reaching (more) acceptance

I have a cat asleep on my legs at the moment, so it might take some time to get this particular post typed and published. I am typing mainly by touch at the moment, so although I might not move with lightning speed, I will be pretty accurate. Of all the classes I took in high school, typing has been the most useful by far, certainly more so than trigonometry. ;)

Anyway, tonight I come to the blog filled with more Acceptance than I've known in a very long time. I am accepting that when Himself and I drive down to the airport tomorrow morning, I'm staying behind and driving back home. Not only am I now okay with not going, but I've been considering what I will be able to do without him. As always, the Queen Mother will be my first priority, but I might be able to slip in a wee outing here and there.

A small update: originally we were going to come home on Monday, the 11th. When it became apparent that the excursion was going to be a solo one, Himself looked into flying home on Sunday instead. Today he confirmed that would indeed be the case, so I will be picking him up Sunday evening. This is nice because we'll be able to celebrate Veteran's Day together, if only in a low-key way.

Back to the topic: I accept that the Queen Mother's condition is continuing to decline. Her "Homeward Descent" seems to have plateaued a bit again, but she is still rather worse off than she was before her last "episode" a week ago, physically and mentally. I also accept that I don't know how long this process will take - six more months? six more years? My grandmother lived into her mid-90's, and while we all hope that doesn't happen with the Queen Mother, especially mom herself, there is the possibility that she could live as long as, or even longer than, her mother. I do have a plan coming together the longer this Odyssey goes, though.

I accept that all of my Big Plans - the ones that involve some quantity of money - are all officially On Hold until said money arrives, hopefully sooner than later, sometime next year. I turn back to the idea of Going Small and see what I can create for myself. I have already found myself a hotel room which I will be escaping to (for twenty-four hours) next month. There are places to eat within walking distance, and unless Google Maps is way out of date, there is a Hot Tub waiting for me to soak in at the hotel. Oh Simple Joys! :)

I accept that I need to work a bit more on asking for help, and just as significantly, receiving said help. Here is a place for me to examine my Shadow material and see what can be done.

I accept that, although the writing of the Morning Pages and the Timed Writing exercises are helpful, I could still use a neutral party to hear my vent and suggest things I might not be seeing. I start therapy next Thursday.

That's what I'm currently accepting now. There may be more later, but it looks like I will need to charge up the keyboard first. The cat is still asleep on my legs, too.

a "bag lady" day

After the anxiety of yesterday, I delibrately made it a Chill Day today, doing a lot of reading. I have two on-screen sources these days: the AgingCare.com support forum, where I can sympathize and cheer on my fellow caregivers, and Flipboard, a site + app where one can browze a gazillion articles on practically every topic under the sun. I receive their "10 for Today" emails, scan the articles presented, and tag the email with a star if I want to return to it at a later date. I have a ton of Forum and Flipboard notifications tagged, so I have a LOT of reading material at my fingertips.

There is a bit of irony to this, if you know me at all: I was one of those people who refused to get a Kindle, refused to listen to Any Audiobooks Ever, because Real Books were the best and only "real" source of reading, didn't ya know! Now most of my reading is on a screen, and I'm looking forward to "retraining" myself to read Real Books over this upcoming Mercury Retrograde. Think of it as NaNoReMo, if you will.

When I started to feel a little restless, I picked up where I left off in my Huswifery: creating an alternative organizational system for all of our bags. Despite the "ban" that was enacted in California a few years back, there are still plenty of plastic bags to go around, especially if you take home anything from a restaurant to eat later. First I got all of the bags together in their various "categories," then I played a little Bag Tetris to slot everything in reasonably well in the bottom shelf of one of our below-the-counter cupboards. (For those who don't know, Tetris is a very simple-yet-addictive video game where you take variously shaped 3D puzzle pieces and try to slot them together with as few gaps as possible...and the rate at which you receive said pieces gets faster over time!)

When I was done, we had one bunch of Target bags ready to be returned to the store for reusing, one bunch each of Walmart and Ralph's bags in progress, the aforementioned "Thank You" bags for takeout ready to be reused for trash bags in the master bathroom, various newspaper bags ready to be used for litter box clearings, and an array of paper bags neatly tucked in the corner, to be used for whatever I can come up with. Finally there is our embarrassingly small collection of actual reusable canvas-with-insulation lunch bags. Perhaps this last bunch will grow as the other categories shrink with use.

