Day 177: on a sunday with some swerves

We made it to our Support Group today, despite Himself scaring the bejeezus out of me a couple of times en route. He drove a cab for 20 years, off and on, and let's just say it shows significantly now and again. Our group, as usual, was lovely. One of the members now brings an assortment of squishy stress balls, some more squishy than others, and I have taken to using them to decrease my stress, and increase my hand strength.

Then Himself and I got into discussing our schedule for tomorrow, and what needed to be done tomorrow, and I went into a full-blown panic attack, once again envisioning trying to stuff ten pounds of (scheduling) potatoes into a five pound sack. I settled down somewhat after eating dinner, and after further discussion, we agreed to tackle part of that to-do list today instead of waiting for tomorrow. Except for the cable company's office being closed today, we were successful.

The source of my panic was seeing my desire to visit the ocean being steadily chipped away by all of the errands that needed to be run. I know that I need a break, especially after today, not even 24 hours after decompressing from the previous week! My challenge is to prioritize my Self-Care and holding it as something just as important as any appointment or errand - if not MORE important in some cases. With the shifting of some of our errands to tonight, I am now back on track to visiting the ocean tomorrow.

So, I will be looking over everything once more, and plotting accordingly. Himself has appointments tomorrow and Tuesday, and then the days are free for the rest of the week. There is also a chance of rain in the forecast starting on Wednesday, so we have a very good reason for shifting from an outward focus (appointments and errands) to an inward one (tackling the kitchen and maybe some more decluttering). 

With any luck, Himself's VA attorney will be presenting his case before the Board of Veteran's Affairs tomorrow or Tuesday, so we can start that final ball rolling - and calculate just how far away the summit of the mountain is. Pray for us, if you would. 

Day 176: on a very simple saturday

Today I chose to take a much-needed Mental & Emotional Holiday. Aside from the laundry, the only thing I did of substance was finish coloring a mandala.

Still in "holiday" mode, so will save my words for tomorrow.

Day 175: on a friday that capped off a wild week

I'm glad I made it to today.

I had to remind myself that I didn't need to make any phone calls this morning. Instead, I was able to focus on Tea and Morning Pages, then Dear Abby and the funnies over breakfast. Then I took a shower and geared myself up to go with Himself to his vascular study appointment this afternoon. He was hoping for a little extra support, and as I was simply along for the ride, no problem.

The vascular study was, as I had suspected, an ultrasound. I didn't see any blood clots in Himself's veins, and neither did the technician. I'm a bit surprised that she shared that with us, as they usually don't want to say anything before the "actual" doctor reads the results. At any rate, this narrows Himself's mystery pain down to two things: either something about his skin (not likely, as there's no rash or other discoloration on where he says it hurts), or his nerves (way more likely). His next pain clinic appointment is in April, and he has a Neurology appointment in May. Between the two of them, something might get figured out.

Before we went to the VA Medical Center, we took a moment to celebrate the Queen Mother's birthday. She "opened" her bestie's present (it was all in a bag), and pulled out: two kitchen towels with owls on them, a small scented hand sanitizer, a box of M&M's, a box of Reese's Pieces, some LED light bulbs for the dining room (which will come in handy when the ones we have now start to go out), and a stuffed bunny doll. The Queen Mother and her bestie have exchanged birthday presents for years and years, just fun little things, and kitchen towels because they're relatively cheap. Mom was happy.

Thanks to a bit of Himself's magic, and some timely Travel Pay, we were able to fulfill the Queen Mother's birthday wish - fried chicken breast. We didn't get it to her in time for dinner, but she will be able to enjoy it over the weekend. ("Travel Pay" is what the VA pays himself as a mileage reimbursement, one way, between the various VA offices and our home.)

We went to the synagogue afterwards for Shabbat services, which we were going to do last week, but plans changed. We will be attending, and most likely helping out with, Passover services next month. We're blocking this out now in our calendars.

If I feel anything tomorrow like I do today, I don't know if I'm going to be any good for any sort of Doing. I can safely say I feel mentally fried, and am really not wanting to do anything except sleep, thanks to the arrival of my Moonflow. I just might go ahead and let my body take the lead, and worry about all the things later. I don't have any immediate fires to put out this weekend.

With that, I'm going to sign off for the evening. We'll see if I feel any better tomorrow. At least it's supposed to warm up and feel very nice. 

Day 174: on a simplified thursday

I finished the last of my "distateful" phone calls today, and took a few deep breaths afterward. Not the way I wanted to disentangle myself from the situation, but I'm hoping that we've bought a little more time to allow for the influx of cash to arrive. Now I can concentrate on the "everyday" bills and dole out money to the various parties.

Speaking of, Himself and I paid a visit to AAA, then to Cox Communications. Our intention was to switch things around to have him pay these bills until the above mentioned cash influx arrives. It turns out we were trying to overcomplicate some rather simple things: for AAA, it would be best for him to give me the money until the policy renews in June, then we can make the necessary switches. For Cox, since it's not an automatic payment, it really doesn't matter which of us makes the payment, as long as it's made. So, life was simplified.

We then journeyed down south to visit the abode of the Queen Mother's bestie, to pick up a couple of packages. It will be the Queen Mother's birthday tomorrow. She got a pair of birthday cards in the mail today, and some others might arrive over the next day or two.

I come to the end of the week in much better shape than I was at the beginning of the week. I have handled my challenging business, and am feeling okay about it. I have short list of things to do over the weekend, but no worries; Monday is going to be another day at the beach, perhaps this time with an actual picnic lunch!

Now I just have to find the Queen Mother's birthday card... :)

Day 173: on a forward-looking wednesday

Today I could lift my head out of the murky waters I'm swimming through, and consider the immediate and near future.

Tomorrow I will be finished with all of the "distateful" calls, and I can put them behind me. I wrote in my Morning Pages before making today's calls, and it helped to recenter me; moreover, I was able to give voice to some of the deeper emotions I was feeling just under the surface stress, so that was good.

After breakfast, Himself went to re-sign up for the MOVE clinic at the VA Medical Center. MOVE is an acronym for the VA's weight management program, though I forget what the exact acronym is at the moment. Nevertheless, he had just completed their initial eight week course in 2016 when he was diagnosed with his cancer, so whatever else they could have offered him was put on hold. After talking with one of the nurses affiliated with the program, we all agreed that a Refresher Course would be a good idea, and we could go from there.

In as much as I'm able to, I am going to do the course alongside him. I can stand to drop some weight myself, as the last few years have not been kind to my waistline, nor to my dietary habits. To be completely accountable, my goal is to drop 50 pounds by the time I reach my 50th birthday, which will be in 2021. I have some time to accomplish that. :)

After we were done at the VAMC, we went "across the street" from the UCSD campus to the Jewish Community Center. They have a decent gym and a lovely swimming pool, and their rates are way more reasonable than any of the mainstream gyms around. We are going to do their free one-week trial while we wait for our monthly "stipends," and then Himself will finagle a way to pay the dues.

