Himself had arranged to train a new volunteer about opening up the Club and working at the coffee bar today. I thought, Wouldn't it be nice to join him and have some breakfast before we headed back home? So I woke up bright and early (thanks again to our fuzzy alarm clocks, aka the cats) and had enough time to wash my hair before getting the Queen Mother's breakfast put together and hitting the road. There was almost no traffic to speak of as we headed down to San Diego.
Here's the Plot Twist: the new volunteer never showed up today. We did have our Yummy Sunday breakfast, courtesy of take out from the cafe two doors down from us. I had a breakfast sandwich, which was decent but not great. Himself had scrambled eggs with country style potatoes and toast. We each got an orange slice and a cantaloupe slice; I gave him my cantaloupe (as I can't stand them) and took his orange (as he can't digest it with his "semicolon").
Then it was up to me to choose what to do. The Dutiful Daughter wanted to go home and be with the Queen Mother and do the laundry, but the Loyal Wife wanted to stay with Himself at the Club. This time, the Loyal Wife won, and I jokingly said I had "run away" from home. We wound up staying for the entire "morning" shift, then Himself briefed the "evening" shift volunteer about what was going on. I think we finally left about 3:30, did a couple of errands, and got home about an hour later. The next order of business was dinner, which Himself took care of for himself, and I took care of for the Queen Mother, the cats, and myself.
I don't regret staying with Himself today. If anything, I would have been peeved if he had gone down by himself and then been unable to come back up because of the no-show. I made the best out of the curveball Life had thrown my way.
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So, now that I have reported on the day, normally this would be the time I would sum up and log off. However, this is the last blog entry of the 365-day challenge that I set out upon exactly one year ago today. I've pleasantly surprised myself by blogging every single - less one - day in this challenge. I have gained a sense of Consistency from doing this daily posting, even if it hasn't always translated over into my Real Life adventures. It was my through-line to get through the deepest and Heaviest of my feelings, and saw me out of the long dark tunnel and to the other side. That bit I think I'll share more about in the near future.
Moving forward, I'm not going to blog every day. I will blog more than once a week. 3 times, possibly 4, sounds doable. I will be non-blogging every weekend for sure, and as a heads-up, I'm going to be offline most of, if not all of, November, as Mercury Retrograde starts on the 31st of this month. Yep, we kick it off on Halloween/Samhain this year (ooh, scary)! I'm also going to drop the day counter and the "on..." conceit of the title, and title things in a more straightforward fashion.
For those who have traveled with me this far: we did it! And I will still read your blogs. Switching phones, though, knocked out my ability to comment on other Wordpress blogs, so I will have to use Messenger instead.
With that, I will see y'all tomorrow for sure. The pace of blogging might slow a bit, but the pace of Life definitely is not. ;)
Showing posts with label Schedules. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Schedules. Show all posts
Sunday, October 6, 2019
Monday, July 15, 2019
Day 283: on a furious flip-flop day
Lots of Seat of the Pants choices that needed to be made! We started out with one agenda and wound up with another. The Cardiac session was the only thing that didn't wind up changing. We added weight training to the aerobic components today; Himself has his own ideas as to what to tone up, but I want to start working on my "chicken wings," those gathering places of fat from 'pit to elbow, and see if I can't shrink them just a bit.
As we were starting on our way home, Dr. M's office called the home number, NOT my cell number, and left a message asking if we could bring the Queen Mother in tomorrow morning at 10:15? Not only did I not receive the message until after 5:00, when it was too late for me to return the call, I have told them, several times, my cell phone is the best way to reach me! I have half a mind to tell them to get rid of the landline number entirely!
At any rate, I will wake up when the cats want First Breakfast (or 8am, whichever comes first), and call them to say that Won't Work, as we had already said yes to another commitment (which will help us out quite a bit!) because we didn't know about their request. I'm also halfway ready to ask them to refer us out to a nearby Radiology center with a more open schedule!
I'm hoping to get a few more phone calls made tomorrow as well, once we are home and settled in the afternoon. I know I'll be able to work it all out - having said that, I needed a bit of extra Quiet Time this evening after fixing the Queen Mother's dinner and eating my own, and then digesting. A lot of change in a short period of time left my head spinning, and I needed to Decompress.
Tomorrow will be a good day, whatever chooses to unfold for us.
Saturday, July 13, 2019
Day 281: on sliding in sideways
First, let me backtrack to yesterday...
It was time for Himself's quarterly blood draw and CT scan with contrast, to make sure the cancer is still in remission. I should have guessed it was going to be a wild day when I saw Northbound I-15 was closed due to a gnarly traffic accident; it was later revealed that someone had been on the freeway and hit by several cars (!!) I don't know the latest details, but traffic northbound, as of about 8am yesterday morning, was. not. moving. Fortunately we were going southbound, but we were still delayed because 1) of looky-loo syndrome 2) during the Friday morning commute.
