Day 343: on making an effort

I didn't have to wake up when Himself did this morning, but I did, and received some rare Quiet Time to sip my tea and write most of my Morning Pages undisturbed. Himself had some business to attend to, and needed to make an early start of the day, which I used to my advantage.

Today was a day I treated myself by cooking for myself: egg sandwiches for breakfast, and an Asian-themed dinner of cream cheese wontons, veggie gyoza (dumplings), ramen noodles, and mango sticky rice rolls for dessert. I added a salad to my dinner for the greens. Granted, mostly it was a matter of heating and eating, but I enjoyed taking the time to prepare my meals today.

Before the feasting was some cleaning, of taking out the trash, two bags of recycling, and putting the right items in the right boxes. We are going to have some bottles and cans of our own to add to the recycling Himself brought home from the Alano Club, so we might get some nice change out of this at the start of the coming week. I capped off all of the tossing and sorting with a nice long shower, quite refreshing after a hot day.

After some discussion with Himself, I am keeping the car tomorrow, dropping him off at the Alano Club and coming back up to dry our laundry at the laundromat and do a bit of grocery shopping. We are going to see if we can attend our Sunday Support group first. It will be a kinda busy day, but not a crazy busy one. 

I made a list this morning of all the things I needed to do this weekend. Checking things off one at a time is very satisfying. :)

Day 309: on a summery saturday

With Himself down in San Diego, it was a good day to read, to write, to color, and to nap with the cats. It was also a good day to bring the trash can back in, load the dishwasher, and wipe down the counter tops. The Queen Mother put in her two cents, so we started going through her closet as well. I found some pairs of slippers she had forgotten she had, so she tried them on. These slippers will stay and those slippers can be given away. So it begins once more...

Looking in the closet, I see the boxes and boxes full of wrapping paper and ribbons and bows; along with the bags, we probably have enough materials right now to give a holiday and/or birthday present to everyone in San Diego county, at the very least! It comes from the family tradition of Saving the Wrapping Paper instead of ripping it to shreds when opening one's presents. Looks like I'll have that to co-sort through as well. Meaning: I'm going to be doing the "heavy lifting" and the Queen Mother will be giving her ayes and nays.

The one bad thing about being home by myself with the Queen Mother is her lack of short-term memory, particularly when she's obsessing over something, whether it's the part of the rug that needs vacuuming or the alleged mental health of the cats. I suspect she forgets that she made the same point ten minutes, half an hour, three hours before, and it comes off sounding like she's nagging or harping. I have to remind myself several times over, It's not her, it's her disease, and NOT to take it personally, Just for Today if nothing else! I'm still working on retraining my mind in that regard. 

Fun with food today as well: an egg sandwich for breakfast, veggie gyoza with ramen noodles and a salad for dinner. As Saturdays are my "easy" days, most of the time, schedule-wise, I don't feel rushed or pressured to whip up something quickly to eat. I actually have the opportunity to enjoy my meals, unless the Queen Mother has a bee in her bonnet. ;)

Planning on attending the Sunday Support Group with Himself tomorrow. We shall see what unfolds. 

Day 289: on expanding my horizons a little

Himself got up and moving early, and I only got up to feed the cats before returning to bed. I didn't get up until the Queen Mother had left her bathroom.

It's a sure sign that things are heating up when the cats stay in more than they are out, at least at mid-day. I wouldn't want to run around in a fur coat that I couldn't take off either.

What makes the cats (and Himself) miserable makes the Queen Mother (and Myself) happy: the hot weather makes her arthritis more tolerable, and seems to give me an energy boost. There's a reason I call myself a Jaguar. I am so totally affected by the seasons it isn't even funny.

Despite starting my monthly adventure in the Moontime, I got all of the trash out and took care of the recycling: some in the blue bins by the dumpster, some in the blue bins outside of our house. The latter we empty out periodically and recycle their contents for cash.

