a frenemy called "desmoid"

Before I address the current state of affairs, I wanted to update everyone with Himself's test results...

Best news: it's NOT malignant cancer. It's benign. He is still technically In Remission! We both heaved huge sighs of relief at that news.

What it is: a Desmoid Tumor. It is associated with his specific genetic condition, which gave him a gazillion polyps in his GI system. They don't metastasize per se, but they can grow and become obnoxious if they come to block any key bodily processes.

At the moment, Himself only has the one desmoid in his mesentary, which means it can move/be moved about. We will see if the CBD oil has any effect upon it, now that we can afford to get CBD oil again in timely fashion. Everyone agreed just to keep an eye upon it for now, and do surgery to remove it only if it becomes obnoxious. This is because they tend to grow back; how likely they are to return depends upon who you ask.

Glad that we don't have to worry about that in our current situation. More about that to come in the next post. Stay tuned!

tying off loose ends

The first loose end I took care of today was laundry, as it was a bit overdue to be done! Inkblot was an "up close and personal" supervisor again, jumping down into the washer to inspect the drum and everything else in it. I twirled him around a couple of times in both directions before scooping him out of the washer so that I could finish loading it. Clothes washed, I made it over to the laundromat and colored a bit in my latest mandala while the clothes were drying. Then ther was a little party in the Queen Mother's bedroom as I sorted and put away her laundry, as both cats came to supervise the proceedings. They weren't nearly as interested with me putting away my laundry. ;)

As to other loose ends, there were some good things that happened last week. For my birthday, I used the free dinner I had been "gifted" by the newest local Mexican restaurant after they had messed up my order on a previous visit. They were able to deliver the promised vegetable enchiladas this time, which were paired with black beans and rice and very, very tasty. Afterward, Himself made me a chocolate "milk" shake afterwards (with almond milk) that was also very tasty, and very filling.

The best news came the day after my birthday, where Himself was declared to be Still In Remission. The oncologists are keeping an eye on an odd nodule or two (lymph nodes, perhaps) in his mesentery; they seem to be growing and shrinking, glowing and not glowing, with no rhyme nor reason. His next CT scan will be in January, and if the nodules don't grow between now and then, he will have been in remission and Tumor Free for three years. That is apparently a Big Number in the cancer world, and means the chances of recurrence drop sharply. So far, so very good!

Switching back to the present: I kept an eye on the time today, because I wanted to do the laundry before Himself left the house for his errands, but I didn't feel too rushed. I am (belatedly) noticing that whenever I am feeling pressed for time, especially in the morning, my temper starts to grow very short. Sometimes breakfast helps, but sometimes it doesn't. Today I had a good day overall. Once the laundry was done, I kept the ball rolling by straighening up in the kitchen, taking care of the recycling and reorganizing a few things in the recycling corner so that it didn't look quite so chaotic.

My next idea is to redo the collection of plastic bags I have by the cooler. Since we have a fancy cooler now (It dispenses hot AND cold water! Himself paid for it a few months ago, as it was on sale), the way I kept the plastic bags isn't working anymore, so I need to rework a few things. Organizing, and Reorganizing, is one of my strong suits - dare I call it a hobby, even? - so I'll see if I can keep going tomorrow. :)

Day 286: on getting some answers

Getting up three days in a row (relatively) early is not my cup of tea, especially when I feel like I'm back to carrying the weight of the world upon my shoulders, so I'll cut to the chase...

Good news: the Queen Mother's liver panel came back normal (no hepatitis), though the ultrasound revealed that she had gallstones. It's not life-threatening, though.

Great news: Himself is still in remission. There is one nodule in his belly area that looks a bit suspicious, even though it shrunk (according to the latest CT scan), so they want to do another PET scan next time just to be on the safe side. The doctors were not super worried, though.

A miracle: Himself and I paid a visit "across the way" to one of his friends who underwent brain surgery yesterday. Today he was alive, and awake, and talking, and eating! The wonders of modern medicine are underestimated at one's peril.

It was a long day of collecting test results and appointments, and I didn't make my support group. We arrived home at 4:45, but after feeding the cats and getting the Queen Mother's dinner ready, it was a choice between going to the support group and fixing my own dinner. Food is going to win Every Time, as it did here.

That wraps up today, so now I'm going to bed and will see what is most needful to be done tomorrow.

Day 195: on a more orderly day

I got a bit more sleep overnight than I had the previous night, so that was one point of improvement. Today was also full, but not as chaotic.