Anyway, we got to the VA at 8:45am. Himself went up and got his port accessed and the blood drawn, and set up for the iodine injection. We got down to Radiology at 9:10am and didn't think there would be an issue. He didn't get scanned until nearly 11am, partly because the Radiology folks were waiting on the lab results, and partly because one of the machines went down and had to be fixed / coaxed back to life. Fortunately, I had brought along a protein bar with my mandala book, so I wasn't completely starving, but I definitely appreciated lunch: personal veggie pizza with a kale salad. A little naughty, a little nice. ;)
After that, we went back up to get the tubing removed and the port sterilized for another month or so, then back down to the Pharmacy. They, too, were busy, as we had a bit of a wait until they called Himself's number. He filed his Travel reimbursement request for the previous month's Cardiac Rehab sessions while we waited. I suppose it was worth it, as they didn't just refill the one prescription he needed, they gave him a kit-and-caboodle's worth of meds! That I will sort out later. By the time all was said and done, it was about 1:40pm when we finally left the VA and made our way just a bit north to Scripps La Jolla. I had just about finished coloring in the mandala I had been working upon. I finished it today and posted it to my Messenger Stories, if you're interested.
We had thought we were going to arrive at the Rehab session earlier than usual; instead, we were a bit later than usual. Our workout wound up being about half the length it's usually been, though, because Himself's leg was acting up. He is going to have someone take a look at his leg to make sure there isn't a blood clot involved. We got out at about 3:35pm, but between a delay in getting out of the parking lot and wending our way home through Friday Evening Commute traffic, we didn't get home until about 5:15. I still had dinner to get ready for the Queen Mother and myself before we left for our weekly meetings! At least we got to them in a timely manner. We got home about 10pm, and I was too wiped to do any significant thinking or writing, hence yesterday's brief post.
Today I had a conference call at 10am, which I managed to wake up in time for. Unlike previous calls, there was a LOT of drama that unfolded. By the time we finally wrapped up business at 1:45 this afternoon (we normally finish by 12!), I was hungry and angry - not a good combination. I started crying and I could. not. stop. I suspect it really wasn't the drama of the call, but more the fact that this has been a very trying week for me, and I took the "opportunity" to have the good cry that I've been needing to have for a while. I needed some eyedrops afterwards to soothe my eyeballs. I also got around to eating, finally.
Before I wrote this blog, I thought I had found a video to watch about hammerhead sharks (one of my favorite things, because I'm weird), but the buffering on the tablet was even worse than the buffering on my phone, which was bad enough! Once again, Mercury Retrograde can kiss my arse, thank you very little!
Tomorrow I have been invited to volunteer at Pride at the Recovery Village. I'm not sure if I'm going. I've been before, and had a blast, but this year I'm concerned about the Queen Mother, and there's a part of me that would rather stay home and do some work on the computer. I'm still thinking about it, and will let y'all know what I choose to do tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm going to use more eyedrops.
It was time for Himself's quarterly blood draw and CT scan with contrast, to make sure the cancer is still in remission. I should have guessed it was going to be a wild day when I saw Northbound I-15 was closed due to a gnarly traffic accident; it was later revealed that someone had been on the freeway and hit by several cars (!!) I don't know the latest details, but traffic northbound, as of about 8am yesterday morning, was. not. moving. Fortunately we were going southbound, but we were still delayed because 1) of looky-loo syndrome 2) during the Friday morning commute.
Anyway, we got to the VA at 8:45am. Himself went up and got his port accessed and the blood drawn, and set up for the iodine injection. We got down to Radiology at 9:10am and didn't think there would be an issue. He didn't get scanned until nearly 11am, partly because the Radiology folks were waiting on the lab results, and partly because one of the machines went down and had to be fixed / coaxed back to life. Fortunately, I had brought along a protein bar with my mandala book, so I wasn't completely starving, but I definitely appreciated lunch: personal veggie pizza with a kale salad. A little naughty, a little nice. ;)
After that, we went back up to get the tubing removed and the port sterilized for another month or so, then back down to the Pharmacy. They, too, were busy, as we had a bit of a wait until they called Himself's number. He filed his Travel reimbursement request for the previous month's Cardiac Rehab sessions while we waited. I suppose it was worth it, as they didn't just refill the one prescription he needed, they gave him a kit-and-caboodle's worth of meds! That I will sort out later. By the time all was said and done, it was about 1:40pm when we finally left the VA and made our way just a bit north to Scripps La Jolla. I had just about finished coloring in the mandala I had been working upon. I finished it today and posted it to my Messenger Stories, if you're interested.
We had thought we were going to arrive at the Rehab session earlier than usual; instead, we were a bit later than usual. Our workout wound up being about half the length it's usually been, though, because Himself's leg was acting up. He is going to have someone take a look at his leg to make sure there isn't a blood clot involved. We got out at about 3:35pm, but between a delay in getting out of the parking lot and wending our way home through Friday Evening Commute traffic, we didn't get home until about 5:15. I still had dinner to get ready for the Queen Mother and myself before we left for our weekly meetings! At least we got to them in a timely manner. We got home about 10pm, and I was too wiped to do any significant thinking or writing, hence yesterday's brief post.