On the way home, we figured that once Himself received one (or both) of his cash influxes, we need to refurbish the condo after paying the bills. We will probably bundle up the Queen Mother and the cats and stay at a Homewood Suites while the condo is being redone. The diswasher going kaput is only the latest minor calamity that's happened in the condo, and a total refurbishing would do us a lot of good.

Speaking of the dishwasher: We went to Lowe's to price some new dishwashers, and saw that hand washing would be the norm for us for a little while. (FYI: the best prices are available on both July 4th and Black Friday, per the agent in the Appliance department.)

Though I'm feeling tired - as it's just about That Time of the Month - I'm also feeling hopeful for the first time in a while. Starting to see a future in which I am functioning reasonably well again, with some goals to match, gives me just enough buoyancy to keep on swimming, at least for today.

Bonus points if you notice that today's metaphor is different from yesterday's. ;)

Day 172: on a (mostly) salvaged tuesday

I got the phone calls I needed to take care of out of the way this morning. One of them required me to get up at 7am to wrangle, but I did it, and went back to bed after feeding the cats. I'm amazed they let me sleep in till 10am; I guess Inkblot has learned his lesson, and is not so obsessed about making his morning rounds.

Thirty minutes before the alarm goes off, I'm willing to make an early start to it and enjoy Quiet Time. Three hours before our usual wake up time, not so much.

Once I was finished with the calls, I found myself unclenching and coming up for air. The worst is behind me. I still have some "distasteful" calls to make, but I'm spacing them out in order of priority, and they will get easier as I go. Thus do I ease out of "Survival Mode" and re-anchor myself in a more pleasant reality.

Himself's Cognitive Behavioral Therapy appointment was today. I like the doctor Himself was assigned to. Were it possible, I would be asking this doctor to be my therapist, but that's not his gig. He does set a nice standard for me to use in finding one, though.

We went directly home today, in order to avoid the afternoon/evening commute traffic, and were mostly successful. We stopped at Trader Joe's for a hot minute, then came home. Imagine my surprise when I spied a grasshopper staring at me from behind one of the glass panels of our back door! He was hiding from a marauding Huntress, and with some trial and error, I helped him make his getaway. The cats were disappointed. Oh well. ;)

I had a late lunch/early dinner, got the Queen Mother's dinner together, then brought order to a bit of chaos over by our computer desk. Most of it went into the recycling bags. I took a bit of satisfaction in my effort.

While the Queen Mother watched her usual hour of news, I did a bit of informal meditation. The first track that came up when I brought up Pandora happened to last half an hour, so I rested and did some deep breathing along with the music. It focussed my attention quite well, as I observed the usual mental chatter was staying muted in the background. I paid it no mind. (ha ha)

I wound up having some lentil soup and a salad for supper, then loaded up the dishwasher, turned the knob - and nothing. Himself checked the circuit breaker, came and turned the knob - and still nothing. Our dishwasher has given up the ghost. We've made initial plans to do some tag-team dish washing on Thursday, when Himself has a breather between appointments. Good thing I had meditated earlier!

The mountain is getting steeper and more challenging to climb. I'm hoping this means I'm getting closer to the top.

Day 171: on a monday for the compost pile

Well, all of that lovely effort at decompression that I put in over the weekend ultimately went for naught. Today was definitely one of Those Mondays...

We made it back to the DMV, Queen Mother in tow, and learned that the records for a driver don't go back twenty-odd years at the field office. We needed yet another copy of the form we'd filled out initially and send it to Sacramento, with a slightly larger fee, because this would need to be copied from a microfilm entry. I put down the year I needed, explained One More Time why I needed this information, enclosed the fee with the form, and sent it off to Sacramento.

The only good thing about that trip was that it took only an hour in total, and we were able to bring the Queen Mother home in plenty of time for Ellen, as in Ellen DeGeneres' variety/talk show, which is on mid-afternoon here. This is must-see TV for her.

So when I had filled out the form, Himself and I went to the credit union to see if I could stop some automatic payments I had arranged. If I had set them up through  the credit union, yes; BUT since I had set them up with the companies, I would have to call them and request stoppage of said payments. If they tried to force them through anyway, then I could dispute them, and that would be another matter. Okay fine. I needed to make some calls anyway, so I would just fold this into my mission.

By the time we were finished with errands, I was starting to get hangry. I got the Queen Mother's dinner together, then went to make the first of the Important Phone Calls, and a paper that I needed was Nowhere To Be Found. I can safely say that I finally, truly, lost my mind for a short time. I'm happy to report that it came home when I called it, smelling oddly like soy sauce and dragging a bit of toilet paper under one foot. 

I eventually found another piece of paper that had the information I needed, made the phone call, and got my business done (in what probably sounded like as "Don't Mess With Me or I'll Reach Through the Phone and Slap You" tone of voice). Then I chose to set Everything aside and concentrate on having some dinner. By the time I was finished, I was calmer, and my mind was settling back into my head. 

Needless to say, I'm hoping for some Resolution sooner rather than later to all of the dangling situations, so I can get my life onto a more positive and consistent track. In the meantime, I will focus on the rest of the business that needs to be done this week, while giving some serious side-eye to that unrepentant Mercury Retrograde!

Day 170: on further normalizing

Today I tried to convince myself that I "didn't have enough time" to do everything that I needed to do, which is my signal that it's very necessary to sip my Tea and write in my Morning Pages. When I was done, I realized I was trying to stuff ten pounds of potatoes into a five pound sack - overscheduling my day and viewing everything as "essential." So I let go of one thing, rearranged a few other things, chose not to freak out, and to enjoy the day.

It was really good to make the Sunday Support Group. It was good to share, and check in with our friends, one of whom is having some significant health challenges, but is getting through them with humor and Grace. I received a gift of colored pens, and I know the perfect home for them.

After group, Himself and I went to Walmart, as my money finally arrived today, and we were able to pick up some essentials. Then it was home and dinner. Afterwards, I had a nap and did some coloring in a new mandala, working to keep it Simple and Consistent, a new challenge for me. I find that I don't approach any two mandalas the exact same way. Then I actually brought a bit of order to the chaos in the recycling corner of the house. It's super easy just to toss things in that direction, so I need to remember to take the time to sort out what has been tossed!

After hearing the Wisdom shared by one of my Support sisters today, I am seeing that I need to make some different choices in how I navigate through Life. I am reminded that I can choose to Respond instead of to React. I can easily list the half-dozen or so reasons why I react the way I do these days, but do I need to give these reasons preference every single time? No, I can Breathe Deeply and oxygenate my blood, get some of that oxygen to the frontal lobes of my brain, and jump off the bandwagon of Instinct to access my Reasonal, Pragmatic Self.

