of sand to be seen. We got a chance to see fog actually rolling in. It was really cool watching wisps of mist blowing by only a few feet away at ground level.

I found a pair of magic stones to take home with me: one is a "holey stone" - that is, a hole has been drilled all the way through it by an industrious mollusk, or worn through it by water. (In my case, it was the former.) They are considered very lucky and are variously considered to be protective, and/or revealing the truth about another person if one looks through the hole in the stone. I am very happy to have one that is authentic. The other stone is a mottled black and white stone that fits perfectly in my left hand, and almost perfectly in my right hand. I'm calling it a "worry stone," because I can focus on releasing my worries while I'm holding it. I asked both of them if I could take them home with me, and they said yes.

This turned out to be Himself's last physical therapy appointment through the VA, at least for the time being. He's inspired now to find a program he can sign up for to start swimming and doing some hydrotherapy, as his leg and back muscles won't hurt while exercising in the water. On the way home, the Queen Mother called up all upset about a minor deal. I found myself doing my usual wind-up-to-get-angry, until I realized: if it truly was a minor deal, why was I about to make it a major deal? I actually managed to let it go and not grab it back again; in so doing, I found the Courage to Change the Things That I Can, that is, my own reaction to what I had been given. Hopefully I will remember this beyond today!

After getting Home, Himself went on to the chiropractor to get his final "personal injury" treatment and evaluation. He already has the ball rolling with the VA to get monthly "maintenance" appointments moving forward. I had a phone call to make with one of our more obnoxious creditors, and it went much better than I had anticipated; I made a deal with them that we can live with, at least in the short term. Afterwards, I had a very tasty dinner with a veggie pot pie and a bowl of split pea soup. It boggles my mind that I went so long in life without knowing the joy of split pea soup, but at least I rectified that "error" in my education. ;)

Looking very much forward to tomorrow, as I shall be getting some time out with a good friend, and Himself will be looking after the Queen Mother for once. This Equinox Week is shaping up to be a good one, so far!

Day 163: on an easy sunday

The cats got me up a bit before 9:30 this morning, so I took advantage of the earlier than anticipated start and washed my hair, especially since I couldn't exactly remember when I last washed it. I got out of the shower and dressed in perfect timing to help the Queen Mother with her breakfast.

Himself and I were a bit early to our support group, for once! There was some good sharing had by all, and I confirmed my plans with my friend from the group for early next week. Ocean time will abide until tomorrow, when we shall pay a visit before Himself's mid-afternoon appointment at the VA Medical Center. Today, we paid a visit to Wal-Mart so I could get enough cat food to tide us over until I receive my next paycheck next week.

It was a lovely day to be outside. Tomorrow will be a little cooler, but still sunny enough to visit the beach. It's fixing to rain on the Equinox itself, so I will probably have to postpone my labyrinth visit until after the next storm passes through. In the meantime, I'm happy to soak up some rays and make myself some Vitamin D.

I have the next week to put into my paper calendar, and figure out what needs to be done when, but I'm pretty well ready to begin the next week on a good note, instead of with dread. A nice change of pace! :)

Day 22: on attempting to salvage the zen

Himself and I managed to accomplish our mission pretty well, actually...

We got ourselves up reasonably early and enjoyed some breakfast. After I attended to some business on a conference call, we went to the beach. We're VERY blessed to live about half an hour away from the ocean; additionally, Himself has a veteran's pass that allows us to visit state beaches for free, and we have taken full advantage of that.

We spent two lovely hours at the beach, enjoying some of the last of the truly warm weather and taking turns walking in the cool Pacific water. I find that I can ground very nicely if I take the opportunity to "stick my feet" into the ocean, and the negative ions from the salty air clear my energy. I call it getting a much needed dose of Vitamin Sea. A pair of rocks accompanied us home: one a striking red and tan two-tone rock I had not seen before, the other a pale rock with pink flecks in it. I'll see if I can post a picture of them in the near future.

It's a good thing we were able to enjoy our time at the beach, because we came home to the horrible news of the shooting at the Pittsburgh synagogue. Himself is Jewish, and he became rather freaked out at the news. (As his Pagan wife, I completely get it.) Per our original plans, I went with him to his meeting after I had a snack and got dinner ready for the Queen Mother. We stopped at a Dollar Tree and purchased a pair of white novena (pillar) candles to serve as memorial candles. He doesn't think one candle alone will burn the entire seven days, but I think it will. I'll let y'all know who is right. (BTW, there will be a community service Monday evening that we will be attending.)

After Himself's meeting, a small group of us went to the "meeting after the meeting" at our favorite Greek restaurant. I had my Birthday dinner of spanikopita, with rice and carrots, and with my birthday coupon, got some baklava to take home. Granted, my birthday was 10 days or so ago, but in this case, better late than never!

Tomorrow will feature a welcome visit with our support group, wherein I'm sure there will be much commiseration. Until tomorrow, it might not be a bad idea to pray for PEACE.