Day 362: on making it a tiny adventure

Today was Bill-Paying day, where I visited the credit union to get the cash I need to pay the homeowner's insurance, the water bill, and the gas & electric bill. As the Queen Mother is feeling better, Himself and I turned it into a fun outing day. 

In between paying bills, we stopped by Michael's, ostensibly to get some double-sided tape that would help keep Himself's kippah (the little cap he wears for religious services and during special occasions, like High Holidays) securely attached to his head. Then we took turns drooling over our special sections: he drooled over the baking & food decorating sections; I drooled over the journals and lettering in the scrapbooking section. We escaped there with our wallets intact. ;)

The topic of eating came up, so we went elsewhere in the ersatz mall to visit Firehouse Subs for the first time. I got a veggie sub and he got a turkey with avocado and cheese sub. I didn't realized the subs were toasted, so getting a warm sandwich with melting cheese was a pleasant surprise. The Five-Cheese Mac and Cheese, however, left much to be desired, and I shall be informing them of such on their website.

The bills have been paid, the tummies have been filled, the double sided tape has been secured and is being used, and I managed to get more cat litter and ice cream - you know, the important things in life. I got the Queen Mother's dinner ready, then settled down and drew my Inktober doodle for the day. I believe that I will jump on to Instagram very briefly during the weekends, just long enough to post the day's drawing, before jumping off again. I feel good about this because I'm going to be off social media for most of November, avoiding the drama llama stampedes during Mercury Retrograde. I'm three drawings in and having a lot of fun. 

Not sure how the day is going to unfold tomorrow, other than I will be completing another drawing. 

Day 361: on returning to duty

I dipped my toe back into Adulting today, paying some bills, figuring out how much I would need to withdraw to pay other bills, making phone calls, and starting to solidify my plans for who would be watching the Queen Mother while Himself and I were on vacation. I also posted a doodle of Inkblot, who was originally going to kick off Inktober, until I made that wrong turn with the avocado in my veggie wrap.

Tomorrow I will continue to reach out and contact folks on my short list to check their availability, after I go out and pay the bills. Once again, I will actually have Money Left Over when all is said and done, which is a wonderful feeling.

Now I will consider "napping" until it's time for the Queen Mother to be tucked in to bed, then I will definitely sleep soundly afterwards.

Day 304: on a manageable monday

I Got some bills paid, which always makes me feel good. Himself did some laundry, which makes him feel good. Treated myself to some frozen yogurt and sat outside, because that's how Jaguars thrive. Veggie gyoza that I fried and steamed myself + veggie ramen noodles = fun in my belly for dinner.

On the flip side, there were some very Heavy moments in the day that I had to breathe through. I was planning to stay home and let Himself go to his Cardiac session alone, until he realized he had a business meeting (not Alano Club oriented, for once!) that he needed to atttend. So it looks like I will be joining him tomorrow. I would like to get back in the exercise groove and keep my health momentum going! :)

I'm also going to see if I can get Inkblot's harness tomorrow. He's adjusting okay, but I know he misses his Outdoor Adventure time. 

Day 293: on wading through the molasses

I ran out of my regular chai tea I get from Trader Joe's, so I needed to sniff around in my tea tins. I found a bag with a couple of teabags from (I believe) the Republic of Tea company. I don't know what flavor it was, but it was very tasty. It went very well with my Morning Pages today.

I needed all of the delights I could get, for today was a Heavy day off and on. My Depression is convinced that this is as good as it's going to get, so Giving Up would be a good idea. I steadfastly ignored it and did some decent Adulting instead: updating my to-do list, sorting through mail, dealing with paperwork, making return phone calls.

I managed to get a hold of a woman in the PACE program that St. Paul's church runs. (No, you don't have to be Catholic to benefit. They helped out my local uncle and his family and he was Presbyterian.) They primarily help with medical support, and some adult day care. I am bookmarking them because the Queen Mother doesn't need that level of help at this moment - and getting her over to a daycare situation would be challenging at best, with her chronic pain issues.

Himself was invited to speak at a meeting tonight, so I went with him. Getting out actually helped lighten me up a bit, as I felt a bit more Reconnected with life and the world. He will need the car tomorrow, as he will be pinch-hitting at the Club for an evening shift, so I will be staying home. I'm going to try to see about tackling the kitchen and a bit of recycling, which should, in turn, help my frame of mind. 