Afterwards came some more reading, then dinner for the Queen Mother and myself. (Himself had another day of tending to Club business down in San Diego.) Next on my project list will be to reorganize the shelf above the bag shelf, along with the silverware drawer and junk drawer above them. I acknowledged today that organizing and reorganizing things does seem to help quiet my sometimes nervously chattering mind, so I will keep going and see what happens.

Tomorrow Himself and I plan to go to another "retirement planning" seminar to take advantage of the free dinner. I'll let y'all know if I hear anything remotely interesting. ;)

Day 364: on playing some catch up

Today has been a completely chill day: catching up on some reading, taking a nap, being in no hurry to eat breakfast. I fixed my dinner right after I fixed the Queen Mother's dinner: for me, it was a Japanese style dinner with vegetarian gyoza and a miso ramen cup, combined with a salad. I indulged a little with some chocolate ice cream for dessert.

Today and yesterday, Himself has been dealing with some Club challenges. Tempers there are getting short these days. See, they lost the lease at their original location last December, and moved into what they thought was going to be their temporary space, for about three months, in January. Three have since become ten-and-counting, and now they might move into their intended permanent home at the start of next year, or maybe find somewhere else entirely. Needless to say, some members of the Club are not taking all of the Uncertainty as well as others. 

I feel significant sympathy for Himself and all of them, for I/we have also been in a "permanent temporary" situation with our finances. The tide finally turned in our case, and I feel it will also turn with them as well. When, of course, is the Big Question.

Yesterday, Himself took the bus down to San Diego to tend to his part of Club business. I kept the car, filled the gas tank, grabbed a few groceries, and paid a visit to Starbucks for an iced Chai Tea Latte. I made a mini-outing for the day and enjoyed myself. In the evening I stepped out and attended my first meeting in a few weeks. I am responsible for "anchoring" this particular meeting the first Friday of each month. Last night I was grateful for the opportunity to meet up with my West Coast Bestie and bring her up to speed, even if folks were driving like it was a full moon on the freeway. (though it wasn't even a First Quarter moon last night!)

Today, Himself took the car and I have been home, so it has been super chill. I did do a bit of adulting: putting away the receipts for the paid bills, and setting up a few reminders. I also charted what I need to do in order to bring in "vacation care" for the Queen Mother so I can go with Himelf up to Seattle in November. I'm not feeling excited about my upcoming vacation quite yet, but once all of the pieces of this particular puzzle have been put together, I will. 

I just realized tomorrow will be my Completion Day of this 365-day blogging challenge. I will be sharing a bit about my future plans for this blog, so watch this space tomorrow as I tie it off and put a fancy bow on this past year. :) 

Day 342: on a "freya power day"

I call Friday the 13th's Freya Power Days: Friday is "Freya's Day," for the Norse Goddess. 13 is a traditional Power Feminine number as there are 13 moons in a year - and it was the tracking of the moons that led us to start charting time in the first place. (Google the Earth Mother of Laussel for more on this.)

I found this day to be rather prickly, energetically; I found myself easily thrown off by changes in plans. I called this a "Porcupine Day" as I felt ready to fluff out defensive quills in every direction. So I took it extra easy today, staying home and helping the Queen Mother with her shower, not making too many plans. I was called by my sponsor and welcomed the opportunity to converse with her; afterwards, that seemed to be the stabilizing event that I needed. It didn't hurt that I declared this a Comfort Food day and indulged in some mac-n-cheese tonight for dinner.

I'm feeling a lot calmer and at ease tonight, looking forward to staying home again tomorrow and taking care of the trash and recycling. Yay for Huswifery! ;)
(I'm only sightly sarcastic here...)

Day 338: on another wild finish

Today started out well enough, as Himself and I managed to make it to our Sunday Support group, and had some good sharing. For once, we didn't have to stop for groceries on our way home. I had a "comfort" dinner of mac-n-cheese with my usual salad this evening, as the last few days had been a bit hairy, with Himself's leg issues. His leg IS hurting a bit less than it was yesterday, which was a bit less than the day before, so it looks like the statin was indeed the culprit.

