the "25 hour" day, and afterwards

I had been looking forward to the Falling Back of the Clocks in their one hour because it meant an extra hour of sleep. The sleep was okay, but what benefit I got out of it vanished as I chased Pippa around the house yesterday morning to try and help her clean her slightly poopy butt! Cat poop is perhaps the most noxious smell in the Universe, and it took everything in me not to hurl as I provided an assisting wipe or two. Pippa handled the rest of the work, though, and all was well, and blessedly non-poopy..

With the changing of the clocks, there is a Changing of the Seasons that one can feel around this time in Southern California. One changes from tank tops and shorts to t-shirts and pants. One smells the woodsmoke coming from the neighbors' fireplaces at night. One throws an extra blanket on the bed. One looks forwards to the warmth in one's morning beverage to help chase the chill away. One stops using the air conditioner and starts using the heater, especially in the early mornings, and doubly especially if one lives with one's mother who complains about being Cold All Of The Time!

On that note: the Queen Mother's body is definitely catching up with her mind now. The "blah feeling" in her body is not going away, and she's not as peppy as she has been. The colder weather is not helping her mood or her bones, I suspect. 

I am continuing my dalliance with Acceptance of my situation. My hidden motivations become more clear with all of the Shadow Work I am doing. I am starting to look forward to what I will be able to do while Himself is away; nothing grand, mind you, but maybe getting out a bit more than usual to enjoy some fresh air! I haven't yet dove into my pile of Real Books, but I am moving into my next Moontime, and I have been feeling the pull inward most significantly. I have to remind my Loved Ones: It's nothing personal, I just want to be left alone with the cats. M'kay. It will be tempting to sleep a lot during the next few days anyway.

Unlike previous weeks, this week is opening up as unscheduled and unfilled. With the Trickle about to become a Flood, I'm in no rush to fill it.  

on, and off, the rollercoaster

Well, that was unintentional. I had planned to blog again last Friday, but Himself and I were delayed in coming home, and then I chatted with a friend for about two hours (because it had been a while and reconnection was long overdue). By the time I got off the phone, it was late, and I was tired. I could have posted after midnight, since the strictures of this blogging process had been eased with the completion of my year long project, but I chose to wait instead, thinking I would post again by Monday at the latest.

Then everything got worse, at least in my headspace.

For me, the trip up to Seattle is not meant to be, not this year. The money is Just Not There for me to go along with Himself; moreover, the only reason he is able to go is because his way has been paid for by the local region! Every time I thought I had hit upon a solution that would work, the solution would dissolve after further inquiry. I have a few very good leads for some help Long-Term, but for right now, all the solutions lie just out of reach. I wound up Imploding, crying off and on (mostly on) through Monday night.

Tuesday was, by and large, a Do Nothing Day. I did help Himself clean up the bathroom a little (though he did most of the heavy work), but for most of the day I felt stuck and numb. Plans had fallen through one time too many, I thought, and I wasn't sure how I would be able to pull myself together once again.

I turned to what I knew best - writing - and took some deep dives, both within my Morning Pages and outside of them in some Timed Writing sessions. As the words came together, so did the Insights. To summarize, I started out questioning why I clung so hard to Expectations, and wound up staring at my Very Little Inner Child sitting atop a pile of Broken Promises, thinking there must be "Something Wrong" with her. It made sense as well: my Depression felt so Heavy not just out of Frustration, but out of Disappointment, that Yet Another Promise had been broken, Yet Again.

This, I can work with. I can meet these images and visions with Healing Ceremonies, speaking the language of Metaphor and Archetype. Once I reached the A-Ha! moment, life began to lighten and clear up again.

In the meantime, I need to back up half a step. Today both Himself and the Queen Mother received their monthly deposits in their respective accounts. Yesterday, we came up a bit short financially, and had to "Make Do" in a few areas. The cats did not complain when they were fed "people" tuna, but the Queen Mother sure did! She did a lot of ranting yesterday, for she felt certain parts of her Daily Routine had been altered in Ways She Did Not Like. Today she paid the price for her stressing with her worst "episode" yet. She still hasn't quite recovered from yesterday, and I might be calling the Nurse Advice line tomorrow if she's still in a Bad Way.

