Day 1: an introduction

So I had a blog for many years called "Dancing in the Sky." Over the last two years or so, I had not been updating it very much, if at all. Life threw me a significant curve ball: in 2016, my husband (who I will refer to as "Himself" on the blog) was diagnosed with Colon Cancer. After two surgeries, the doctors determined it was Stage 4 Colon Cancer, which is generally not good. He signed up for an aggressive chemotherapy regimen for six months, which ended in January 2017. He is now In Remission (insert happy face here) and will be officially diagnosed as Cancer Free in about three more years.

I thought I would have a nice long time to recover from that and resume my intended trajectory in life, but no: February 2017 saw my mother (henceforth known as the "Queen Mother") diagnosed with a DVT (deep blood clot) in her left leg. She was put on Xarelto, and it was gone by October 2017. In the meantime, it became rather apparent that her mind was unravelling at a fair clip - forgetting dates and words, having great difficulty with short term memory, and key items like her address, phone number, Social Security number, and so forth. My energy switched from taking care of Himself to taking care of her. Since her initial medical adventure, she's also had a lovely bout of shingles. Add these things on top of her lifelong disability challenges, and more recent rheumatoid arthritis, and you can see that she's become quite the handful...and of course she wants to stay home, Aging In Place, for as long as she possibly can.

Right after Himself's cancer diagnosis, I thought I could take care of them both, AND hold down a full-time job. A total mental and emotional breakdown convinced me otherwise. Now I am the Queen Mother's caregiver, and I keep an eye on Himself, since he also has TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury, from several concussions, some very gnarly) and needs help in remembering stuff. There are times when I truly am taking care of two people, and it has taken a toll: for the last three-ish years, I've been dealing with Situational Depression. Basically, this means that it came on recently, due to my situation (caregiving + no job + financial challenges + my nasty tendency to isolate and solve problems "by myself" + being a total Control Freak. Oh yes, and shall we mention the miscarriage I had in 2015?). Trust me when I tell you, Situational Depression is just as nasty and horrible and pitch-black as any other species of depression out there.

You can see now why I haven't been blogging a whole lot over the past few years.

One of the bright lines that has guided me through the navigation of these Dim waters has been the blogging of Maitri Libellule. Her frank account of her triumphs and tribulations have been an absolute balm in the worst of times, helping me to remember that no, I'm not going batshit crazy, and more, that I'm NOT alone in navigating Dim waters. Last year, she set herself a gentle challenge: to blog every day for an entire year. She recently completed that challenge and invited others to do the same, as she embarks on a new journey. I chose to accept this challenge and blog alongside.

My goal in this challenge is to achieve some Consistency in my life...if I can show up here, each day, and do one blog post each day, for a year, I might get some Stability in my life that I've been lacking. With greater Stability might just come greater Reconnection, to my Motivation/Desire to Do Things (like Housework and Getting Out Into Nature), and/or to a Sense of Purpose in my life (instead of feeling like I'm in limbo and have no bloody clue as to how to emerge from it). In other words, I'm QUITE Done with the "status quo" as it has been to this point, and this just might be the ticket to start changing it.

Here is where I will advise - I will be frank. I will aim for Transparency in my posts. I will use colorful language now and again (I am married to a Sailor, after all!). I may occasionally sound repetitive, especially if I'm dealing with a chronic issue, for I'm going to be chewing on the odd bone until I snap it apart with a solution. I will post this again periodically to refresh the memory.

So if I haven't scared you off, or bored you, or whatever, come along with me on my Grand Odyssey, as I chronicle my next year or so as a Caregiver, and perhaps hit upon other topics along the way. :)