getting through

Well, I managed to grab the salad fixings for the Turkey Day potluck dinner last week at the Alano Club, along with what I needed to hunker down through the holiday to get to the other side. I was all ready to brave the rain and the crazy driving with Himself last Thursday, until I was unexpectedly hurtled into Moontime. I still managed to make the salad and sent it off with Himself, and he brought back leftovers for me and the Queen Mother. Most of that day, though was spent flat on my back, in bed, with much napping.

It's not that I'm doubled over in pain when my Moonflow really gets going. Yes, I feel cramps, but they're more intense than actually painful, and that's only for the first day or two. What really stops me in my tracks is the feeling of all of my free energy retreating into my uterus and staying there, from a day or two before I actually start,  until the flow starts to ebb after a couple of days of significant bleeding. Adding to the fun is the dark river of emotions that rises close to the surface, instead of flowing in the depths of my mind. This time around, I was reacquainted with my Anger. Some of my boundaries still felt disregarded and stepped upon, and they were not happy about that. When I was awake, it was a good time for some Shadow Work - mainly in acknowledging that Yes, I was feeling these feelings, and Yes, these feelings are Valid. 

When I need to, and when I'm given enough warning, I can pull myself together sufficiently to go out into the world while in my Moontime. I got the (ahem) "opportunity" to skim along in the Black Friday shopping frenzy because cats need to eat and poop in their litter box, and people need to eat too. I managed to cross just about everything off of our grocery lists, and happily melted back into bed once we got home. It was good to ride the energetic waves to get the shopping done, and it was just as good to leave the waves behind and return to calm smooth waters.

The page has now turned to December, and with the new month came the all-important Blood Draw plus CT Scan for the Queen Mother. We did that earlier today, and it will probably take another day or two for her to recover. Her big challenges are 1) her diminutive stature, and 2) the osteoarthritis in her legs, which all but eliminates any range of motion. Just about all the medical equipment is scaled for folks at least five feet in height, and she's below that threshold by a good half-foot. She was in a great deal of pain when she returned home and was swearing up-down-and-sideways that she wouldn't be doing anything like that Ever Again. She has since napped and eaten, so her attitude has perked up a bit.

These tests will tell us if there is a specific species of Dementia in her brain, or if it's all just aggressive Cognitive Impairment. At the very worst, we will continue to slog along as we have been; at best, we will be able to access resources specific to certain Dementias once we have an official diagnosis in hand. I am looking for an answer, even if there is no obvious answer to be had. I should know the results sometime this week.

We are drying out again and anticipating a bit more rain this week, but not in the quantities that we've had the past two weeks. I'm keeping my shoes and socks handy. ;)

my little friend, anxiety

The day shifted early, as Himself had planned on getting up very early for a morning meeting down at the Alano Club, but his get-up-and-go refused to cooperate. He also had a Club Executive Committee meeting this evening, so he opted to attend that instead.

Before he left, we needed to get a few grocery essentials. At the start of the day, I wasn't sure if I would be able to get cat food, but thanks to a tiny money miracle, I was. This Need to Get Cat Food probably contributed to the Low-Key Anxiety I felt today, some of which was not mine. At one point, I smudged our room with sage - something which is rapidly becoming a daily practice - and felt better.

Another contributing factor is probably the Santa Ana winds which are blowing all week this week, raising temperatures, lowering humidity, and increasing the fire risk. I know of some fires that were burning north of us in the Pacific Palisades area a day or so ago. We see a lot of the Santa Ana winds blowing in from the desert this time of year, and twice in recent years (in 2004 and 2007), we've had our own big wildfire experiences in San Diego, not to mention a few dozen smaller ones.

I will see if I can do a bit more huswifery tomorrow, as the anxiety threw me a bit off stride today. I do give myself credit for getting a full shower in, which basically means I washed my hair. Very important to do when I can't remember when I last washed it! ;)

Day 365: on "running away from home" + what comes next

Himself had arranged to train a new volunteer about opening up the Club and working at the coffee bar today. I thought, Wouldn't it be nice to join him and have some breakfast before we headed back home? So I woke up bright and early (thanks again to our fuzzy alarm clocks, aka the cats) and had enough time to wash my hair before getting the Queen Mother's breakfast put together and hitting the road. There was almost no traffic to speak of as we headed down to San Diego.

