Day 225: on stepping out

I got my contemplative walk in! It was so nice to be out in the fresh air and sunshine!

I went to Kit Carson Park - not the wildest of places, but they have a neat duck pond, which I have shared about previously. There were ducklings today swimming about with their moms and practicing their diving skills. As it was May, they were no longer the tiny cute fuzzy ducklings, but I identified them by their peeps and their slightly smaller size than the mature ducks.

I also took a small walk about the park, saving a long hike for another day. What struck me most was towards the end of my sojourn, when I saw an orange tree that had been previously burnt (?) that had new growth in its center, and was producing oranges again. It was in bloom, and the orange blossoms smelled Divine. I felt that tree was a lot like me: scorched by calamity in the past, but with new growth arising from its center today.

I find my Serenity and Inner Peace when I can step out of the Nonsense and Cacaphony of the human world, and connect directly with the Natural World, whether in a forest, at the beach, or even a semi-wild park. As I walk upon the bosom of Mother Earth, observing my Wild Relatives, I come back home to myself.

I have been needing to do this for some time, and I am needing to remember to do this more often. So I shall set down my Intention and see what happens. :)

Day 156: on the "23 hour" day

Daylight Savings Time has kicked in for most of the US, and there are half a dozen articles online saying why it's "bad" for you, but does anyone care?

It will take me a few days to get adjusted to it, as I don't like losing an hour of sleep at night, and I will be a bit crankier than usual for about a week or so. On the other hand, there's a part of me that will be very happy seeing sunlight after 7pm, even if it's only the last bit of light blue sky after sunset, at present.

We planned ahead and sprang the clocks forward before we went to bed; even so, we were a bit late making it to our Sunday support group meeting, as it took forever for everyone to get out of bed and get going, so much that I was beginning to snap and snarl before I stopped and focused my attention completely on my breakfast.

After the support group, we made a stop at Walmart to get cat food and fresh kitty litter, as both cats are going to make significant use of the litterbox for the next two weeks, while Inkblot heals up. He took his meds like a champ this morning, swallowing them down and everything. I praised him effusively.

I drove Himself to a meeting about halfway between home and San Diego this evening. (As much as I like being in control behind the wheel, I will be happy when I no longer have to be his chauffer.) When we got to our destination, we were greeted by a symphony of frogs, that had no doubt been rejuvinated by the rain. They are in luck, as there is more rain scheduled for tomorrow and possibly Tuesday before we dry out and heat up a bit once again. 

As soon as I can tuck the Queen Mother in for the night, I will be passing out myself. I have a feeling we will all sleep very soundly tonight.

Day 143: on plugging back in

It did me a world of good to Unplug yesterday and return to reading to fill the time!

Besides reading several sections of the newspaper yesterday, I also returned to a book I started a few months ago, Passages in Caregiving by Gail Sheehy. A great pity I didn't know about this book when I was starting this Odyssey, as it would have helped to allay some of my early concerns. I have it now, though, and I am picking up valuable tidbits of insight and wisdom as I read. :)

I plugged back in this morning and found that my money had arrived, so grocery shopping we went. There were a couple of surprises today, one quirky and cute, the other not so much. First, when I moved my bags a bit closer to the groceries on the conveyer belt as we were checking out, we found a small grasshopper hitching a ride! Was it there all along or did it stow away in one of our bags? That I don't know, but it wound up hopping onto me as I tried to coax it into a roll of paper towels, so I borrowed the roll and went outside to deposit the little bug into the bushes outside of the store. I did return the paper towels to the cashier afterwards.

On the way home, things got a little scary - some dude jumped out of the passenger door of a black car in front of us. With a baseball bat in hand, he proceeded to bang savagely on the rear bumper of the burgundy pickup trunk in front of us. I have no idea why. When the pickup truck pulled off into a dirt lot a little further down the road, a woman got out of the truck and started looking behind us, as though she was looking for the black car. We didn't see the car behind us, but that was enough for Himself to call 911 and report the whole incident as we continued on our way home.

It wasn't until I was waiting for my dinner to heat up that I realized I was more shaken up than I had given myself credit for; how often do you see some random act of road rage unfold before you in traffic? I'm more than happy to stay home tonight, thank you, and I'm wondering if perhaps I shouldn't start practicing a bit of protective shielding again. :-O

I'm not sure if I'm going to get much constructive done tonight. Tomorrow feels like a better day to pick up where I've left off, methinks. Tonight I shall pray that people start working through their Shadow material, instead of allowing the material to work them over! 

Day 33: on seizing opportunities

Today has certainly been a mixed bag...

