Day 328: on socializing and floating

Himself and I made it to the luncheon in plenty of time to find parking and settle in. There were about a dozen of us in total; some familiar faces, many new ones. We ate at the Olive Garden in Carlsbad. I tried their new Creamy Mushroom Ravioli, which was mighty tasty. Himself had their Lasagna, but we're not sure if it completely agreed with him.

We had to do a spot of grocery shopping before returning home, so I stopped in at both Trader Joe's (and enjoyed the Samples of the Day), and Major Market (in the same complex). At the latter store I got some cucumber sushi and seaweed salad, something I haven't done in a long time. The sushi and salad were my dinner for tonight.

It has been a bit more than a week since the "gift" from the Veteran's Adminstration, and I am very much feeling the difference. Before, I was very much in the depths: it was dark, I could barely see beyond my nose at times, and the pressure was so intense, there were times I thought the life would be squeezed out of me. If I was able to wash my hair on a given day, I felt like I had accomplished a lot. If I could get the trash out of the house on another day, it felt like a Big Deal. Some days I felt lucky if I could move forward by only fractions of inches.

Then the bonds that tied me to the weights broke, and I zoomed up to the surface. Now I can see far in every direction, and everything looks vibrant. Now I can move freely, and go far with only a little (comparative) effort. I will admit, that I've felt more like floating than actively moving these past few days, but I like to think I'm getting my bearings and feeling what it's like to live with a sense of "normalcy" again. I have told myself to wait and see what happens come the new moon, which is tomorrow, and then choose a direction to strike out in.

Genuinely looking forward to seeing what tomorrow brings, for the first time in a while. :)

Day 310: on feeling fine, finally!

Some long awaited reimbursement for travel to the Cardiac Rehab Center and back finally arrived in Himself's bank account, so we have a bit of breathing room. We took the opportunity to fill up the gas tank all the way and get an extra treat or two from the grocery.

We also made it back to our Sunday Support Group for the first time in a month, at least! I was happy to share some decent updates, and we received a gift of dry kibble for the cats. Several of the group members "own" cats, and one member's cat did not like this kibble. Since our cats already eat Fancy Feast, we were willing to give it a shot. 

The past few days have been filled with getting to know all about Guan Yin and Mother Mary, from sources both online (Wikipedia) and off (various books). I was inspired to retrieve a set of mala beads and am now "counting prayers" as I have been directed to do in one of my several visions. My project is bearing fruit in my Spirit, as my anxiety and stress levels have been dropping considerably in the past few days...that and being able to Relax at deeper levels than I've previously been able to. 

Tomorrow will kick off a full week, so I'm grateful for the opportunity to rest this weekend. :)

Day 296: on stoking the fires of Hope

Today I attended a free call from my friend Leonie about Ten Habits of Abundance. It was a good checklist to help get me back on track. It was also good to recognize some familiar names joining me on the group call. I won't be buying her e-course, as it's basically pay for that or pay our electric bill, and the electric bill is going to win. However, it was a good Energy Infusion that I sorely needed.

I was inspired to take a moment to review some of the Shadow Work I had previously done. Some of the messages I have been getting: Persevere. Trust. Believe it to See it. Reconnect to your Mystic Self. I have seen my obstacles not vanish, but change form and become easier to work with and through. I have also seen how Caregiving might appear to be the "Be All-End All" in my life, but it's only ONE aspect of my life. (Thank you Andrea!)

Something shifted due to my partaking of the energy, for we received a small money miracle this evening. This just might be what we need to carry us through the next few days until we receive the next automatic deposits on August First, or thereabout. Tonight I am grateful and thinking there just might be something to these Messages I've been receiving... ;)

Day 227: on a break in the pattern

The skies were that mix of clouds and sun that inspires paintings. The rain is expected to come back overnight tonight, maybe a bit into tomorrow. Friday is our only day to have actual clear skies. If anyone back East is suffering from excess heat, they are welcome to come out here. Our Summer seems to have been postponed due to a longer than normal spring.