Today I had a conference call at 10am, which I managed to wake up in time for. Unlike previous calls, there was a LOT of drama that unfolded. By the time we finally wrapped up business at 1:45 this afternoon (we normally finish by 12!), I was hungry and angry - not a good combination. I started crying and I could. not. stop. I suspect it really wasn't the drama of the call, but more the fact that this has been a very trying week for me, and I took the "opportunity" to have the good cry that I've been needing to have for a while. I needed some eyedrops afterwards to soothe my eyeballs. I also got around to eating, finally.
Before I wrote this blog, I thought I had found a video to watch about hammerhead sharks (one of my favorite things, because I'm weird), but the buffering on the tablet was even worse than the buffering on my phone, which was bad enough! Once again, Mercury Retrograde can kiss my arse, thank you very little!
Tomorrow I have been invited to volunteer at Pride at the Recovery Village. I'm not sure if I'm going. I've been before, and had a blast, but this year I'm concerned about the Queen Mother, and there's a part of me that would rather stay home and do some work on the computer. I'm still thinking about it, and will let y'all know what I choose to do tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm going to use more eyedrops.
Thursday, May 2, 2019
Day 209: on a full thursday
Full day today, starting with a run to Trader Joe's and ending with Walmart. In between, Himself and I first went to Fry's Electronics, where we purchased the graphics card that *should* make the desktop functional again. We had asked them to hold onto one for us yesterday, just in case we returned today to find them sold out.
Next up was Himself's appointment at the VA Medical Center in La Jolla. While he played with stretch bands, I went to the Pharmacy and picked up some of his medications. I can do that with his ID card; they've seen me often enough there that they know I'm The Missus, or as Himself is wont to say, "The Boss."
As Himself is a Cancer Survivor, he's been feeling a wee bit paranoid about the burgeoning measles epidemic spreading around the country, and arranged to redo his MMR (Measles/Mumps/Rubella) vaccine today. There was a bit of unexpected excitement around that: another veteran came along asking for help, then next thing anyone knows, lost his balance and would have fallen if a couple of other men had not caught him and lowered him to the ground. I got a chance to see the Rapid Response team in action; they eventually got him in a wheelchair and took him to the ER on the first floor. Hopefully it wasn't anything serious.
Once we had all of his official medications in tow, we stopped off at a nearby dispensary and purchased his "unofficial" medication, CBD oil. This has been the key to ridding his digestive system of nasty little polyps, as per his most recent "coming and going" appointment in March. After that, it was time for the Monthly Treat: burritos from the Mexican restaurant two doors and a flight of steps down. I like the veggie burritos here because they add grilled mushrooms, and I've only had mushrooms at one other place - Anejo's has a chili and mushroom enchilada which is also Divine!
By the time we got home, it was 5:20, and there was no way I was going to be able to fix the Queen Mother's dinner, eat my dinner, and get to the Caregiver Support Group, so I cut the Group loose. Food will win Every Time. I rested a bit while Himself attended a meeting, and then came the aforementioned Walmart trip after he got back. We are good to go for another little while.
I am going to sleep very soundly tonight. Good thing tomorrow is an Unscheduled day. I have been composing "His & Hers To-Do Lists" to help both Himself and I to remember what needs to be done tomorrow. His has more calls and mine has more chores at the moment.
Looking forward to Unplugging for at least part of the weekend. :)
Next up was Himself's appointment at the VA Medical Center in La Jolla. While he played with stretch bands, I went to the Pharmacy and picked up some of his medications. I can do that with his ID card; they've seen me often enough there that they know I'm The Missus, or as Himself is wont to say, "The Boss."
As Himself is a Cancer Survivor, he's been feeling a wee bit paranoid about the burgeoning measles epidemic spreading around the country, and arranged to redo his MMR (Measles/Mumps/Rubella) vaccine today. There was a bit of unexpected excitement around that: another veteran came along asking for help, then next thing anyone knows, lost his balance and would have fallen if a couple of other men had not caught him and lowered him to the ground. I got a chance to see the Rapid Response team in action; they eventually got him in a wheelchair and took him to the ER on the first floor. Hopefully it wasn't anything serious.
Once we had all of his official medications in tow, we stopped off at a nearby dispensary and purchased his "unofficial" medication, CBD oil. This has been the key to ridding his digestive system of nasty little polyps, as per his most recent "coming and going" appointment in March. After that, it was time for the Monthly Treat: burritos from the Mexican restaurant two doors and a flight of steps down. I like the veggie burritos here because they add grilled mushrooms, and I've only had mushrooms at one other place - Anejo's has a chili and mushroom enchilada which is also Divine!
By the time we got home, it was 5:20, and there was no way I was going to be able to fix the Queen Mother's dinner, eat my dinner, and get to the Caregiver Support Group, so I cut the Group loose. Food will win Every Time. I rested a bit while Himself attended a meeting, and then came the aforementioned Walmart trip after he got back. We are good to go for another little while.
I am going to sleep very soundly tonight. Good thing tomorrow is an Unscheduled day. I have been composing "His & Hers To-Do Lists" to help both Himself and I to remember what needs to be done tomorrow. His has more calls and mine has more chores at the moment.