Here's the Plot Twist: the new volunteer never showed up today. We did have our Yummy Sunday breakfast, courtesy of take out from the cafe two doors down from us. I had a breakfast sandwich, which was decent but not great. Himself had scrambled eggs with country style potatoes and toast. We each got an orange slice and a cantaloupe slice; I gave him my cantaloupe (as I can't stand them) and took his orange (as he can't digest it with his "semicolon").

Then it was up to me to choose what to do. The Dutiful Daughter wanted to go home and be with the Queen Mother and do the laundry, but the Loyal Wife wanted to stay with Himself at the Club. This time, the Loyal Wife won, and I jokingly said I had "run away" from home. We wound up staying for the entire "morning" shift, then Himself briefed the "evening" shift volunteer about what was going on. I think we finally left about 3:30, did a couple of errands, and got home about an hour later. The next order of business was dinner, which Himself took care of for himself, and I took care of for the Queen Mother, the cats, and myself.

I don't regret staying with Himself today. If anything, I would have been peeved if he had gone down by himself and then been unable to come back up because of the no-show. I made the best out of the curveball Life had thrown my way.

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So, now that I have reported on the day, normally this would be the time I would sum up and log off. However, this is the last blog entry of the 365-day challenge that I set out upon exactly one year ago today. I've pleasantly surprised myself by blogging every single - less one - day in this challenge. I have gained a sense of Consistency from doing this daily posting, even if it hasn't always translated over into my Real Life adventures. It was my through-line to get through the deepest and Heaviest of my feelings, and saw me out of the long dark tunnel and to the other side. That bit I think I'll share more about in the near future.

Moving forward, I'm not going to blog every day. I will blog more than once a week. 3 times, possibly 4, sounds doable. I will be non-blogging every weekend for sure, and as a heads-up, I'm going to be offline most of, if not all of, November, as Mercury Retrograde starts on the 31st of this month. Yep, we kick it off on Halloween/Samhain this year (ooh, scary)! I'm also going to drop the day counter and the "on..." conceit of the title, and title things in a more straightforward fashion.

For those who have traveled with me this far: we did it! And I will still read your blogs. Switching phones, though, knocked out my ability to comment on other Wordpress blogs, so I will have to use Messenger instead.

With that, I will see y'all tomorrow for sure. The pace of blogging might slow a bit, but the pace of Life definitely is not. ;)

Day 354: on shifting focus

The Queen Mother might say she's a bit better, but she is still mid-episode with her gallstones. She took another nap mid-day, waited a while before having me get her dinner ready, yet seemed to perk up a little at night so she can watch her programs. Although she said it was all right for me to go work out with Himself today, I don't feel right leaving her alone for long periods of time, especially when she's like this, so I stayed home.

Himself wound up not working out today. Yesterday was a long day for him, and he didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Besides being tired, his sinuses were acting up on him, so he didn't get moving until late. He had a combination endoscopy/sigmoidoscopy on Friday, but he needs to reschedule it because of some of the heart medications he is on, and we need better instructions as to how to proceed. He will be calling to reschedule tomorrow, and will see if he can't get a fresh appointment before his next oncology appointment mid-October. Personally, I'm not holding my breath.

Speaking of appointments, when I called Rite-Aid to schedule the Queen Mother's Prolia injection, not only did they not have it on record, but they said the woman who called me did not work at their Pharmacy! A follow up call to Dr. M's office revealed that we are going to a totally different pharmacy, so I looked them up on Google and left a message on their voicemail. I never got a call back today, so I will try again tomorrow before I do laundry.

I did manage to review my to-do lists today, shift a few things around, prioritize some other things, and set myself some reminders for tomorrow and early next week. I'm easing my way back into the "administrative" parts of my life, slowly, for I acknowledge I'm still burnt out in many aspects of my mind and my life, and this is one of them.