The good news: we DO NOT have a slab leak! What is really going on: the pipes for the kitchen, washer/dryer, and bathrooms are not set deeply into the ground, so if we take several showers consecutively, or use a lot of hot water otherwise, we might feel some heat. If the heat spreads out to cover the entire floor, and/or we find excessive moisture building up, THEN we have an issue. Happy that our homeowner's insurance covered the cost of the nice plumbing gentleman to come out and check for the slab leak.

That was the only part of the day that went "as planned" before the schedule went sideways. The Queen Mother would rather shower tomorrow instead of today, thank you, and Himself has a meeting tomorrow evening he needs to attend, so I had to change plans in the calendar - and found myself getting peeved at having to rearrange the calendar, because what had been laid out suited ME just fine. So I did a little Work around that.

I also noted I was feeling more like Isolating myself, as in "leave the dark chocolate at the door and step away, thank you kindly." I might not be actively Flowing yet, but I'm getting close. At least I had a chance today to fortify myself with some of the aforementioned dark chocolate.

Shower vs. Appointment tomorrow: we shall see which way the wind blows.

Day 203: on rebounding

It turns out Himself's stepmother didn't have our complete mailing address on the first attempt, but had it for the third attempt. We received the letter we've been waiting for, and the enclosed funds will see us through the end of the month. Huzzah.

Before it arrived, I was trying to explain why I had not filed a second appeal in the never-ending bureaucratic Quest, and I found myself edging into a full-blown pity party. I was rearing back to beat myself up yet again for "not following proper protocol in leaving no stone unturned," when it occurred to me: the Average Person would not have foreseen these delays happening. The Average Person would have expected the situation to be resolved by now. Ergo: I'm not actually Superwoman, nor am I Omniscient...I'm just an Average Person! Should I be relieved? ;)

We were able to make our meetings this evening, for we were able to fill up the gas tank. Tomorrow we will be able to buy some things we thought we would have to wait until the beginning of the month to get. Tomorrow I am also going to be mainly switched off, after an early morning conference call. I'm looking forward to the downtime after what has been a more intense than usual week.

We have some breathing room now. Huzzah.

Day 174: on a simplified thursday

I finished the last of my "distateful" phone calls today, and took a few deep breaths afterward. Not the way I wanted to disentangle myself from the situation, but I'm hoping that we've bought a little more time to allow for the influx of cash to arrive. Now I can concentrate on the "everyday" bills and dole out money to the various parties.

Speaking of, Himself and I paid a visit to AAA, then to Cox Communications. Our intention was to switch things around to have him pay these bills until the above mentioned cash influx arrives. It turns out we were trying to overcomplicate some rather simple things: for AAA, it would be best for him to give me the money until the policy renews in June, then we can make the necessary switches. For Cox, since it's not an automatic payment, it really doesn't matter which of us makes the payment, as long as it's made. So, life was simplified.

We then journeyed down south to visit the abode of the Queen Mother's bestie, to pick up a couple of packages. It will be the Queen Mother's birthday tomorrow. She got a pair of birthday cards in the mail today, and some others might arrive over the next day or two.

I come to the end of the week in much better shape than I was at the beginning of the week. I have handled my challenging business, and am feeling okay about it. I have short list of things to do over the weekend, but no worries; Monday is going to be another day at the beach, perhaps this time with an actual picnic lunch!

Now I just have to find the Queen Mother's birthday card... :)

Day 116: on a day suddenly opening up

I thought we were going to have an early day today, but Himself and I talked it over last night, and chose to sleep in a little. Sleeping in turned out to be even less of a deal than I thought. We had planned to attend an event, but I had written down the wrong date; it actually unfolds on Thursday instead of today. This led to both of us looking at our calendars and pretty well shifting the rest of the week around. When we were done, the only thing we had to do today was grocery shopping, and that was it.

I am grateful when I can get up and get moving at a leisurely pace, instead of having to be mindful of any appointments or other events. I am doubly grateful when a busy day suddenly empties out and swings wide open. I feel like I can breathe a little deeper and put down my burdens, even if just for one day.

I informed the Queen Mother of our change of plans, and she took advantage of the situation by taking a shower, and (as usual) kvetching about it for an hour or so afterwards. I figure there will come a time when I will have to get in the shower with her and do all of the work while she sits still, but that time is (fortunately) not Now.