These things will be good to remember as I move forward into next week. It is shaping up to be a full one, and I will need to stay somewhat on my toes. Goddess Grant that I can finally get the answers I've been looking for this week!

Day 169: on stepping back

As most of what needs to be done has to wait until Monday anyway, today I chose to take a step back and rest, and put the to-do list aside. The day has been an easy one, without a crisis or meltdown, and a much needed respite.

It was a cool sunny day, but not a cold one. Himself and I stopped in at Trader Joe's to grab some breakfast essentials, then he went down to San Diego to tend to some business. I finished the mandala I had colored in for the Spring Equinox, had a nice dinner, and a bit of a nap. I held some gently firm boundaries today.

For her part, the Queen Mother was in a good mood, taking her weekly-ish shower, and helping me out by looking through some documents we found in her closet. We didn't find anything that showed when she was first registered as "disabled," but I wasn't expecting anything to be found here. We did find some old Reader's Digest issues that I'm thinking of passing along.

We had a pleasant surprise when the Queen Mother's bestie stopped by with one of her grand-daughters and her great grandson. Mom got to meet him for the first time. They were only here for a few minutes, but it was nice to see them. Pippa ran and hid, but Inkblot viewed them from a slight distance, looking supremely Unimpressed. ;)

Himself is on his way home, and the Queen Mother is watching a movie on tv. It's a science-fiction thriller that I remember seeing previews of last year, but I forget what it's called. I'm not sure what I'm going to do tomorrow, as I have a few options to consider. We shall see.

Day 168: on feeling "on the edge"

Today I realized just how close I am to losing it completely...

My paycheck did NOT show up in my account today. I wasn't sure what to do about cat food. Himself pointed out that we had a ton of his water bottles to recycle, so why not take them to be recycled? (He likes the flavored fizzy water you can pick up at any grocery store. Hey, at least he drinks them!) So after Tea, Morning Pages, and breakfast, we loaded up the car and took the bottles and empty cat food cans over to our local recycling place. We got enough money from that to get enough cat food for the weekend, plus some of Himself's denture glue.

After we finished the recycling and shopping, we came home. I realized my nerves were completely shot, and that this had been building throughout the week. I had more patience with the cats than I did with my humans today! 

Speaking of the cats, Inkblot finally got his Cone of Shame removed. The first thing he did was start grooming himself. He took a brief break to have an early lunch, which was a can of "people tuna," the first he'd ever had, I believe. (I have a small stash handy, for emergencies and/or special occasions.) He ate way more of it than Pippa did, yet still came back later in the day for more to eat! I would have thought I would have had "tuna coma" after his special meal, but I guess he was too excited to have his life restored to normal. ;)

I had a later lunch than the cats did: veggie tortilla soup, with the last of the rice from the rice cooker mixed in, and a salad. It settled my nerves a little, but not my tension headache. We changed our plans for this evening and went to our weekly meetings in San Diego. After the meeting, I finally started to feel like something other than a raw nerve. (I can feel absolutely horrid going in, yet be restored to a level of sanity when I come out.) It came to me to say that I had been experimenting with new levels of Powerlessness and Unmanageability, so my sense of humor is still intact at least.

I had to go to a second Walmart after the meeting to get a flavor of cat food that wasn't at the first one. Before I went, I found fifty cents in my meeting bag. Good thing, because after all was said and done, the total at checkout was six cents more than I originally had. So something went my way at the end of the day.

I will see if I can get some rest this weekend. There may be some juggling of plans, but I'll see what I can do. Maybe I need to fantasize about my "dream vacation" again.

Day 167: on things going slightly awry

This was one of those Testing the Patience days...

Inkblot went to the vet and got his sutures removed, BUT the Cone of Shame has to stay on one more day to make sure all of the wounds are sufficiently scabbed over. I will swear to you he knew something was supposed to happen but didn't, as his tail was thumping mightily against the carpet while he was lying down, after we got home. (That means he was right peeved!) He's now asleep on the far end of the dining room table, where all of the paperwork winds up. Go figure.

We paid a visit to an attorney this afternoon to discuss our financial options. Bankruptcy is still a ways off, fortunately, but after considering the advice we were given, I have some more questions, so I will be making a phone call tomorrow to get some clarification. Then I should be able to make some choices come Monday.

Speaking of, I finally got the notification that my timesheet for the first part of the month was approved, after having turned everything in this past Monday. Now I'm praying really hard that the paycheck gets deposited tomorrow! Oy, oy, oy.

On another related note - the paperwork from both the DMV and the Queen Mother's doctor's office arrived today. Guess what? NO mention of being certified disabled from either one of them! Quick rant: how bloody difficult is it to get the piece of paper that says she's eligible for a vehicle placard or license plates, people?! The Queen Mother has suggested that we scour the paperwork that we have here to see if we have such a record, and I will have a hearty laughing scream if we find such paperwork tucked away in a file somewhere here.

If the search turns up nothing over the weekend, then we will all need to head over to the DMV office on Monday, with the disabled plate in question (yes, I kept the plates for sentimental reasons when we had to let her car go, and I'm totally glad that I did!)

This is the time to remember my tools: Breathe Deeply. Prioritize. Take the Next Indicated Step. Act Just For Today, One Day at a Time. All of this, too, shall pass, even if the outcome isn't precisely what I want. It will be what I need.

So. Moving Onward!

Day 166: on a vernal equinox adventure

On our way to grab groceries today, the skies opened up with rain, and there was thunder and lightning...and a German Shepherd running in and out of the traffic lanes! The poor dog had been spooked and was looking for her person, I guess. She ran right in front of our car, but we were going slow, and were able to stop in time. She came and looked in our windows, like she was looking for a ride.

There was a man in a white pickup truck coming from the opposite direction, and he and Himself were able to corral the dog, in the pouring rain. They discussed strategy for a few moments, as I talked to our police department, who suggested to take the dog to the Humane Society at the northeast part of town. So that's what Himself and I wound up doing.

For the most part, she stayed in the back seat of the car. She did try to come up with us at one point, but I managed to finagle her back. She was panting and shaking nonstop; she shook so hard, the car shook with her. (There's a pic of her in my Messenger Stories.) We made our way through the rain, lightning, and traffic, and made it to the Humane Society, with the help of Google Maps. Himself went in to get a leash, then came back to collect the dog. Most fortunately, she was tagged and microchipped, so she would have a happy reunion with her person at the end of the day.

We made it to Walmart after our little side excursion, and Trader Joe's after that. The rain fortunately let up by the time we made it to Trader Joe's. The car totally smelled like wet dog, as did my jeans, apparently - Inkblot gave them the third degree after we got home. (I would have loved to roll down the windows to air the car out, but it was raining too hard for me to do that.)

