Day 16: on the breaking of tension by my moonflow

(aka, "holy crap! she's gonna be writing about her menstrual period!")

Today I received the unmistakable notice that "Auntie Flow" was once again making her monthly-ish visit. I'm steadily creeping forward in the lunar cycle, thanks to the gift of Peri-Menopause. I'm no longer a spring chicken - more likely a midsummer one - so I'm not quite going an entire month between times of bleeding. I'm not as bad as I used to be, though, when my hormones were so out of whack that there wasn't a real rhyme or reason to any part of my cycle! That, however, is story in and of itself, which I will save for another time.

Anyway...I'm not entirely surprised that I'm starting my Moonflow today, because I've been feeling the Tension building within me for a couple of days prior. I call it part of my Pre-Menstrual Sensitivity: my temper grows shorter, and my patience dissipates much faster, as my desire to Go Within and Turn Away from "the outside world" increases exponentially. For a few days before, and for the first part of my Moonflow, I might as well have a sign on my door that says, "Deposit Dark Chocolate at Entry and Walk Away. Will Emerge Eventually." With the initial trickle, however, I always heave a huge sigh of relief; as I seem to regain a bit of my patience and stability, I can now stand down and pull the claws back in. ;)

Those couple of days beforehand this time were doozies. The Queen Mother was in a foul mood on Friday, because she had to see her doctor. Just as her mood got better, Himself and I advised her of our plan to help a friend with transportation up to LAX - and right back into Foulness she went. I found myself in a foul mood that reflected her foul mood, and there were times when we unfortunately amplified one another. As yesterday unfolded, though, the words of Wisdom a friend had shared with me finally sunk in. I am responsible, to a certain degree, for mom's Health. I am NOT responsible, to ANY degree, for her Happiness! If she wants to be in a bitchy mood all day, that's Her Choice, and I can just let her stew in her own juices until she chooses otherwise. Some days will be easier to remember this than others; when I forget, Himself has promised to remind me.

As for the trip up to LAX and back home itself, it wasn't bad at all. Outside of the airport, traffic was actually behaving, a rare event in Los Angeles County! Inside, of course, was another story, but we followed our noses and everything worked out for the best. We even had time for a necessary Pit Stop before returning home. We got back before midnight, which is the Queen Mother's usual bedtime, and I tucked her in per usual. :)

The bad news: the next day or so will not be fun, as the Queen Mother has a dental appointment tomorrow, and I have to go with her to make sure everything gets communicated smoothly. She's not only "losing words" from her vocabulary, she's also mostly deaf and refuses to wear hearing aids. Once that's taken care of, there will be the matter of breaking the news to her that Himself and I will be flying out to Phoenix for a long weekend. It's a service conference for him, but it will be a much needed Vacation for me! Since I've had my a-ha moment, though, I'm not nearly as worried as to what her reaction will be once she learns of our plans. We are having a friend with caregiving experience come over for those days that we're gone, to keep an eye on her and keep her company. Mom is complaining more and more of loneliness, so this will be helpful, especially if she and her designated caregiver hit it off.

The good news: I should be finished with my Moonflow by the time the conference begins, so I'll be able to take advantage of the waterslide and the heated swimming pool at the hotel! I envision myself spending a lot of time poolside, in fact.

Some vexing news: I'm registered with In Home Supportive Services, an organization run by the state of California that treats me as the "employee" of the Queen Mother, so I'm paid by the state government. Somehow, they've messed up my paycheck for the first part of the month - my income for this pay period has been "eaten up" completely by deductions. I don't understand it either, and I was counting on that money to make this vacation a smooth one! So I'll be making a phone call tomorrow morning and hope that someone merely put a decimal point in the wrong place, and this can be resolved sooner rather than later!

If it's not one thing, it's another, am I right?
And all I want right now is some dark chocolate and my mandala coloring book. :p
Ah, well. This will all work out for the best...