We've run a bit short on water, so I had to figure out what to have for dinner that didn't involve it. (Unfortunately, our tap water is not the best for drinking.) I steamed some rice in vegetable broth in our rice cooker, and opened up a can of "Black Bean Fiesta" from Bush's. It was seasoned just right, and was mighty tasty after I added the rice and put together a salad for good measure. I had not planned on cooking for myself, but improvised very nicely.

I'm back to listening to music on Pandora, the same "exotic" station I was listening to last night. I haven't heard some of these songs for a while, and I am enjoying hearing some of the subtleties I missed previously.

I have no idea as to what will unfold tomorrow, or this next week, so I shall be playing it by ear, as usual.

Day 268: on deep relaxation

I didn't have a Do Nothing Day today, but I came rather close. It felt luxurious and decadent.

I did more reading than I had "planned" to do. I was going to read a couple of articles but they turned out to be very long, though very entertaining. I am out of my regular Chai tea at the moment, so I snuck one of my mother's Constant Comment tea bags and enjoyed that with some of my reading. 

A few weeks ago Constant Comment tea was the topic of some discussion among my partners in blogging, and now I know why. It reminds me of one of my favorite teas, Lady Grey tea, but the orange and bergamot is not as sweet in Constant Comment. Still, a good tea and a nice change of pace.

When I finally got around to eating, I made myself some egg sandwich "sliders," basically dinner rolls cut in half, with some avocado tzatziki spread from Trader Joe's on one side (Himself bought it but I'm eating it, as it contains bits of onion and other things disagreeable to his digestive system), and some brie cheese spread on the other side, with just a dab of salsa on each bit of scrambled egg. They were delicious. I would later have a bit more cheese with some rice pilaf that Himself brought home last night.

I did convince myself to do a bit of work on the computer in the afternoon, and Himself joined me on a cat food run after he got home this evening and we both had a shower. It was Jaguar Weather, as I call it, very sunny and very warm today, and a bit more humid than usual for SoCal. Other than that, I took advantage of the empty agenda I had and Relaxed Deeply, getting a bit of that Staycation I had been craving. 

Tomorrow will be busy enough, with the paying of key bills and a Cardiac session, along with grocery shopping. He has his money; now I'm waiting on mine.

Day 262: on being slow and steady

Instead of waking up "weighed down," I woke up surprisingly energized and buoyant today. I didn't question why; I took the ball and strode forward with it. Running with the ball will abide till the end of the week. ;)

I deliberately paced myself, moving slowly and steadily through the day. I made headway in some of the paperwork I needed to get done. I finally rounded up all of the recycling in the kitchen - washing out glass jars and bottles, bagging empty cat food cans, putting together empty yogurt cups - and put everything in its place. I also started loading up the dishwasher. 

I even managed to cook myself some dinner: black beans, rice, a bit of salsa, one packet of chili sauce, and (ahem) four packets of ketchup. I wound up with something tasty, yet only had a little heat in it. It paired well with my salad. A few days ago I paired "chili" beans, basically pinto beans in a yummy tomato based sauce with added spices, with some of my remaining tri-color quinoa. I boosted up the iron content in my food to help fortify me in my Moontime; perhaps that's why I felt rather awake this morning.

Tonight I felt sociable, watching some TV with the Queen Mother: American Ninja Warrior along with the first half of the Spain vs. US women's soccer game. I watched the second half of the game with Himself. Not bad at all for a Monday, and a full bleeding Monday yet!

Tomorrow, though, I will have to leave the home while bleeding, but it should be okay. Just need to figure out how to work on the "administrative" tasks before me. I will, as always, do my best.

Day 226: on rainy day activities

The rain was falling when we got up this morning. Needless to say, Inkblot wasn't happy. He started in on his "protest nap" before we left for our Sunday Support Group.

Himself and I arrived at the group at a reasonable time this time, and we managed to hear everyone sharing. I want to tell everyone I meet to write a letter to their Higher Power! I'm not quite as serene as I was on Friday, but I'm still feeling Lighter.