Once the Queen Mother was clean and lotioned, I took my shower and got ready to go grocery shopping. I had to watch the prices very carefully, and get only necessities, but I came in below my allotted limit and took care of our immediate needs. I always feel satisfied when I can go in, get what is on the priority list, and not have to put anything back. Is it the willpower? Is it some successful Adulting? I would have to think on that to give you a definitive answer.

The cats were very happy that we came back with more food for them, and the Queen Mother was happy to have more ice cream. So a good trip all in all. ;)

Both Himself and I should be getting our monthly payments before the week is out, so I am not terribly worried about running out of anything. Today was a good day, another one I can add to the tally of good days vs. bad ones. I'm having more good days than bad now, so I call that Progress and grow even more content. :)

Day 114: on steeping in sisterhood

A bit of background: I have a good friend who runs a semi-formal circle, mainly for women and woman-oriented activities (though she offers some all gender activities as well) from a special studio she built on her property, and she lives about ten minutes away from me. She has been at it for 15 years and is going into her 16th year. She invited peeps to join her in an "envisioning ceremony" today, and several of us came together to discuss the future of this circle. She doesn't want it to die out when she does, down the line, so she wants to see how best we can carry it forward.

I have attended her rites and celebrations in the past. I co-created rituals with her for a year. I even trained under her to become an "official" Priestess. (I put official in quotes because I'm already a Priestess, but I wanted something in writing that I could show to anyone who asked.) So when she put the word out to consider what we could do to keep the magick going, of course I was going to be a Hell Yes! It was an opportunity to reconnect with friends I had lost touch with during some of the more challenging times over the past few years.

Originally, Himself was going to drop me off there and return home, but I double checked, and this wasn't a "woman-only" event. So I rang him up and invited him to come down. This time, he was the only man present, but I would not be surprised if other men came to join him in subsequent meetings, if only one or two others.

There was a delicious homemade quiche offered, along with a tasty salad, various fruits, and some yummy mint chocolate cookies. So we noshed and talked and brainstormed and opined...and it felt totally lovely to sink back in to the energy, which I have missed a lot. We came up with some good ideas and intriguing possibilities, and we all agreed to pursue this further. Personally, I took away some good energy in reconnecting with the energy and with my sisters, which I will need for this next week! 

I also intend to return next Sunday for the celebration of Imbolc, when we will gather to make Vision Boards. Yum! (Himself won't be attending that one.)

Day 92: on ringing in the new

Himself and I have just returned from a friend's birthday party. It was lovely seeing folks we knew, and making friends with folks we didn't know. After we got home, though, I found that some ants had snuck into the house, and were crawling all over my teakettle, and were setting up to crawl all over Himself's coffee maker! So I had to tend to them quickly before coming in and blogging.

I had arranged to Skype with a friend earlier today, and then I was going to do some online work. It turned out I did the online work before talking with my friend, and I may have finally found a solution to the Queen Mother's ongoing Med-Cal challenge, with a potential bonus to boot! I need to make a phone call or two to check things out, but I'm feeling hopeful for the first time in a long while.

I got the dishes in the dishwasher and started it up before we left for the party. Our friend's house turned out to be closer than I had thought, which was a good thing. It was starting to rain when we left for the party, and was coming down at a pretty good clip when we returned home.

One of my intentions this year is to be More Sociable. I have been isolated, more or less, for a few years now, so to see and to be seen, and to have conversations with other reasonably functional adults, is like water to a very thirsty plant. My roots are drinking up all of the water and beginning to bring vital moisture to wilted leaves. I rejuvenate, gratefully.

Tomorrow will be a quieter day, perfect to do some more in-depth planning. Tonight, ants notwithstanding, I am content.

Day 86: on new year's eve eve

Himself and I made it to the support group today, despite it starting half an hour earlier than usual due to the holidays. I was grateful to be able to sit upright in a chair for the whole group; this time last week, I was flat on my back in bed, hoping the muscles in my low back would quit spasming and seizing up. It took about a week, but I'm back to feeling reasonably normal again. It was good to share where I was, and witness where everyone else was as well.