Usually, I get tense before a thunderstorm, then ease up as it passes. This time, I found myself holding more tension after we got home. I took a few moments after dinner to ground myself thoroughly. Coloring helped with that as well. Hopefully there will come a day when I'm not so tense all of the time... (le sigh)

There will be more rain tonight and tomorrow, but the thunderstorms were forecast only for today. We'll see if the sky growls again tomorrow. Hopefully it won't, because Inkblot is finally due to get his Cone of Shame removed! He'll be a much happier kitty.

As we say, Never a Dull Moment. It was very interesting: sometimes you feel Providence moving in and through your life, other times, you are the Providence moving through someone else's life. Paying it forward. :)

Day 165: on stepping out solo

I had lunch today at a good friend's place. She lives in an Independent Living complex and "hosts" her various friends in the main dining hall. Today it was my turn.

Himself was at home with the Queen Mother, so it was a rare opportunity to simply leave home and NOT think about Caregiving, or worry about mom (or the cats, for that matter), and leave all of the red tape and wolves at the door at home. Mom did come up in conversation, mainly because I was asked.

First course was (for me) a roasted red pepper and tomato bisque, with a trip to the salad bar. I had planned on the veggie rice bowl, but when the sandwich du jour turned out to be a three-cheese grilled cheese sandwich, with carmelized onions and a slice of tomato thrown on for good measure, I requested that instead. My sides were rice pilaf and lemon-garlic spinach, so I was good in that way. The meal was sufficiently decadent; to balance that out, I wound up having a second salad with my dinner (which was simply spaghetti).

When I returned home, everyone was fine and there was no drama to take care of, so I felt rather refreshed. I took a brief nap and did some more coloring in my "spring" mandala. I read my usual newspaper sections (Dear Abby and the comics) along with the monthly Caregiver section the paper is now publishing. It's always good to see what the topics are, and how I resonate with them.

Tomorrow and Thursday we get some more rain (almost unheard of in our neck of the woods), so we'll be staying close to home, at least for most of the day tomorrow. It is shaping up to be a rather decent week. :)

Day 164: on remembering & receiving

Made it to the beach today. Didn't stay as long as I would have preferred, but I remembered the lesson of Going Small: sometimes a few minutes will expand and fill up all of the time. The beach was covered with rocks, with all of the Winter storming we've had, yet at low tide, there was plenty of sand to be seen. We got a chance to see fog actually rolling in. It was really cool watching wisps of mist blowing by only a few feet away at ground level.

I found a pair of magic stones to take home with me: one is a "holey stone" - that is, a hole has been drilled all the way through it by an industrious mollusk, or worn through it by water. (In my case, it was the former.) They are considered very lucky and are variously considered to be protective, and/or revealing the truth about another person if one looks through the hole in the stone. I am very happy to have one that is authentic. The other stone is a mottled black and white stone that fits perfectly in my left hand, and almost perfectly in my right hand. I'm calling it a "worry stone," because I can focus on releasing my worries while I'm holding it. I asked both of them if I could take them home with me, and they said yes.

This turned out to be Himself's last physical therapy appointment through the VA, at least for the time being. He's inspired now to find a program he can sign up for to start swimming and doing some hydrotherapy, as his leg and back muscles won't hurt while exercising in the water. On the way home, the Queen Mother called up all upset about a minor deal. I found myself doing my usual wind-up-to-get-angry, until I realized: if it truly was a minor deal, why was I about to make it a major deal? I actually managed to let it go and not grab it back again; in so doing, I found the Courage to Change the Things That I Can, that is, my own reaction to what I had been given. Hopefully I will remember this beyond today!

After getting Home, Himself went on to the chiropractor to get his final "personal injury" treatment and evaluation. He already has the ball rolling with the VA to get monthly "maintenance" appointments moving forward. I had a phone call to make with one of our more obnoxious creditors, and it went much better than I had anticipated; I made a deal with them that we can live with, at least in the short term. Afterwards, I had a very tasty dinner with a veggie pot pie and a bowl of split pea soup. It boggles my mind that I went so long in life without knowing the joy of split pea soup, but at least I rectified that "error" in my education. ;)

Looking very much forward to tomorrow, as I shall be getting some time out with a good friend, and Himself will be looking after the Queen Mother for once. This Equinox Week is shaping up to be a good one, so far!

Day 163: on an easy sunday

The cats got me up a bit before 9:30 this morning, so I took advantage of the earlier than anticipated start and washed my hair, especially since I couldn't exactly remember when I last washed it. I got out of the shower and dressed in perfect timing to help the Queen Mother with her breakfast.

Himself and I were a bit early to our support group, for once! There was some good sharing had by all, and I confirmed my plans with my friend from the group for early next week. Ocean time will abide until tomorrow, when we shall pay a visit before Himself's mid-afternoon appointment at the VA Medical Center. Today, we paid a visit to Wal-Mart so I could get enough cat food to tide us over until I receive my next paycheck next week.

It was a lovely day to be outside. Tomorrow will be a little cooler, but still sunny enough to visit the beach. It's fixing to rain on the Equinox itself, so I will probably have to postpone my labyrinth visit until after the next storm passes through. In the meantime, I'm happy to soak up some rays and make myself some Vitamin D.

I have the next week to put into my paper calendar, and figure out what needs to be done when, but I'm pretty well ready to begin the next week on a good note, instead of with dread. A nice change of pace! :)

Day 162: on listening in the shadows

Today was a day to note all the little aggravations, sit down with them, and listen to them one at a time to see what story they were trying to tell me. 

The main aggravation was in not getting to the beach today. Between me pulling myself together, Himself pulling himself together, the Queen Mother putting in her two cents, and the absolute chaos on the freeways, I figured that by the time we actually got to the beach, it would be just in time to turn around and come back, to help the Queen Mother with her dinner. 

However, with the first refreshing Spring Beverage in hand (my go-to of Black Tea & Lemonade), I came up with an excellent Plan B: the duck pond at Kit Carson Park, less than five minutes away. We made it there and had a good breather there instead. The pond was almost full to its brim, thanks to all of the Winter rains, and there were many ducks and coots enjoying the renewed pond. There were also at least two turtles there, but they were more secretive, preferring to avoid the attention of all of the people who were out enjoying the fabulous weather.

There was also an astounding number of butterflies fluttering through the air. Their migration has been going on for a week or two now, as they have been flying roughly east-to-west. I also noticed them after we got home, and even took some video of them temporarily inhabiting a flowering tree in front of the condo directly across from us. You can see the video in my Messenger Stories. (I'm not quite ready to pick up the Daily Story thread again just yet; I thought I would give myself until April before I tried again.)