Himself left early to hit up the DMV for the renewal of his driver's license. Although he was advised to make an appointment, the only appointment available was at an office some 2-3 hours away from our home! Not having the gas to make a 4-6 hour round trip, he went to a much closer office to see if he could get a place in their  queue. It turns out he has to take a driver's test first, and the earliest slot available is in mid-December, after his birthday! He has a temporary license to bridge the gap, but still! He also has to get a doctor's note regarding his vision, because his left eye is wonky. Best of all: although he has a passport card, he has to provide his Social Security card if he wants to "upgrade" his driver's license to one of these Real ID cards. A Federal passport card isn't good enough?! I'm at a loss for words here.

Then there are my governmental misadventures: through talking with IHSS, I found out that either the Medi-Cal official's waiving of this Share of Cost nonsense was ignored, or it was waived, then immediately reinstated. The Share of Cost looms large, and until it gets rescinded for good, IHSS can't give me any of my money back. I don't blame them, as their hands are tied in this situation. As for Medi-Cal, this iceberg is shaping up to be a honking big Glacier, and it looks more and more like I'm going to need some significant help to get this huge mess straightened out. More phone calls tomorrow - oh joy! :p

The opportunities I seized upon provided some glimpses of Sanity through this nonsense. As Himself managed to walk out of the DMV before noon, I was able to finagle a trip out to Questhaven and walk the labyrinth! It was nice to immerse myself in Nature and walk upon "holy ground." I could feel myself unclench, which turned out to be a very good thing, as I visited the County Offices after we returned home. I might have caused a bit of a scene otherwise!

This Wednesday evening also happened to be the evening The Unity Center had their quarterly Mindful Meditation service. I went to that while Himself took in a (separate) meeting. I had a very good experience tonight, feeling like I could (and for a brief time, DID) transcend the Insanity and re-anchor myself in my Spirituality. Himself picked me up when all was said and done, and we came home. Despite the Governmental hijinks, I feel lighter and less stressed now, and also very tired. I almost posted another of my brief "filler" entries, but as you can see, I managed to write and publish a full post. :)

Tonight I actually asked for some prayers on my/our behalf. I am definitely going to need some good prayers for tomorrow, as I turn my full attention to straightening out this whole Medi-Cal situation... 

Day 26: on putting myself back together

It would be safe to say the day did not go as planned.

After my Morning Pages, but before breakfast, I checked my bank app to make sure some money Himself had deposited into my account had indeed arrived. Well, it had, but not before a check had bounced, one which I thought would go through today instead of yesterday, since I had not seen it Pending. But the cashing of the check had been attempted, it had failed, and "once again" I was dinged with an NSF fee. Sure, I can cover the check, but "once again," there are also other bills due, and "once again," I'm going to be all but broke before a week has passed. I could feel myself sliding down into Depression - but I chose to push forward.

I took a shower and got myself dressed. I advised Himself that I was ready to head out, and off we went. As we were getting ready to leave the main interstate highway for the state highway, Himself had to slam on the brakes because traffic ahead of us was coming to abrupt standstill; we later saw that a bus and a car had pulled to the side of the overpass connecting the two freeeways, and CHP was there as well.

Here's the thing: we didn't get into an accident, but I was looking down at the time; though we stopped, I felf myself moving forward, and all but saw/felt the airbag deploy. Here's the other thing: this was our second Near Miss in as many weeks.

So when we stopped at a Starbucks halfway between home and Questhaven, I was totally dialed in to Flight Mode, and I could NOT go forward in the day anymore. When I tried to talk myself out of it, I went into a full-blown Panic Attack instead.

I absolutely Do NOT break down and cry hysterically in public, unless I'm in the car. Inside the Starbucks, though, I came very close to losing it completely. At least I had the presence of mind to recognize my distress as a Panic Attack - maybe the second (or third?) time in my life I've experienced one. So we sat quietly for a time, Himself and I, attending to our respective beverages, until I had composed myself enough to walk out the door again.

Sometimes you push through. Sometimes you fall back. Sometimes you can figure out a compromise, and that's what I did...before we returned to the normal routines of the day, we paid a quick visit to Kit Carson Park, and the duck pond that I love so much. We managed a half an hour there in total. Today, an egret was paying a visit to the pond, viz:

Even though this wasn't the Big Outing in Nature I had promised myself, this small slice proved enough to soothe my jarred spirits for today. I have also rescheduled my Big Outing for next Wednesday, when the timing feels equally fortuitous, if not a bit more so. :)

I finished my business in the outside world with a bit of grocery shopping, grabbing some food & necessities while we had the cash to do so. I even treated myself to some cucumber sushi and seaweed salad for a late lunch. I have since eaten dinner and will soon be coloring one of my mandalas, gentle music playing via Pandora, and Pippa by my side. Thus I finish the process of Putting Myself Back Together, for today.

I am grateful for the flexibility to change my plans when the need arises. I am grateful we're okay and the car is okay. I am grateful for black tea with lemonade and healthy tasty things. I am grateful for the presence of the duck pond so close to home. I am grateful that tomorrow is a new day. I count my Blessings, and I am complete.