Besides laundry, I'm not sure what will unfold tomorrow, but that's okay. It feels like I'm entering the Next Phase of this Odyssey, and my main task will be to restore Balance in my life - perfectly appropriate for Libra Season. :)

Day 350: on feeling a little off

Today was unusual. I have finished my Moontime physically, but my mind feels like it's still back in the menstrual hut. It's an odd feeling of Disconnect, inevitable now that my circumstances have shifted, and are most likely shifting again. I have a question floating about in my awareness: Who am I now? I remember all of my dreams, desires, and plans, but they don't carry the same oomph that they once did. I am floating on the surface of the ocean and I have no idea which way to go next.

Instead of panicking or getting upset, I see this as an opportunity to sit and listen to myself, the deep stirrings of my spirit, and see what wants to arise. The only thing I did of any importance was catch up a bit in my Happy Yellow Book, which is becoming a place to stash oracular readings and snippets of lists, nothing serious, but whimsical.

I am grateful to have an opportunity to mingle with my sisters tomorrow as I join in the celebration of the Equinox. This does not make the Queen Mother happy, as I am leaving the house and leaving Himself "in charge." Of course she wants me to be with her 24/7, but I have a life I need to live as well. Caregiving may be a part of my life these days, but it isn't the totality of my life...something I am having an easier time remembering.

So I move further into the Autumnal days and towards the new moon with curiosity, as it is time for me to consider my harvest, and separate the wheat from the chaff.

Day 333: on some unexpected learning

Himself and I went to the Cardiac Rehab Center today, but did not work out. Instead, we took a CPR training class. It wasn't official or certified, but I had never had a class in CPR before, and it was a good introduction to the topic. We spent about an hour and a half learning what to do in cases of cardiac arrest for adults, children, and infants. I feel more informed about CPR now and I believe I could help save a life if necessary.

I did get one point clarified: the Queen Mother has a Do Not Resuscitate order in her medical records, so if the worst happened, I would not be doing CPR on her. She had made it very clear, almost on a daily basis, that she is "ready to go" and doesn't want any medical treatment that would prolong her life. As hard as it will be, I need to respect her wishes.

Other than that, today was rather calm and normal. I appreciate that.

Tomorrow we will try again to get a workout in. Depending on when we wake up, I'm going to be doing a load of laundry as well. We'll shoot for early, but see what happens.

Day 325: on fitting things in

Himself had the idea to take our old water jugs back to Palomar Water and switch them out for a pair of full ones. When we got to the office, there were a couple of refurbished models on sale for decent prices, cash only. Himself paid $30 to upgrade us to a hot-and-cold water dispenser. True to their advertising, the hot water was hot and the cold water was cold. I thought briefly about returning my Groovy Teapot, but both Himself and the Queen Mother said I should keep it, so I will. Besides, I owe y'all a picture of it at least. 

As we were leaving for Palomar Water, Inkblot tried to sneak out of the house. I caught him and put him back inside before he had gotten too far, but because he was showing interest, I put his harness on him and took him outside after we got back. He sat for a long time in the shade, then abruptly stood up and began to walk to the left. I let him lead me around, so he wound up taking me for a walk to the other side of the complex. He ate some grass, then looked like he was starting to eye the back fence to see if he could jump it. 

I turned him around and took him home, carrying him half of the time, and walking with him half the time. I knew it was time for us to go home because he was starting to pant. (Yep, it was hot.) I gave him some water and treats when we finally returned, and he spent a lot of time resting on the cool tiles of the kitchen and bathroom floors. From what the Queen Mother told me, it looks like one of our next purchases will be for Pippa, as she seems to have gotten over whatever spooked her and is now interested in Going Outside once more. 

Once I had rested and had dinner, I moved to gather up the trash. All of our bins are now empty, and what hasn't gone to the complex dumpster already is waiting in the green wheeled bin in our patio, which we cart over to the main dumpster when it's full. I was happy to get that done in slightly cooler weather, before sunset. 

Tomorrow may or may not be an early day; we shall see what happens.

Day 322: on arriving at a pivot point

Stayed home again this evening, as the Queen Mother woke up nauseous and in a foul mood this morning. Her mood improved after I cleaned up in the kitchen, but the nausea lingered. I have a feeling that my ability to get out of the house for long stretches of time is going to be compromised, unless and until I can find someone to come and keep an eye on her. I will be getting in touch with my agent at the Southern California Resource Center to explore my options. My best guess is that her gallstones are not behaving and are causing her discomfort. Question is, would surgery at the age of 77 be worth it?