So, I prepared the Queen Mother's dinner, had my dinner, then settled in for some Timed Writing exercises in my trusty Writing Circle journal. The first idea was to write around the idea of "Sacrifice," because I was feeling it coming up again within me. I poured out a lot onto the page in ten minutes, and there was a lot of Resentment that came out as well. Then I turned my attention to how I felt whenever I was requested to do something "Right Now." That didn't flow as smoothly as the first, but more juicy material flowed out through my pen onto the paper. Finally, I put the two together, and found myself writing about the fear of Erasure: that since my needs "didn't matter," I felt like I was in danger of being Erased. What came up and flowed out here was pure gold, and perfectly expressed what I have been feeling, on and off, since I began my Odyssey. I have a few ideas about how to proceed from here.

As I allowed the Shadow Material to percolate, Himself passed along some shocking news: one of our friends (who is a bit older than Himself) is currently in Intensive Care at a nearby hospital, having suffered TWO significant strokes in three days! His situation right now is touch and go, and any prayers that can be made on his behalf would be most appreciated.

I am very glad we will be going to our support group tomorrow. Perhaps our beach time was meant to unfold after that. We shall see.

 

Day 161: on returning to stability

Today the cats woke me up about 15 minutes before the alarm I set was to go off. They've been very good and Patient as of late. I gave them breakfast, then chose to embark into the day. Tea and Morning Pages followed, then my breakfast. Today I had to get Himself to cool his jets and wait until I was ready, when so often it has been the other way around. He wants to make an effort to be more Timely to his appointments, and I can work with that.

We were a few minutes early to his Cognitive Behavior Therapy appointment in Oceanside. I'm glad that he insisted that I tagged along, because today's session included Stretching Exercises and Relaxation Techniques, with the appropriate handouts. These I can share with the Queen Mother, because they can all be done from a seated postion.

We saw the traffic going home was already snarling up, so we plotted out a surface-street route to avoid the worst of it. Along the way, we stopped at a Starbucks, and took about fifteen minutes doing nothing but sitting outside and watching planes land at Palomar Airport. (It supports the smaller planes, instead of the commercial jets that land at Lindbergh Field in San Diego.) I actually found myself watching the progress of a wee caterpillar crawling along in front of my feet, while it was being inadvertently helped along by the strong coastal breeze that was rustling all of the plants. We still made it home in time for me to prepare the Queen Mother's dinner, and to make my own.

It has taken me about a week to recover from the Craziness I experienced last week, but I finally feel like I have regained my footing, and am able to move forward reasonably well. The most important thing I did today was to fax the revised medical records request for the Queen Mother to her doctor's office, so I should hear back from them in fairly short order, even if it takes a FedEx delivery to get her records.

Looking very much forward to some well-deserved Beach Time tomorrow. :)

Day 160: on some (more) good adulting

First up today was Inkblot's vet appointment. The good news: he got his drain tube removed. The bad news: he still has some sutures in place, so he will need to wear his cone for one more week. No one is happy about that, least of all him.

Once we got back, I had a late breakfast, then "stood guard" for the Queen Mother while she showered. She said she felt much better today, so that's good. I'm toying with the idea to build in a bit of "downtime" while Himself and/or I am running around taking care of errands, and on days when we don't have to do anything, staying with mom to keep her company. Once we get the money flowing once again, then we can bring in someone once or twice a week so I can get some much needed Respite. I feel (today) like I'm willing to do that.

Speaking of money, today I made several phone calls to work a little more magic to feed the wolves at the door, and they worked. Everyone was willing to work with me. I also found that I could resubmit the form to mom's doctor's office, and they would be willing to dig further back into her records, so I will get that ball rolling post haste.

One appointment tomorrow, in Oceanside, and then we will be free to consider when the best time will be to stop by the beach over the weekend, as the weather will be lovely, and I could definitely use some Doin Nothin by the Ocean! :)

Day 159: on the power of fresh air & sunshine

The day didn't start as well as I would have liked - a "technical glitch" prevented me from getting onto Facebook to watch the SCRC livestream that I wanted to see, so I wound up throwing myself a good old fashioned pity party. By the time either Himself or I figured out to call the office to see what was going on, there were only four minutes left to the seminar, which we discovered had been moved to YouTube. Perhaps I will be able to see it in the future. I did wind up having a good therapeutic writing in my Morning Pages, though, some of it in big block letters, and a few choice words for Mercury Retrograde as well. :p

I had to go out in the afternoon anyway, because 1) in all of last week's craziness, I forgot to stop by our property management office to pay this month's HOA fees, and 2) Himself had an appointment with the Pain Clinic at the VA Medical Center. So I went out into the fresh air and sunshine, and my mood began to change. I responded to the Spring weather from a place deep within, and by the time all was said and done, I felt much better. I needed a shot of the outdoors, apparently!

Paying the HOA was easy - in, out, and done. Himself's appointment was more interesting: he was advised that he could be covered by the VA for either acupuncture OR chiropractic, BUT not both at the same time. (Go figure!) So he opted to be covered for chiropractic, and we were advised of a free acupuncture clinic in San Diego, which I could take advantage of as well. We might be doing that in the future. Then we grabbed a bite to eat at the cafeteria while waiting on his prescriptions to be filled; fortunately, there were no surprise expirations or other delays this time around.

We got home about 5pm, but that wasn't as bad as it could have been, because the Queen Mother's stomach was still back on Pacific Standard Time. I set about fixing her dinner once I had changed clothes and fed the cats, who don't care which time modality we're using, as they are "always" hungry. 

After dinner, I worked some more on my current mandala, and the Queen Mother went to bed early, for all the programs were in reruns and she wasn't feeling well. We talked as I helped her before bed; besides her physical discomfort (which I'm keeping an eye on, she also admitted to feeling lonely and depressed. The sooner we can start bringing outside help in, the better!

Tomorrow it's the cat's turn to get his follow up appointment. He's finished with his pain meds and is now just on antibiotics. Hopefully we can get his drainage tube removed this time, and there aren't any other infections lurking in his leg. We shall see...

Day 158: on clearing the "backlog"

I managed to take care of a few things that I wasn't able to take care of last week, with all of the craziness unfolding around me. One of the phone calls I made was to the DMV to see what had happened to the paperwork I requested last month. Would you believe they said they had already sent it out on February 20th? They assured me they would reprint the information today and resend it tomorrow.

I have also sighted the summit of the mountain. Himself managed to reach his VA attorney, who said they were actually going to submit their case in the next two weeks, and that we should have at least a verdict by the end of April. With Mercury in retrograde, we want them to take all the time they need to make sure all of their ducks are in a row. So the summit is a little further up than I thought it would be, but I have an endpoint here as well. Now I need to conjure up some Loaves and Fishes magick on my end, so I can get some bills paid.