Then I discovered the Queen Mother's toilet had overflowed without my knowledge, because much of her bathroom floor was wet. (I grabbed some already dirty towels to soak the water up.) Then Himself came home and the car alarm kept going off - because he had forgotten to turn off the driver side interior light before he had gotten out of the car. (Sometimes the car is smarter than we are!) Then I had to make sure Inkblot hadn't escaped out the back door while we were trying to figure out what was up with the car (he had not). Then Himself needed a bit of a leg massage. Then the Queen Mother wanted her nighty ice cream.

Lots of little things added up to a bundle of frayed nerves and I needed to do one of my Three Minute Breathing exercises and be in the Calm and Quiet before I felt like I could post this entry and move on. Inkblot did his part to help his mom calm down by asking for some head scritches, which I happily gave him. He even walked over to sit upon Himself for some head scritches, but Daddy doesn't do as well as Mommy does. ;) 

Once again, I acknowledge that MUCH healing and realignment need to be done if I am to "function" again.

The week to come might or might not be busy, depending on how Himself's leg is doing. We shall see...

Day 335: on ending with a thud

Today was mostly good, until the last half an hour or so. I had an excellent lunch with a good friend, and she reminded me of the importance of Doing for Myself. I got in some needed grocery shopping; yesterday was breakfast-oriented, today happened to be dinner-oriented. I listened in on an excellent webinar and will be working with this facilitator in the future, just not at this time. I enjoyed my dinner and dessert as well.

In the last half hour, we discovered ants swarming on the kitchen table, so now everything in the front of the house smells like vinegar. There are worse smells in the Universe, though. I dropped a lightbulb in the Queen Mother's bathroom and it shattered, so I got the broom and the dustpan and dutifully swept everything up.

Of greater concern is the fact that Himself's right leg has been bothering him pretty consistently all day. He has a call in to the Telephone Advice Nurse now, and we shall see what she says. It would not surprise me in the least if we wound up in the ER sometime in the next 24 hours, though we are hoping to avoid that scenario if at all possible. Working out tomorrow is definitely off of the table.

I choose to focus on the good stuff that happened today, and take some cleansing breaths to release the rest. Catch y'all tomorrow.

Day 332: on a day "free from labor"

Labor Day in the States is a holiday for many, and used to be for me (at times) when I was actually working. Being a caregiver, though, I don't have a Monday through Friday schedule anymore. In some ways, it's always a Saturday, but in other ways, it's always a Tuesday. It mainly depends on how the Queen Mother feels on a given day, and what tasks need to be done, whether in the company of Himself or just by myself.

The Alano Club that Himself belongs to had a Labor Day "picnic" today, which Himself and I attended. Despite bratwursts being the main entree, there were plenty of veggie sides, and I made a nice meal from all of the various salads. I ate very well today and didn't need a huge dinner this evening. All I had, in fact, was dessert when I got home, to give everything time to digest properly.

On my Calm app, I'm beginning (again) with the Seven Days of Calm introductory meditation series; today was the second day. I wanted the app, and am taking full advantage of it, because of the Work that I need to do. Life is good right now, better than it has been for a while, in fact; yet as I was reminded even today, my nervous system very much needs rewiring. I'm not getting triggered as often as I was, but it still doesn't take me very long at all to go from zero to Freaking Out. Using the tools on the app, and adding in techniques that work very well for me, will help me soothe what has been too often jangled, and detangle what has become a gnarled mess.

Everything comes "back online" tomorrow, so I will be a busy bee. All the better to start a practice of Greater Awareness and Serenity NOW.

Day 331: on getting calm

Today was a productive-yet-restful day for me.

I spent some good time with my Tea and Morning Pages ritual in the morning. I detangled my mind a bit by sorting through the last week's mail, reviewing my old lists, then making a new list which I can tackle starting on Tuesday, as tomorrow is a holiday for many. I cleaned off the main counter. I had my egg sandwiches for breakfast and mac-n-cheese for dinner, as I felt like I deserved some treats. After dinner, Himself and I went out for essential groceries and cat food. 

In between dinner and grocery shopping, the Heavies decided to pay an unannounced visit. Though I was tempted to skip the shopping for this evening, I made myself go, partly because the cats would not wait, partly because I wasn't sure exactly what would be open and what would be closed tomorrow. Better to be safe than sorry, and I did perk up while I was out and about. Sometimes Depression has no rhyme nor reason, but I am happy to say it has dissipated.