After the support group was finished, we made the drive down to La Jolla so Himself could get his back X-rayed at the VA Medical Center. He says he didn't see any obvious fractures. Though he's not a doctor, he has been in some gnarly accidents, and would know way better than I if there were any fractures. We're taking this as good news. We made a quick stop at Trader Joe's on the way home to pick up a few essentials before dinner.

After dinner, it was "mission of mercy" time to drive down to a friend's place and pick up some personal belongings for him, as he is currently rehabilitating at a skilled nursing facility. Then it was a quick trip to the old Alano Club for a bit of a scouting mission. It was mind blowing how different it looked, stripped down to its essentials and all but empty within. Tomorrow they plan to have a "smudging party" at the new place at noon. I have sage, and a hand drum, and I'm tempted to go and contribute my skills to help clear out the old energy and set the foundation for new energy to come in. We shall see if that happens; I didn't make any promises one way or the other.

The Queen Mother went to bed an hour earlier than usual, as she'd had a headache for most of the day. Himself and I are probably going to turn in pretty soon as well. We actually have plans to be out and celebrating the New Year tomorrow evening: dinner and a comedy show, possibly some dancing, though with Himself's wonky back, probably not that much. At any rate, it's nice to have plans for tomorrow. Some years I've been out celebrating (we had a nice long run of First Nights in town, and I attended many of them); other nights I've stayed at home and rung in the new in Sacred Space. This year, I'm actually looking forward to going out and being sociable, since the last few years have felt horribly isolating.

I'll see if I can squeeze in a contemplative post, if not tomorrow, then definitely on Tuesday. Meanwhile, we count down the final hours of 2018...

Day 83: on taking care of the essentials

My money from the state arrived today, so I was able to take care of a few more bills and do some much needed grocery shopping. As lovely as the charitable pantry is, they don't have items to cleanse dentures, nor do they have Kleenex boxes, nor do they offer cat food, at least, nothing the cats would actually eat. There are also certain things the Queen Mother will only eat a certain brand of, and won't accept any substitutes. So we loaded up our supply of canvas shopping bags and headed out.

It's Himself's turn to have a wonky back - he overexerted himself yesterday, and has been a bit out of sorts today. Fortunately, there are the little shopping scooters available, so he drove around while I got necessities. I had to rest my back for a little while after we returned home, but not for too long. Everybody is basically happy now.

I received a lovely surprise in the mail when Himself came home: a mermaid coloring book, based on one of Doreen Virtue's oracle decks. I may or may not have done a wee Happy Pagan dance. It will be nice change of pace to color in when I need a break from the intricate patterns of the mandalas. I'm grateful to have such cool friends who support me in all sorts of ways. :)

Since we took care of necessities today, tomorrow will be the day I roll up my sleeves and return to following the (seemingly) never ending paper trail. Oh what fun. ;p

Day 79: on finding acceptance through "giving up"

Ever since my last major meltdown a few weeks ago, a new attitude has emerged from deep within - very subtly at first, but quite noticeable in the last week or so. It is a deep Knowing that everything is going to be okay in the end; it is also the "Peace that Passeth All Understanding" that boggles some of the more logical parts of my mind. It wasn't until I read my friend Maitri's blog post today that the elusive word for this attitude finally appeared in my mind: Acceptance.

In the past, I have resisted Life As It Is, and resisted hard. I would think that if I just tried a little harder, focussed my atterntion just a little more, I would find The Solution to this problem and all would be well. In practice, this served to amplify the Stinking Thinking going on in my head, more often than not, and would drive me even more crazy than before. Yet I would still persevere in my Resistance, like a bad habit I knew I needed to break, but didn't really want to, if I'm going to be totally honest.

When I had the last major meltdown, I Gave Up. I was done. I had jumped through my last hoop, turned over my last stone. I felt Untouchable and Irrevocably Broken and I was ready to quit bothering with anything and everything entirely. The meltdown was on a Sunday; when I woke up on Monday and found myself still alive and Incarnate on Earth, the Shift began to germinate in earnest.