Another thing to think about is whether or not she could receive an injection for her osteoporosis. Her doctor's office called today and presented this option. If I recall correctly, she would only have to receive the injection twice a year, and it would be better than taking pills. I will be looking into this over the weekend and discussing this with mom to see what she wants to do. 

Tomorrow will be a deep dive into Huswifery, as I shake off some of the lethargy I've been inching my way through and bringing some much needed order to the bits of chaos around the house!

Day 316: on stepping slower

Now that I know that the Moonflow is about to begin, I can slow down without feeling guilty. I got the important things out of the way, like getting cat food and a water refill and the Queen Mother's new prescription for Fosamax. Then I was able to come home and indulge in some extended napping.

The Queen Mother then read the information sheet included with the Fosamax, and decided she wasn't going to take it, mainly 1) because it involves sitting up for 30 minutes after taking it, and that would hurt her back big time, and 2) because she's trying to avoid the side effects it specifically mentions, like constipation and nausea. She intends to write a letter tomorrow to the doctor explaining all of this; doubtless I will need to remind her of this. 

I will see what I'm up to doing tomorrow. 

Day 311: on stepping out, a little

The day started reasonably well, but slowed down a bit with Himself's sinus attack, which threatened to become a migrane. With an increase in heat and humidity, he gets miserable as his sinuses start to hurt. They got very badly screwed up in 2008 after a gnarly accident where he was hit by a car while on his bicycle; in some respects he is lucky to be alive today. Anyway, this was one of those days where I had to break out an anti-migrane pill, which alleviated the pain and pressure enough for him to return to functionality. (The more effective anti-migrane pill had to be discontinued after his heart attack, but this one seems to be working okay.)

He recovered enough to get the recycling from the Alano Club taken over to our favorite place and turned in for a bit of gas money. By the time we got back, though, it was too late for me to go to his Cardiac session with him for my workout, as it would mean we wouldn't get back to the house before 5:30 if we were lucky. So he went down and I stayed home.

The Queen Mother complained once again about the cats being "indoor prisoners." She has admitted in the past that she is projecting some of her feelings onto the cats, who seem to be adapting better to the change than she is giving them credit for. For the record, I have offered to take the Queen Mother out of the house and go do fun things, but she always declines because "it's too painful." I try. 

At any rate, I grabbed Inkblot's harness and went outside with him. Twice. The first time, he basically sniffed the air before deciding to go back inside, but the second time, he warmed up to a little wandering around. Of course, I didn't have my shoes on for the second foray, so I had to watch where I stepped! I cut the trip short when it looked like he was wanting to jump over a fence, so I brought him back in. Both times he was rewarded with treats for being a Good Boy, and I gave Pippa some treats so she wouldn't get jealous. I did promise Inkblot that I would work on taking him on Outdoor Adventures more often.

Though plans changed today, we are good to go for tomorrow for sure.

Day 304: on a manageable monday

I Got some bills paid, which always makes me feel good. Himself did some laundry, which makes him feel good. Treated myself to some frozen yogurt and sat outside, because that's how Jaguars thrive. Veggie gyoza that I fried and steamed myself + veggie ramen noodles = fun in my belly for dinner.

On the flip side, there were some very Heavy moments in the day that I had to breathe through. I was planning to stay home and let Himself go to his Cardiac session alone, until he realized he had a business meeting (not Alano Club oriented, for once!) that he needed to atttend. So it looks like I will be joining him tomorrow. I would like to get back in the exercise groove and keep my health momentum going! :)

I'm also going to see if I can get Inkblot's harness tomorrow. He's adjusting okay, but I know he misses his Outdoor Adventure time. 

Day 301: on finishing as we started

The lessons of Flexibility kept coming today, and we are finishing as we started: shuffling around ye olde To-Do List to make room for the Actual Happenings of the day.

To wit: I calculated how much I would need to pay the bills that were not automatically paid out of our account. I went to the credit union and took out the necessary funds to pay these bills. I was not, however, able to pay them today, as we went for an oil change instead. What was going to be "quick and cheap" turned out to be not so quick nor so cheap, mainly because our air filters desperately needed replacing (and why had this been overlooked by the dealership in the past? Things that make you go "hmmm.") At least Himself was able to refund me when I paid for the oil and filter change, as he went to pay and suddenly found himself without a wallet. It turns out it was in his other pair of shorts at home.