Another treat for myself was to download the Calm app for my phone. If you're not familiar with it, it's about meditation and (ahem) mindfulness. It's become very popular. There is a free "regular" section and a paid "premium" section, but the freebies are extensive, so I have a lot of material to work through before I would even consider unlocking the premium parts. I've used it before, but ran out of memory on my old phone, so I had to uninstall it. I very highly recommend downloading it if you're going through stressful times, or even just for the daily grind. 

There are some parties tomorrow that we are planning to attend, so I will stop here and get ready to grab forty winks. 

Day 318: on those small steps

Oh yes I'm bleeding at full throttle now, and it's time to be as still as I can be.

There was one Needful Thing that had to be done, and that was changing out the litter in the cats' litter box. When Himself, whose sense of smell is not the best, is wanting to burn sage by the litter box, yah that's a sign. I managed to take the box outside and change out the litter with no fuss at all, as the cats had chosen to siesta in the Queen Mother's room. I shut the door to her room and went about my business out in the patio, soaking up a bit of the "August Roast" heat as I did so.

I kept things as simple and open as I possibly could, which was easier at some times than others, especially if the Queen Mother was needing something.

My lower back feels much better today, so I think I caught myself before it had a chance to go out entirely. I will continue to wear a heel lift at least through my Moontime, perhaps longer than that.

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, and I am fine with that, as my ambition is taking a breather.

Day 317: on stepping through the (emo) storm

I wasn't up to doing much of anything today, though I did manage to straighten up the Queen Mother's bed, mainly because she would stop by and bring it up every few minutes. She also remembered all by herself to write her letter to the doctor, taking much of yesterday and today to "think it over." I'm impressed with her remembering because it shows me that there are still parts of her mind that work, even if they're the parts that like to obsess over little details. Still, I have her letter now and will be dropping it off at the doctor's office next week sometime, per her wishes.

It might be a bit before I get up and going, though, for there will be the bleeding this week. I had a good long write about everything in the Morning Pages, which I was able to get back in to for the first time in a few days. Guess what - I didn't feel as cranky after I had finished. My best option to preserve my sanity is to remember the principle of Going Small: doing just what needs to be done on any given day, and dividing my Resting time into "bite sized pieces" so I can conserve my energy when I'm not doing anything in particular.

The Resting part might be a bit more emphasized than initially intended this week: in addition to my Moontime, I also felt the muscles above my left hip starting to seize up today. This has progressed to feeling that my lower back is waiting for an excuse to go out again. Between resting and wearing my heel lift when I'm walking around, I think I caught it so that my back won't go out. I just have to be a bit more careful for the next few days about moving around.

I don't know what, if anything, I will be able to get done this week. We shall see...

Day 310: on feeling fine, finally!

Some long awaited reimbursement for travel to the Cardiac Rehab Center and back finally arrived in Himself's bank account, so we have a bit of breathing room. We took the opportunity to fill up the gas tank all the way and get an extra treat or two from the grocery.

We also made it back to our Sunday Support Group for the first time in a month, at least! I was happy to share some decent updates, and we received a gift of dry kibble for the cats. Several of the group members "own" cats, and one member's cat did not like this kibble. Since our cats already eat Fancy Feast, we were willing to give it a shot. 

The past few days have been filled with getting to know all about Guan Yin and Mother Mary, from sources both online (Wikipedia) and off (various books). I was inspired to retrieve a set of mala beads and am now "counting prayers" as I have been directed to do in one of my several visions. My project is bearing fruit in my Spirit, as my anxiety and stress levels have been dropping considerably in the past few days...that and being able to Relax at deeper levels than I've previously been able to. 

Tomorrow will kick off a full week, so I'm grateful for the opportunity to rest this weekend. :)

Day 309: on a summery saturday

With Himself down in San Diego, it was a good day to read, to write, to color, and to nap with the cats. It was also a good day to bring the trash can back in, load the dishwasher, and wipe down the counter tops. The Queen Mother put in her two cents, so we started going through her closet as well. I found some pairs of slippers she had forgotten she had, so she tried them on. These slippers will stay and those slippers can be given away. So it begins once more...

