Day 254: on keeping the keel even

Another one of those "mixed bag" days...

On one side of the ledger I can put the unpacking of the kitchen "preservation" bags and reorganizing the pantry cupboards on the stove side of the kitchen. Somehow I actually freed up some space and arranged things more logically. I have a few lingering organizational thoughts about the top right cupboard, but that can wait till later in the week. 

On the other side of the ledger I need to put the cats. They are drinking and using the litter box just fine, but they are still not eating very well, and they were vomiting overnight - so much fun to wake up to! We're not taking any chances with them; so we're going to stop by our veteran-friendly veteranarian first thing tomorrow. Himself's first cardiac rehab appointment isn't until mid-afternoon, so that should still work out.

On this side of the ledger, the Queen Mother has been in a bit of a mood today. If the cats stay outside too long, she panics. As they aren't well, she panics. If she's not wanting immediate answers to her questions, she makes comments about things we discussed earlier in the day, or yesterday. I have to keep reminding myself: It's not her, it's her disease, and her mind is Simplifying, breaking down past and future to function merely in the Now. I'm beginning to wonder if she's starting to experience the events in her day "as if for the first time," and I'm thinking of treating her and her questions as if that were truth. This approach might just save the last bits of my sanity.

On that side of the ledger, I read the next chapter of It's Okay if You're Not Okay, which happened to be about Letting Go of What You Can't Control, and Remembering God/dess IS In Control, complete with an analysis of the Biblical story of Joseph. While my spiritual path is rather different from the author's, and of her intended readers', I am familiar enough with Joseph's story to understand her point, and more, take comfort from it. Although things aren't unfolding as fast as we'd like them to, or even necessarily as we need them to, we have been watched over and provided for by our Higher Power throughout all of these travails as we climb for the summit of our mountain. In reading over the exercises at the end of the chapter, I'm seeing a Fire Ceremony on the Solstice, yes indeedy!

So back into the Flow of Life we go, post-fumigation. Good thoughts for the cats would be appreciated as we figure out how best to help them de-stress. 

Day 252: on being back home!

This will be somewhat brief, as I am very tired right now...

We took full advantage of the free breakfast at the motel this morning; I brought some cereal and tea to the Queen Mother, and Himself and I feasted on waffles. (The thought of having waffles four mornings in a row would have appealed to me forty years ago; now, not so much!) Then we took two trips to schlep everything back to the condo, and opened up some of the windows. Moving back in the day after it was certified as "okay" made all the difference. Neither one of us had a reaction at all. :)

On the third and final trip, the Queen Mother accompanied us out to Petsmart, where we picked up a pair of grateful cats, then headed directly home. I broke out the "people tuna," which they didn't eat right away, as they were more concerned with checking out all the smells. Eventually, they settled down enough to eat, first the tuna, then a can of regular cat food.

We had to do a bit of grocery shopping to restock some essentials, but we settled down soon enough for our own dinner, followed by our regular Friday night meeting. Although I wasn't sure if I had enough oomph to go, I'm glad I did.

I will expound more tomorrow evening. For now, good night from SoCal. :)

Day 115: on flipping the script

Shortly after I got up this morning, I checked the bank accounts and found that we had been overdrawn by a withdrawal of an automatic payment. This was not the way I wanted to start my day, especially my Monday, and I felt the Stinking Thinking wanting to take over and jump with me down the nearest rabbit hole. Instead, I called a conscious stop, brewed my cup of tea, and dove into my Morning Pages. I didn't come up with any miraculous solutions, but the act of writing helped to calm down and stay out of the rabbit holes.

After breakfast, I went to my credit union branch and explained my situation. I fully expected sympathy but no action; instead, I got sympathy and the reversal of not one, but two overdraft charges, leaving more money in my account than I had hoped for. I walked out pleasantly surprised and thinking that this might not be another horrid Monday after all...

I took care of some business on the computer, then made my phone calls. Almost all of them produced better than expected results: one place found where we were inadvertently being double-charged, and cancelled the charge that was no longer valid. Another place emailed me the forms I needed to fill out to get a hold of the Queen Mother's records. The one exception was to the Social Security office, so I could not make an appointment. It looks like the Queen Mother will have to visit in person, as a walk in, in order to get the information we need.

With all of my necessary items crossed off my to-do list for the day, I went into the kitchen and loaded dirty dishes into the dishwasher. I finished up after dessert had been eaten and started the dishwasher up. On top of everything else, I finished coloring my latest mandala.

So many days have started out crappy and gone downhill from there. Today was a flipping of the script - a bad start, but a good finish. Taking a few small breaks to stop and recenter helped immensely. :)

Day 50: on saying "goodbye"

This was my Uncle Bob. He was 80 when he passed on September 30th. He had apparently been sick for a while, but no one one knew just how bad he was until he fell while picking oranges in his backyard, just before his birthday this past June...and a follow up exam led to a trip to the emergency room and a diagnosis of a pair of bone marrow disorders. His decline was fairly rapid, a smidge over three months. Judging by the turnout at his memorial service today, he will be sorely missed by many.

The day unfolded in classic Mercury Retrograde style: I believed the service was going to take place at the cemetary in Bonita this morning. We got there just before 11 am, when the services were scheduled to start. His name wasn't on the list of official services today, but we were advised that private services weren't always advertised. When my cousin texted me to see where I was, I told her we were at the cemetary but couldn't find them. When she mentioned the church where they were at, about 15-20 minutes away from where we were at - I burst out laughing at the miscommunication. We beat feet up to the church and arrived about 2/3 of the way through the service, but we made it. Fortunately there was a reception afterwards where we were able to properly mingle with family and friends. I wore a nametag to show exactly which branch I occupied on the family tree, as did the rest of my relatives.

My uncle's brief but wild medical journey gave me an opportunity to reconnect with the local portion of my family this year; my cousin actually reached out to me with the initial news about her dad, looking for any advice I could give them. The fact that I was able to share some of my expertise as a Caregiver, and offered to help my family with any research that they might need, actually helped to erase my depression, just a wee bit: my Caregiving was not in vain, and I could share my experience, so I didn't feel quite as isolated as I have in the past.

This Thanksgiving, I reconnected with many members of my uncle's family: his three kids (my first cousins), and most of their kids (my second cousins). I had not spoken with some of them in years, especially since my strange Odyssey began. There were times when I felt like the main character in one of those time travel stories - I don't feel like I've aged that much, but all of the "young 'uns" seem to have grown up when I wasn't looking...once small children have now started college! I find myself in the position the Queen Mother and her brothers must have occupied when we first cousins were playing around and starting our own journeys into the world.

Now I can switch gears, from remembering a life concluded to celebrating a life very much in progress, as tomorrow is Himself's birthday. Tomorrow I will brag on him a little. :) 

Day 13: on summing up

I have succeeded in clearing the floor in the master bedroom. We still need a good vacuuming, but it's nice being able to walk without having to step over or around piles of whatnot in the middle of the night in order to reach the commode.

Himself received paperwork in the mail from the "civilian" neurologist. He will still have to visit their office tomorrow to get everything, but all systems are go to put together settlement proposal. Hoping to have it completed next week.

Tomorrow is going to be a full day of appointments. I will speak more at length in the evening after all has been said and done.

Went to my support group tonight and came up with a new term: as there is Pre-Grieving (mourning the loss of a loved one before their passing), I came up with Pre-Bitching - anticipating a loved one's reaction when Himself and I tell the Queen Mother we're leaving for a long weekend next week, and a friend of ours will be staying with her while we're away. I doubt if she will be thrilled. More on that as we draw closer to time.

Herein is the summary. Will be back tomorrow... :)