Day 362: on making it a tiny adventure

Today was Bill-Paying day, where I visited the credit union to get the cash I need to pay the homeowner's insurance, the water bill, and the gas & electric bill. As the Queen Mother is feeling better, Himself and I turned it into a fun outing day. 

In between paying bills, we stopped by Michael's, ostensibly to get some double-sided tape that would help keep Himself's kippah (the little cap he wears for religious services and during special occasions, like High Holidays) securely attached to his head. Then we took turns drooling over our special sections: he drooled over the baking & food decorating sections; I drooled over the journals and lettering in the scrapbooking section. We escaped there with our wallets intact. ;)

The topic of eating came up, so we went elsewhere in the ersatz mall to visit Firehouse Subs for the first time. I got a veggie sub and he got a turkey with avocado and cheese sub. I didn't realized the subs were toasted, so getting a warm sandwich with melting cheese was a pleasant surprise. The Five-Cheese Mac and Cheese, however, left much to be desired, and I shall be informing them of such on their website.

The bills have been paid, the tummies have been filled, the double sided tape has been secured and is being used, and I managed to get more cat litter and ice cream - you know, the important things in life. I got the Queen Mother's dinner ready, then settled down and drew my Inktober doodle for the day. I believe that I will jump on to Instagram very briefly during the weekends, just long enough to post the day's drawing, before jumping off again. I feel good about this because I'm going to be off social media for most of November, avoiding the drama llama stampedes during Mercury Retrograde. I'm three drawings in and having a lot of fun. 

Not sure how the day is going to unfold tomorrow, other than I will be completing another drawing. 

Day 356: on a non-frentic friday

Today was dry and cooler, and another slow, easy day. I took pictures of the cats and posted them on Instagram. I tried some maple bread from Trader Joe's with peanut butter for breakfast and found it to be a tasty combo. I got my hair washed for the first time in nearly a week - always a significant accomplishment when five-minute showers are the norm. I snuck a dinner date out with Himself, eating cheap burritos. We went out to the synagogue afterwards, for Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) is just around the corner. On the way back home, we indulged in some ice cream from Baskin Robbins, and even brought a scoop home for the Queen Mother.

Speaking of mom...she was better today, for the first time this week. She still had her mid-day nap, but wasn't out for as long. She says she was "over" getting on the computer for the daily emailing she does with her bestie, but I think she is covering for the fact she might not remember how to get on the computer and what to do when she is on. I have found a website where I can construct a "personal website" for her and update family and friends on her behalf; it might be time to visit that site. As for the tests, she has decided to wait until we get the authorization letter (from her insurance) for her CT scan, then will go get bloodwork when I schedule the procedure with whichever radiology department she's referred to.

As for my other "patient," the GI folks at the VA managed to get a hold of Himself; he has rescheduled his combination endoscopy + flex sigmoid appointment for mid- December. He also rescheduled his next visit to get his port flushed so that it stays free of infections. He elected to keep the port that was inserted in him for his chemotherapy, mainly because nurses have had difficulty accessing the veins in his arms, not to mention the fact that he has a significant aversion to needles. It has proven very handy in the years following his chemotherapy infusions, but he needs to visit the VA Medical Center to get it flushed with Heparin once a month. If there's a need to draw blood for labs, the nurses draw the blood first, then do the flushing. So far, this has worked out quite nicely.

I'm intending on doing a bit of cleaning up tomorrow morning, then going down with Himself to the Alano Club, followed by joining him at the regular Saturday night meeting he attends, as he has the all-important duty of Coffee-Maker for this meeting. Of course, this will depend upon how decent the Queen Mother is feeling that day. Although it would be nice if she started to feel better during the day, I'm not exactly holding my breath. For a long time, I said her mind was declining faster than her body; now her body might be playing some catch-up. I'm just taking life one day at a time right now... 

Day 347: on being somewhat useful

I felt rather good today, so I agreed to help Himself with the recycling. Between what we had and what he had brought home with him from the Alano Club, we got ourselves nearly $31, and for recycling, that's pretty good!