Day 275: on getting my act together

My plans changed today when the Queen Mother arose briefly, said she was not feeling well at all, and went back to bed. I made her some Jello and stayed home with her while Himself went to our Sunday support group. I enjoyed some egg sandwiches I made for myself, and I also made one for Himself as well.

The Queen Mother seemed to get better as the day went on, and had a bit more to eat. I am getting concerned, though, since these weird "spells" of hers are getting more frequent and more intense. They might also be tied to insomnia, as she mentioned that she didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Fortunately we have a doctor's appointment for her already scheduled for Tuesday, so we will definitely be bringing this up in conversation.

In truth, I was glad to stay home today, because I needed to get myself together and make the copies of the necessary paperwork that I am going to be dropping off tomorrow at the Credit Union. Yesterday I pulled together everything I needed to make copies of, which turned out not to be as hard as I thought it would be.

Not only did I finish off that task, but I also updated one of my budget spreadsheets and pulled the call log for the last few months. These items are for our legal and financial advisor, who may or may not become a significant player in all of this. We have an appointment to revisit her next Monday.

Tomorrow shall feature a visit to the credit union for both myself and Himself, to discuss a few matters and get some cash to pay a couple of bills. Then I will have a better idea of where I stand for the rest of the month. After all of the adulting is finished, we will head down for the next Cardiac session. I am looking forward to these workouts now, as I feel they are helping me to improve in both body and mind. 

Perseverance is my new word now. As Himself attempts to get positive results for his cases, I am doing my own legwork, focusing on getting some help for the Queen Mother (and myself if at all possible). I need to keep going and play out this game to whatever end awaits us; rolling over and praying that it all goes away is no longer an option.

Besides the physical legwork, I am also investing in some spiritual legwork as well: journaling deeply about all the Shadows that rise and ebb away, and meditating on the matters at hand in order to receive Divine Guidance. That's where I got the whole concept of Perseverance, in fact :)

Tomorrow I will be able to hit the ground running and start taking care of some very necessary business. Hopefully I will be met halfway.

Day 241: on a whitewater ride

Stepping back into the normal flow of Life these days...

Yesterday was a good day to finish cleaning up the kitchen. Today was a good day to pay some bills, which I did. We are now current on some things, almost so on others. I was feeling pretty good about the flow until I got today's mail. There was a monkey wrench contained therein: a "love note" from our credit union kindly asking for the past due amount on our Home Equity Line of Credit if we did not want them to consider foreclosing on our condo.

We had opened up this HELOC in 2015 to get our bills under control, ironically enough. It worked until Himself was diagnosed with colon cancer, and the Odyssey began. Even so, the wheels didn't start to wobble too badly until the end of last year/start of this year, when it all started to become Too Much financially, and we had to start making Significant Choices...all because we are (still!) waiting to see how the bureaucratic side of the Veteran's Administration is going to resolve Himself's carpal-tunnel claim (They agreed that he had it in his right hand, but he has it documented in both of his hands - and he is left-handed!).

To my credit, I didn't panic or break down. My first thought, in fact, was along the lines of, Well this is bloody inconvenient, especially since our main focus is on the upcoming fumigation next week. My second thought was to see what we could work out with the credit union; after all, we've worked out solutions for every other obstacle that's crossed our path. The truth is, though, if we don't hear from someone in DC by the end of this month, things are really going to start hurting. I'm saying that I'm saving up my panic till month's end, and am only half-joking in this.

In other news, we made it to City Hall, and the kind staff looked at us cross-eyed when we asked them about Public Records. They don't have them there; perhaps at the County office? I know for sure that office really don't have anything to offer, so I will need to wait to see what the Queen Mother's doctor's office has to say. It is terribly ironic that I can look up the marriage record of my paternal great-grandfather from the start of the 20th Century but cannot seem to find any note about mom becoming officially "disabled" some twenty years ago! 

I am still hoping to get some pruning done tomorrow, even though it looks like both Himself and I are going to be making a few phone calls. The summit of the mountain is so close, yet so far, in the latest glimpse through the mists.

Day 238: on a strong finish to the week

I'm feeling pretty good about how this day went. 