As we finished group, it started raining again, so I quickly reviewed my mental shopping list and determined we could grab groceries tomorrow, so we headed home instead. Wouldn't you know that the rain became just a little heavier the moment we stepped out of the car!

I finally talked myself into doing a bit of cooking for dinner, so I took a can of lentil soup, added some pinto beans and half a can of corn, then added it to some of our rice for another round of my "Iron Stew." I have been advised in the past that I have a tendency towards Iron deficiency, and as I'm expecting to enter my Moontime within the next day or two, I thought I would eat some iron-rich food to bolster my blood.

I find myself returning to my Step-Work these days, and have picked up where I left off. I have my own Recovery Program I am working. I started this particular set of steps in November 2017, then went way off course; the time finally felt right to pick up and continue on.

Tomorrow we have someone coming in to see if indeed we have a dreaded Slab Leak in the house, and what steps need to be taken next. There is also the matter of asking the pest control company that is in charge of the fumigation about their chemicals. So I'll be jumping back in with both feet, but not completely in the deep end. I'm going to remember: Easy Does It. :)

Day 211: on a quiet saturday

Feeling better now. Depression hit me hard yesterday and this morning - the fear that Nothing Is Going To Change, Ever, and the fact that I don't have that much in the Emotional Reserve tank to ward off the Stinking Thinking effectively at the moment.

I kept my promise to stay Unplugged, though, and worked on a mandala, and puttered around a little here and there. Eventually I cut myself free and bobbed back to the surface.

Did a bit of cooking as well: a can of lentil soup, a can of white beans, and a small can of corn, thrown together and heated up, then combined with rice and enjoyed with a mixed green and kale salad. Tasty stuff.

I will be celebrating Beltane with some of my sisters tomorrow after all. I secured a ride to my friend's house.

I must be close to the summit of the mountain, because the climb is steep and the air is thin. Slowly forward and upward I go...

Day 192: on reflecting in the calm...

I have had a restful day today. The closest I came to doing any sort of work was proofreading a document Himself had typed up before he sent it out. Other than that, the day has been filled with Morning Pages and mandala coloring.

I am happy to confirm that Himself's VA attorney has filed his case with the Board of Veteran's Appeals (I've been calling it the Board of Veteran's "Affairs" all this time. Oops!). Now we are officially scaling the last of the mountain, aiming for the summit.

In the meantime, we are still awaiting a key piece of mail, and as of today, it still hasn't arrived. Instead of my previous reaction to this development, I am experimenting on letting go of the pity poverty party that's been playing in my head. Yes, money is coming, and until it does, I still have Life to deal with, so that's what I'm going to do. I even drew and colored in a mantra in my Happy Yellow Book: "Expect Miracles Every Day!" Doubtless there is some irony in being inspired to do that on the same day Notre Dame is engulfed in flames...

For dinner this evening I successfully pan-fried some of my Veggie Gyoza and had it with some steamed rice and a salad. I used some of my Goddess Dressing as a dip, and oh yes indeedy that was a delicious choice! I will definitely be doing that again in the future. 

Riffing off of that: I am leaning toward joining the Intermittent Fasting posse and seeing how that works for me. I am thinking of doing the 16:8 variation, wherein one eats normally for eight hours in the day, then fasts for the other sixteen hours. It actually makes sense, and it's something that I can see myself doing more days than not. In the near future, I'm thinking of returning to (mostly) Veganism as well, because I feel better when I'm eating plant-based, Living Food than when I'm not. I say "mostly" because I love Honey, and I'm not quite ready to let that go yet. ;)

Tomorrow begins the latest iteration of "Appointment Week," which includes Himself's all important Oncology follow up. Our intention is to learn that Nothing is Untoward and All Is Still Well, and then perhaps have a picnic at the beach. Wish us luck. 

Day 127: on tending to the nest

I chose to focus on domestic affairs today, as the dishes were taking over one of the kitchen counters, and the recycling was needing to be taken out. So I paced myself and got the kitchen done, the trash out, and the recycling station tidied up. The dishwasher is doing its job now.