Looking forward to Unplugging for at least part of the weekend. :)
Wednesday, March 27, 2019
Day 173: on a forward-looking wednesday
Today I could lift my head out of the murky waters I'm swimming through, and consider the immediate and near future.
Tomorrow I will be finished with all of the "distateful" calls, and I can put them behind me. I wrote in my Morning Pages before making today's calls, and it helped to recenter me; moreover, I was able to give voice to some of the deeper emotions I was feeling just under the surface stress, so that was good.
After breakfast, Himself went to re-sign up for the MOVE clinic at the VA Medical Center. MOVE is an acronym for the VA's weight management program, though I forget what the exact acronym is at the moment. Nevertheless, he had just completed their initial eight week course in 2016 when he was diagnosed with his cancer, so whatever else they could have offered him was put on hold. After talking with one of the nurses affiliated with the program, we all agreed that a Refresher Course would be a good idea, and we could go from there.
In as much as I'm able to, I am going to do the course alongside him. I can stand to drop some weight myself, as the last few years have not been kind to my waistline, nor to my dietary habits. To be completely accountable, my goal is to drop 50 pounds by the time I reach my 50th birthday, which will be in 2021. I have some time to accomplish that. :)
After we were done at the VAMC, we went "across the street" from the UCSD campus to the Jewish Community Center. They have a decent gym and a lovely swimming pool, and their rates are way more reasonable than any of the mainstream gyms around. We are going to do their free one-week trial while we wait for our monthly "stipends," and then Himself will finagle a way to pay the dues.
On the way home, we figured that once Himself received one (or both) of his cash influxes, we need to refurbish the condo after paying the bills. We will probably bundle up the Queen Mother and the cats and stay at a Homewood Suites while the condo is being redone. The diswasher going kaput is only the latest minor calamity that's happened in the condo, and a total refurbishing would do us a lot of good.
Speaking of the dishwasher: We went to Lowe's to price some new dishwashers, and saw that hand washing would be the norm for us for a little while. (FYI: the best prices are available on both July 4th and Black Friday, per the agent in the Appliance department.)
Though I'm feeling tired - as it's just about That Time of the Month - I'm also feeling hopeful for the first time in a while. Starting to see a future in which I am functioning reasonably well again, with some goals to match, gives me just enough buoyancy to keep on swimming, at least for today.
Bonus points if you notice that today's metaphor is different from yesterday's. ;)
Tomorrow I will be finished with all of the "distateful" calls, and I can put them behind me. I wrote in my Morning Pages before making today's calls, and it helped to recenter me; moreover, I was able to give voice to some of the deeper emotions I was feeling just under the surface stress, so that was good.
After breakfast, Himself went to re-sign up for the MOVE clinic at the VA Medical Center. MOVE is an acronym for the VA's weight management program, though I forget what the exact acronym is at the moment. Nevertheless, he had just completed their initial eight week course in 2016 when he was diagnosed with his cancer, so whatever else they could have offered him was put on hold. After talking with one of the nurses affiliated with the program, we all agreed that a Refresher Course would be a good idea, and we could go from there.
In as much as I'm able to, I am going to do the course alongside him. I can stand to drop some weight myself, as the last few years have not been kind to my waistline, nor to my dietary habits. To be completely accountable, my goal is to drop 50 pounds by the time I reach my 50th birthday, which will be in 2021. I have some time to accomplish that. :)
After we were done at the VAMC, we went "across the street" from the UCSD campus to the Jewish Community Center. They have a decent gym and a lovely swimming pool, and their rates are way more reasonable than any of the mainstream gyms around. We are going to do their free one-week trial while we wait for our monthly "stipends," and then Himself will finagle a way to pay the dues.
On the way home, we figured that once Himself received one (or both) of his cash influxes, we need to refurbish the condo after paying the bills. We will probably bundle up the Queen Mother and the cats and stay at a Homewood Suites while the condo is being redone. The diswasher going kaput is only the latest minor calamity that's happened in the condo, and a total refurbishing would do us a lot of good.
Speaking of the dishwasher: We went to Lowe's to price some new dishwashers, and saw that hand washing would be the norm for us for a little while. (FYI: the best prices are available on both July 4th and Black Friday, per the agent in the Appliance department.)
Though I'm feeling tired - as it's just about That Time of the Month - I'm also feeling hopeful for the first time in a while. Starting to see a future in which I am functioning reasonably well again, with some goals to match, gives me just enough buoyancy to keep on swimming, at least for today.
Bonus points if you notice that today's metaphor is different from yesterday's. ;)
Sunday, March 24, 2019
Day 170: on further normalizing
Today I tried to convince myself that I "didn't have enough time" to do everything that I needed to do, which is my signal that it's very necessary to sip my Tea and write in my Morning Pages. When I was done, I realized I was trying to stuff ten pounds of potatoes into a five pound sack - overscheduling my day and viewing everything as "essential." So I let go of one thing, rearranged a few other things, chose not to freak out, and to enjoy the day.
It was really good to make the Sunday Support Group. It was good to share, and check in with our friends, one of whom is having some significant health challenges, but is getting through them with humor and Grace. I received a gift of colored pens, and I know the perfect home for them.
