Day 318: on those small steps

Oh yes I'm bleeding at full throttle now, and it's time to be as still as I can be.

There was one Needful Thing that had to be done, and that was changing out the litter in the cats' litter box. When Himself, whose sense of smell is not the best, is wanting to burn sage by the litter box, yah that's a sign. I managed to take the box outside and change out the litter with no fuss at all, as the cats had chosen to siesta in the Queen Mother's room. I shut the door to her room and went about my business out in the patio, soaking up a bit of the "August Roast" heat as I did so.

I kept things as simple and open as I possibly could, which was easier at some times than others, especially if the Queen Mother was needing something.

My lower back feels much better today, so I think I caught myself before it had a chance to go out entirely. I will continue to wear a heel lift at least through my Moontime, perhaps longer than that.

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, and I am fine with that, as my ambition is taking a breather.

Day 227: on a break in the pattern

The skies were that mix of clouds and sun that inspires paintings. The rain is expected to come back overnight tonight, maybe a bit into tomorrow. Friday is our only day to have actual clear skies. If anyone back East is suffering from excess heat, they are welcome to come out here. Our Summer seems to have been postponed due to a longer than normal spring.

The good news: we DO NOT have a slab leak! What is really going on: the pipes for the kitchen, washer/dryer, and bathrooms are not set deeply into the ground, so if we take several showers consecutively, or use a lot of hot water otherwise, we might feel some heat. If the heat spreads out to cover the entire floor, and/or we find excessive moisture building up, THEN we have an issue. Happy that our homeowner's insurance covered the cost of the nice plumbing gentleman to come out and check for the slab leak.

That was the only part of the day that went "as planned" before the schedule went sideways. The Queen Mother would rather shower tomorrow instead of today, thank you, and Himself has a meeting tomorrow evening he needs to attend, so I had to change plans in the calendar - and found myself getting peeved at having to rearrange the calendar, because what had been laid out suited ME just fine. So I did a little Work around that.

I also noted I was feeling more like Isolating myself, as in "leave the dark chocolate at the door and step away, thank you kindly." I might not be actively Flowing yet, but I'm getting close. At least I had a chance today to fortify myself with some of the aforementioned dark chocolate.

Shower vs. Appointment tomorrow: we shall see which way the wind blows.

Day 169: on stepping back

As most of what needs to be done has to wait until Monday anyway, today I chose to take a step back and rest, and put the to-do list aside. The day has been an easy one, without a crisis or meltdown, and a much needed respite.

It was a cool sunny day, but not a cold one. Himself and I stopped in at Trader Joe's to grab some breakfast essentials, then he went down to San Diego to tend to some business. I finished the mandala I had colored in for the Spring Equinox, had a nice dinner, and a bit of a nap. I held some gently firm boundaries today.

For her part, the Queen Mother was in a good mood, taking her weekly-ish shower, and helping me out by looking through some documents we found in her closet. We didn't find anything that showed when she was first registered as "disabled," but I wasn't expecting anything to be found here. We did find some old Reader's Digest issues that I'm thinking of passing along.

We had a pleasant surprise when the Queen Mother's bestie stopped by with one of her grand-daughters and her great grandson. Mom got to meet him for the first time. They were only here for a few minutes, but it was nice to see them. Pippa ran and hid, but Inkblot viewed them from a slight distance, looking supremely Unimpressed. ;)

Himself is on his way home, and the Queen Mother is watching a movie on tv. It's a science-fiction thriller that I remember seeing previews of last year, but I forget what it's called. I'm not sure what I'm going to do tomorrow, as I have a few options to consider. We shall see.

Day 148: on the turning of the day

By and large, it has been a good relaxing day. It rained off and on today, and there looks to be more rain coming along in the next week. March isn't coming in like an angry lion, but the lion is soggy and making its presence known. 

Today I've been listening to my body and pacing myself. Yes, I was on a conference call today. Yes, I did a bit of work on the computer. Mainly, though, I have been quietly reading and enjoying the respite.

I chose to jump on Instagram earlier this evening and watch a Live from one of my favorite accounts, and that turned out to be a huge mistake. Yesterday there was an apparent misunderstanding that should have been settled privately, but it was taken public instead, and a molehill was turned into Mount Everest, with followers from both affected accounts getting into screaming arguments from behind their keyboards. The whole thing disgusted and sickened me...I had considered Instagram my Happy Place, relatively free from the drama flung around on Facebook and Twitter, but I guess I wasn't following enough accounts. At any rate, the drama llamas were still stampeding today, and I am officially Over It All.

I'm taking a long breather from ALL of the Social Media outposts, perhaps a permanent one. I simply don't have the bandwidth right now to wade through drama llama stuff, not with my current situation. I don't like what we as a species are becoming under the influence of Social Media - so rigid and inflexible in what we believe is "Right." This is how Inquisitions get off the ground, just saying. The other main takeaway from all of this is: if you want to get people to lose their minds, talk about Money and Pursuing Your Dreams. That's all I'm going to say about that.