After that, we washed the car down and vacuumed it out and cleaned it rather well. I helped out a bit there too, then started to feel a bit overextended. By the time we finished with a spot of grocery shopping, I was rather overextended. Just because the heaviest part of my Moonflow was behind me didn't mean I was free and clear. Once I put together dinner for the Queen Mother, I had a nice lie-down on the bed.

Himself wanted to go out to dinner, and I felt rested enough - and hungry enough, to join him. We went over to Red Robin, one of the places where they serve Impossible Burgers. I had a Mushroom-Swiss burger with an Impossible Burger substitution.

Full disclosure: I have been a vegetarian for ten years. I haven't had red meat since my college years - nearly thirty years if I'm counting right. The last hamburger I had made me horribly sick. When I first bit into this burger - Oh. My. Goddess. I was convinced that it was beef. My mouth was absolutely convinced I had been tricked. I asked the waiter, who assured me it was an Impossible Burger. I waited to get sick, but my stomach said Plant Material - okay to digest! I was beside myself. Indeed, it was Impossible! :-)

If you're into Organic Everything, though, this is not the burger substitute for you. There is some genetic modification involved to make this taste more beef-like, but it doesn't have any meat added to it At All and is 100% Plant Based. I did the research.

Himself dropped me off and went to his meeting, and I rested. I'm feeling much better. This is a good thing, because the next appointment the Queen Mother has is tomorrow, when we follow up with her doctor. Yes, she has her list. We will see what happens. I am planning to ask if bringing a geriatrician on board would be a good move, not that I don't trust her doctor, but it might be time for a fresh set of eyes to look at her.

Day 332: on a day "free from labor"

Labor Day in the States is a holiday for many, and used to be for me (at times) when I was actually working. Being a caregiver, though, I don't have a Monday through Friday schedule anymore. In some ways, it's always a Saturday, but in other ways, it's always a Tuesday. It mainly depends on how the Queen Mother feels on a given day, and what tasks need to be done, whether in the company of Himself or just by myself.

The Alano Club that Himself belongs to had a Labor Day "picnic" today, which Himself and I attended. Despite bratwursts being the main entree, there were plenty of veggie sides, and I made a nice meal from all of the various salads. I ate very well today and didn't need a huge dinner this evening. All I had, in fact, was dessert when I got home, to give everything time to digest properly.

On my Calm app, I'm beginning (again) with the Seven Days of Calm introductory meditation series; today was the second day. I wanted the app, and am taking full advantage of it, because of the Work that I need to do. Life is good right now, better than it has been for a while, in fact; yet as I was reminded even today, my nervous system very much needs rewiring. I'm not getting triggered as often as I was, but it still doesn't take me very long at all to go from zero to Freaking Out. Using the tools on the app, and adding in techniques that work very well for me, will help me soothe what has been too often jangled, and detangle what has become a gnarled mess.

Everything comes "back online" tomorrow, so I will be a busy bee. All the better to start a practice of Greater Awareness and Serenity NOW.

Day 331: on getting calm

Today was a productive-yet-restful day for me.

I spent some good time with my Tea and Morning Pages ritual in the morning. I detangled my mind a bit by sorting through the last week's mail, reviewing my old lists, then making a new list which I can tackle starting on Tuesday, as tomorrow is a holiday for many. I cleaned off the main counter. I had my egg sandwiches for breakfast and mac-n-cheese for dinner, as I felt like I deserved some treats. After dinner, Himself and I went out for essential groceries and cat food. 

In between dinner and grocery shopping, the Heavies decided to pay an unannounced visit. Though I was tempted to skip the shopping for this evening, I made myself go, partly because the cats would not wait, partly because I wasn't sure exactly what would be open and what would be closed tomorrow. Better to be safe than sorry, and I did perk up while I was out and about. Sometimes Depression has no rhyme nor reason, but I am happy to say it has dissipated.

Another treat for myself was to download the Calm app for my phone. If you're not familiar with it, it's about meditation and (ahem) mindfulness. It's become very popular. There is a free "regular" section and a paid "premium" section, but the freebies are extensive, so I have a lot of material to work through before I would even consider unlocking the premium parts. I've used it before, but ran out of memory on my old phone, so I had to uninstall it. I very highly recommend downloading it if you're going through stressful times, or even just for the daily grind. 

