reaching (more) acceptance

I have a cat asleep on my legs at the moment, so it might take some time to get this particular post typed and published. I am typing mainly by touch at the moment, so although I might not move with lightning speed, I will be pretty accurate. Of all the classes I took in high school, typing has been the most useful by far, certainly more so than trigonometry. ;)

Anyway, tonight I come to the blog filled with more Acceptance than I've known in a very long time. I am accepting that when Himself and I drive down to the airport tomorrow morning, I'm staying behind and driving back home. Not only am I now okay with not going, but I've been considering what I will be able to do without him. As always, the Queen Mother will be my first priority, but I might be able to slip in a wee outing here and there.

A small update: originally we were going to come home on Monday, the 11th. When it became apparent that the excursion was going to be a solo one, Himself looked into flying home on Sunday instead. Today he confirmed that would indeed be the case, so I will be picking him up Sunday evening. This is nice because we'll be able to celebrate Veteran's Day together, if only in a low-key way.

Back to the topic: I accept that the Queen Mother's condition is continuing to decline. Her "Homeward Descent" seems to have plateaued a bit again, but she is still rather worse off than she was before her last "episode" a week ago, physically and mentally. I also accept that I don't know how long this process will take - six more months? six more years? My grandmother lived into her mid-90's, and while we all hope that doesn't happen with the Queen Mother, especially mom herself, there is the possibility that she could live as long as, or even longer than, her mother. I do have a plan coming together the longer this Odyssey goes, though.

I accept that all of my Big Plans - the ones that involve some quantity of money - are all officially On Hold until said money arrives, hopefully sooner than later, sometime next year. I turn back to the idea of Going Small and see what I can create for myself. I have already found myself a hotel room which I will be escaping to (for twenty-four hours) next month. There are places to eat within walking distance, and unless Google Maps is way out of date, there is a Hot Tub waiting for me to soak in at the hotel. Oh Simple Joys! :)

I accept that I need to work a bit more on asking for help, and just as significantly, receiving said help. Here is a place for me to examine my Shadow material and see what can be done.

I accept that, although the writing of the Morning Pages and the Timed Writing exercises are helpful, I could still use a neutral party to hear my vent and suggest things I might not be seeing. I start therapy next Thursday.

That's what I'm currently accepting now. There may be more later, but it looks like I will need to charge up the keyboard first. The cat is still asleep on my legs, too.