I faxed the fumigation paperwork over to the pest control folks, and finally got the ball rolling on seeing whether I could get a letter from the Queen Mother's doctor's office to say she was disabled before she started receiving her Social Security. Whether or not they can is another matter entirely, as the office manager said she would have to do "a little research." Wait, you mean you might have records about my mother that you didn't send to me when I requested them?? (note to self: look over what I received from the Queen Mother's doctor One More Time!)

In between the administrative items, I tackled the kitchen and significantly improved its state. I also cleared out a lot of trash and recycling, so the chaos has been repelled for now. All of the work got me my thirty minutes of exercise for the day.  :)

This evening Himself and I paid a visit to the synagogue. It's a bit of a challenge, balancing our firm commitments vs. our desired activities, and what can be exchanged for what else. The service was small, but very heartfelt and fulfilling. The schmoozing afterward was a bit more political than I generally like, but Himself was right at home: he has an opinion and is not afraid to share it! We came home a bit latr than expected, but that's okay. Our agenda for tomorrow is pretty open.

I wind down with the intention to Unplug for the weekend, as usual, so there will be a couple of shorter posts...or I might write something in depth on Sunday evening. I will see what I feel like come then. 

Day 224: on finishing strong

I rose to the occasion today, making some of my necessary phone calls, finding a new lead or two, and keeping some balls rolling. I washed my hair (which is one of my new barometers for a successful day), got some groceries, and hit up my/our weekly meetings. I handled today Like a Boss.

My renewed vigor was partly the result of the chillaxing day I had yesterday, and partly a suggestion that I followed: Write a Letter to (Your Higher Power). Between writing that letter, reading it aloud, and the meditation I was inspired to do afterwards, I had a significant Come to Mama moment. I experienced a profound Reconnection, and woke up today feeling more grounded and centered than I have in quite a while.

The second part of the suggestion is to take a quiet contemplative walk. I think I can manage that tomorrow, before the next round of rain moves in. The trick might be to get away for a few moments By Myself! I'll see what I can do.

Suddenly Life doesn't seem quite so Heavy, so I'll go with this Flow for now. :) 

Day 160: on some (more) good adulting

First up today was Inkblot's vet appointment. The good news: he got his drain tube removed. The bad news: he still has some sutures in place, so he will need to wear his cone for one more week. No one is happy about that, least of all him.

Once we got back, I had a late breakfast, then "stood guard" for the Queen Mother while she showered. She said she felt much better today, so that's good. I'm toying with the idea to build in a bit of "downtime" while Himself and/or I am running around taking care of errands, and on days when we don't have to do anything, staying with mom to keep her company. Once we get the money flowing once again, then we can bring in someone once or twice a week so I can get some much needed Respite. I feel (today) like I'm willing to do that.

Speaking of money, today I made several phone calls to work a little more magic to feed the wolves at the door, and they worked. Everyone was willing to work with me. I also found that I could resubmit the form to mom's doctor's office, and they would be willing to dig further back into her records, so I will get that ball rolling post haste.

One appointment tomorrow, in Oceanside, and then we will be free to consider when the best time will be to stop by the beach over the weekend, as the weather will be lovely, and I could definitely use some Doin Nothin by the Ocean! :)

Day 158: on clearing the "backlog"

I managed to take care of a few things that I wasn't able to take care of last week, with all of the craziness unfolding around me. One of the phone calls I made was to the DMV to see what had happened to the paperwork I requested last month. Would you believe they said they had already sent it out on February 20th? They assured me they would reprint the information today and resend it tomorrow.

I have also sighted the summit of the mountain. Himself managed to reach his VA attorney, who said they were actually going to submit their case in the next two weeks, and that we should have at least a verdict by the end of April. With Mercury in retrograde, we want them to take all the time they need to make sure all of their ducks are in a row. So the summit is a little further up than I thought it would be, but I have an endpoint here as well. Now I need to conjure up some Loaves and Fishes magick on my end, so I can get some bills paid.

I'm still edging out of Survival Mode, and writing around the thoughts and feelings that are arising. More on this as I continue processing.

Inkblot is finally interested in Going Outside, but he is still under "house arrest" until the Cone of Shame is removed. Hopefully the vet will be able to remove his drain on Thursday, which will make him feel better. I brushed him today, as he hasn't been able to groom himself while wearing his cone.