The Queen Mother, you see, is not very good at Screaming or Crying or throwing any sort of temper tantrum. Sometimes I wonder if she tried to "Vulcanize" herself (a la Mr. Spock in Star Trek, as she always prided herself at remaining cool and UNemotional, unlike my father, who never felt the need to restrain himself, at least in mom's eyes. (If I had a dollar for every time she said, "You're just like your father," and not meaning it as a compliment, I wouldn't have near the money issues that I do now!) With her mind unraveling, and gallstones now present, I suspect that she's now paying the price for Stuffing It All Deep Down for most of her life.

Last night was a grabbing of Essentials, as Himself got a wee windfall before the Main Payday; tomorrow is the Full Shopping day, along with Laundry and paying a few bills. We shall be making hay as the sun shines! With any luck, I won't be gone for so long in between blog posts, either. :)

Day 307: on a touchy-feely thursday

It was one of those days where I felt like I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and my usual tools helped for brief periods of time, but I still felt out of sorts most of the day.

If I'm going to be totally honest, I am having significant difficulty feeling compassion for the human race at this moment, and for that part of myself which is also human. It's a good synchronicity that I'm working with Kuan Yin, the Mother of Compassion, at this time. I will be taking this to my altar tonight: You feel the Compassion because I can't! and if You could help me find mine again, that would be awesome!

Maybe I'll have myself an Impossible Whopper tomorrow. They have arrived in San Diego and are a step up from Burger King's previous attempt at veggie burgers. Interestingly enough, I have been hungrier than usual all week. I have been advised that this is the physical body trying to "catch up" with the spiritual growth spurt I'm undergoing at this time. I don't feel particularly spiritual at the moment, but I will allow for that explanation to be just as true as any other.

Whatever else, tomorrow will require an early start to the day, as we need to get the Queen Mother over to Greybill Radiology by 10am for her bone density test. Never mind Serenity; Goddess grant me Patience!

Day 296: on stoking the fires of Hope

Today I attended a free call from my friend Leonie about Ten Habits of Abundance. It was a good checklist to help get me back on track. It was also good to recognize some familiar names joining me on the group call. I won't be buying her e-course, as it's basically pay for that or pay our electric bill, and the electric bill is going to win. However, it was a good Energy Infusion that I sorely needed.

I was inspired to take a moment to review some of the Shadow Work I had previously done. Some of the messages I have been getting: Persevere. Trust. Believe it to See it. Reconnect to your Mystic Self. I have seen my obstacles not vanish, but change form and become easier to work with and through. I have also seen how Caregiving might appear to be the "Be All-End All" in my life, but it's only ONE aspect of my life. (Thank you Andrea!)

Something shifted due to my partaking of the energy, for we received a small money miracle this evening. This just might be what we need to carry us through the next few days until we receive the next automatic deposits on August First, or thereabout. Tonight I am grateful and thinking there just might be something to these Messages I've been receiving... ;)

Day 291: on clearing a path through

We actually got up and going in plenty of time to make it down to San Diego to the Compensation and Pension building, so well that we were actually a few minutes early for once. I had taken my mandala coloring book, but my mind was not in the mood to cooperate, so I wound up looking at all of the pretty pages I had already colored instead.

When Himself was called back, the doctor who met us at least appeared to be sympathetic to our cause, especially when he shared that both of his parents had been forced to "correct" their left-handedness when they were growing up, which is still one of the stupidest things I have ever heard of. After half an hour of questioning, along with a brief examination of both Himself and his records, the doctor sounded pretty confident that Himself would indeed be Certified in his left hand - and that the Carpal Tunnel was indeed traceable back to his time in active duty in the Navy. 

After we left the Compensation and Pension folks, it was off to breakfast at Denny's. We had just enough to get some coffee (for Himself) and tea (for Myself) and a short stack of pancakes for each of us, thanks to their "cheap eats" menu. As we were waiting for our pancakes, Himself's Veteran's attorney called, and they discussed the situation. The next step will be for the VA to send Himself a Statement of the Case, which he will share with the attorney, and then the next round of arguing can begin.

Himself had more Club business to attend to, and I was not really feeling up to accompanying him on adventures that might not finish in a timely manner. I honored my No by voicing it, and he honored my No by taking me home. The Queen Mother was finishing up her breakfast when we arrived, then Himself went back down to the Club.