After group, Himself and I went to Walmart, as my money finally arrived today, and we were able to pick up some essentials. Then it was home and dinner. Afterwards, I had a nap and did some coloring in a new mandala, working to keep it Simple and Consistent, a new challenge for me. I find that I don't approach any two mandalas the exact same way. Then I actually brought a bit of order to the chaos in the recycling corner of the house. It's super easy just to toss things in that direction, so I need to remember to take the time to sort out what has been tossed!
After hearing the Wisdom shared by one of my Support sisters today, I am seeing that I need to make some different choices in how I navigate through Life. I am reminded that I can choose to Respond instead of to React. I can easily list the half-dozen or so reasons why I react the way I do these days, but do I need to give these reasons preference every single time? No, I can Breathe Deeply and oxygenate my blood, get some of that oxygen to the frontal lobes of my brain, and jump off the bandwagon of Instinct to access my Reasonal, Pragmatic Self.
These things will be good to remember as I move forward into next week. It is shaping up to be a full one, and I will need to stay somewhat on my toes. Goddess Grant that I can finally get the answers I've been looking for this week!
Saturday, December 1, 2018
Day 57: on gifting myself with time
Today is a good day to do an afternoon blog, where I can let my thoughts stretch out a bit and have some breathing room, instead of trying to cram everything in at 11:30 at night after either a late event, or putting my brain into neutral and not thinking too much more at the end of a given day. So here we go...
One of the downers yesterday was that my plan to "catch up" with a couple of chores I didn't get done earlier in the week got derailed with more extensive-than-anticipated phone calls, and those calls didn't give me the outcome I had hoped for. Today, however, I caught up on those chores, by sweeping up the kitchen floor and taking out all the trash. The recycling will have to abide for the moment, as all of the bins are full, awaiting the city trucks to come and empty them.
About those calls...on the one hand, I will be able to get the necessary paperwork (for the Queen Mother's annual Medi-Cal evaluation) together tomorrow to be able to turn it in on Monday. I will also see if I can get my Provider's pay from the state on Monday, as there is not a share of cost, in theory, attached to her Medi-Cal at this time. (In practice, we shall see!) The situation basically boils down to this: with the state paying her Medicare Part B premium, she is over the "Federal Poverty line" and has a share of cost attached to her Medi-Cal. If the state were to not pay her Medicare premium, she would be below the line, and there would be no share of cost on her Medi-Cal. So I'm going to take a shot in the dark and see if we can ask the state to not pay her premium. I have no idea what the answer is going to be, but at this point, I have nothing left to lose.
Last night, Himself and I went to the synagogue, and then to dinner with some of our fellows for a "Nosh-n-Shmooze." I had all but forgotten how nice it is to be able to converse with other functional adults, outside of the family unit! I had a lovely time and felt re-energized on some levels. Tonight we're going to see if we can do some more noshing and shmoozing with some of my sister Priestesses (and their Priestly consorts) at a party this evening. Being with peeps is good; being with peeps who share your vibe is even better. Last night was Himself's turn, and tonight (Goddess willing) it will be my turn.
I have come to the question of how I can balance all of these things in my life, or at least, inviting some more consistency to my times of respite. That's where Scheduling comes in. I have tried before to schedule the vagaries of my Caregiving life, but my efforts didn't get very far. This time I'm coming at it from a differeng angle: putting in the blocks of time where I have to help out the Queen Mother, or tend to appointments, first; then taking into account what necessary Chores are needing to be done; and finally seeing which times are going to be Strictly for Me, and where I have some wiggle room for whatever chooses to arise. This way, I have a solid foundation to work off of every week, which has the flexibility to change from week to week. This feels like it will serve me better; I'll keep y'all posted.
It appears that I will have the opportunity to practice good form and settle into a nice groove this month, as December has only a few appointments to worry about. January is a different story; we're not exactly hitting the ground running, but we are going to picking up the pace soon after the New Year begins. I will deal with it all as best as I can, per my usual. :)
Sunday, October 28, 2018
Day 23: on "going small"
I try to keep myself moving in a good direction by looking for the lesson in what unfolds before me, a task I usually find easier once I have moved through a rough patch than when I'm trying to slog my way through the middle of it. What has arisen from this vacation debacle is this: I need to stop putting all of my Expectations into ONE event that will "restore" me, and instead focus on creating for myself smaller opportunities during the week to release the dross of Caregiving - and Life in general - and find myself points of equilibrium.
I also need to keep in mind that I am a LOT more Sensitive to the energetic ebbs and flows of the world, both at home and at large, than I might have cared to admit. I need to build in for myself plenty of good downtime without allowing myself to get caught up in the special Inertia that Depression will swallow me whole in. Specifically, I need regular trips Out Into Nature, to listen to birdsong and wind whispering through trees, or the consistent, steady breathing flow of sea water as it eternally moves back and forth over the sand at the continent's edge. Nature is my spiritual tonic, the balm for my soul when Life's edges become a little too cutting.
