productivity

As San Diego county proceeds cautiously with emerging from significant shutdown, I have been experiencing bouts of productivity, especially over this past week. The momentum I have been building up with my writing is starting to spill over into other areas of my life. I have helped Himself with cleaning up our bathroom, worked on cleaning the Queen Mother's bathroom, doing some hand-washing of summer dresses (as it promises to be a hot one this year), and sorting through various bills and receipts. Add this to the usual working on dishes and keeping the recycling corner in decent order, and I'm finally starting to feel a bit more like my old self.

I'm also pleased to say that I managed to make some phone calls today that I've been needing to make for a while. I am going to touch base with my case manager at the Southern Caregiver Resource Center to see if he can think of any transportaion options Himself and I haven't found yet for the Queen Mother. I also got some details on arranging a food donation to Jewish Family Services. They were a huge help to us in the lean days, and now we can start paying them back. I plan to send a couple of bags of food from our "pantry" with Himself sometime this week for him to drop off.

Our eye doctor has recently said they are resuming more normal business hours and appointments. I last saw them in March, just as the pandemic craziness was getting off the ground, and subsequently received my first pair of "Mature Woman's Glasses," aka bifocals, at the start of April. I love the lenses, but the glasses themselves don't fit quite right. Now I can go in and get them adjusted, which I will be doing on
Wednesday.

I have noticed that it's much easier to me to stay reasonably sane by staying away from all Social Media and turning my phone on only when I need to, like when Himself leaves to take care of Club business. (He takes all appropriate precautions when he goies out, so no worries there.) If you've been missing me, it's nothing personal. I just prefer to save the drama for the Dalai Lama's mama. ;)

One random thing before I sign off: the volume of mail has gone way down during the pandemic. There have even been days when there hasn't been any mail in our box at all. I must say, even though it's felt a little weird, I haven't missed the half ton of gratuitious ads clogging the mailbox one bit.

That will do it for the moment. Remember, may the odds be ever in your favor!

Day 315: on stepping back in

Yesterday did not start off the best and didn't get significantly better, and it was mainly a self-inflicted reaction to muffed expectations and mis-steps blown way out of proportion. Based on what I noticed after I got home this evening, yesterday's meltdown was also a big marker of Pre-Menstrual Sensitivity, so at least I'm not yet ready for an extended stay at the Psych Ward.

We got the Queen Mother to her appointment yesterday just before the 15 minute cutoff for tardiness. If we had been one minute later, we would have had to reschedule. Besides the gallstones, it was revealed that she has osteoporosis in her hips, so if she falls, that's what is most at risk. Her spine, on the other hand, is still reasonably strong, even if she says it hurts like hell. She is going on Fosamax and we are also going to see if we can find her a petite "donut" cushion for what cushion she has left on her backside.

Once she got home yesterday, she said she felt a bit off, which progressed to feeling "way off" by this morning. My best guess at this moment is that all the stress and effort it takes to leave home and then return again causes a gallstone attack, which she then needs some time to recover from. She seems to have recovered from it by the time we came home this evening, and in fact is staying up a little later than usual to watch one of her favorite shows, NCIS Los Angeles. I am keeping this tendency towards gallstone attacks in mind when booking future appointments for her.

Against the earlier backdrop of uncertainty around the Queen Mother, though, I needed first to drop Himself up for his shift behind the coffee bar at the Alano Club, then return home to make sure mom was okay, then come back down to head up my meeting (as there would not have been anyone else available to do it), and finally pick Himself up from the Club and return home. Today was not as stressful as yesterday was, but the ambiguity present kept me on my toes and on a bit of an edge. 

With all of the minor mishaps and "near misses" of yesterday, I finally declared myself Done and promptly had a full blown meltdown. Besides the aforementioned PMS, I had to admit that I was feeling Really Super Tired, all the way in to my bones. What I need is rest, but outside of my days of bleeding, it doesn't look like I'm going to find it anytime soon. At least those days are actually closer to unfolding than I first thought!

At any rate, I am feeling better now, as I am home, the Queen Mother is feeling much better as well, and we are all resting, even the cats. Tomorrow will be a new, easier and more casual day, and perhaps one where I can find a solution to those pesky ants!

Day 247: on the important business

Himself and I awoke earlier than usual to pop the cats into their carriers and drive over to the Humane Society today to take advantage of their Sunday Vaccination clinics, where we can get their shots for $10 a pop. As they needed their FVRCP vaccines and their Rabies vaccines, that waS $40 total - perfect for folks on a budget like us. Pippa was none too happy with the experience, vocalizing her displeasure all the way down and back; Inkblot, in contrast, barely made a peep. I'm not sure whether he took comfort from his sister's presence, or whether he might actually be getting used to riding in a car. :o

I'm glad we got up and moving when we did: the clinic is on a first-come, first-served basis, and they cut off their intake at 75 critters. We wound up at the "tail end" of the line at numbers 67 & 68. The cats have been hating on us ever since they got home, being friendly for mealtime but not much else. Starting tomorrow, they will be really hating on us once we drop them off at PetSmart! That's where the post-fumigation can of people tuna will come in. ;)

The other miracle of the day came when I tidied up in front of our bed in our bedroom. I managed to get rid of a whole bunch of magazines that I was initially saving for collaging, but popped into the recycling bin instead. There will always be more magazines to peruse and harvest images from! I'm very proud of myself right now for managing to Let Go where I had Clung Tightly before. We also dropped off some clothes and shoes at the Goodwill up the street, as I'm on a bit of a mission to empty out all plastic bags before we leave for a week. I don't want any of the noxious gas to be left behind, waiting for a chance to shoot up any unsuspecting nostrils.

