Day 334: on a stormy day

The laundry won out, for me. I got it washed and dried, but by the time all was said and done, Himself needed to go solo to his Cardiac session today, since it would have been way too late to go down and come back up in a reasonable time. For the record, though, the Queen Mother did have a later than usual dinner today.

We were out of breakfast items, so we went to Trader Joe's to grab some cereal and almond milk, and picked up a few other things while we were there. We pulled in to our covered parking spot in time to hear thunder clapping in the sky, and said sky to the southeast looked very dark indeed. Himself had taken the car through the car wash while I was at the laundromat, so you can guess what happened next - it rained.

I joke about San Diego having an "annual ten minute thunderstorm." It seems that every year, usually around late July/early August, we have a bit of thunder and lightning, it rains cats and dogs for about ten minutes, then clears up and returns to more "regular" SoCal weather. The storm was either a little late this year, or we're kicking off the 2019/2020 Rainy Season with a bang. Depends on your perspective.

Himself had some dinner while waiting out the storm, and then went on his merry way. Yes, the evening commute was a soggy mess, but he managed to avoid the worst of it. My dinner was a bit later than his, as I was in no hurry to eat.

Tomorrow I have lunch with a good friend, followed by another trip to Trader Joe's, mainly because I forgot to take inventory of what the Queen Mother was going to need for her dinners. No biggie...and I'm hearty-glad I'm able to say it's no biggie!

Day 166: on a vernal equinox adventure

On our way to grab groceries today, the skies opened up with rain, and there was thunder and lightning...and a German Shepherd running in and out of the traffic lanes! The poor dog had been spooked and was looking for her person, I guess. She ran right in front of our car, but we were going slow, and were able to stop in time. She came and looked in our windows, like she was looking for a ride.

There was a man in a white pickup truck coming from the opposite direction, and he and Himself were able to corral the dog, in the pouring rain. They discussed strategy for a few moments, as I talked to our police department, who suggested to take the dog to the Humane Society at the northeast part of town. So that's what Himself and I wound up doing.

For the most part, she stayed in the back seat of the car. She did try to come up with us at one point, but I managed to finagle her back. She was panting and shaking nonstop; she shook so hard, the car shook with her. (There's a pic of her in my Messenger Stories.) We made our way through the rain, lightning, and traffic, and made it to the Humane Society, with the help of Google Maps. Himself went in to get a leash, then came back to collect the dog. Most fortunately, she was tagged and microchipped, so she would have a happy reunion with her person at the end of the day.

We made it to Walmart after our little side excursion, and Trader Joe's after that. The rain fortunately let up by the time we made it to Trader Joe's. The car totally smelled like wet dog, as did my jeans, apparently - Inkblot gave them the third degree after we got home. (I would have loved to roll down the windows to air the car out, but it was raining too hard for me to do that.)

Usually, I get tense before a thunderstorm, then ease up as it passes. This time, I found myself holding more tension after we got home. I took a few moments after dinner to ground myself thoroughly. Coloring helped with that as well. Hopefully there will come a day when I'm not so tense all of the time... (le sigh)

There will be more rain tonight and tomorrow, but the thunderstorms were forecast only for today. We'll see if the sky growls again tomorrow. Hopefully it won't, because Inkblot is finally due to get his Cone of Shame removed! He'll be a much happier kitty.

As we say, Never a Dull Moment. It was very interesting: sometimes you feel Providence moving in and through your life, other times, you are the Providence moving through someone else's life. Paying it forward. :)

Day 118: on a damp adventure day

It was another one of those mornings where, after I took care of the cats, I chose to stay up instead of going back to bed, as the alarm was going to go off in the next half-hour. So I started the water for my tea and enjoyed the Quiet, before the alarm went off and Himself got up. We needed to made it an early start to the day, because there was a bit of an adventure to be had.

We went down to La Jolla to a shopping mall that was a curious indoor/outdoor hybrid, one that we had visited many times, but had never explored in depth. Our destination was a door hidden between the large movie multiplex and a yoga studio, subtly marked as the "Community Room." Today, a group of men and women gathered as the Society of Addiction Professionals, which makes up the amusing acronym of SOAP. For both of us, this was a scouting mission, to see if we could add a couple of key pieces to the Recovery puzzle these folks are putting together. 

There were a pair of speakers today, sharing their experiences with their peers. I paid dutiful attention and made a couple of mental notes. When everyone was done, to my pleasant surprise, there was a spread of food that had appeared behind the rows of chairs, so folks were free to nosh and schmooze (eat and network) if they so chose. Of course, it was this part of the day that proved to be the most fruitful, as our presence was warmly welcomed. The food was good, but not quite enough, so Himself and I found our way up and out and adjourned to the Starbucks on the upper level. "Payday" had come for both of us, so we were able to enjoy some hot beverages, and I got a tomato & mozzarella panini which hit the spot. I enjoyed it in house as I watched the skies get darker and darker...