Looking in the closet, I see the boxes and boxes full of wrapping paper and ribbons and bows; along with the bags, we probably have enough materials right now to give a holiday and/or birthday present to everyone in San Diego county, at the very least! It comes from the family tradition of Saving the Wrapping Paper instead of ripping it to shreds when opening one's presents. Looks like I'll have that to co-sort through as well. Meaning: I'm going to be doing the "heavy lifting" and the Queen Mother will be giving her ayes and nays.

The one bad thing about being home by myself with the Queen Mother is her lack of short-term memory, particularly when she's obsessing over something, whether it's the part of the rug that needs vacuuming or the alleged mental health of the cats. I suspect she forgets that she made the same point ten minutes, half an hour, three hours before, and it comes off sounding like she's nagging or harping. I have to remind myself several times over, It's not her, it's her disease, and NOT to take it personally, Just for Today if nothing else! I'm still working on retraining my mind in that regard. 

Fun with food today as well: an egg sandwich for breakfast, veggie gyoza with ramen noodles and a salad for dinner. As Saturdays are my "easy" days, most of the time, schedule-wise, I don't feel rushed or pressured to whip up something quickly to eat. I actually have the opportunity to enjoy my meals, unless the Queen Mother has a bee in her bonnet. ;)

Planning on attending the Sunday Support Group with Himself tomorrow. We shall see what unfolds. 

Day 297: on pulling it together

I started doing some Spritual work today, to see if I could strengthen my connection to Divinity and the magick of the Unseen. Today I read up on Persephone, for She is the aspect I have been resonating with quite a bit in this wild Odyssey of mine.

Himself brought some recycling home yesterday, and took it to our favorite recyclers today. Adding our can collection to what he brought home, we got a nice bit of change which went into the gas tank, and helped to buy some much needed groceries. We're looking pretty good now to finish the month.

We also switched around a few things this week, so we're in for some "early" days ahead. Looks like I'll need to practice my Imitation of a Morning Person, which I did pretty well in the days of College and Working, for it's gotten a bit rusty. I'm looking forward to getting back in the Exercise saddle besides Himself. I've found that I've dropped a bit more weight, and am just about where I was when this Caregiver odyssey began. It's been moving my body here, trimming a few calories there...and my clothes are starting to fit better as well.

For those who joined me this year: a Healthy Weight has been a challenge for me all of my life. When I met Himself, I was about 40 pounds less than I am now, having radically restrucured my eating habits. I was all but vegan, and was a Medium size for the first time in my life in clothes. (Looking back, I also see I was on the verge of becoming anorexic, so I'm glad I met someone who enjoys food as much as I do.)

Between Himself's cancer adventure, and then the Queen Mother's mind adventures added on top of that, I went on an emotional eating spree, replacing all of the weight I had dropped in previous years, and then some. It's only been within the last few months that I have returned to healthier ways of eating for me and my body type, and I am both seeing and feeling the difference.

Tomorrow begins the fun. I might, or might not, be a bit sarcastic right now. ;)

Day 290: on deep quiet

Himself arrived home late last night, so we both agreed we were going to sleep in this morning, and figure out breakfast after we awoke. We did and we did, as there was just enough cereal left for all three of us to partake. The cats, of course, had other ideas, and woke me up well before the alarm went off for our breakfast, but I did come back to bed after they had received theirs.

Once we were awake enough, Himself and I went out to get more cereal, and cat food, and a few other things. He returned home long enough to drop me off, then took off again for his Cardiac session and Club business. I stayed home and rested. Mom was reading, the cats were occupying themselves, and I noticed a Deep Quiet settle in the house. I wasn't particularly sleepy today - a little odd, considering it's the most vigorous part of my Moonflow - but I felt my spirit soaking it up like a sponge. More of this, with thanks, I recall thinking. 

My Morning Pages became "Afternoon Pages" today, because my mind was in no mood to create coherent sentences when I first woke up. I did enjoy my usual Chai Tea Latte, though. 

