Day 327: on venturing out once more

Today flowed nicely, and I am grateful for that. :)

I managed to accompany Himself to his latest Cardiac session, and finally got an opportunity to move my muscles. Needed to make a few adjustments since I'm a bit out of practice, but I felt like I had accomplished good things when I was done. I walked on the fancy treadmill at the end of my session, and was entertained by watching a video of walking on the beach. I'll take this option over plain old TV any day of the week.

We had enough time between the session and Himself's appointment at the Pain Clinic to get some lunch. He got a chicken sandwich; I got a black bean burger with all the fixings and some salt-and-vinegar chips to go with it. I love salt-and-vinegar chips. They might not be number one all the time, but they're definitely in my top three.

Then it was a (roughly) five minute drive from Scripps La Jolla to the VA Medical Center, where we totally lucked out in finding a parking spot at the front of the facility. The disabled license plates do come in handy sometimes. It was a new physician Himself spoke with today, so there was a little more review than usual of Himself's previous medical visit. In the end, we're going to see if we can't get the VA to pay for some more chiropractic sessions, probably get a bit more physical therapy for Himself's shoulder, and see about free Yoga for Veterans. That would be nice.

We got home in a reasonable time this afternoon, and I prepared the Queen Mother's dinner as usual, then went and laid down to rest my back (speaking of chiropractic visits, I need to schedule a few for myself). When I was finally ready for dinner, I was content to have a nice big salad, mixing in some baby greens and mushrooms to the remains of a veggie antipasto salad Himself had brought home for me a few days ago. It was all very tasty.

Tomorrow I will be going with Himself to a social luncheon tomorrow to meet with friends. I am getting back into circulation and it feels lovely. :)

Day 305: on a trending up tuesday

I will admit, I started the day with some "existential anxiety," a dread that wondered who is next? where next? what next? It was not the best scene in my head initially. I almost stayed home when Himself went to his Cardiac session, but I talked myself into it, and was glad I went. I had missed those endorphins and needed them today.

I have a routine: cross-trainer (works arms and legs,) arm bike, recumbent bike (I will use the regular stationary bike if the recumbent ones are all occupied), recumbent elliptical, finally treadmill. Tomorrow Himself is planning on going again, and hitting the weights this next time. I might join him in lifting and toning.

We were delayed by traffic in getting home, plus I needed to stop in at Trader Joes for some breakfast essentials. I started water for pasta first, then got the Queen Mother's dinner together, then returned to my own. Pasta tonight, bean burritos tomorrow. I indulged in a little extra chocolate for dessert, because my body said so.

The Queen Mother is making her way into her bedroom, so I will finish up here and wait for her to call for me so I can tuck her in. :) 

Day 278: on powering through

I took a deep dive in the Morning Pages today. Most of the time I can only manage one page, though when I have more time in the morning, I can often whip out two. Now and again, I manage to do the three pages that are recommended. Today was a three-page day; I was about to wind down, but a bit of Frustration needed a platform to be witnessed, so I let my pen continue to flow across the paper until it was done. 

The gist of the Frustration: my biggest drain in Caregiving is not Physical; it's Mental. It's having to remember to be patient when I'm trying to say something to the Queen Mother for the fifth time before she can understand me. It's having to remind Himself of things he needs to do, because the Traumatic Brain Injury has ruined his (short-term) memory. It's having to keep track of what appointment is coming up next, and what tasks need to be handled next - which is why I'm a list making fiend. Sometimes I feel like I need a (virtual) secretary to help keep track of everything!

Be it venting in the Morning Pages, or be it having two days in a row of significant errand-running, I felt Depression on the other side of the mental door, wanting to persuade me how it would be So Much Better to Stay Home and Let Go of All the Responsibility. I got in touch with the Anger that was wanting to turn inward and let it out in my workout today. Once again, I crushed it on the various machines, burning the calories and breaking a decent sweat. Today I got my Hardcore Sparkle on. ;)

Once again, we got a bit of a late start out the door, so once again, we were rather late getting back to the house. The Queen Mother grumbled a little bit, but not too much. After dinner I finally relented and had a bit of a nap, then colored in my mandala book when I woke back up, finishing up one mandala (which I posted in my Messenger Stories) and worked some more on another one. I've drifted away from the coloring, and I want to get back into it on a more regular basis.

Tomorrow there are no appointments, so it feels like a good time to tie off some loose ends of a domestic nature, and perhaps finally get around to returning those phone calls I received late last week! At least I won't have to jump out of bed in the morning...

Day 276: on a promising start

I'm not sure if I hit the ground running, exactly, but it was fluid movement from task to task today, so that was a good thing.

While Himself was on the computer after showers and breakfasts, I made an "Executive Decision" to go get cat food and other essentials By Myself. This way, I could address my latent Time Anxiety by doing what I needed to do and not have to worry about waiting on anyone else before getting to the doing. That part was successful.