I accompanied Himself to the all-important Oncology appointment today. In this case, no news was most definitely good news. He is still In Remission and "good to go" for another 90 days. :)

From there, we went over to have his port access removed, and then a trip over to where they schedule GI procedures. The GI folks had scheduled his next "coming and going" appointment for June, three months after the last one, but the Oncology folks say he doesn't need another one until September, six months after the last one. The GI folks saw reason, and his appointment was duly rescheduled. Good news all the way around. We also made notes to schedule the next CT scan (prior to his next Oncology appointment) in May, when we need to pay a visit to the eye clinic. His eyeballs are a whole 'nother story, which I will share later.

Our next stop was at Ralphs, where we got ourselves some sandwiches and chips for a little picnic lunch at the beach. The rip currents were very apparent today; fortunately, there weren't many swimmers in the water yet, as the ocean is still a bit too chilly. I got some quality beach time today, and I was happy.

We stopped at Trader Joe's on the way home, and arrived before dinnertime. We checked the mail just in case - still no letter. In this case, that was a good thing, as Himself's stepmother has stopped payment on the check she wrote and will wire him the money instead. With any luck, we will have it tomorrow; at worst, we might have to wait till Monday.

Between yesterday and today, I am moving to break up the Stinking Thinking that says I am "too damaged" to be helped, and "too negative" to be able to receive (financial) help. Stuff happens, and can happen to any of us, and the worst thing we can do is Suffer in Silence. I am working on telling my truth faster, and speaking up when I need help...and I AM Receiving Help. So there. :)

Tomorrow it's the Queen Mother's turn to visit the doctor for a follow up appointment, followed in the evening by the happy chaos that is a Passover Seder. With this in mind, I chose to skip the caregiver support group today in order to rest up. There will be another one next week that I can attend.

Today I made progress in climbing towards the summit of the mountain.

Day 97: on a good easy day

It's the first full day of my Moonflow, and I didn't feel super heavy, slow, or melancholy. I find that when I'm given an opportunity to truly rest, and I'm not rushed into any sort of activity, I'm able to keep an even keel much more effectively throughout the day, especially during my Moontime!

I spent much of today coloring in the mandala I had started on Monday, while Himself was getting his PET scan. I made some bold choices toward the end; as the full moon during a lunar eclipse is more often than not red-orange in color (Google it for some spectacular pictures), I made that choice with some of my moons. I'll post the finished picture in the next day or so.

Speaking of Himself, the Oncology case manager called both of us with his test results: all of his bloodwork in regard to his cancer came back happily normal. He had a normal PSA, which means that the "minimal activity" they picked up on the PET scan is indeed related to his tailbone (and surrounding areas) mending. He has been tumor free for 2 1/2 years, and he will be celebrating his 2 year end-of-chemo anniversary at the end of this month. Though we are over the moon happy with him being cancer free, he's still dealing with some of the lingering side effects of his chemotherapy, and he has an appointment with his general doctor next week to discuss that.

I also puttered around in the kitchen a little, putting away clean dishes and corralling some of the recycling together. Maybe I'll load some dishes into the dishwasher tomorrow to get that ball rolling. We'll see how I feel.

Yes, I could have spiralled back into Depression earlier this week, but I made a concerted effort NOT to, and I am continuing my way out of that rut. I find myself able to bounce back a bit quicker than before each time life starts to get Heavy, and I catch it before I go bounding back down the rabbit hole. For this, I am grateful. :)

Day 6: on receiving the "all clear"

The good news Himself and I expected to receive today indeed came: he is still in remission and tumor free. They want to see him in Oncology in three months, and would like him to get another PET scan before coming in. The folks in Nuclear Medicine advised us to call in December to schedule his exam in January. In the meantime, we also needed to coordinate with the Gastro-Intestinal department for his next "coming and going" exam, aka a combined Endoscopy + Flexible Sigmoidoscopy day. This we did get scheduled, and it will be at the beginning of March. After a quick-ish trip to the Pharmacy to renew some of his medications, we turned tail and headed home, an early conclusion to a very early morning.

Although the Benefits side of the Veterans Administration can prove to be quite Vexing at times, both of us are deeply grateful and completely satisfied with the Medical side of the VA. They have covered just about everything in Himself's cancer adventure: the diagnostic tests, the surgeries, the chemotherapy, and the follow up appointments and tests. We are only paying for one or two medications the VA won't cover. If they had not been able to cover the expenses, Himself would most likely be dead right now, and/or we'd be so buried in bankruptcy we wouldn't be able to see the light of day for another ten years. This medical stuff that's so necessary definitely isn't cheap...and I'm going to stop right there before I take off on a huge rant. Maybe I'll save it for later. Right now I'm looking forward to going to sleep after I put the Queen Mother to bed. It was, after all, a very early day.

I am, and am not, looking forward to the start of 2019, which looks right now to be filling up rapidly with appointments.

Just a short entry tonight; we'll see what tomorrow brings. I'm outties. :)