It came to me later: pre-meltdown, I was still expecting a Dea Ex Macnina move, some master stroke of Divine Intervention from "Goddess Outside of the Machine," that would make everything All Better. Post-meltdown, that hopeful part of me died...but when it did, the source of my Resistance died with it. When I Gave Up, I was finally able to open the door to Real Acceptance, instead of just giving lip service to it.

The shenanigans my lower back is engaging in have tested that Acceptance, but I've come to be okay with the idea of lots of Stillness and Rest, and be thankful that it's ONLY a few tweaked nerves and muscles that have sidelined me temporarily. I have prayed for much more extreme disabilities in the past, when I was deep in my Resistance and desperate for some way, Any Way, out of the bottomless pit my life seemed to have become.

I'm sure there will be futher tests of my Acceptance in the future. For now, I am finding my motivation to resume the hoop-jumping and the storne-turning, because there is work to be done, to be attempted at the very least, to secure my position as the Queen Mother's IHSS provider, and keep that source of income viable. There is still work to be done, and I am motiviating myself to do it. :) 

Day 61: on considering a wee experiment

While writing in my Morning Pages today, I came to see how good I had gotten at Stinking Thinking. I didn't do any venting onto the page, but I saw how my thought patterns would go straight to considering the "bad" outcomes, if not start to catastrophize outright (envisioning the worst case scenario in an attempt to "cushion the blow" somehow).

Then I had an idea: since I had become an expert at seeing the clouds gathering on the horizon, perhaps I could cultivate a knack at seeing the Silver Linings to the clouds instead. I have heard a ton of messages about Gratitude and Getting More of What You Focus Upon, and so forth, especially over the last few weeks. So, why not try to count my Blessings before I count my Woes? Perhaps I could start counting my Blessings instead of my Woes! Now there's a radical thought...

Starting tomorrow, then, I'm going to try what I'm calling "Abundant Gratitude" for one month. I'm choosing tomorrrow because it's a new moon, perfect for beginning new things, and Mercury is going direct, which will make communications much easier. I can manage tracking Gratitude, and practicing seeing Abundance, for one month. At the end of the month, I will review any progress that I have made and determine whether I'm going to continue.

I have begun Gratitude journals in the past, but they have always seemed to peter out sooner or later. By committing to just one month, I'm making a definitive container that I can pretty easily fill, and if I choose to continue, I can do so month to month, so no big pressure. I really don't have anything to lose, except for my Depression and a good deal of Stinking Thinking.

Wish me luck... :)

Day 52: on remembering at the last minute

...oh yeah, I need to blog today!

There are dishes being washed in the dishwasher, and the kitchen looks much less cluttered. Still working on the Queen Mother's Medi-Cal paperwork; more phone calls tomorrow. Had a delicious dinner with leftovers from Himself's birthday dinner last night.

Feeling grateful that I have a week not packed with appointments this week, as we had cleared space for the fumigation, which has now been postponed for our building, and may be postponed altogether because of the rain that has been forecast starting sometime on Wednesday. I have an easier pace to get things done in the immediate future. :)

That sums it up nicely. More tomorrow.

Day 49: on filling up my cup

Today Himself and I made a quick trip to the beach to celebrate "Blue Friday." It was a bit busier than I expected it to be. We could pretty well tell who was from the East Coast at the beach; they were the people wearing bikinis and shorts. After the recent cold snap, I'm sure the temperatures of San Diego feel downright balmy to them. ;)

I prepared the Queen Mother's dinner a bit early, so we could drive down to my cousin's house and dine with family. Thanksgiving is the one holiday my uncle Bob's family has traditionally come together for, arriving from hither and yon for a few days of feasting and catching up and playing games and sharing laughter. The festivities are somewhat tempered this year, as this is the first Thanksgiving without my uncle Bob. He passed away at the end of September, and his memorial service is tomorrow. This is how the family wanted it, so as to not have to gather twice in two months. I will go a bit more in depth tomorrow.

For the second time in two days, my belly is full, and as this is a later post, I will stop here. I shall be taking plenty of tissues with me in the morning.

Day 48: on feasting with friends

Himself and I started the holidays with a newer tradition: Thanksgiving Day dinner at the Live & Let Live Alano Club, a meeting place of 12-Step groups that is LGBTQ+ friendly. We took our veggie trays, collected a friend en route, and made it in time to partake in the feasting.