Our plan had been to get home before the rain began, but we didn't make it, as the skies opened up in earnest as we got on the freeway to go north. There was a sound and light show to accompany the rain; true to the forecast, this was a thunderstorm passing through. At one point, Himself made a pit stop while I stayed in the car and listened to the thunder and the rain. Marvelous, except that I had on the wrong shoes. Open-toed shoes are not the best to splash around in.

Before we got home, bills were paid, the gas tank was refilled, and Trader Joe's was visited. Once home, Himself and I took turns napping, though I don't think my nap was quite long enough. As nice as listening to the rain is from inside a car, it's even nicer listening to it from inside the house. It has stopped now, but is expected to return late tomorrow night and go through at least Saturday.

Despite not being quite prepared for the wet weather, I am satisfied with how the day unfolded. :) 

Day 62: on rainy day reality

I have mentioned before how much I have wanted to have a rainy day at home. Today I did - and the reality didn't match up to the fantasy. Sir Isaac Newton says it best in his Third Law of Motion: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

My action was to cultivate a sense of Abundant Gratitude within. The reaction was a doubling down on my Depression. I had a massive case of the Heavies, a sense of Why Bother? flowing and ebbing through the day. Instead of curling up in bed and settling in for a 24 hour nap, this time, I resolved to Push Through...

While Himself watched the "never ending" coverage of the last journey of former President Bush (the elder), I put on headphones, found a jazzy station on Pandora, and tidied up the kitchen. That helped a little. Eating a late lunch helped a little. Doing some Shadow Work in the shower helped a little. The Heavies stayed stubbornly with me.

Finally I chose to step out into the Wild Wet Weather and check in with one of my caregiver support groups. There was actually a thunderstorm on the way down, and I felt the Heavies dissipating with each visible lightning strike. Suddenly, my angst didn't feel so big and overwhelming, when compared to the Awesome Power of Nature - not to mention that i felt rather grounded when we reached our destination.

The axiom When you don't want to go to a meeting, is when you really need a meeting, rang quite true. Himself and I got to the group at about 6pm. Both of us got a chance to share, and both of us got a chance to Witness. I came away with the idea that being an Only Child isn't necessarily a bad thing. Sibling rivalries, particularly around Wills and Trusts, can be very ugly.

Himself had originally considered hitting up a casino after the support group (he's rather good at Blackjack, and we're willing to try and curry Dame Fortune's favor at this point), but looking at the weather, and considering the winding twisty roads we would need to navigate to get to one of the decent non-smoking casinos, we chose to wait for the weekend (when it won't be raining), and chose to have a nice dinner instead (with a bit of his birthday money that he had stashed away).

I realized this was another thing I miss: just the two of us, having a nice dinner out, putting aside Duty and Responsibility for a couple of hours, eating tasty food and enjoying the ambiance. This is something I can prioritize, particularly in my "Going Small" perspective; dining out once a month doesn't seem too much to ask.

So we are back home, with a pair of coping cats who don't like the rain, and the Queen Mother, who is shuffling along the best that she can. Aren't we all...coping and shuffling along the best that we can?

Day 7: on making it through a "heavy" day

I knew from the moment I woke up this morning that it was going to be one of the Heavy days, when Life seems to press down so hard and so completely it took great effort to get even a simple task done. This is the form my Depression takes, when Life lacks even a smidge of excitement, and my interior vision is made up solely of shades of gray. The color of the world doesn't seem to stick.

Each time I tried to do something to emerge from the Heavies, I would make a little progress, then slide back down and in. Tidy up in the home and take out the trash? Nope. Radically cut back on my social media intake? Nope. Get out of the house and go with Himself to the VA? Nope. Finally manage to cross a few things off my to-do list? Nope. Have dinner? Nope. Nothing worked long enough to snap me out of my funk.

I had committed to attend a meeting in the evening, but was not feeling it at all on the way down to San Diego, where the meeting was to take place. I'm glad I went, though, for three reasons: 1) I happened to mention to a dear friend that my Depression was getting the better of me. She was not able to come with us this evening, but she did give Himself a care package to give to me, which contained various flavors of tea - which will come in handy in the Winter months to come. 2) I usually leave the meeting much better than I enter it; tonight was, fortunately, no exception. 3) We had an actual thunderstorm in San Diego proper, and the lightning cut through the tension that had resided within me all day. For each of these reasons, I am grateful.

I have a clearer idea of what felt so Heavy today. I'm going to sit with it and journal on it before I share about it, if y'all don't mind...