There are some parties tomorrow that we are planning to attend, so I will stop here and get ready to grab forty winks. 

Day 330: on a better day

Today was a day to sleep in after yesterday ended the week with a bang.

Yesttrday, Himself had a pair of visits to make in the VA medical system: the Pharmacy in La Jolla first, to pick up a prescription, then his Primary doctor's office in Mission Valley. It was the second visit that threw everything off, as the people in the front failed to notify the doctor in the back that we were there, even though we let them know that we were waiting several times, and it was about an hour before we were actually seen. Then his actual appointment lasted another 45 minutes or so! Fortunately, he wasn't as sick as he thought he might have been - which is to say, not at all.

It was about 4:15 pm when I finally dropped him off at the Alano Club for his shift, and I still had to head back home to get the Queen Mother's dinner ready. I got smart and took an alternate route home to bypass most of the commuting traffic, but I had a bit of an adventure getting to said alternate route. Let's just say I'm super grateful that there's an anti-collision system in the car!

I got home in about an hour, all told, and got the Queen Mother her dinner. Then I thought I would be nice and have dinner with her, only to be regaled with her latest obsession: how the cats are "suffering" now that they are "indoor only." The only thing that stopped her was turning on the TV for the news, which gave me the excuse to leave the table, as I don't indulge in that drama these days. After I was done with dinner, I had a nap, and eventually gathered my energy together to make the drive down back to San Diego to pick Himself up at the end of his shift. We wound up getting home just in time for me to help the Queen Mother into bed.

Today was much better. We all slept in, and deservedly so. When Himself and I  finally left the house, we got some recycling cashed in, a few more necessities purchased, and a bill or two paid before the banks closed for Labor Day. We came home in time for me to get the Queen Mother's dinner ready, then I went with Himself to his usual Saturday meeting. We went out to eat afterwards at our favorite Greek restaurant, and finished up in time for the "Sky Show," a big fireworks display one of our radio stations puts on each year for the Labor Day Weekend. It was an awesome show, and a soundtrack that brought back memories if you listened along on the radio station. We caught most of the display before we returned home.

Tomorrow Himself has a business meeting or two to attend in the morning, so I will be staying home and doing some more Huswifery. It will be a nice change of pace after a few days of being the Social Butterfly. Balancing these two modes of activity - Staying In and Going Out - will be the key for me to preserve my Sanity as I move forward.

Day 328: on socializing and floating

Himself and I made it to the luncheon in plenty of time to find parking and settle in. There were about a dozen of us in total; some familiar faces, many new ones. We ate at the Olive Garden in Carlsbad. I tried their new Creamy Mushroom Ravioli, which was mighty tasty. Himself had their Lasagna, but we're not sure if it completely agreed with him.

We had to do a spot of grocery shopping before returning home, so I stopped in at both Trader Joe's (and enjoyed the Samples of the Day), and Major Market (in the same complex). At the latter store I got some cucumber sushi and seaweed salad, something I haven't done in a long time. The sushi and salad were my dinner for tonight.

It has been a bit more than a week since the "gift" from the Veteran's Adminstration, and I am very much feeling the difference. Before, I was very much in the depths: it was dark, I could barely see beyond my nose at times, and the pressure was so intense, there were times I thought the life would be squeezed out of me. If I was able to wash my hair on a given day, I felt like I had accomplished a lot. If I could get the trash out of the house on another day, it felt like a Big Deal. Some days I felt lucky if I could move forward by only fractions of inches.

Then the bonds that tied me to the weights broke, and I zoomed up to the surface. Now I can see far in every direction, and everything looks vibrant. Now I can move freely, and go far with only a little (comparative) effort. I will admit, that I've felt more like floating than actively moving these past few days, but I like to think I'm getting my bearings and feeling what it's like to live with a sense of "normalcy" again. I have told myself to wait and see what happens come the new moon, which is tomorrow, and then choose a direction to strike out in.

Genuinely looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings, for the first time in a while. :)

Day 310: on feeling fine, finally!

Some long awaited reimbursement for travel to the Cardiac Rehab Center and back finally arrived in Himself's bank account, so we have a bit of breathing room. We took the opportunity to fill up the gas tank all the way and get an extra treat or two from the grocery.