There were fewer familiar faces present this year, but the place was packed, and the food was plentiful. I made myself a "veggie plate": mashed potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole, a carrot-almond dish, macaroni & cheese, cole slaw (one cabbage-based, the other kale-based, a green salad, a dinner roll, and a dollop of cranberry sauce. Only a dollop or so of each, but I was happily stuffed when all was said and done, especially after a modest slice of apple pie.

We made up a plate for the Queen Mother before we left, and I grabbed a bit of potato salad to pair with the excess stuffing for later. We also gathered up what remained of our veggie trays, which I will happily incorporate into many a salad for days to come. (Some folks have leftover turkey for days; I will have leftovere veggies. Works for me.) The Queen Mother enjoyed her special dinner when we got home. I spent much of the rest of the day napping, coloring my latest mandala, and snacking.

It was a good start to the holiday weekend all in all. Tomorrow, I will be feasting with members of my blood family, some of whom I haven't seen in years. It will be bittersweet this year, as we will also be formally saying goodbye to my uncle, who passed away in September. But we will make the best of it. :)

Day 47: on the day before

Today there was a sense of, "If you need anything, better get it NOW, before everything shuts down for the next few days." After an easy start to the day, that's what we wound up doing.

Our first stop was at Jewish Family Services. They have been extraordinarily helpful on this journey, since Himself was going through his cancer experience. They have a pantry for folks in need, and we have availed ourselves of this pantry from time to time. Today we received a "holiday bag" of food. There was a small Hormel turkey dinner (which the Queen Mother will enjoy), some pumpkin spice protein bars (heh - I have dibs on those), and various cans of food. I laid claim to the corn, and there are some things that we'll be able to share with friends who are also going through a rough patch.

Himself received some birthday money (a generous gift from his stepmother) a little early, so we went to Target to pick up a few things, including a pumpkin pie half the size of the usual pies available. Then we swung by Sprouts to grab a veggie tray for a potluck lunch we're going to attend tomorrow. Though the grocery stores were jumping yesterday and today, it was the calm before the storm at places like Target. No one in our family is planning to participate in the special insanity that is Black Friday this year.

We got some great news when we returned home: the property management company and the pest control company had agreed to postpone the fumigation in our complex until January. We all heaved a sigh of relief; now I have some time to see if we can squirrel away a bit of money for the hotel, or perhaps make an alternative arrangement, and also see if I can get Inkblot leash-trained. He is the more adventurous of the cats, and it would give us all greater peace of mind if I'm able to take him out on "supervised outings" while we have to be away from our home during the fumigation process.

After dinner, I tackled the paperwork that had piled up on the dining room table. Most got recycled, some of the rest went into a "reading pile" for Himself, and I have a short stack of catalogs to peruse. While sorting everything, I also pulled most of the necessary paperwork I needed to send along with the Queen Mother's Medi-Cal renewal. Now that we don't have to worry about the fumigation next week, I can focus on completing this process and dropping off the necessary forms at the county office. Dare I think December might actually be serene??

Although I see the Autumn Equinox as my time of Gratitude and Giving Thanks for the Bounty of Nature, there will be plenty for me, and us, to celebrate over the next few days. For my friends who will also be celebrating, enjoy the Feast.

Day 42: on breaking the circuit

Somewhere between coming home from a quick grocery run and accompanying Himself down to the VA for his latest Physical Therapy appointment, the circuit of Depression was broken, and I began to feel better. The explanation I could provide is a bit long and rather esoteric, so I will save it for those who are most interested. Suffice to say that there was enough of a Cosmic Shift that allowed me to breathe deeply again, and that lifted a heavy weight off of my shoulders. :)

One thing I realized/remembered with all of this: I don't handle Ambiguity very well. I like to know What is going to happen, When and Where it shall happen, and if applicable, How it's going to happen. I don't like vague "someday" answers, especially when I have a need for promises to be fulfilled Sooner rather than Later. Combine Ambiguity with some of the stress I have been feeling recently, and I am one very unhappy camper.