I am still rather Tired, so I think I will sign off here. I will definitely have more to share tomorrow.

Day 146: on squaring up

Today both Himself's and the Queen Mother's monthly payments arrived, so we were able to pay some bills! We got the most important ones squared away (for a hot minute), and I was able to take a few steps to lighten the financial load which always swings around at the start of the month. I need to make a couple more phone calls tomorrow, but I'm breathing a lot easier tonight than I have been for the past few days.

We got as many errands done as we could today because Himself is going to be "occupied" tomorrow with his appointments, and I'm going to be driving him home. While we were out, we picked up a few items to help him with his Clear Liquid Diet requirement today: lemon-lime Jello (he can't eat any of the red gelatins prior to his appointments), chicken broth, and some lemon-flavored Crystal Light to add to the prep he has to drink in order to clean out his innards. It's euphemistically called GoLytely because it has electrolytes in it. Himself has suggested more than once that it should be renamed "Go (very) Hard." He uses a slightly different word in the middle to describe it. ;)

To his credit, he has finished drinking half of the prep per the directions the VAMC gave to him, and let's just say he's letting the noxious concoction do its work. (I haven't had the pleasure of getting a colonoscopy yet, but in about three years or so, we will be trading places, I'm sure.)

I'm not sure how much I will be writing in tomorrow's entry, because we're going to have to get up super early and it might be a bit before everything settles down. I'm going to try really hard to get a nap in when we get home in the afternoon! Between now and then, here's hoping that they don't find any more "suspicious" polyps. So far, so good...and we intend for it to STAY that way!

Day 122: on honoring my instincts

Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor, and today I chose to reschedule just about everything that required me to leave the house. A cold rainy day + the start of my Moonflow = significant introversion and zero tolerance for bureaucratic ineptitude. I knew that if we were to go to the Social Security office today, there was a fair chance that I would be arrested, or politely escorted off the property at the very least, as my claws were Out.

I did have to do some grocery shopping, getting a few essentials for all parties of the household, and we were fortunate to get in, out, and done before the rains began in earnest. It rained early in the morning, then stopped until mid-afternoon, and has been going on and off since. It's supposed to rain tomorrow as well, then we get a few days to dry out before the next system pays a visit on Saturday.

I also managed to print out the medical release form for the Queen Mother, and enter my timesheet for the second half of January, so I managed to Adult a little. Mainly it's been trying very hard to stay "civil" to the rest of the family, and not go postal on them. (This arises from a deep desire simply to be Left Alone while I go about the very important task of Bleeding.)

Tomorrow, Himself has some appointments, one of them being an eye exam, where they will probably want to dilate his pupils. So I will make an effort to go with and drive him back home. Wish me luck...

Day 75: on summarizing another good day

I made it to my chiropractic appointment in plenty of time, and felt better afterwards. I'm going to see if I can return after the new year to get my spine re-aligned still further.

After I had my breakfast, I made it out to the post office. The self-serve kiosk was down, doubtless after being overwhelmed with so many holiday shipments, so I had to get in the "full service" line and paid a grand total of 71 cents to get my Very Important Papers mailed to Sacramento to see if I can get those October paychecks (that were gobbled up by the evil Share of Cost) re-sent to me.

From there, it was a trip to Walmart to pick up a few necessities. I'm down to a little more than a dollar in ye olde bank account, but no worries, I'm going to be submitting another timesheet tomorrow.

Post-dinner, I loaded up the dishwasher and turned it on, then settled into my mandala coloring book to work on a special Solstice mandala. I have to take occasional breaks when I'm coloring, because my mind is considering different colors in the patterns, and sometimes it takes me a while to choose which color is going where! So far, though, it's always turned out well, at least in my opinion.

I was delayed in posting this evening because I had to some proofreading for Himself in a project he's working on. Gotta trim up those run-on sentences! ;) Perhaps tomorrow I'll wax a bit more eloquently and at length. I've been mulling over a few things as the year draws to a close, and I have a few thoughts to share...

Day 73: on having a "gold star" day

I woke up this morning feeling a lot lighter than I had over the weekend. It took a bit to get my tea, write in my Morning Pages, and have my breakfast, but I didn't feel rushed, nor did I really need to.