I finished off the rice I had steamed yesterday, pairing it with a bean and cheese burrito. I am feeling the need for a little extra iron and am eating accordingly.  Himself is having a late dinner, so I steamed some more rice for him while he was on his way home. I wish I could record and share smells on the blog, because the veggie broth makes everything smell so Divine when the rice is just about done. You'll just have to use your imagination. ;)

Tomorrow we have to get up rather early for the all important Compensation and Pension appointment. Pray hard that this is truly the beginning of the end for Himself's fight for rightful compensation! Regardless, I look forward to some luxurious napping when we're done!

Day 289: on expanding my horizons a little

Himself got up and moving early, and I only got up to feed the cats before returning to bed. I didn't get up until the Queen Mother had left her bathroom.

It's a sure sign that things are heating up when the cats stay in more than they are out, at least at mid-day. I wouldn't want to run around in a fur coat that I couldn't take off either.

What makes the cats (and Himself) miserable makes the Queen Mother (and Myself) happy: the hot weather makes her arthritis more tolerable, and seems to give me an energy boost. There's a reason I call myself a Jaguar. I am so totally affected by the seasons it isn't even funny.

Despite starting my monthly adventure in the Moontime, I got all of the trash out and took care of the recycling: some in the blue bins by the dumpster, some in the blue bins outside of our house. The latter we empty out periodically and recycle their contents for cash.

We've run a bit short on water, so I had to figure out what to have for dinner that didn't involve it. (Unfortunately, our tap water is not the best for drinking.) I steamed some rice in vegetable broth in our rice cooker, and opened up a can of "Black Bean Fiesta" from Bush's. It was seasoned just right, and was mighty tasty after I added the rice and put together a salad for good measure. I had not planned on cooking for myself, but improvised very nicely.

I'm back to listening to music on Pandora, the same "exotic" station I was listening to last night. I haven't heard some of these songs for a while, and I am enjoying hearing some of the subtleties I missed previously.

I have no idea as to what will unfold tomorrow, or this next week, so I shall be playing it by ear, as usual.

Day 288: on taking advantage, once more

Had an easy day today. :)

Managed to keep Himself at home long enough to run over to Target and grab some things that the Queen Mother had run out of; got some iced tea while we were at it. Then Himself went back down to San Diego to see if there were any other fires to put out, while I stayed home.

I finished coloring my mandala, but didn't post it. Not sure if I will in the future. While coloring, I turned on Pandora and listened to some music, first the Meditation station we had "created," then some Middle Eastern / Indian music from another station, when I felt like picking up the pace a little.

Besides listening to Pandora, I did something else that I hadn't done in too long: took my little portable chair and sat Outside under the maple tree that is in front of our home. The cats stayed near me while I put my bare feet on the grassy lawn and listened to the birdsong and watched butterflies flit by - all because I rescued a grasshoper that Inkblot had brought in the house, and thought it was way too nice of a day to let go to waste! Let me see if I can cut through the cortisol haze and sit outside more often!

Tomorrow Himself will be going Yet Again to San Diego, so I will see about making it a day for some Huswifery! I really need to tackle the mess again.

Day 272: on celebrating inTERdependence

Today I made some deliberate choices...
I chose to log out of Social Media, and will stay logged out for the rest of the month. I don't have the bandwidth right now to witness the struggles and the conflicts - and with communications only getting worse before they get better, I'm going to let the slings and arrows fly very far away from me.

I chose instead to seek out Joy in Fellowship, in being out in Fresh Air and Sunshine, surrounded by other human beings doing the best they can, one day at a time, and also choosing every day to make a solid change in their lives.

Although earlier in the day I was anxious about making it On Time, I chose later to let go of a strict timeline, and found things flowing easier as a result. (I am also choosing to take this anxiety to the altar of the Goddess and hand it over one more time.)

In the evening, Himself and I chose to be with a smaller circle of friends to eat pizza and watch fireworks. I chose to observe their beauty, and was amused when a few close booms kept setting off the alarm on a nearby truck. I chose to be in awe of the New Moon as she set in the sky in the west, just before the light show began.

Big and small, I have awesome Families of Choice, people I have grown to care for, and who have grown to care for me in return. People who ask me how the Queen Mother is doing; people who commiserate with us when we share our latest news.

Tomorrow will be a brief return to the business at hand before the (rest of the) weekend unfolds. Today I chose to step out of my routine, and I am full*filled and happy. :)

Day 268: on deep relaxation

I didn't have a Do Nothing Day today, but I came rather close. It felt luxurious and decadent.