I have talked with my cats, and feel calmer now. I will go back to my offline activities, add in a few more, and find a different happy place, one far far away from the Internet, as soon as it stops raining. ;)

Day 98: on keeping my claws in

Today was one of those days where I was a little bit tired, and I felt a little bit introverted, and the Queen Mother and Himself seemed to have horrid timing. There were times when I wanted to come out of my room with claws out, ready to shred to pieces anyone who disturbed my Me Time! Fortunately, I managed to keep my temper, and pull my claws back in. Eating at my regular times helped as well.

I finished my mandala today. Here it is...

Overall, I'm pleased with the results.

Himself played phone tag with the attorney working on his VA case (trying to show he has carpal-tunnel in both hands, not just his right hand), but never got in touch with him. He'll try again Monday, hoping for the best but expecting the worst.

Other than finishing the Mandala, not a whole lot of note happened today. I'm looking forward to sleeping after I put the Queen Mother to bed. We'll see if I can be slightly more productive tomorrow...

Day 16: on the breaking of tension by my moonflow

(aka, "holy crap! she's gonna be writing about her menstrual period!")

Today I received the unmistakable notice that "Auntie Flow" was once again making her monthly-ish visit. I'm steadily creeping forward in the lunar cycle, thanks to the gift of Peri-Menopause. I'm no longer a spring chicken - more likely a midsummer one - so I'm not quite going an entire month between times of bleeding. I'm not as bad as I used to be, though, when my hormones were so out of whack that there wasn't a real rhyme or reason to any part of my cycle! That, however, is story in and of itself, which I will save for another time.

Anyway...I'm not entirely surprised that I'm starting my Moonflow today, because I've been feeling the Tension building within me for a couple of days prior. I call it part of my Pre-Menstrual Sensitivity: my temper grows shorter, and my patience dissipates much faster, as my desire to Go Within and Turn Away from "the outside world" increases exponentially. For a few days before, and for the first part of my Moonflow, I might as well have a sign on my door that says, "Deposit Dark Chocolate at Entry and Walk Away. Will Emerge Eventually." With the initial trickle, however, I always heave a huge sigh of relief; as I seem to regain a bit of my patience and stability, I can now stand down and pull the claws back in. ;)

Those couple of days beforehand this time were doozies. The Queen Mother was in a foul mood on Friday, because she had to see her doctor. Just as her mood got better, Himself and I advised her of our plan to help a friend with transportation up to LAX - and right back into Foulness she went. I found myself in a foul mood that reflected her foul mood, and there were times when we unfortunately amplified one another. As yesterday unfolded, though, the words of Wisdom a friend had shared with me finally sunk in. I am responsible, to a certain degree, for mom's Health. I am NOT responsible, to ANY degree, for her Happiness! If she wants to be in a bitchy mood all day, that's Her Choice, and I can just let her stew in her own juices until she chooses otherwise. Some days will be easier to remember this than others; when I forget, Himself has promised to remind me.

As for the trip up to LAX and back home itself, it wasn't bad at all. Outside of the airport, traffic was actually behaving, a rare event in Los Angeles County! Inside, of course, was another story, but we followed our noses and everything worked out for the best. We even had time for a necessary Pit Stop before returning home. We got back before midnight, which is the Queen Mother's usual bedtime, and I tucked her in per usual. :)

The bad news: the next day or so will not be fun, as the Queen Mother has a dental appointment tomorrow, and I have to go with her to make sure everything gets communicated smoothly. She's not only "losing words" from her vocabulary, she's also mostly deaf and refuses to wear hearing aids. Once that's taken care of, there will be the matter of breaking the news to her that Himself and I will be flying out to Phoenix for a long weekend. It's a service conference for him, but it will be a much needed Vacation for me! Since I've had my a-ha moment, though, I'm not nearly as worried as to what her reaction will be once she learns of our plans. We are having a friend with caregiving experience come over for those days that we're gone, to keep an eye on her and keep her company. Mom is complaining more and more of loneliness, so this will be helpful, especially if she and her designated caregiver hit it off.

The good news: I should be finished with my Moonflow by the time the conference begins, so I'll be able to take advantage of the waterslide and the heated swimming pool at the hotel! I envision myself spending a lot of time poolside, in fact.

Some vexing news: I'm registered with In Home Supportive Services, an organization run by the state of California that treats me as the "employee" of the Queen Mother, so I'm paid by the state government. Somehow, they've messed up my paycheck for the first part of the month - my income for this pay period has been "eaten up" completely by deductions. I don't understand it either, and I was counting on that money to make this vacation a smooth one! So I'll be making a phone call tomorrow morning and hope that someone merely put a decimal point in the wrong place, and this can be resolved sooner rather than later!

If it's not one thing, it's another, am I right?
And all I want right now is some dark chocolate and my mandala coloring book. :p
Ah, well. This will all work out for the best...