I'm still edging out of Survival Mode, and writing around the thoughts and feelings that are arising. More on this as I continue processing.

Inkblot is finally interested in Going Outside, but he is still under "house arrest" until the Cone of Shame is removed. Hopefully the vet will be able to remove his drain on Thursday, which will make him feel better. I brushed him today, as he hasn't been able to groom himself while wearing his cone.

I am still rather Tired, so I think I will sign off here. I will definitely have more to share tomorrow.

Day 157: on getting a second wind

I had a nap in the middle of the day today, and I finally feel like I've gotten my second wind, after the craziness of the past week or so.

Inkblot went back to the vet today. His temperature is still good, but he was developing a secondary infection on the back of his leg. The vet lanced and drained it, and left it open. Hopefully it won't need a drain as well; we should know for sure on Thursday. He's more alert with each passing day. Pippa is still not willing to eat beside him at mealtime, but at least she's coming back later to eat. I keep reassuring her that her brother has not been replaced by a Lesser Demon from the Evil Vet's Office. ;)

Once we took care of the cat, we went down the the pantry at Jewish Family Services and stocked up on a few things. Hopefully this will be the last visit we make as recipients, and we can return as donors next time. 

The Queen Mother is "not feeling well" and says she hasn't for the past few days. She says she is experiencing waves of vertigo and some nausea. I will be keeping a closer eye on her this week. Fortunately, there are no appointments tomorrow, so perhaps I can finally Adult a bit more effectively and play some catchup while staying close to home. 

Himself made an appointment for this Wednesday with the pain clinic, so perhaps we will finally get to the bottom of his "Mystery Strain." He's moving better overall, and even resumed driving this evening, but he's not yet a happy camper. I'm visualizing that if something is found, that it's nothing super horrid.

It's raining lightly outside, and this looks like the last bit of rain for a while. Most of California is now out of the drought, at least for now. We shall see what things look like at the end of summer; today, we are grateful.

That's about it from here. Slowly, I regather myself and shift back out of Survival mode... 

Day 156: on the "23 hour" day

Daylight Savings Time has kicked in for most of the US, and there are half a dozen articles online saying why it's "bad" for you, but does anyone care?

It will take me a few days to get adjusted to it, as I don't like losing an hour of sleep at night, and I will be a bit crankier than usual for about a week or so. On the other hand, there's a part of me that will be very happy seeing sunlight after 7pm, even if it's only the last bit of light blue sky after sunset, at present.

We planned ahead and sprang the clocks forward before we went to bed; even so, we were a bit late making it to our Sunday support group meeting, as it took forever for everyone to get out of bed and get going, so much that I was beginning to snap and snarl before I stopped and focused my attention completely on my breakfast.

After the support group, we made a stop at Walmart to get cat food and fresh kitty litter, as both cats are going to make significant use of the litterbox for the next two weeks, while Inkblot heals up. He took his meds like a champ this morning, swallowing them down and everything. I praised him effusively.

I drove Himself to a meeting about halfway between home and San Diego this evening. (As much as I like being in control behind the wheel, I will be happy when I no longer have to be his chauffer.) When we got to our destination, we were greeted by a symphony of frogs, that had no doubt been rejuvinated by the rain. They are in luck, as there is more rain scheduled for tomorrow and possibly Tuesday before we dry out and heat up a bit once again. 

As soon as I can tuck the Queen Mother in for the night, I will be passing out myself. I have a feeling we will all sleep very soundly tonight.

Day 155: on taking a step forward

We got up earlier than normal to take Inkblot back to the vet to check his temperature. The bad news was that it was still high, so they took him back to give him IV fluids to cool him down, but he was going to need to stay at the clinic for most of the day. I found myself secretly relieved, that he was going to be in good hands instead of being underfoot for the day. This also meant that I was going to need the car for the day so I could pick him up in the afternoon. Fortunately, Himself made alternate transportation arrangements to get to his monthly meeting.

I had my Tea and Morning Pages ritual, I did the laundry, I had a nap, and I took out the trash and recycling while the weather was still good. I showered when I was done, then collected Inkblot, whose temperature had returned to normal. He went straight into the kitchen once he was home, and had a bit of dinner, and visited the litterbox. He's been pretty well zonked ever since. We're taking turns keeping an eye on him. 

Because of Inkblot, and because the Queen Mother has refused all responsibility around him, we stayed local this evening, returning home after the usual Saturday night meeting early because of Himself's "strained" muscle. More and more, he believes something is actually torn instead of merely being strained, so we plan to make some noise come Monday to see if we can't get this situation looked at more closely and perhaps re-diagnosed.

Some good news awaited me in the mailbox when we got home: the Queen Mother has had her IHSS hours increased, so the re-certification went through. The new hours go into effect April 1st, so that's our firm deadline to get her switched to the Working Disabled program, and OFF of the income-based version of Medi-Cal. Now that I have an actual timeline to go with my actual goal, I feel revitalized and am preparing to go "Once More Unto the Breach," per King Henry V in the Bard's play, come Monday.

We will be setting our clocks ahead before bed tonight, as Daylight Savings Time kicks in. I have some thoughts around that, which I will share tomorrow. :)

Day 154: on new medical adventures

I had a new curveball thrown my way today - not regarding Himself, the Queen Mother, or me. Today was Inkblot the cat's turn. :p

I noticed yesterday morning that he wasn't putting any weight on his right foreleg, so I felt his leg, but didn't feel anything broken. I thought I saw one owie on the upper foreleg, so I took a wait and see attitude. He was still cleaning his plate at mealtime, and still using the litterbox without an issue. Today he was much more sluggish, sleeping most of the day, feeling warmer than usual to the touch, and the upper part of his leg was swelling up. Not good signs. :(

Himself stepped up to the plate, as my mind totally locked up over this latest development. He made phone calls, looked at websites, and did the legwork; as a result, we found a vet clinic just down the street from where we live (and we have driven by their office many times), right next door to an organization called Helping Paws. They provide financial assistance to active military members, veterans, and their families. After speaking with them, they said they were willing to cover whatever costs we incurred. I am tremendously grateful both to them, and to Himself, who found them when I was struck dumb by Overwhelm.

Now to our "overachiever"...one owie wasn't good enough for him. He had multiple puncture wounds along his leg, a few of them deep enough to require draining, so he has a drain in place, and is wearing the Cone of Shame for the second time in his life. We came home with antibiotics and pain meds; now the trick will be to get him to ingest them, willingly or no! (Perhaps if they are chicken or tuna flavored?) If we didn't have financial assistance, the total cost was still a fraction of what we would have paid at our former vet clinic. In addition, this clinic has a membership which allows for free exams and vaccinations. Guess what we're signing up for, once we have the means?

We will be taking him back tomorrow to make sure his fever has gone down, and then again on Monday to get his drain removed. The Cone of Shame stays on for two weeks. 