We also made it back to our Sunday Support Group for the first time in a month, at least! I was happy to share some decent updates, and we received a gift of dry kibble for the cats. Several of the group members "own" cats, and one member's cat did not like this kibble. Since our cats already eat Fancy Feast, we were willing to give it a shot. 

The past few days have been filled with getting to know all about Guan Yin and Mother Mary, from sources both online (Wikipedia) and off (various books). I was inspired to retrieve a set of mala beads and am now "counting prayers" as I have been directed to do in one of my several visions. My project is bearing fruit in my Spirit, as my anxiety and stress levels have been dropping considerably in the past few days...that and being able to Relax at deeper levels than I've previously been able to. 

Tomorrow will kick off a full week, so I'm grateful for the opportunity to rest this weekend. :)

Day 304: on a manageable monday

I Got some bills paid, which always makes me feel good. Himself did some laundry, which makes him feel good. Treated myself to some frozen yogurt and sat outside, because that's how Jaguars thrive. Veggie gyoza that I fried and steamed myself + veggie ramen noodles = fun in my belly for dinner.

On the flip side, there were some very Heavy moments in the day that I had to breathe through. I was planning to stay home and let Himself go to his Cardiac session alone, until he realized he had a business meeting (not Alano Club oriented, for once!) that he needed to atttend. So it looks like I will be joining him tomorrow. I would like to get back in the exercise groove and keep my health momentum going! :)

I'm also going to see if I can get Inkblot's harness tomorrow. He's adjusting okay, but I know he misses his Outdoor Adventure time. 

Day 301: on finishing as we started

The lessons of Flexibility kept coming today, and we are finishing as we started: shuffling around ye olde To-Do List to make room for the Actual Happenings of the day.

To wit: I calculated how much I would need to pay the bills that were not automatically paid out of our account. I went to the credit union and took out the necessary funds to pay these bills. I was not, however, able to pay them today, as we went for an oil change instead. What was going to be "quick and cheap" turned out to be not so quick nor so cheap, mainly because our air filters desperately needed replacing (and why had this been overlooked by the dealership in the past? Things that make you go "hmmm.") At least Himself was able to refund me when I paid for the oil and filter change, as he went to pay and suddenly found himself without a wallet. It turns out it was in his other pair of shorts at home.

We had just enough time to return home so I could prepare the Queen Mother's dinner before we were off to San Diego and the Alano Club, bypassing the worst of the Friday commute traffic as we went. Then Himself sprung for pizza and a salad once we were there, and I was happy. Don't tell anyone else this, but I was grateful for the respite. ;) After I ate, I tended to my meeting (as I am the de facto leader on the first Friday of every month), then went back to the Club to collect Himself.

I am home now, tired and ready to rest. Tomorrow will be a decent day as we are going to get that rear windshield finally replaced! We will see what else unfolds...

Day 299: on establishing a theme

The theme of this week seems to be Flexibility.

Himself's money was deposited in his account today, so after his eye appointment, we were going to pay some bills and do an in-depth grocery run. The Universe, apparently, had other ideas: while we were having lunch, a call went out from the Alano Club (where Himself is still an active member) for someone to cover the evening shift tonight. Himself was the only person free to do that, so I needed to drive him down, because his pupils were still rather dilated from his exam. It reminded me of having the on-call pager at the answering service, back in the day: if you had it, and it went off, you either had to find someone who could cover the shift or you would have to go in yourself. No one liked having the pager for their assigned week.

For the record, everything in his eyeballs is relatively stable at this point. He does have the beginnings of cataracts, but at this time it's no biggie. We both managed to score some decent "free sunglasses," though I can't read anything when I'm wearing mine.

At any rate, I wasn't able to use our transponder to take advantage of the carpool lanes on the 15, because only carpoolers were able to use the lanes for the Northbound "evening" commute. I wasn't too delayed in getting home, but I did need to get the Queen Mother's dinner ready right after I walked in the door. She informed me that our next door neighbors dropped off a whole Rotisserie chicken for us while we were out. I was floored; the carnivores of the family would eat well tonight, and tomorrow too.

Personally, I'm in my tenth year of vegetarianism, and easing my way back into veganism. It works for me.