Side note: I have tried in the past to sell clothes before, but the amount I received for my wardrobe castoffs didn't even cover the gas money used to transport them. Unless you're a fashion- forward size two through size six, don't bother; just donate instead. Besides, I found myself holding onto the bags while waiting till the "perfect moment" to sell them, and that meant they were just sitting around doing nothing while I was occupied by Life. I'm working on Just Letting Stuff Go instead of waiting for that Perfect Moment to Sell and Make Money. In the end, I'm remembering it's more about clearing out space and less about gaining pocket money.

Tonight and tomorrow is the packing of all the food we are not taking with us into the special bags. Tomorrow is the day we depart onto our "forced" Fumigation Staycation. I choose to believe I am doing the best I can do, and will just leave the rest for when we return home.

Day 244: on staying close to home

Our sanctuary-from-fumigation plans are coming together. It turns out we are going to be staying at the same place we went to all the way back in 2001, when we previously had to be fumigated. Himself has confirmed with the VFW that they will be paying for our lodging, which is a big weight off of our shoulders. Though the motel ownership has changed several times over the years, they still don't accept pets, but we have a Plan A and a Plan B for the cats, so I'm pretty sure they will be in good hands for the few days we'll be away.

The Queen Mother slept much of the day today, brought down by her Mystery Ailment of Nausea and Dizziness. I keep an eye on her when she's like this in case she does vomit; should that happen, we will be paying a visit to Urgent Care, but so far so good. I suspect that she internalizes stress even more than I do, and rather than express it, bottles it up so tightly that it oozes out as physical illness. I think some geriatric psychiatry would be in order sooner rather than later. 

Between keeping an eye on the Queen Mother and keeping tabs on Himself and the phone calls, I didn't get as much done as I had planned. I find sometimes that it's hard for me to get going, especially when I'm on the verge of diving down the rabbit hole of overwhelm. At one point I was wondering why we were trying to fix something that wasn't necessarily broken, and building up some resentment over it, but it looks like we're going to get a better deal in the end. 

We definitely need to make a run to Petco tomorrow, hopefully before Himself's chiropractic appointment. If the Queen Mother feels better, a meeting would be a good idea as well. All efforts are still being concentrated on preparing for the fumigation; prayers for a easy time would be most appreciated!

Day 242: on returning to calmer waters

I went to the credit union today and sorted everything out. I have some paperwork to fill out for a wee bit of help - which will be moot when Himself's cases are settled - and I will see what I can get done prior to the fumigation. I will see if I can get this squared away by the end of this week.

On the other side of the coin, we are postponing a trip to an estate planner, as we don't have the funds yet, and more to the point, aren't sure when they are going to arrive. Once we have the funds, then we can shop around and see who to go with.,

In the meantime, I have successfully instituted a few new routines to help with some structure and form in my day: to start the day, I wash out the necessary breakfast bowls, and the pot for my tea water if I need to, then fill the pot partway with water and put it on to boil. I then read some daily literature and work my morning prayers while everyone else wakes up or showers. By the time the tea water has boiled and the tea has steeped, Himself and the Queen Mother are taken care of, and I can settle down with my Morning Pages and write to my heart's content.

Sometime after dinner, while Himself is attending to business and the Queen Mother is attending to the news, I put on my shoes and walk around the condo for a couple of laps. It takes me about half an hour, helps with my daily activity and step-count totals, and I am noticing I can work through things in my mind as I move my body, so that's a win-win.

At the end of the day, after I have put the Queen Mother to bed, I inform Himself that I am going to meditate, so that he doesn't inadvertently interrupt me while I'm zenning out. I have a certain technique that I use, and I have been using a special bundle that I put together for Caregiving as my focus. I am finding some inspiration coming through, and I have also noticed I'm getting better sleep. What's also helping in that regard is shutting all devices off at 11pm, to assist further in quieting my mind.

I found myself eyeing Depression before I went to the credit union, but that it dissipated considerably after my visit. I realized that I've become very good at stinking thinking, if not outright catastrophizing, and that I need to retrain myself to accentuate the positive again. I'll see what I can do!

Now I move back to preparing for our Involuntary Staycation... ;)

Day 224: on finishing strong

I rose to the occasion today, making some of my necessary phone calls, finding a new lead or two, and keeping some balls rolling. I washed my hair (which is one of my new barometers for a successful day), got some groceries, and hit up my/our weekly meetings. I handled today Like a Boss.