While mom went online to read and respond to her emails, then played some Solitaire, I had myself my promised nap. I woke up in time to help her with her shower, which she takes once a week; more often is too painful for her these days. Once she had lotion applied to her back and legs, I thought I would go back to napping, but it seems I was good to go, so I did a bit of Shadow Work instead through some timed writing exercises. I have felt so frustrated by Ambiguity in my life, I wanted to find out Why. I found the real cause of my frustrations, and have some new prompts to work with. More to be revealed later...

I finished up in time for dinner for everyone, cats and people alike, and wound up having spaghetti (with a side salad; I try to have a salad with most every dinner) this evening. Himself came home a bit earlier than usual, so it's been a restful evening. We shall see what wants to unfold tomorrow, and whether any plans need to change.

Day 267: on a nice slow day

If you're in the mood, honeydew + key lime yogurt (dairy-based or otherwise) = Divinely Inspired Bliss. Highly recommended.

Most of my paperwork is done. I need to consult with Himself on a point or two, do some writing on the computer, and copy a few documents. These last two parts will need to wait until I have a new ink cartridge for the printer, because we're all out of black ink.

I re-listened to a recording my friend Andrea made about finding magic in the hard parts of life, because yesterday wasn't as serene as I had thought it would be. I did a bit of Timed Journaling with the prompts. I realized that Caregiving, though an important part of my life, isn't the biggest part, nor the only part. I need to be reminded of that sometimes.

Looking forward to more Open Time tomorrow. I might not be vacationing in a semi-exotic local right now, but I'm getting the Respite I have been so desperately craving. :)

Day 265: on finding the solution

Today was finally Laundry Day for the entire family unit, as Himself chose to wash two loads (darks and lights) and I chose to wash one load (for the Queen Mother and myself). With the clothes washed and ready to be dried, the natural next step was to dry the laundry.

Small problem: Himself had some cash in his e-wallet, which we could use for grocery shopping (which we did), but in using his e-wallet to pay, he/we could not get cash back. This was our challenge because the laundromat by our home kicks it old school, as the popular vernacular goes, and needs real quarters, not e-cash, to power its dryers.

I had a solution ready to go: we gather our change, I get the last remaining dollar out of my account at the credit union, convert the change to quarters while we were at it, and we would each have enough cash to dry our load of laundry. The challenge came to convince Himself to go along with me; he had become so put out by the fact he could not get cash back from his e-wallet, he was ready just to fold up his tent and go home. I had to growl at him to go with my plan, which by the way, worked out perfectly.

Both of us can be very stubborn at times, as we both come by it naturally (his parents and my parents could also be said to have wide stubborn streaks in their spirits). Some other emotions came up around today's dryer adventures, so it occurred to me that this would be a good time to write about my control issues, and what I struggled to control, and what I really needed to let go of. While Himself attended a meeting (his therapy), I journaled and got a few things ready to burn in Fire Ceremony (my therapy).

We have since communicated and clarified our positions to each other, and talked our way through the feelings that came up today. Just as importantly, all of the laundry is clean and dry, folded up / hung up and put away.

Tomorrow is the next Cardiac session, so we will burn off any excess emotional energy that needs to be released. :)

Day 219: on a day for mothers

Made our Sunday Support group today. Himself was in the spotlight, as he updated our friends on his Cardiac Adventure this past week. We will be going to the Cardiology department tomorrow, and I have a list of questions to ask them.

On the way back, we stopped at Trader Joes for some shopping, and to pick up a Mother's Day treat for the Queen Mother. We settled on a six-pack of chocolate mousse cakes with white and yellow icing. The Queen Mother will have them tonight for her dessert/last snack of the day. I also managed to get the trash out, so the weekend list is successfully completed.

This year I was pretty neutral for Mother's Day. What makes that remarkable: I had a miscarriage in 2015. The pregnancy was a surprise; the miscarriage, not so much. I had no idea what to FEEL on Mother's Day that year. With 2016 the year of Himself's cancer adventure, and 2017 the year that the Queen Mother's Dementia journey started, I really didn't have time to process anything.