I picked himself up a little while ago, and he stopped into Target to get some water. He also got me a bit of dark chocolate as a token of sympathy for my challenging commute home. I appreciated it very much.

Hopefully the flux of the week will settle down a bit tomorrow. Good news, Mercury has stationed direct. Woohoo! Now I will dip my toe back into social media and catch up with the latest foster kittens! Human babies don't do a whole lot for me, but I swear some of those super cute kitten videos have made me ovulate! ;)

Day 288: on taking advantage, once more

Had an easy day today. :)

Managed to keep Himself at home long enough to run over to Target and grab some things that the Queen Mother had run out of; got some iced tea while we were at it. Then Himself went back down to San Diego to see if there were any other fires to put out, while I stayed home.

I finished coloring my mandala, but didn't post it. Not sure if I will in the future. While coloring, I turned on Pandora and listened to some music, first the Meditation station we had "created," then some Middle Eastern / Indian music from another station, when I felt like picking up the pace a little.

Besides listening to Pandora, I did something else that I hadn't done in too long: took my little portable chair and sat Outside under the maple tree that is in front of our home. The cats stayed near me while I put my bare feet on the grassy lawn and listened to the birdsong and watched butterflies flit by - all because I rescued a grasshoper that Inkblot had brought in the house, and thought it was way too nice of a day to let go to waste! Let me see if I can cut through the cortisol haze and sit outside more often!

Tomorrow Himself will be going Yet Again to San Diego, so I will see about making it a day for some Huswifery! I really need to tackle the mess again.

Day 272: on celebrating inTERdependence

Today I made some deliberate choices...
I chose to log out of Social Media, and will stay logged out for the rest of the month. I don't have the bandwidth right now to witness the struggles and the conflicts - and with communications only getting worse before they get better, I'm going to let the slings and arrows fly very far away from me.

I chose instead to seek out Joy in Fellowship, in being out in Fresh Air and Sunshine, surrounded by other human beings doing the best they can, one day at a time, and also choosing every day to make a solid change in their lives.

Although earlier in the day I was anxious about making it On Time, I chose later to let go of a strict timeline, and found things flowing easier as a result. (I am also choosing to take this anxiety to the altar of the Goddess and hand it over one more time.)

In the evening, Himself and I chose to be with a smaller circle of friends to eat pizza and watch fireworks. I chose to observe their beauty, and was amused when a few close booms kept setting off the alarm on a nearby truck. I chose to be in awe of the New Moon as she set in the sky in the west, just before the light show began.

Big and small, I have awesome Families of Choice, people I have grown to care for, and who have grown to care for me in return. People who ask me how the Queen Mother is doing; people who commiserate with us when we share our latest news.

Tomorrow will be a brief return to the business at hand before the (rest of the) weekend unfolds. Today I chose to step out of my routine, and I am full*filled and happy. :)

Day 271: on screwing my head on straight

With the most intense of the eclipse energy ebbing, I managed to pick up my head and screw it back onto my body. The only thing I can do right now is Persevere, so that's what I set out to do.

I received a call from PACE - a group that helps with the elderly in San Diego County - and will be calling them back on Friday. I also talked with another group I was referred to, specifically for help with the Queen Mother's Medi-Cal situation, and set up a phone appointment to speak with them on Friday. Himself tied off his loose ends with applying for various programs online, then we made our way down to La Jolla to work out.

After himself gets checked in, the staff take his blood pressure and assign him a little heart monitor he wears in a pouch around his neck, so they can keep an eye on how well his heart is doing. As I am the "healthy" spouse, I don't get a little heart monitor. Then he is / we are put through his / our paces on the various machines. Today I diverged from what he was doing when I went to the reclining eliptical and he took on the Stairmaster, but we came back together to finish up on the treadmill. I got my Sparkle on once again. ;)

It was nearly 4:00 when we were finally finished, and there was the pre-holiday traffic to contend with on the way home - until we got to the 15. While the traffic was frightful on the highway itself, it was nearly delightful in the carpool lanes, which we were able to take full advantage of. We were not nearly as delayed as we thought we were going to be, but we kept to our plan of grabbing some takeout (our monthly treat) and stopped at Panda Express before we arrived home.