My renewed vigor was partly the result of the chillaxing day I had yesterday, and partly a suggestion that I followed: Write a Letter to (Your Higher Power). Between writing that letter, reading it aloud, and the meditation I was inspired to do afterwards, I had a significant Come to Mama moment. I experienced a profound Reconnection, and woke up today feeling more grounded and centered than I have in quite a while.

The second part of the suggestion is to take a quiet contemplative walk. I think I can manage that tomorrow, before the next round of rain moves in. The trick might be to get away for a few moments By Myself! I'll see what I can do.

Suddenly Life doesn't seem quite so Heavy, so I'll go with this Flow for now. :) 

Day 174: on a simplified thursday

I finished the last of my "distateful" phone calls today, and took a few deep breaths afterward. Not the way I wanted to disentangle myself from the situation, but I'm hoping that we've bought a little more time to allow for the influx of cash to arrive. Now I can concentrate on the "everyday" bills and dole out money to the various parties.

Speaking of, Himself and I paid a visit to AAA, then to Cox Communications. Our intention was to switch things around to have him pay these bills until the above mentioned cash influx arrives. It turns out we were trying to overcomplicate some rather simple things: for AAA, it would be best for him to give me the money until the policy renews in June, then we can make the necessary switches. For Cox, since it's not an automatic payment, it really doesn't matter which of us makes the payment, as long as it's made. So, life was simplified.

We then journeyed down south to visit the abode of the Queen Mother's bestie, to pick up a couple of packages. It will be the Queen Mother's birthday tomorrow. She got a pair of birthday cards in the mail today, and some others might arrive over the next day or two.

I come to the end of the week in much better shape than I was at the beginning of the week. I have handled my challenging business, and am feeling okay about it. I have short list of things to do over the weekend, but no worries; Monday is going to be another day at the beach, perhaps this time with an actual picnic lunch!

Now I just have to find the Queen Mother's birthday card... :)

Day 97: on a good easy day

It's the first full day of my Moonflow, and I didn't feel super heavy, slow, or melancholy. I find that when I'm given an opportunity to truly rest, and I'm not rushed into any sort of activity, I'm able to keep an even keel much more effectively throughout the day, especially during my Moontime!

I spent much of today coloring in the mandala I had started on Monday, while Himself was getting his PET scan. I made some bold choices toward the end; as the full moon during a lunar eclipse is more often than not red-orange in color (Google it for some spectacular pictures), I made that choice with some of my moons. I'll post the finished picture in the next day or so.

Speaking of Himself, the Oncology case manager called both of us with his test results: all of his bloodwork in regard to his cancer came back happily normal. He had a normal PSA, which means that the "minimal activity" they picked up on the PET scan is indeed related to his tailbone (and surrounding areas) mending. He has been tumor free for 2 1/2 years, and he will be celebrating his 2 year end-of-chemo anniversary at the end of this month. Though we are over the moon happy with him being cancer free, he's still dealing with some of the lingering side effects of his chemotherapy, and he has an appointment with his general doctor next week to discuss that.

I also puttered around in the kitchen a little, putting away clean dishes and corralling some of the recycling together. Maybe I'll load some dishes into the dishwasher tomorrow to get that ball rolling. We'll see how I feel.

Yes, I could have spiralled back into Depression earlier this week, but I made a concerted effort NOT to, and I am continuing my way out of that rut. I find myself able to bounce back a bit quicker than before each time life starts to get Heavy, and I catch it before I go bounding back down the rabbit hole. For this, I am grateful. :)

Day 6: on receiving the "all clear"

The good news Himself and I expected to receive today indeed came: he is still in remission and tumor free. They want to see him in Oncology in three months, and would like him to get another PET scan before coming in. The folks in Nuclear Medicine advised us to call in December to schedule his exam in January. In the meantime, we also needed to coordinate with the Gastro-Intestinal department for his next "coming and going" exam, aka a combined Endoscopy + Flexible Sigmoidoscopy day. This we did get scheduled, and it will be at the beginning of March. After a quick-ish trip to the Pharmacy to renew some of his medications, we turned tail and headed home, an early conclusion to a very early morning.

Although the Benefits side of the Veterans Administration can prove to be quite Vexing at times, both of us are deeply grateful and completely satisfied with the Medical side of the VA. They have covered just about everything in Himself's cancer adventure: the diagnostic tests, the surgeries, the chemotherapy, and the follow up appointments and tests. We are only paying for one or two medications the VA won't cover. If they had not been able to cover the expenses, Himself would most likely be dead right now, and/or we'd be so buried in bankruptcy we wouldn't be able to see the light of day for another ten years. This medical stuff that's so necessary definitely isn't cheap...and I'm going to stop right there before I take off on a huge rant. Maybe I'll save it for later. Right now I'm looking forward to going to sleep after I put the Queen Mother to bed. It was, after all, a very early day.

I am, and am not, looking forward to the start of 2019, which looks right now to be filling up rapidly with appointments.

Just a short entry tonight; we'll see what tomorrow brings. I'm outties. :)