I opened up the calendar on my phone earlier today and had a look at the near future. This coming Wednesday had nothing scheduled; it looked perfect for walking the labyrinth at one of my favorite retreat spots. The Wednesday after that has a Mindfulness Meditation day scheduled for the evening; why not Deepen the Juciness of that day with a park excursion beforehand? So there are two weekly sojourns taken care of right there, two I can commit to for improving my mental - and spiritual - health.
As for each "normal" day, I have an hour or two in the evenings when the Queen Mother is watching TV and Himself is either watching TV with her or is out taking care of his own business. It would not be difficult at all to put on gentle music and color in a mandala, or do some therapeutic writing, or even (gasp) read an actual book! I used to be a voracious reader, and I still do enjoy reading articles on my smartphone, but it's not the same as picking up a nice old-school BOOK and reading it cover to cover. There's something about the heft of a good-sized book, the smoothness of the paper under your hand, the smell of time and the bookbinding glue, that comforts a bibliophile like me...but I digress.
This feels like a good focus for the next month, this going small. I will report regularly upon my progress, along with the rest of the minutiae that make up this Odyssey.
By the way - we elected to sleep in this morning instead, rather than check off a list of activities. I appreciated the leisurely start to my day today, as I have plenty of opportunities to Rush In and Speed Ahead these days! Truly easing into the day might also be something to practice more often! ;)
I also need to keep in mind that I am a LOT more Sensitive to the energetic ebbs and flows of the world, both at home and at large, than I might have cared to admit. I need to build in for myself plenty of good downtime without allowing myself to get caught up in the special Inertia that Depression will swallow me whole in. Specifically, I need regular trips Out Into Nature, to listen to birdsong and wind whispering through trees, or the consistent, steady breathing flow of sea water as it eternally moves back and forth over the sand at the continent's edge. Nature is my spiritual tonic, the balm for my soul when Life's edges become a little too cutting.
I opened up the calendar on my phone earlier today and had a look at the near future. This coming Wednesday had nothing scheduled; it looked perfect for walking the labyrinth at one of my favorite retreat spots. The Wednesday after that has a Mindfulness Meditation day scheduled for the evening; why not Deepen the Juciness of that day with a park excursion beforehand? So there are two weekly sojourns taken care of right there, two I can commit to for improving my mental - and spiritual - health.
As for each "normal" day, I have an hour or two in the evenings when the Queen Mother is watching TV and Himself is either watching TV with her or is out taking care of his own business. It would not be difficult at all to put on gentle music and color in a mandala, or do some therapeutic writing, or even (gasp) read an actual book! I used to be a voracious reader, and I still do enjoy reading articles on my smartphone, but it's not the same as picking up a nice old-school BOOK and reading it cover to cover. There's something about the heft of a good-sized book, the smoothness of the paper under your hand, the smell of time and the bookbinding glue, that comforts a bibliophile like me...but I digress.
This feels like a good focus for the next month, this going small. I will report regularly upon my progress, along with the rest of the minutiae that make up this Odyssey.
By the way - we elected to sleep in this morning instead, rather than check off a list of activities. I appreciated the leisurely start to my day today, as I have plenty of opportunities to Rush In and Speed Ahead these days! Truly easing into the day might also be something to practice more often! ;)
Sunday, October 21, 2018
Day 16: on the breaking of tension by my moonflow
(aka, "holy crap! she's gonna be writing about her menstrual period!")
Today I received the unmistakable notice that "Auntie Flow" was once again making her monthly-ish visit. I'm steadily creeping forward in the lunar cycle, thanks to the gift of Peri-Menopause. I'm no longer a spring chicken - more likely a midsummer one - so I'm not quite going an entire month between times of bleeding. I'm not as bad as I used to be, though, when my hormones were so out of whack that there wasn't a real rhyme or reason to any part of my cycle! That, however, is story in and of itself, which I will save for another time.
Anyway...I'm not entirely surprised that I'm starting my Moonflow today, because I've been feeling the Tension building within me for a couple of days prior. I call it part of my Pre-Menstrual Sensitivity: my temper grows shorter, and my patience dissipates much faster, as my desire to Go Within and Turn Away from "the outside world" increases exponentially. For a few days before, and for the first part of my Moonflow, I might as well have a sign on my door that says, "Deposit Dark Chocolate at Entry and Walk Away. Will Emerge Eventually." With the initial trickle, however, I always heave a huge sigh of relief; as I seem to regain a bit of my patience and stability, I can now stand down and pull the claws back in. ;)
Those couple of days beforehand this time were doozies. The Queen Mother was in a foul mood on Friday, because she had to see her doctor. Just as her mood got better, Himself and I advised her of our plan to help a friend with transportation up to LAX - and right back into Foulness she went. I found myself in a foul mood that reflected her foul mood, and there were times when we unfortunately amplified one another. As yesterday unfolded, though, the words of Wisdom a friend had shared with me finally sunk in. I am responsible, to a certain degree, for mom's Health. I am NOT responsible, to ANY degree, for her Happiness! If she wants to be in a bitchy mood all day, that's Her Choice, and I can just let her stew in her own juices until she chooses otherwise. Some days will be easier to remember this than others; when I forget, Himself has promised to remind me.