Once I got back home, Himself was ready to go, so we stopped off at the credit union. I dropped off my paperwork and got some money for bills, and he disputed a payment that was withdrawn from his account without his consent. Though the bills were ready to go, they didn't get paid today. One day more or less won't make a huge difference, though.

Himself and I got good workouts in today. I wound up working out for the equivalent of four miles: one on the cross trainer, one on the recumbent elliptical, one on the hand bike, half a mile on the stationary bike, and half a mile on the treadmill. I am beginning to challenge myself on some of the machines now. 

Though we are officially in "Vacation Season," there were a couple of accidents in the carpool lanes, so we had to take surface streets to bypass the worst of the traffic. By the time we finished the latest Cardiac session and navigated our way home, it was nearly 6:00! Fortunately the Queen Mother wasn't too upset, as she isn't quite back to feeling her usual self. I set about to get her dinner together, then made myself some spaghetti dinner with a nice salad.

I had a good start today, even if I spent some decent time juggling all of the tasks I need to see about getting done this week. Moving on to tomorrow, and the Queen Mother's next doctor's appointment!

Day 273: on the challenge of keeping the faith

A day of the Heavies, shot through here and there with Inspiration.

I am getting good at channeling the Blah energies into fuel for my workout. I can crush goals on a couple of the devices, and a couple of the other devices steep me in Humility. All in a day's work.

I am also good at turning the attitude around in my Friday night meeting. Our stories are not identical, but there are enough similarities where we find Common Ground, and can commiserate.

Aside from these intervals, though, the day has been Heavy with all the things Yet To Be Done. Some of them are doable, but others seem to be well out of reach. I'm having a bit of difficulty keeping the faith at the moment, especially since the Light at the End of the Tunnel turned out to be, once again, a fast moving freight train.

I'm going to try my very best to Do Something this weekend, but if I wind up Doing Nothing again, c'est la guerre.

Day 271: on screwing my head on straight

With the most intense of the eclipse energy ebbing, I managed to pick up my head and screw it back onto my body. The only thing I can do right now is Persevere, so that's what I set out to do.

I received a call from PACE - a group that helps with the elderly in San Diego County - and will be calling them back on Friday. I also talked with another group I was referred to, specifically for help with the Queen Mother's Medi-Cal situation, and set up a phone appointment to speak with them on Friday. Himself tied off his loose ends with applying for various programs online, then we made our way down to La Jolla to work out.

After himself gets checked in, the staff take his blood pressure and assign him a little heart monitor he wears in a pouch around his neck, so they can keep an eye on how well his heart is doing. As I am the "healthy" spouse, I don't get a little heart monitor. Then he is / we are put through his / our paces on the various machines. Today I diverged from what he was doing when I went to the reclining eliptical and he took on the Stairmaster, but we came back together to finish up on the treadmill. I got my Sparkle on once again. ;)

It was nearly 4:00 when we were finally finished, and there was the pre-holiday traffic to contend with on the way home - until we got to the 15. While the traffic was frightful on the highway itself, it was nearly delightful in the carpool lanes, which we were able to take full advantage of. We were not nearly as delayed as we thought we were going to be, but we kept to our plan of grabbing some takeout (our monthly treat) and stopped at Panda Express before we arrived home.

The fact that we stopped to grab takeout helped lift my spirits today. Just the idea that we were doing something that "normal" people do without a second thought (most of the time), brought a bit of "normalcy" back into my life. It might sound very weird, but if you're ever at the point where eating out is a rare luxury, especially when you once rarely gave it a second thought, you might get it.

Once home, I got dinner ready for the Queen Mother, and after a handful of  interruptions, got a chance to eat my own dinner. I especially enjoyed the fortune cookie with some dark chocolate. Then I had an evening shower because I could not stand my hair another minute, as it felt particularly gross after both working out and my not being able to wash it for a few days. It's nice and clean now, and I won't have to worry about trying to wash it before leaving tomorrow.

We have been invited to a couple of Independence Day parties tomorrow, and we shall be happy to attend them. It will be nice change of pace to get out and Be Social. I feel better about going out tomorrow than I felt about going out for Memorial Day.

For those who will be celebrating tomorrow: may your barbeque be delicious, may your pets be safely indoors, and may you emerge from the festivities with all of your body parts intact. Mind the Fireworks, people! (They are illegal in California, BTW).

Day 266: on entering the last hundred days

This is the first day of the last hundred days of my year-long blogging project. I am totally pleased with myself that I have not missed a day, though I have tweaked the clock several times to make sure I fit into the parameters. I intend to continue this blog after the initial project comes to a graceful conclusion, though I don't think I will be posting every day. If nothing else, I will be taking weekends off, perhaps holidays as well, and I will think very hard about posting during a Mercury Retrograde period. ;)

As I enter these last hundred days, I am finally seeing some shifting in my attitude. I'm not quite ready to sing about the hills and the Sound of Music just yet, but I am not nearly as dense and Heavy as I was when I started. A lot of this I attribute to working out with Himself as he rehabilitates his heart. I seem to be getting as much out of the sessions as he is, if not a little more. Today Himself and I tackled the Stairmaster, after which my legs were hating on me for a few minutes. I rested and finished up my day on the hand bike, after which my arms started hating on me for a few minutes. The stiffness and soreness were short-lived, though, as I rested and drank my water. Once again, I got my Sparkle on (aka, broke a sweat).