The fact that we stopped to grab takeout helped lift my spirits today. Just the idea that we were doing something that "normal" people do without a second thought (most of the time), brought a bit of "normalcy" back into my life. It might sound very weird, but if you're ever at the point where eating out is a rare luxury, especially when you once rarely gave it a second thought, you might get it.

Once home, I got dinner ready for the Queen Mother, and after a handful of  interruptions, got a chance to eat my own dinner. I especially enjoyed the fortune cookie with some dark chocolate. Then I had an evening shower because I could not stand my hair another minute, as it felt particularly gross after both working out and my not being able to wash it for a few days. It's nice and clean now, and I won't have to worry about trying to wash it before leaving tomorrow.

We have been invited to a couple of Independence Day parties tomorrow, and we shall be happy to attend them. It will be nice change of pace to get out and Be Social. I feel better about going out tomorrow than I felt about going out for Memorial Day.

For those who will be celebrating tomorrow: may your barbeque be delicious, may your pets be safely indoors, and may you emerge from the festivities with all of your body parts intact. Mind the Fireworks, people! (They are illegal in California, BTW).

Day 191: on pausing for a moment

Between the mental exertion of yesterday's meetings and the physical unpleasantness of last evening's walk, Himself let Discretion be the better part of Valor today and chose not to attend our Sunday Support group. I didn't blame him. This meant it was a good day to rest, and move forward in Ease, and take inventory of life. My "new" pragmatic perspective is fitting nicely,

The only "practical" thing we managed to get done was grocery shopping: using some of my remaining funds to get a few cans of cat food, using our gift cards to get some essentials, with a few "treats" thrown in - nothing too crazy, mainly things we haven't usually had an opportunity to eat recently. We're still good for the rest of the month if absolutely nothing else happens, and of course other things will happen.

Inkblot was feeling particularly ambitious today, as he brought in a dove (!) while I was preparing my dinner. That was tricky to get out of the house, even with Himself removing the cats from the immediate vicinity, but I successfully got it into our special Critter Transportation box, and the dove flew onto a neighbor's roof, so it didn't look like much damage had been done. Then Inkblot went and got a decent-sized moth (!!) and brought it in; this was much easier to get out of the house, as I was able to open the patio door and shoo it out. Poor boy must think we are "hopeless parents," unable to fend for ourselves and hunt down basic meals! ;)

After dinner, Himself tended to his business down in Point Loma, and I colored some more in my mandala, then had myself a walk of two (consecutive) laps around the complex. I took a moment to appreciate some rosemary (that plant I can recognize, at least!) and took a picture of the sunset. Towards the end of the second lap, I looked up at several flying creatures feeding on the nocturnal bugs, and realized that the wings weren't quite right for birds. Instead, I realized I was watching BATS! I got very excited, as this is the first time I've knowingly seen them. They're good totem animals in my book.

After tomorrow, next week is filled with appointments and the Seder of Pesach at week's end, so it will be a busy time. I will be taking full advantage of the Downtime.

Day 162: on listening in the shadows

Today was a day to note all the little aggravations, sit down with them, and listen to them one at a time to see what story they were trying to tell me. 

The main aggravation was in not getting to the beach today. Between me pulling myself together, Himself pulling himself together, the Queen Mother putting in her two cents, and the absolute chaos on the freeways, I figured that by the time we actually got to the beach, it would be just in time to turn around and come back, to help the Queen Mother with her dinner. 

However, with the first refreshing Spring Beverage in hand (my go-to of Black Tea & Lemonade), I came up with an excellent Plan B: the duck pond at Kit Carson Park, less than five minutes away. We made it there and had a good breather there instead. The pond was almost full to its brim, thanks to all of the Winter rains, and there were many ducks and coots enjoying the renewed pond. There were also at least two turtles there, but they were more secretive, preferring to avoid the attention of all of the people who were out enjoying the fabulous weather.

There was also an astounding number of butterflies fluttering through the air. Their migration has been going on for a week or two now, as they have been flying roughly east-to-west. I also noticed them after we got home, and even took some video of them temporarily inhabiting a flowering tree in front of the condo directly across from us. You can see the video in my Messenger Stories. (I'm not quite ready to pick up the Daily Story thread again just yet; I thought I would give myself until April before I tried again.)