We had just enough time to return home so I could prepare the Queen Mother's dinner before we were off to San Diego and the Alano Club, bypassing the worst of the Friday commute traffic as we went. Then Himself sprung for pizza and a salad once we were there, and I was happy. Don't tell anyone else this, but I was grateful for the respite. ;) After I ate, I tended to my meeting (as I am the de facto leader on the first Friday of every month), then went back to the Club to collect Himself.

I am home now, tired and ready to rest. Tomorrow will be a decent day as we are going to get that rear windshield finally replaced! We will see what else unfolds...

Day 299: on establishing a theme

The theme of this week seems to be Flexibility.

Himself's money was deposited in his account today, so after his eye appointment, we were going to pay some bills and do an in-depth grocery run. The Universe, apparently, had other ideas: while we were having lunch, a call went out from the Alano Club (where Himself is still an active member) for someone to cover the evening shift tonight. Himself was the only person free to do that, so I needed to drive him down, because his pupils were still rather dilated from his exam. It reminded me of having the on-call pager at the answering service, back in the day: if you had it, and it went off, you either had to find someone who could cover the shift or you would have to go in yourself. No one liked having the pager for their assigned week.

For the record, everything in his eyeballs is relatively stable at this point. He does have the beginnings of cataracts, but at this time it's no biggie. We both managed to score some decent "free sunglasses," though I can't read anything when I'm wearing mine.

At any rate, I wasn't able to use our transponder to take advantage of the carpool lanes on the 15, because only carpoolers were able to use the lanes for the Northbound "evening" commute. I wasn't too delayed in getting home, but I did need to get the Queen Mother's dinner ready right after I walked in the door. She informed me that our next door neighbors dropped off a whole Rotisserie chicken for us while we were out. I was floored; the carnivores of the family would eat well tonight, and tomorrow too.

Personally, I'm in my tenth year of vegetarianism, and easing my way back into veganism. It works for me.

I picked himself up a little while ago, and he stopped into Target to get some water. He also got me a bit of dark chocolate as a token of sympathy for my challenging commute home. I appreciated it very much.

Hopefully the flux of the week will settle down a bit tomorrow. Good news, Mercury has stationed direct. Woohoo! Now I will dip my toe back into social media and catch up with the latest foster kittens! Human babies don't do a whole lot for me, but I swear some of those super cute kitten videos have made me ovulate! ;)

Day 297: on pulling it together

I started doing some Spritual work today, to see if I could strengthen my connection to Divinity and the magick of the Unseen. Today I read up on Persephone, for She is the aspect I have been resonating with quite a bit in this wild Odyssey of mine.

Himself brought some recycling home yesterday, and took it to our favorite recyclers today. Adding our can collection to what he brought home, we got a nice bit of change which went into the gas tank, and helped to buy some much needed groceries. We're looking pretty good now to finish the month.

We also switched around a few things this week, so we're in for some "early" days ahead. Looks like I'll need to practice my Imitation of a Morning Person, which I did pretty well in the days of College and Working, for it's gotten a bit rusty. I'm looking forward to getting back in the Exercise saddle besides Himself. I've found that I've dropped a bit more weight, and am just about where I was when this Caregiver odyssey began. It's been moving my body here, trimming a few calories there...and my clothes are starting to fit better as well.

For those who joined me this year: a Healthy Weight has been a challenge for me all of my life. When I met Himself, I was about 40 pounds less than I am now, having radically restrucured my eating habits. I was all but vegan, and was a Medium size for the first time in my life in clothes. (Looking back, I also see I was on the verge of becoming anorexic, so I'm glad I met someone who enjoys food as much as I do.)

Between Himself's cancer adventure, and then the Queen Mother's mind adventures added on top of that, I went on an emotional eating spree, replacing all of the weight I had dropped in previous years, and then some. It's only been within the last few months that I have returned to healthier ways of eating for me and my body type, and I am both seeing and feeling the difference.