I move my body and breathe in more oxygen. I move my body and start dropping some weight. Right now, I'm down some 15 pounds from when I first considered Intermittent Fasting a few months ago, and some 25 pounds from my heaviest point. Not eating as much for as long is also helping me regain some focus and some Serenity. I'm no longer trying to Eat My Emotions as fast as I could shovel food down my throat, and I'm making an effort to eat more nutritious things and cut back on those comfort foods. I stray outside the "fasting zone" on occasion, but I've so far managed to get back on track within the next day or so. Tomorrow in fact I'm going to have a fruit breakfast because I had a little extra today.

I am still hopeful that I will finish this blogging odyssey in a radically different place than when I started it; at the very least, I have begun Unsticking myself in significant ways. This weekend I have that paperwork that I will tackle for good before I move on to the next task. As Himself will be fulfilling some commitments in San Diego, this gives me some windows of opportunity to get some good work done. Though my words might be few and my posts brief, I will be checking in.

Here's to everyone having a nice restful weekend before we enter the July Fry...and Eclipse Season.

Day 264: on single tasking

I chose to go with Himself to his Cardiac Rehab session today. We worked out for a little more than an hour; today I finally broke a sweat, or as I said to the staff, "I got my Sparkle on." ;) One thing I do know: I am not fond of the elliptical machine At All. I feel like I'm going to fall off of it at any moment. I think I'll stick with the recumbent version.

In moving my muscles, to paraphrase Julia Cameron once again, I am moving my mood. I suspect this is one of the reasons Life is not feeling quite so Heavy and Dim  these days. I am wanting to make this a priority in my life, at least for the next two months and a week (According to my calculations, he will finish with these sessions in the first week of September). I found that I didn't get "hangry" as I have in the past, and was able to get through assembling dinners - delayed by an hour and a half due to wending our way home through traffic - without wanting to lose my shit, pardon my French.

Working out was the only thing I managed to get done today, but that's okay. No one has an appointment tomorrow, so I can focus on the more domestic affairs, such as laundry and paperwork. Tomorrow I can feel a different sense of accomplishment. Today's was the satisfaction I had in moving my body, and listening to my body, and knowing when to push, and when to say I'd had enough.

I'm already noticing a difference in how my clothes are fitting. Tomorrow I will weigh myself and see where I am.

Day 258: on teamwork and timing

The next appointment on the agenda was with the special Cardiac dietician at Scripps La Jolla. Himself had an opportunity to discuss with the dietician the special challenges of having a heart healthy diet while missing much of his colon. The big takeaways were to 1) watch the total saturated fat and sodium, and 2) move dat body.

That's exactly what we did afterwards, when we moved over to the workout part of the center and went through the exercises. They encourage spouses to work out with the Cardiac patients to help keep them motivated - and by the way, reap their own benefits from working out. There were four machines altogether that we used: a recumbent version of an elliptical, a stationary bike, a hand bike (where you use your arms to "pedal" along instead of your legs, and a treadmill. For the record, I walked on the treadmill about half a mile faster than Himself did.

Once Himself had been all checked over and checked out, we went over to the VA Medical Center for a "surprise" trip. Himself needed to pick up some paperwork to fill out in order to be reimbursed for Travel to and from Scripps La Jolla. While we were there, we filled a special blue receptacle with medications that had either expired or were no longer being taken. 

A quick trip to downtown San Diego followed, where Himself had a quick discussion with the attorney handling his personal injury case. We drove to the Embarcadero for a quick pit stop; I took a bit of video of the southern bay and posted it on my Messenger. Then we headed home through the traffic, driving out from under the stubborn marine layer and finding clear blue sky as we headed inland.

Our final pit stop was at Trader Joe's, to grab some of the things we had been unable to get the day before. Since we finally got home about 5:20, there was no way I was going to be able to make the Caregiver Support Group at 5:30, since I hadn't had dinner yet! I wasn't as bummed about it as I had been in the past, most likely because of the endorphins that were still buzzing around in my body from the workout earlier.

The most interesting item of news came this morning from Himself's attorney: his case at the Board of Veteran's Appeals was once more before a judge, and they were expecting a decision to be reached in 1-2 months. I am tempted to let everything slide and wait for money to arrive, but I've made that error before, and I really can't afford to do it again. So while that sounds nice, I won't be holding my breath, and I will be moving forward with my action plan in the meantime. Perhaps, though, that "next" summit isn't so tall after all.

Other than getting some more cat food tomorrow, we don't have a huge agenda during the day. I'm hoping to get a nap in at some point before heading out for our Friday meetings. That would be lovely. :)