If Himself is correct, his VA attorney has filed their argument on his behalf, along with their demand letter, with the Board of Veteran's Affairs this week. They are expecting a response by the end of this month/the start of April. PLEASE pray that this comes to pass!

Day 153: on stabilizing

The cats didn't wake me up until it was almost time for my alarm to go off; yes, I set an alarm so I can get up in time to help the Queen Mother with her breakfast. I was primarily preoccupied with Himself after rising and shining, as he was still challenged in putting weight on his right leg without his thigh muscles screaming in protest.

Despite this, I had enough sense to heat the water for my tea and let it steep. Before I settled in with my Morning Pages, I checked my voicemail, and received a message from the Appeals representative from Medi-Cal. There will be a share of cost, but it won't go into effect until April 1st, so I have until then to get the Queen Mother off of income-based Medi-Cal. Himself jumped in with opinions about what to do next - and I wound up having a decent-sized meltdown because I just wanted to concentrate on Tea and Morning Pages! Fortunately, he backed off and apologized, and I took pen to paper and wrote myself into a place of Stability.

When I was done, I had breakfast, then took a shower. By this time, Himself decided a bit of Mind Over Matter was needed, and he pulled himself together enough to get out of bed and into the shower. It was much easier to help him after I had showered. We then headed out to do some much needed grocery shopping; thanks to the generosity of Himself's stepmother (my stepmother-in-law?), I was able to save some of our precious resources for later in the month. 

We got home and took care of dinner in time for my caregiver support group, which I totally needed this evening! Granted, Himself's current medical adventure will be a brief one, especially compared to the Queen Mother's Long Walk Home, but I'm not handling this iteration of the whole Caregiving for Two gig as gracefully as I would like. Oddly enough, the slower either one of them is moving from Point A to Point B, the faster I feel like I should move to "compensate" in some fashion. Food for thought...

We came home a bit earlier than usual, and Himself is now resting. Tomorrow he intends to make his VA appointments, and I will be driving, as I have been for the past two days. I actually prefer to be behind the wheel, because (I realize) this is one of the few places I DO have a measure of Control, and driving is something that requires all of my focus, so I have a good reason to tune out anything that I might consider a "distraction."

I'm in a much better place now than I was this morning, and especially yesterday. :)

Day 152: on tossing plans out the window

As I am learning, through reading and listening to other Caregivers' stories, and through my own experience, sometimes the plans you have for the day get tossed out of the window when a Situation arises. Such was the case today.

Yesterday evening, Himself was complaining of some cramping in his right thigh. We both thought it was simply a matter of dehydration, so he added some electrolytes to his water and we both thought he would be fine in the morning. He wasn't. Standing up was excruciating, sitting down wasn't too much better, and the only real relief he seemed to get was through lying down. So after we pulled ourselves together, off to the ER (at the VA Medical Center in La Jolla) we went, carefully driving through the raindrops.

All told, it was an eight hour visit, which in the grand scheme of things, was not too bad. The good news is that he didn't have a blood clot in his leg; they finally said that  his pain was from a severe muscle strain, though neither one of us has a clue as to how that came about. We returned home with a muscle relaxant and instructions to put heat on the leg as needed.

As I had only snacked on pretzels since breakfast, I was very Hungry when we finally left the hospital. Himself pulled up the nearest Carl's Jr. location on Google Maps and paid for my dinner, so I got a chance to try their new Beyond Star veggie burger. It was pretty tasty. He ate once we got home.

Tomorrow is going to be a day of errands outside the home, rain or shine. The latest forecast calls for more on and off showers through the week, clearer skies for the weekend, then a bit more rain to start the week. Last night we heard the unexpected Boom! of thunder from a lightning strike half a mile away, and some more distant rumblings the rest of the night. Pippa went and hid in our closet, but Inkblot stayed on the bed. We shall have to see if any other thunderstorms come our way over the next few days.

I'm going to wind it up here and see if I can't relax some more this evening. For the moment at least, all is and remains well. :)

Day 151: on easing through the narrow canyon

My moods reflected the weather today: where it was sunny-cloudy-sunny-cloudy-rainy-cloudy outside, I moved between calmness, depression, hope, anxiety, and back to serenity, or an iteration thereof, inside. 

I stayed home while Himself went to his acupuncture appointment so the Queen Mother could take her weekly shower. She has chosen Tuesday to be her shower day, for reasons that make sense only to her. I finished up my tea and Morning Pages while I waited for her to get ready. It was a good session in the Pages today, as various disparate thoughts coalesced into something of an enlightening whole. Between the Pages and Passages in Caregiving - which I am moving through slowly, so I can digest all of the Wisdom from the stories that are told in the book - I find that I am slowly detaching myself from the Queen Mother, so my life CAN continue after hers ends, whenever that happens. I haven't even sighted that mountain range yet. 

Himself returned home just as mom finished in the shower, so he "disappeared" into the living room while mom inched her way to the bathroom. I helped her dry off, then applied lotion on her back and legs. Once she was back in her room getting dressed, I showered, had my breakfast, then Himself and I went grocery shopping. It started raining just as we finished up. (Rain is expected to fall off and on for the rest of the week, clear up for the weekend, then start again on Monday.)

Because it was raining, and it was late and getting later, Himself rescheduled his other appointment of the day to Friday. I appreciated the rescheduling very much, as I was beginning to become very anxious about going to the appointment with him. I didn't think there was any way we would be able to get back before 4pm, and perhaps not until even 5pm, due to the evening commute, and for some reason, that was Just Not Tenable, not today!

Through writing in the Pages, I have also seen the difference between Depression then and now: when it came to visit in the past, I just went along for the ride. Now, when it comes to visit, I dip into my toolbox to prevent it from taking the wheel. To thwart my anxiety, I retreated to bed for a few minutes, and said the Serenity Prayer like a mantra in my head, while I slowed and deepened my breathing. I am lighting my Himalayan Salt candle to put some negative ions in the air, similar to sitting on the beach. When I finish with this entry, I will go back to coloring my mandala, in an effort to "turn off" the nervous chatter in my mind.

Last night I challenged myself to come up with ten low or no cost ways to gain some Respite for myself; the exercise stretched into today and I had twenty ways, more than half of them "No-Cost," when I was finally done and satisfied. That is a list I can rely upon as I continue up the mountain.

Right now, in this moment, all is well. I choose to remember that as I ease through the rest of this day and into the next.