Tomorrow begins the fun. I might, or might not, be a bit sarcastic right now. ;)

Day 292: on dealing with the "july fry"

We have officially hit the hot time of the year in my part of SoCal. Temperatures are in the low-to-mid 90's these days, and with some humidity factored in, it feels closer to triple digit heat. It's not like it is east of the Rockies, with temps in the 90's (and above!) with humidity to match, but for those who aren't fond of the heat, it's bad enough. 

Today Himself had a laundry list of things to do, starting with, appropriately enough, the laundry. His plans wound up changing fairly radically in the heat, and he wound up paring way back in his activities. I've called him "my Penguin" since I met him (he never liked heat to begin with), but after his heart attack earlier this year, his heat intolerance has gotten worse.

This wouldn't be too bad but for the fact that the Queen Mother loves the heat, since her osteoarthritis calms down enough for her to be out of constant pain. Were it strictly up to her, we might very well be living in the desert right now. All this means is that the thermostat argument is a bit more (ahem) heated these days.

Himself wisely waited until it had cooled down somewhat before going to his Cardiac session; I'm almost ready to return myself, as my Moonflow is nearly done. (Thank you perimenopause!) For dinner I indulged in my comfort food of macaroni and cheese today, with my usual salad. I took a break from my Shadow Work this evening, allowing for what I have done to process. 

Tomorrow is an open day. Right now I feel like I might try to gather up some loose ends that have been lying around for several days. Hopefully that will carry over to the next day.

Day 287: on shaking off the eclipse hangover

I started the return journey to myself, three days after the lunar eclipse shook up my second house. I took a deep dive into the Morning Pages, and felt my mind clear out and my attitude lighten up as I wrote. I have taken several deep dives in the Pages as of late; not surprising, as a lot has been on my mind.

We also (finally!) saw some Movement in Himself's cases: the VA Compensation and Pension folks have scheduled an appointment to see him early next week, to evaluate the "non existent" carpal tunnel in his left hand. His personal injury attorney then called with news that he had received a bill from the VA. As soon as Himself looks it over and makes sure they aren't trying to sneak on extra expenses, that case can finally progress as well. 

The movement I managed to do today was the laundry, for the Queen Mother and myself. I have to take everything to the laundromat to dry because, as I've mentioned previously, our dryer gave up the ghost last month. As I sat and waited, I colored some more of the mandala that I started during Himself's doctor's appointments earlier in the week. Whenever small children come in to the laundromat, they are absolutely fascinated to see an adult coloring in a coloring book. ;)

We had to skip our Friday meetings this week as Himself had some pressing business to attend to; even the Cardiac session is "rescheduled" for tomorrow. This is good because I can get back into the exercise saddle and start working out with him again.I didn't want to fall into the pattern of skipping two sessions, then four, then suddenly find myself not going anymore, which would be all too easy to do!

I did some more mandala coloring this evening, then quit. Perhaps I will finish it over the weekend. Other than the Cardiac session, I don't have any plans.

Day 285: on resettting

The cats woke me up before the alarm went off, as their bellies were wanting to be filled with breakfast. I turned on my phone after I fed them, and there was a message from Dr. M's office: today was good to go with a 10:15am appointment for the Queen Mother's ultrasound. Even when I gave her a head's up at 8:30, we barely managed to make it there on time.

The ultrasound went off without too much of a hitch. The biggest challenge was in getting the Queen Mother up on and down from the bed, but the tech and I managed that quite well. I'm neither a doctor nor a tech, so I have no real idea of what I was looking at on the screen, but my intuition was telling me something was not quite right. The tech said she couldn't give us any indications one way or another, but she said the radiologist would look at all the pretty gray pictures later on.

After we were done in Radiology, we went back up to Labcorp to get the additional blood drawn for testing. The good news, we waited only half an hour this time, and the Queen Mother passed much of the time in conversation with one of the other patients. The bad news: I didn't know until I looked in her purse that she had removed her wallet with her ID cards in it, so I didn't have any identification for her. Forturnately, between giving the receptionist her birthdate and the fact that we had visited there the week before, they were able to pull up her records and Dr. M's orders. The blood was drawn and we returned home.