For the record, Himself isn't a big fan of Ambiguity either. He did his best to comfort me at the start of the week; now the pendulum swings in my direction, and I have been comforting him. Even if we can't see all of the details at this moment, we reassure each other - we'll get through this rough patch too.

I am grateful that this round of Depression has dissolved; I would be naive to believe it will never return. It always does, but perhaps next time, I will be a bit better prepared to handle it and work my way through it. Perhaps. Another thing I have noticed: Depression has been really good at wiping my memory clean of tools and techniques to combat it, leading me to forget everything Spiritual and Positive until my mind can successfully reboot itself. Though I've been able to reboot more quickly now than I could even a year ago,  I still find myself having to Ride Out the Storm once Depression anchors in.

Now tha I am clear of this latest episode, I can return to Practicing Good Form, as my karate teacher used to say, and return to being Productive. There are tasks yet ahead that need my attention, and puzzles to solve...

Day 32: on responding to having my hand forced

Well my friends, the Share of Cost bugaboo bit me again! It ate another paycheck of mine! I should have known it was going to be bad tidings when I couldn't get the notification email from IHSS to come up properly on my phone. The Medi-Cal people are sending me forms to fill out anyway, so it looks like I will be asking for reimbursement for all of October. (Le Sigh...)

My hand was forced because this one hurts more than the grabbing of my "vacation" pay - this paycheck was going to help me with paying a key bill or two, and now I'm totally scrambling. One more phone call, at least, to add to the other phone calls I need to make tomorrow to see if 1) I can figure out what's going on and 2) do some damage control. (Again, Le Sigh...)

So I finally bit the bullet and started my GoFundMe page. I am deeply grateful that I'm already getting support, and I will be officially thanking people starting tomorrow, once I get my head a little straighter. I'm also 2/3 of the way in filling out the "Cash Aid" application (apparently it's no longer called Cal-Works), and I should be ready to drop that off tomorrow, after Himself renews his driver's license at the DMV. I'll share more on that tomorrow, as it's yet another tale of Government Inaction, instead of Government In Action :p

Even though I had a craptastic day, I still managed to get to my polling place and vote today. Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer to go and vote In Person; besides, all I have to do is walk out my front door, walk to the end of my block, cross the street, and there I am. Today there were way more cars in the parking lot than there had been in years past. Granted, I voted later in the day than usual, but it was still a heartening sight to see. I'm sure I'll get all the election results once Himself returns home this evening.

How things unfold tomorrow will depend on how long Himself has to stay at the DMV. I'm praying it's not the whole damn day. (One more time, Le Sigh...!)

Day 6: on receiving the "all clear"

The good news Himself and I expected to receive today indeed came: he is still in remission and tumor free. They want to see him in Oncology in three months, and would like him to get another PET scan before coming in. The folks in Nuclear Medicine advised us to call in December to schedule his exam in January. In the meantime, we also needed to coordinate with the Gastro-Intestinal department for his next "coming and going" exam, aka a combined Endoscopy + Flexible Sigmoidoscopy day. This we did get scheduled, and it will be at the beginning of March. After a quick-ish trip to the Pharmacy to renew some of his medications, we turned tail and headed home, an early conclusion to a very early morning.

Although the Benefits side of the Veterans Administration can prove to be quite Vexing at times, both of us are deeply grateful and completely satisfied with the Medical side of the VA. They have covered just about everything in Himself's cancer adventure: the diagnostic tests, the surgeries, the chemotherapy, and the follow up appointments and tests. We are only paying for one or two medications the VA won't cover. If they had not been able to cover the expenses, Himself would most likely be dead right now, and/or we'd be so buried in bankruptcy we wouldn't be able to see the light of day for another ten years. This medical stuff that's so necessary definitely isn't cheap...and I'm going to stop right there before I take off on a huge rant. Maybe I'll save it for later. Right now I'm looking forward to going to sleep after I put the Queen Mother to bed. It was, after all, a very early day.

I am, and am not, looking forward to the start of 2019, which looks right now to be filling up rapidly with appointments.

Just a short entry tonight; we'll see what tomorrow brings. I'm outties. :)