Day 150: on minding the details

Himself and I stuck with our intention from last night, and got up a bit earlier than usual today to tidy up the house, prior to the case manager from IHSS coming over to evaluate the Queen Mother. Once things were squared away to our satisfaction (though mom had some more input to share once we said we were done), Himself went back to bed. I had my tea to help me wake up and try to chase off the headache, which had returned overnight. I also filled out the paperwork required by the case manager, which was basically a list of the Queen Mother's doctors (very short) and her medications (a little bit longer). Mom is actually in decent physical shape, all things considered - she's only taking a handful of over the counter supplements, and doesn't have any prescriptions to be filled or refilled. Her mental state is another story, with the Dementia taking a little more of her mind every day. :(

The case manager came by and asked the Queen Mother questions, which I helped to answer, then mom signed a few forms, and that was that, or so we thought. We received a call a few hours later saying there was an issue with the Queen Mother's Medi-Cal: it was showing as "terminated," and without Medi-Cal, mom would be ineligible to be helped through IHSS. Could we call over and see what was going on?

As far as we knew, the appeal that we had filed was still in process. So I called the agent who had worked with me on the appeal, and she double checked: yep, it was still In Process, so the Queen Mother's Medi-Cal should still be good. She sent an email to the appropriate parties today, and I will call tomorrow to make sure the message was received, especially since it was hinted that there would be a modest increase in the number of hours for me to help mom out. (We are still waiting to hear word back from the DMV as to when she was certified as "disabled.")

I stepped out briefly to get a flavor of cat food I had been unable to get on Sunday, then had my nap as Himself took care of his business. I was up in time for dinner, and in checking my bank balance, saw I needed to make one more quick call to stop one more automatic payment from my account. I did, and realized I was feeling a little anxious afterwards. I should have enough money to cover the HOA fee, once I receive my paycheck, which should be in a few days...

I am exhausted from having to keep an eye on the hundred little details as we wait on other folks to make decisions and give authorizations. I have been indulging in some heavy duty Procrastination as of late, doing only what is most needful, when it's most needful. I find myself praying a little every day for things to go our way Sooner, rather than Later. I will be glad when we reach the summit of this mountain we are climbing. It seems we have entered the mists on our climb; when they clear, we will see how close the summit actually is.

Tomorrow begins another round of appointments for Himself, so perhaps I will find some distraction by focussing on those details instead. Meanwhile I keep putting one foot in front of the other, and do what needs to be done Just for Today.

Day 149: on crawling foward

I didn't make it to our usual Sunday support group, though Himself did. Between being in the middle of my Moonflow and having a gnarly tension headache, I did the bare minimum today. My usual tea did help dissipate the headache, but I had to wait out the Depression that had also come along to visit. I'm still smarting a bit from all of the drama llamas running around yesterday, and have made up my mind to wait at least until Mercury is no longer retrograde before I even think about returning to Social Media, which will be in early April sometime.

I managed to rouse myself enough today to step out and get some cat food, and I also had Himself get some more yogurt for the Queen Mother. Help is on the way and we should receive all of it in the next few days.

Tomorrow our IHSS social worker will be paying a visit to see how the Queen Mother is doing. As she is still handling the basics of feeding, dressing, and toileting herself, I don't anticipate an increase in hours for her. As long as she still qualifies, that will  be just fine. Both Himself and I will see if we can make an effort in tidying up the house a bit before she comes, and there will most likely be a nap afterwards.

I will be okay. There are some months when it's very challenging to keep my head above water while I bleed freely...

Day 148: on the turning of the day

By and large, it has been a good relaxing day. It rained off and on today, and there looks to be more rain coming along in the next week. March isn't coming in like an angry lion, but the lion is soggy and making its presence known. 

Today I've been listening to my body and pacing myself. Yes, I was on a conference call today. Yes, I did a bit of work on the computer. Mainly, though, I have been quietly reading and enjoying the respite.

I chose to jump on Instagram earlier this evening and watch a Live from one of my favorite accounts, and that turned out to be a huge mistake. Yesterday there was an apparent misunderstanding that should have been settled privately, but it was taken public instead, and a molehill was turned into Mount Everest, with followers from both affected accounts getting into screaming arguments from behind their keyboards. The whole thing disgusted and sickened me...I had considered Instagram my Happy Place, relatively free from the drama flung around on Facebook and Twitter, but I guess I wasn't following enough accounts. At any rate, the drama llamas were still stampeding today, and I am officially Over It All.

I'm taking a long breather from ALL of the Social Media outposts, perhaps a permanent one. I simply don't have the bandwidth right now to wade through drama llama stuff, not with my current situation. I don't like what we as a species are becoming under the influence of Social Media - so rigid and inflexible in what we believe is "Right." This is how Inquisitions get off the ground, just saying. The other main takeaway from all of this is: if you want to get people to lose their minds, talk about Money and Pursuing Your Dreams. That's all I'm going to say about that.

I have talked with my cats, and feel calmer now. I will go back to my offline activities, add in a few more, and find a different happy place, one far far away from the Internet, as soon as it stops raining. ;)

Day 147: on a long and smooth day

I wound up waking up getting up at 5:30 this morning and am glad that I did. I was able to shower, get the cats fed, and get the Queen Mother's breakfast ready before we left for the VA Medical Center. We got there on time for the appointment, but they were short-staffed today, and it was about an hour's delay before they took Himself back to get him ready for his appointments. I was invited back for a few minutes before they wheeled him away to the exam room. I then went downstairs and got myself a bit of cottage cheese to go with my pair of tangerines for a small breakfast.

Himself's GI tract is practically normal these days, so the CBD oil is doing its work. There were a few samples sent to Pathology, out of an abundance of caution. Once he was sufficiently awake, I wheeled him out and down to the car, and we went to Milton's Deli for a celebratory brunch. Once a month, we splurge on ourselves. While he had a french toast combo, I had Huevos Rancheros, eggs scrambled atop corn tortillas and covered in cheese, with semi-refried beans on the side, along with a bit of salsa fresca. (Small confession: I have lived in California most of my life, and New Mexico for a few years when I was a little girl, and until today, I had not indulged in this quintessential Mexican breakfast. I filled that deficit today.)

We got home and I made those essential calls I had not gotten around to making yesterday. I was successful in easing the financial burden at the start of the month; here's hoping the end of the month is abundant! Afterward, I had a nice nap.

Besides having to get up early for Himself's "surveillance" appointments, I started my Moonflow today. Oh, what fun. :p Fortunately, my weekly meeting tonight was smaller than usual, so it was shorter than usual. We had enough time afterwards to make a nocturnal stop at our favorite beach. The salt air was not as chilly as it had been a month or two ago, and we could see it was high tide, as the waves were surging over almost all of the beach. (We have narrow beaches in San Diego county. The beaches north of us in Orange county are wider, and the ones in the Bay Area seem to stretch on for miles and miles before you get to the shore - at least, that's my perspective.)

We still got home a bit earlier than usual, and I have comfortably switched into my pajamas and am calling it a night. Both Himself and I will be sleeping like babies tonight. Tomorrow I am planning on doing very little, if anything. :)