So, I prepared the Queen Mother's dinner, had my dinner, then settled in for some Timed Writing exercises in my trusty Writing Circle journal. The first idea was to write around the idea of "Sacrifice," because I was feeling it coming up again within me. I poured out a lot onto the page in ten minutes, and there was a lot of Resentment that came out as well. Then I turned my attention to how I felt whenever I was requested to do something "Right Now." That didn't flow as smoothly as the first, but more juicy material flowed out through my pen onto the paper. Finally, I put the two together, and found myself writing about the fear of Erasure: that since my needs "didn't matter," I felt like I was in danger of being Erased. What came up and flowed out here was pure gold, and perfectly expressed what I have been feeling, on and off, since I began my Odyssey. I have a few ideas about how to proceed from here.

As I allowed the Shadow Material to percolate, Himself passed along some shocking news: one of our friends (who is a bit older than Himself) is currently in Intensive Care at a nearby hospital, having suffered TWO significant strokes in three days! His situation right now is touch and go, and any prayers that can be made on his behalf would be most appreciated.

I am very glad we will be going to our support group tomorrow. Perhaps our beach time was meant to unfold after that. We shall see.

 

Day 161: on returning to stability

Today the cats woke me up about 15 minutes before the alarm I set was to go off. They've been very good and Patient as of late. I gave them breakfast, then chose to embark into the day. Tea and Morning Pages followed, then my breakfast. Today I had to get Himself to cool his jets and wait until I was ready, when so often it has been the other way around. He wants to make an effort to be more Timely to his appointments, and I can work with that.

We were a few minutes early to his Cognitive Behavior Therapy appointment in Oceanside. I'm glad that he insisted that I tagged along, because today's session included Stretching Exercises and Relaxation Techniques, with the appropriate handouts. These I can share with the Queen Mother, because they can all be done from a seated postion.

We saw the traffic going home was already snarling up, so we plotted out a surface-street route to avoid the worst of it. Along the way, we stopped at a Starbucks, and took about fifteen minutes doing nothing but sitting outside and watching planes land at Palomar Airport. (It supports the smaller planes, instead of the commercial jets that land at Lindbergh Field in San Diego.) I actually found myself watching the progress of a wee caterpillar crawling along in front of my feet, while it was being inadvertently helped along by the strong coastal breeze that was rustling all of the plants. We still made it home in time for me to prepare the Queen Mother's dinner, and to make my own.

It has taken me about a week to recover from the Craziness I experienced last week, but I finally feel like I have regained my footing, and am able to move forward reasonably well. The most important thing I did today was to fax the revised medical records request for the Queen Mother to her doctor's office, so I should hear back from them in fairly short order, even if it takes a FedEx delivery to get her records.

Looking very much forward to some well-deserved Beach Time tomorrow. :)

Day 147: on a long and smooth day

I wound up waking up getting up at 5:30 this morning and am glad that I did. I was able to shower, get the cats fed, and get the Queen Mother's breakfast ready before we left for the VA Medical Center. We got there on time for the appointment, but they were short-staffed today, and it was about an hour's delay before they took Himself back to get him ready for his appointments. I was invited back for a few minutes before they wheeled him away to the exam room. I then went downstairs and got myself a bit of cottage cheese to go with my pair of tangerines for a small breakfast.

Himself's GI tract is practically normal these days, so the CBD oil is doing its work. There were a few samples sent to Pathology, out of an abundance of caution. Once he was sufficiently awake, I wheeled him out and down to the car, and we went to Milton's Deli for a celebratory brunch. Once a month, we splurge on ourselves. While he had a french toast combo, I had Huevos Rancheros, eggs scrambled atop corn tortillas and covered in cheese, with semi-refried beans on the side, along with a bit of salsa fresca. (Small confession: I have lived in California most of my life, and New Mexico for a few years when I was a little girl, and until today, I had not indulged in this quintessential Mexican breakfast. I filled that deficit today.)

We got home and I made those essential calls I had not gotten around to making yesterday. I was successful in easing the financial burden at the start of the month; here's hoping the end of the month is abundant! Afterward, I had a nice nap.