With Himself taking care of business in San Diego, I got in some good Adulting today: I paid off a key bill with the money that hit my account this morning, and I have a bit left over. I filled out two of the three forms that I needed to fill out, and they will be mailed off tomorrow morning. The third form is saved onto my computer to get filled out later. I also washed my hair today, which means I won't need to worry about washing it tomorrow, before I head out for lunch with a friend, and take care of some more business at the VA with Himself.

I am beginning to feel more hopeful and less melancholy as I slowly refill my cup and ease back into life. 2018 feels like a Bottoming Out year, stopping the descent I began in 2014 - long story which I might be inclined to summarize as I move through the Year's End. Let me journal upon it first...

Himself stayed down in San Diego till the Evening Commute was over, then did me the favor of grabbing a few necessities on the way back home. It has rained lightly this evening, enough to dampen the sidewalks and give the grass a little watering. We weren't sure if it was going to rain or not today, and it usually hasn't in the past, so to see some actual rain was a bit of a treat.

I'll see if I can get to bed after I tuck the Queen Mother in, because as I mentioned above, a busier day lies ahead tomorrow.

Day 69: on flowing with the go

As accomplished as I feel when I am able to get some Adulting done, I feel even more accomplished when I can Adult during my Moonflow. When I bleed, I become significantly Introverted, and generally don't want anything to do with the world until I am complete. I have found that the more I am able to relax at home, the more willing I am to Adult, for short periods of time, during my Moonflow.

So, today's Adulting...

I have turned in one of my timesheets to IHSS for processing. I have been assured up- down-and-sideways that the dreaded Share of Cost is not there at the moment, so we will see what happens. Goddess knows that whatever money I can get would come in super handy!

I also talked to the Medi-Cal peeps today. I don't think the nice lady quite understood what we were appealing, but that's okay. I did get my significant question answered: yes, they could stop paying the Queen Mother's Medicare Part B (which pretty well makes up the difference between where we are and where we need to be), and she would get under the Poverty Line again. As soon as she would be approved, though, the state would step in and start paying her Part B, which would put her back over the line. It's an all-or-nothing arrangment, basically...and unfortunately. (I had to ask, though). The PS on this is that the hearing will take place the day after Christmas, on the 26th.

I managed to get some wiggle room for our electric bill, so if Nothing Else, we'll be able to keep the power on. Ths also means I'll be able to keep a little more cashola in my pocket, which is always a very good thing. Next up is printing up an assistance form for the HELOC that we have, to see if I can work any magic with that situation.

See, one thing I acknowledge, besides being challenged by The Unexpected, is a tendency to become overwhelmed by looking at the Big Picture and thinking I have to solve it All At Once. Not so! I am using my new mantra, What's to Be Done Now, and taking apart my problem into its various components, then tacking one thorny bit at a time.

Right now, we are awaiting the completion of Himself's personal injury chiropractic regimen; when that is done, his attorney will pursue the settlement. The chiropractor says he will be finished with this phase of treatment by the end of March. Based on that, we're thinking we'll get that settlement sometime in May or June. The bad news: we're going to be floating down this river for another 4-6 months. The good news: I now have a fairly firm Timeline that I can maneuver with, and make arrangements with. Wish me luck, friends, because I'm going to need all of it I can get!

And I didn't think I would be able to rustle up any words for this blog entry today. HA! ;) 

Day 67: on adulting

I pat myself on the back today for getting some Adulting done successfully. I beat the Depression back with my walking stick. ;)

I made some challenging phone calls. I didn't get all the answers I had hoped for, but the calls are done, and I have a better idea of what things look like.

I also did a load of laundry and got some much needed groceries. I have enough that I could get by with a few things here and there, and Himself could probably do some culinary improvisation as well. Even the cats have a basic routine that doesn't cost a horrible amount of money.

The Queen Mother is the most significant challenge: she know what she wants, and waivers very little from what she wants. I have noticed, however, she's become a little less picky in the past few weeks. Either she doesn't remember what she's wanted in the past, or she's stopped complaining about her dietary options (preferring to save her complaints for how "messy" the house is). Either way, I'm grateful for the extra wiggle room, and do what I can to save money.

Change of pace tomorrow: caregiver support group (yay!), plus an appointment or two. Himself and I are also going to meet with one of our friends to talk some shop and possibly brainstorm on ideas.

By degress, Hope returns... :)