As for the trip up to LAX and back home itself, it wasn't bad at all. Outside of the airport, traffic was actually behaving, a rare event in Los Angeles County! Inside, of course, was another story, but we followed our noses and everything worked out for the best. We even had time for a necessary Pit Stop before returning home. We got back before midnight, which is the Queen Mother's usual bedtime, and I tucked her in per usual. :)
The bad news: the next day or so will not be fun, as the Queen Mother has a dental appointment tomorrow, and I have to go with her to make sure everything gets communicated smoothly. She's not only "losing words" from her vocabulary, she's also mostly deaf and refuses to wear hearing aids. Once that's taken care of, there will be the matter of breaking the news to her that Himself and I will be flying out to Phoenix for a long weekend. It's a service conference for him, but it will be a much needed Vacation for me! Since I've had my a-ha moment, though, I'm not nearly as worried as to what her reaction will be once she learns of our plans. We are having a friend with caregiving experience come over for those days that we're gone, to keep an eye on her and keep her company. Mom is complaining more and more of loneliness, so this will be helpful, especially if she and her designated caregiver hit it off.
The good news: I should be finished with my Moonflow by the time the conference begins, so I'll be able to take advantage of the waterslide and the heated swimming pool at the hotel! I envision myself spending a lot of time poolside, in fact.
Some vexing news: I'm registered with In Home Supportive Services, an organization run by the state of California that treats me as the "employee" of the Queen Mother, so I'm paid by the state government. Somehow, they've messed up my paycheck for the first part of the month - my income for this pay period has been "eaten up" completely by deductions. I don't understand it either, and I was counting on that money to make this vacation a smooth one! So I'll be making a phone call tomorrow morning and hope that someone merely put a decimal point in the wrong place, and this can be resolved sooner rather than later!
If it's not one thing, it's another, am I right?
And all I want right now is some dark chocolate and my mandala coloring book. :p
Ah, well. This will all work out for the best...
Today I received the unmistakable notice that "Auntie Flow" was once again making her monthly-ish visit. I'm steadily creeping forward in the lunar cycle, thanks to the gift of Peri-Menopause. I'm no longer a spring chicken - more likely a midsummer one - so I'm not quite going an entire month between times of bleeding. I'm not as bad as I used to be, though, when my hormones were so out of whack that there wasn't a real rhyme or reason to any part of my cycle! That, however, is story in and of itself, which I will save for another time.
Anyway...I'm not entirely surprised that I'm starting my Moonflow today, because I've been feeling the Tension building within me for a couple of days prior. I call it part of my Pre-Menstrual Sensitivity: my temper grows shorter, and my patience dissipates much faster, as my desire to Go Within and Turn Away from "the outside world" increases exponentially. For a few days before, and for the first part of my Moonflow, I might as well have a sign on my door that says, "Deposit Dark Chocolate at Entry and Walk Away. Will Emerge Eventually." With the initial trickle, however, I always heave a huge sigh of relief; as I seem to regain a bit of my patience and stability, I can now stand down and pull the claws back in. ;)
Those couple of days beforehand this time were doozies. The Queen Mother was in a foul mood on Friday, because she had to see her doctor. Just as her mood got better, Himself and I advised her of our plan to help a friend with transportation up to LAX - and right back into Foulness she went. I found myself in a foul mood that reflected her foul mood, and there were times when we unfortunately amplified one another. As yesterday unfolded, though, the words of Wisdom a friend had shared with me finally sunk in. I am responsible, to a certain degree, for mom's Health. I am NOT responsible, to ANY degree, for her Happiness! If she wants to be in a bitchy mood all day, that's Her Choice, and I can just let her stew in her own juices until she chooses otherwise. Some days will be easier to remember this than others; when I forget, Himself has promised to remind me.
As for the trip up to LAX and back home itself, it wasn't bad at all. Outside of the airport, traffic was actually behaving, a rare event in Los Angeles County! Inside, of course, was another story, but we followed our noses and everything worked out for the best. We even had time for a necessary Pit Stop before returning home. We got back before midnight, which is the Queen Mother's usual bedtime, and I tucked her in per usual. :)
The bad news: the next day or so will not be fun, as the Queen Mother has a dental appointment tomorrow, and I have to go with her to make sure everything gets communicated smoothly. She's not only "losing words" from her vocabulary, she's also mostly deaf and refuses to wear hearing aids. Once that's taken care of, there will be the matter of breaking the news to her that Himself and I will be flying out to Phoenix for a long weekend. It's a service conference for him, but it will be a much needed Vacation for me! Since I've had my a-ha moment, though, I'm not nearly as worried as to what her reaction will be once she learns of our plans. We are having a friend with caregiving experience come over for those days that we're gone, to keep an eye on her and keep her company. Mom is complaining more and more of loneliness, so this will be helpful, especially if she and her designated caregiver hit it off.
The good news: I should be finished with my Moonflow by the time the conference begins, so I'll be able to take advantage of the waterslide and the heated swimming pool at the hotel! I envision myself spending a lot of time poolside, in fact.