Besides having to get up early for Himself's "surveillance" appointments, I started my Moonflow today. Oh, what fun. :p Fortunately, my weekly meeting tonight was smaller than usual, so it was shorter than usual. We had enough time afterwards to make a nocturnal stop at our favorite beach. The salt air was not as chilly as it had been a month or two ago, and we could see it was high tide, as the waves were surging over almost all of the beach. (We have narrow beaches in San Diego county. The beaches north of us in Orange county are wider, and the ones in the Bay Area seem to stretch on for miles and miles before you get to the shore - at least, that's my perspective.)

We still got home a bit earlier than usual, and I have comfortably switched into my pajamas and am calling it a night. Both Himself and I will be sleeping like babies tonight. Tomorrow I am planning on doing very little, if anything. :)

Day 145: on adjusting

I did one of the two things I had planned on doing today: the laundry. I chose to wash my hair today as well, since it had been a little over a week since I was last able to. I didn't make it to the support group because we had to do a bit of essential grocery shopping to get a few things we either had just run out of, or were just about to run out of. That we were successful in, and I still have a bit of money left over in the bank. I also used a freebie to get a Venti black tea lemonade from Starbucks, which I will finish off tomorrow.

Since I switched off my devices on Sunday, I have been more mindful of how much time I'm spending on Social Media, which in my case, means Instagram. I'm all but off of Facebook at the moment; the only thing I am "saving" it for is the Livestream that the Southern Caregiver Resource Center presents with its monthly classes. If I can't get to their main office, something that I haven't been able to do for the past several months, I can still tune in to the presentation. Now if there was a Livestreamed support group available, that would probably make my life a lot easier.

Back to Instagram: I have started making changes there as well, not just in which accounts I'm following, but also in when I put it down and pick up a book instead. I am still wanting to fill time, but not in a way that will get me super upset. Though the accounts I follow online are mainly positive, it is still part of the Internet, and all it takes is one insensitive comment to get the snowball going. Then I (am learning to) step away before I wind up saying something I would later regret. Between these last tumultuous few years and my inherent Scorpio rising tendencies, my patience with fools has been wittled very far down, and it's only because I know better that I'm able to do better, or at least, not do worse.

Tomorrow, in theory, is Himself's prep day before his next "coming and going" appointment (an endoscopy combined with a flexible sigmoidoscopy) to check on his innards. However, we have just learned that a friend is visiting the ER right now, so plans might have to change. We shall know more tomorrow; in the meantime, a prayer or two on our friend's behalf would be appreciated.

Day 132: on Valentine's Day

Full disclosure: for much of my adult life, I felt like Valentine's Day was a lot like VIP memebership at a swank resort: something nice to aspire to, but not likely to get, especially as the years passed and I was still single. Then, 6 years ago, I suddenly received that VIP membership, as I had found Himself, and we were together. I was excited about celebrating my first "real" Valentine's Day. Horribly shallow, perhaps, but also the truth.

With the forecast of raining cats and dogs in the county (a forecast that was Quite Accurate), I was trying not to have super high expectations around this day. Himself had some other plans for the day, which bummed me out (truth be told), but those plans changed with all of the accidents on the I-15 going down to San Diego. So we went to an event where one would not expect a whole bunch of romance: a union meeting. (As I am mom's care provider, I belong to the United Domestic Workers union.)

I was pleasantly surprised to find small heart boxes with chocolates in them, along with other candy and chocolates. I claimed the small box that had a cat on it, naturally. After the official business had concluded, there was a buffet dinner, with three different kinds of pasta (ziti, tortellini, and ravioli), salad, meatballs, and several varieties of sauce. I partook of the marinara and pesto sauces. There was also salad and garlic bread, and cookies for dessert. Not the most romantic of dinners, but it was free, and the dinner was very tasty. 

We came home afterwards, feeling it would be best to call it a night. It wasn't raining when we left, but the rain began to fall again when I went to collect the mail at the back of the complex, and it's been on and off ever since.

One good thing came out of this: both of us committing to "telling our truth faster," as SARK would say. Open lines of communication are essential.

PS - I haven't eaten the chocolates yet, as I ate my fill at the meeting. Will enjoy them starting tomorrow.