After I got mom's breakfast together, I had some cheese and nuts for a lunchtime snack, then pretty well crashed. I had faced enough and my brain insisted upon a nap. So while Himself went to his next Cardiac session, I joined the Queen Mother and the cats in an extended siesta. Saturday's plans unfolded, in part, today, and I did not object.

Tomorrow Himself has a couple of appointments, including the all important Oncology Follow Up, at the VA Medical Center, so I will be getting up early-ish once more. There will be a caregiver support group in the afternoon, which I will try very hard to make. I am definitely needing a check in with my peeps!

Day 283: on a furious flip-flop day

Lots of Seat of the Pants choices that needed to be made! We started out with one agenda and wound up with another. The Cardiac session was the only thing that didn't wind up changing. We added weight training to the aerobic components today; Himself has his own ideas as to what to tone up, but I want to start working on my "chicken wings," those gathering places of fat from 'pit to elbow, and see if I can't shrink them just a bit. 

As we were starting on our way home, Dr. M's office called the home number, NOT my cell number, and left a message asking if we could bring the Queen Mother in tomorrow morning at 10:15? Not only did I not receive the message until after 5:00, when it was too late for me to return the call, I have told them, several times, my cell phone is the best way to reach me! I have half a mind to tell them to get rid of the landline number entirely!

At any rate, I will wake up when the cats want First Breakfast (or 8am, whichever comes first), and call them to say that Won't Work, as we had already said yes to another commitment (which will help us out quite a bit!) because we didn't know about their request. I'm also halfway ready to ask them to refer us out to a nearby Radiology center with a more open schedule!

I'm hoping to get a few more phone calls made tomorrow as well, once we are home and settled in the afternoon. I know I'll be able to work it all out - having said that, I needed a bit of extra Quiet Time this evening after fixing the Queen Mother's dinner and eating my own, and then digesting. A lot of change in a short period of time left my head spinning, and I needed to Decompress.

Tomorrow will be a good day, whatever chooses to unfold for us.

Day 282: on trying to catch my breath

Himself felt better after sleeping off most of most of his migrane, and talked me into visiting our Sunday Support Group. We were later than usual, but we made it, and it did feel good to check in and be witnessed.

Afterwards, we did some grocery shopping today so we wouldn't have to worry about running around tomorrow, post Cardiac session. There are still a few things I will need to get, but not too much.

I have felt very Heavy much of the day. At one point I realized that I was missing the life that I had before Himself's cancer experience, before the unraveling of the Queen Mother's mind. Though I cried most of my tears yesterday, I found a few more today, and let them flow. 

Right now my main concern is to figure out what, if anything, is going on with the Queen Mother. Second to that is to get the All Clear for another three months from Himself's oncologist. These are the things I am going to focus on this week, and whatever else I can get done will be a bonus. 

Back to the grind tomorrow...

Day 276: on a promising start

I'm not sure if I hit the ground running, exactly, but it was fluid movement from task to task today, so that was a good thing.

While Himself was on the computer after showers and breakfasts, I made an "Executive Decision" to go get cat food and other essentials By Myself. This way, I could address my latent Time Anxiety by doing what I needed to do and not have to worry about waiting on anyone else before getting to the doing. That part was successful.

Once I got back home, Himself was ready to go, so we stopped off at the credit union. I dropped off my paperwork and got some money for bills, and he disputed a payment that was withdrawn from his account without his consent. Though the bills were ready to go, they didn't get paid today. One day more or less won't make a huge difference, though.

Himself and I got good workouts in today. I wound up working out for the equivalent of four miles: one on the cross trainer, one on the recumbent elliptical, one on the hand bike, half a mile on the stationary bike, and half a mile on the treadmill. I am beginning to challenge myself on some of the machines now. 

Though we are officially in "Vacation Season," there were a couple of accidents in the carpool lanes, so we had to take surface streets to bypass the worst of the traffic. By the time we finished the latest Cardiac session and navigated our way home, it was nearly 6:00! Fortunately the Queen Mother wasn't too upset, as she isn't quite back to feeling her usual self. I set about to get her dinner together, then made myself some spaghetti dinner with a nice salad.

I had a good start today, even if I spent some decent time juggling all of the tasks I need to see about getting done this week. Moving on to tomorrow, and the Queen Mother's next doctor's appointment!