Some vexing news: I'm registered with In Home Supportive Services, an organization run by the state of California that treats me as the "employee" of the Queen Mother, so I'm paid by the state government. Somehow, they've messed up my paycheck for the first part of the month - my income for this pay period has been "eaten up" completely by deductions. I don't understand it either, and I was counting on that money to make this vacation a smooth one! So I'll be making a phone call tomorrow morning and hope that someone merely put a decimal point in the wrong place, and this can be resolved sooner rather than later!
If it's not one thing, it's another, am I right?
And all I want right now is some dark chocolate and my mandala coloring book. :p
Ah, well. This will all work out for the best...
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
Day 12: on the magic of momentum
The ease and grace that began to flow yesterday continued today. :)
Practically, I made some more headway in cleaning up the master bedroom. I had a modest pile of clothes in one corner. They had been tagged originally for Giveaway, but then I got the idea in my head that perhaps I could sell my clothes for some much needed cash. Well, the first time I tried to sell clothes was the last time; I don't think I got more than $5 combined from the two places we visited. Then I got the idea to rent a booth at a swap meet and sell the fruits of my decluttering efforts there. That got swept away shortly after Himself's cancer diagnosis, and the subsequent onset of my Depression saw me not doing anything in the way of decluttering or offloading, and the planned castoffs just kept piling up.
Today I picked those clothes up, shook them clear, and placed them neatly in bags. My lesson has been learned: for me, Giveaway is the Only Way. Neither Himself nor I have the bandwidth to secure a place at the swap meet - and the horror stories I hear about selling stuff online far outweigh the success stories. Giveaway is SO much easier for me/us all the way around! At any rate, between decluttering and taking out trash + recycling, I feel like I got a fair amount done today, with more to come tomorrow.
Later in the day, I went with Himself to his follow-up appointment with the "civilian" neurologist (one he found outside the VA) to discuss the results of the CT scan he had 10 days ago. You see, he was rear-ended while driving on the I-5 freeway this past July (on the first day of Comi-Con, so traffic was more horrendous than usual!), and got whiplash. Then he began to have nearly nonstop migrane headches. I had an offer from my chiropractor for a free exam; between that and the coverage provided by our car insurance, he started going for treatment. He's now getting all of the bills together (that have been incurred from the accident), and he will be submitting everything to the other driver's insurance company soon for a settlement. For a car accident claim, things have been moving rather fast, and I am hoping for a swift resolution.
Following the neurology appointment, we were advised that the hard copy of the records would be available in a couple of days. Friday is a full appointment day, and as I looked at the calendar, I could feel myself starting to feel a bit anxious. This time, however, I was able to stop, take a deep breath, and bring myself back to the present. "There's no use in borrowing from Tomorrow's problems for Today," I told myself. There's another mantra in that; let me put it in the back of my mind and let it percolate for a bit. Regardless, I have faith we'll be able to navigate Friday's gauntlet of appointments with ease.
If this is the start of a better personal year, I won't have any complaints. :)
Practically, I made some more headway in cleaning up the master bedroom. I had a modest pile of clothes in one corner. They had been tagged originally for Giveaway, but then I got the idea in my head that perhaps I could sell my clothes for some much needed cash. Well, the first time I tried to sell clothes was the last time; I don't think I got more than $5 combined from the two places we visited. Then I got the idea to rent a booth at a swap meet and sell the fruits of my decluttering efforts there. That got swept away shortly after Himself's cancer diagnosis, and the subsequent onset of my Depression saw me not doing anything in the way of decluttering or offloading, and the planned castoffs just kept piling up.
Today I picked those clothes up, shook them clear, and placed them neatly in bags. My lesson has been learned: for me, Giveaway is the Only Way. Neither Himself nor I have the bandwidth to secure a place at the swap meet - and the horror stories I hear about selling stuff online far outweigh the success stories. Giveaway is SO much easier for me/us all the way around! At any rate, between decluttering and taking out trash + recycling, I feel like I got a fair amount done today, with more to come tomorrow.
Later in the day, I went with Himself to his follow-up appointment with the "civilian" neurologist (one he found outside the VA) to discuss the results of the CT scan he had 10 days ago. You see, he was rear-ended while driving on the I-5 freeway this past July (on the first day of Comi-Con, so traffic was more horrendous than usual!), and got whiplash. Then he began to have nearly nonstop migrane headches. I had an offer from my chiropractor for a free exam; between that and the coverage provided by our car insurance, he started going for treatment. He's now getting all of the bills together (that have been incurred from the accident), and he will be submitting everything to the other driver's insurance company soon for a settlement. For a car accident claim, things have been moving rather fast, and I am hoping for a swift resolution.
Following the neurology appointment, we were advised that the hard copy of the records would be available in a couple of days. Friday is a full appointment day, and as I looked at the calendar, I could feel myself starting to feel a bit anxious. This time, however, I was able to stop, take a deep breath, and bring myself back to the present. "There's no use in borrowing from Tomorrow's problems for Today," I told myself. There's another mantra in that; let me put it in the back of my mind and let it percolate for a bit. Regardless, I have faith we'll be able to navigate Friday's gauntlet of appointments with ease.
If this is the start of a better personal year, I won't have any complaints. :)
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