It was a good day to move through calmly, with breaks to hydrate and snuggle with the cats. I'm glad it only rained briefly, though it's more likely to rain tomorrow, according to the latest forecasts.

I also took a bit of a plunge and cooked up some risotto. It turned out to be quite tasty, and plumped up more than I expected from the small bag. I seem to keep forgetting how much rice expands when you add water to it, so I have enough for another meal with it. Whether or not I finish it off tomorrow is another matter entirely. I haven't made up my mind yet.

Himself and I have our joint support group tomorrow, and a few errands to run after that. Hopefully it won't be raining too hard...

Day 120: on a restful rainy day

Today I achieved my goal of resting. I got to my tea and Morning Pages a bit late, partly because I had a restless cat to calm down, as he was stuck indoors with all the rain falling. He eventually did settle down.

I did a bit of work in the kitchen: washing out glass jars to recycle, sorting grocery bags for future use as trash and cat litter bags, and gathering together bottles. I composed a new to-do list for next week. I also had a nice nap with Inkblot, the aforementioned restless cat. I cooked some quinoa and added some vegetarian chili, along with a mix of white beans and corn that I had thrown together earlier. I added a nice salad, a couple of dinner rolls, and some lime soda, and had an excellent dinner.

I wanted to rest today, and for the most part, I did, enjoying the sound of the rain falling. :)

Day 99: on a rainy saturday

The first of several days of ran unfolded today, mainly in the morning to early afternoon. I enjoy the rain the most when I can observe it from indoors. ;)

Much of my morning was taken up by a business call; fortunately, my phone was on mute most of the time, so I was able to get breakfast together for the Queen Mother, and get my breakfast together by degrees. I was finished with the call by about 12:30.

Today I gathered up trash and recycling from the master bathroom, the Queen Mother's bathroom, and her bedroom. One of the items of recycling was taking down a mini "tower " of cardboard glove boxes that had built up over the past few months. (Himself gets medical gloves from the VA to help with his bathroom hygiene.) As I got each box ready to recycle, I was met with an unexpected surprise: a lizard had taken up residence in one of the boxes! I suspect one of the cats had brought it in, and it had eluded being lunch by hiding in our bathroom. I was surprised to see it alive and hale! So I took it outside (after it had stopped raining) and I released it atop a low brick wall across the way. It was long gone when I stepped out a few minutes later to double check. I finished up by rearranging a few things in our bathroom.

I made a second round of Mock Chili for dinner. This time I used black beans and kept the "bean juice" to add a bit of flavor. I was going to have it with some pre-cooked quinoa, but it had gone very bad, so I combined it with some rice instead. I also added a bit of salsa for spice, and it turned out to be delicious.

Before blogging this evening, I had a bit of a nap, as the sense of Tired I was feeling finally became too much to ignore, and I found myself getting cranky with the Queen Mother. I'll be off to bed at my usual time, no worries.

We're not expecting any rain tomorrow, but it is forecast to restart on Monday, and could possibly go all week. We haven't received a lot of rainfall as of late, so it will go a long way toward replenishing some of our reservoir lakes. We will be grateful, but the cats - not so much. ;)

Day 85: on refilling my well

While Himself went down to San Diego for Moving Day, I chose to focus on my Inner Work today. I did some more therapeutic writing, clearing out old stagnant energy from the past; now I'm finally ready to review 2018! I also did a whole bunch of coloring on my Yuletide mandala, which I posted a little earlier over on Instagram. It felt good to focus on myself and put the Inner Work first, something I haven't always been successful in doing.

I also did some cooking for myself for dinner tonight, something I was getting into right before I met Himself. It turns out he was a cook in the Navy, and I acted as his sous chef after we got together. Our initial quest was a search for the perfect Palak Paneer, and I think we had just about nailed it when cancer raised its ugly head and put an end to our dual cooking adventures. 