I did more reading than I had "planned" to do. I was going to read a couple of articles but they turned out to be very long, though very entertaining. I am out of my regular Chai tea at the moment, so I snuck one of my mother's Constant Comment tea bags and enjoyed that with some of my reading. 

A few weeks ago Constant Comment tea was the topic of some discussion among my partners in blogging, and now I know why. It reminds me of one of my favorite teas, Lady Grey tea, but the orange and bergamot is not as sweet in Constant Comment. Still, a good tea and a nice change of pace.

When I finally got around to eating, I made myself some egg sandwich "sliders," basically dinner rolls cut in half, with some avocado tzatziki spread from Trader Joe's on one side (Himself bought it but I'm eating it, as it contains bits of onion and other things disagreeable to his digestive system), and some brie cheese spread on the other side, with just a dab of salsa on each bit of scrambled egg. They were delicious. I would later have a bit more cheese with some rice pilaf that Himself brought home last night.

I did convince myself to do a bit of work on the computer in the afternoon, and Himself joined me on a cat food run after he got home this evening and we both had a shower. It was Jaguar Weather, as I call it, very sunny and very warm today, and a bit more humid than usual for SoCal. Other than that, I took advantage of the empty agenda I had and Relaxed Deeply, getting a bit of that Staycation I had been craving. 

Tomorrow will be busy enough, with the paying of key bills and a Cardiac session, along with grocery shopping. He has his money; now I'm waiting on mine.

Day 264: on single tasking

I chose to go with Himself to his Cardiac Rehab session today. We worked out for a little more than an hour; today I finally broke a sweat, or as I said to the staff, "I got my Sparkle on." ;) One thing I do know: I am not fond of the elliptical machine At All. I feel like I'm going to fall off of it at any moment. I think I'll stick with the recumbent version.

In moving my muscles, to paraphrase Julia Cameron once again, I am moving my mood. I suspect this is one of the reasons Life is not feeling quite so Heavy and Dim  these days. I am wanting to make this a priority in my life, at least for the next two months and a week (According to my calculations, he will finish with these sessions in the first week of September). I found that I didn't get "hangry" as I have in the past, and was able to get through assembling dinners - delayed by an hour and a half due to wending our way home through traffic - without wanting to lose my shit, pardon my French.

Working out was the only thing I managed to get done today, but that's okay. No one has an appointment tomorrow, so I can focus on the more domestic affairs, such as laundry and paperwork. Tomorrow I can feel a different sense of accomplishment. Today's was the satisfaction I had in moving my body, and listening to my body, and knowing when to push, and when to say I'd had enough.

I'm already noticing a difference in how my clothes are fitting. Tomorrow I will weigh myself and see where I am.

Day 255: on cats and cardiac rehab

We made the error of not calling the vet's place before bundling up the cats in their carriers and driving over to the office this morning, as they were full and had no same-day appointments available. Fortunately, the cats can be seen tomorrow morning, and that's what I plan to do. The vet tech suggested we go get some Sheba food and some chicken baby food - both of which got big Hard No's from the cats. They did, however, nibble on their regular food, which is good. Now the trick is to see if they keep said food down in their bellies the entire night!

Himself called the Cardiac Rehab folks, once we had returned from our ultimately futile foray to Target, to check on the time of his appointment. It's a good thing that he did, because he was due to be seen two hours before the time we had in the calendar! We actually made it there a bit early, which is a good thing, because trying to figure out where to park was a bit challenging. He parked in the "ER only" parking lot; I wound up reparking in the "normal" parking lot.

He filled out some paperwork and was given a folder with schedules. They made him walk for about six minutes to measure his heart rate and oxygen saturation. He even did a bit of exercise. A highlight is that I will be able to work out with him for $10 per month. The VA is going to cover 36 sessions over six months' time, though if he goes three times per week, he will work through his sessions in about three months. We'll see how things work out.

We got back home just in time for dinner. I got the Queen Mother's dinner together, Himself fixed his dinner, then I fixed my dinner. We're due for another grocery shopping run in a day or two, so we will need to pool our resources. I think we'll be okay.

I had a low-level headache for much of the day, and the Queen Mother was in one of her blah moods, so I was not the most diplomatic of Libras today. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better.