Anyway - I cooked a cup of rice in our handy rice cooker. As that was going, I combined a can of pinto beans and a can of corn in a pot, and added half a box of tomato & red pepper soup, which covered the beans and the corn. I warmed that up on low heat, and took half a "log" of faux meat, crumbled it into a skillet, then browned it on medium heat, adding water as needed. The log said to use oil, but I really didn't want oil spattering everywhere and burning me, or making a big mess. When the rice was done, I combined the "meat" with the bean-corn-soup mixture, then scooped some of the rice into a bowl and covered it with a few ladle-fuls of the mock chili I had just made. This allowed me to combine the rest of the rice and the soup mix in one bowl to refrigerate for later. I ate the small bowl with some tortilla strips...delicious! (I should get 2-3 servings out of what I made tonight.) I'm going to be doing both black and white beans next time, and maybe a bit less soup, but I'm definitely making it again. :q

Himself has returned home with the news that the move from Point A to Point B is complete, and now only a bit of cleanup at the old place remains. He's also planning to rest and sleep in a bit tomorrow. I can't say as I blame him.

Our Sunday support group is tomorrow, a bit earlier than usual due to the holiday schedule. We're looking forward to going. 

Day 68: on feeling supported

It took a while to get started today. I felt very tired for the first half of the day. I managed to get my hair washed before going down to the caregiver support group this afternoon. I always call it a good day when I can wash my hair along with the rest of me.

Support group today was large, and most everyone got to share. One or two people were new; we begain with one of the newbies, who simply wanted "to listen," and doubtless got an earful as we went around the circle. It can get a little chaotic sometimes, with advice flowing as freely as water, but everyone in the end walks out a little lighter, as we are reminded that we're all in this together.

While I was waiting for Himself to stop by and pick me up, I discovered the reason I was tired: I was starting my Moonflow a bit earlier than expected! Welcome to the wild world of Perimenopause, eh wot! I got myself some proper padding on when we got home.

I went back out with Himself after a quick-ish dinner, where we met up with a friend in San Diego. She gave us some food, which was very helpful, along with a pair of pumpkins. I must confess, Cooking From Scratch is not a strong suit of mine, and my first thought was, "What are we going to do with these pumpkins?!" Fortunately, they're not very large; unfortunately, we don't have a working oven, just a modest-sized convection oven. Even if we wanted to, we couldn't do these gourds justice! I'll think of something, though...

On the way home, I caught sight of a large procession of people. They weren't shouting any slogans, so they weren't protesting. Then I remembered: today is the feast day for the Virgin of Guadalupe (a variant of the Virgin Mary), and I had probably seen a posada (procession) making the rounds. My spirit was a bit lighter afterwards, though I had to take a moment and explain it to Himself.

Each day, I'm feeling a little better after my epic meltdown on Sunday. Seeing the pretty holiday lights around town is helping lift my spirits up as well. Hopefully, this gentle momentum continues to build. :)

Day 31: on hitting the highlights of the day

So I will summarize...

After hunting down a bit more paperwork needed for Himself's personal injury case, we managed to get our glass, plastic bottles, and empty cat food cans over to our local recycling company. Our total haul came out to a bit under $19.00, which doesn't seem like much, but might wind up being the difference in getting the bills paid and overdrawing in the bank. I'm hoping to visit the credit union early tomorrow before the next round of (Himself's) appointments, and voting.

I'm starting to put a bit more effort into cooking dinners for myself again. (It's pretty well a to each their own household at mealtime - I'm the vegetarian, Himself is the "semicolon," and the Queen Mother eats whatever she damn well pleases, unless it might cause constipation.) Today I cooked up a package of gnocchi and topped it with some marinara sauce. Tomorrow I plan to take a Spanish rice packet and add some seasoned Pinto beans to them. This might carry me through the rest of the week. I usually manage to have a fresh salad with my meals; right now it's mixed greens with some mushrooms added to them. By degrees, I begin to take better care of myself. There are more adjustments I can make, but they will come with time...and money.

I colored some more in my mandala and humored mother by watching some TV with her. I know I'm playing a little hide and seek with the paperwork I need to fill out; let's see if I can manage to fill it out tomorrow. Perhaps...