Come 2018, and nothing else to occupy my attention, I fell apart on Mother's Day, and wound up doing a ton of processing. I came away with a greater sense of Inner Peace, something I had previously been missing. I wound up writing a letter to the child I knew for only a short period of time, and was able to let that go on some deeper levels. This year, I find myself still in that place of peace, for which I am grateful.

It will be an early night tonight, so let me end here and grab my to-do lists for this upcoming week.

Day 203: on rebounding

It turns out Himself's stepmother didn't have our complete mailing address on the first attempt, but had it for the third attempt. We received the letter we've been waiting for, and the enclosed funds will see us through the end of the month. Huzzah.

Before it arrived, I was trying to explain why I had not filed a second appeal in the never-ending bureaucratic Quest, and I found myself edging into a full-blown pity party. I was rearing back to beat myself up yet again for "not following proper protocol in leaving no stone unturned," when it occurred to me: the Average Person would not have foreseen these delays happening. The Average Person would have expected the situation to be resolved by now. Ergo: I'm not actually Superwoman, nor am I Omniscient...I'm just an Average Person! Should I be relieved? ;)

We were able to make our meetings this evening, for we were able to fill up the gas tank. Tomorrow we will be able to buy some things we thought we would have to wait until the beginning of the month to get. Tomorrow I am also going to be mainly switched off, after an early morning conference call. I'm looking forward to the downtime after what has been a more intense than usual week.

We have some breathing room now. Huzzah.

Day 162: on listening in the shadows

Today was a day to note all the little aggravations, sit down with them, and listen to them one at a time to see what story they were trying to tell me. 

The main aggravation was in not getting to the beach today. Between me pulling myself together, Himself pulling himself together, the Queen Mother putting in her two cents, and the absolute chaos on the freeways, I figured that by the time we actually got to the beach, it would be just in time to turn around and come back, to help the Queen Mother with her dinner. 

However, with the first refreshing Spring Beverage in hand (my go-to of Black Tea & Lemonade), I came up with an excellent Plan B: the duck pond at Kit Carson Park, less than five minutes away. We made it there and had a good breather there instead. The pond was almost full to its brim, thanks to all of the Winter rains, and there were many ducks and coots enjoying the renewed pond. There were also at least two turtles there, but they were more secretive, preferring to avoid the attention of all of the people who were out enjoying the fabulous weather.

There was also an astounding number of butterflies fluttering through the air. Their migration has been going on for a week or two now, as they have been flying roughly east-to-west. I also noticed them after we got home, and even took some video of them temporarily inhabiting a flowering tree in front of the condo directly across from us. You can see the video in my Messenger Stories. (I'm not quite ready to pick up the Daily Story thread again just yet; I thought I would give myself until April before I tried again.)

So, I prepared the Queen Mother's dinner, had my dinner, then settled in for some Timed Writing exercises in my trusty Writing Circle journal. The first idea was to write around the idea of "Sacrifice," because I was feeling it coming up again within me. I poured out a lot onto the page in ten minutes, and there was a lot of Resentment that came out as well. Then I turned my attention to how I felt whenever I was requested to do something "Right Now." That didn't flow as smoothly as the first, but more juicy material flowed out through my pen onto the paper. Finally, I put the two together, and found myself writing about the fear of Erasure: that since my needs "didn't matter," I felt like I was in danger of being Erased. What came up and flowed out here was pure gold, and perfectly expressed what I have been feeling, on and off, since I began my Odyssey. I have a few ideas about how to proceed from here.

As I allowed the Shadow Material to percolate, Himself passed along some shocking news: one of our friends (who is a bit older than Himself) is currently in Intensive Care at a nearby hospital, having suffered TWO significant strokes in three days! His situation right now is touch and go, and any prayers that can be made on his behalf would be most appreciated.

I am very glad we will be going to our support group tomorrow. Perhaps our beach time was meant to unfold after that. We shall see.

 

Day 143: on plugging back in

It did me a world of good to Unplug yesterday and return to reading to fill the time!

Besides reading several sections of the newspaper yesterday, I also returned to a book I started a few months ago, Passages in Caregiving by Gail Sheehy. A great pity I didn't know about this book when I was starting this Odyssey, as it would have helped to allay some of my early concerns. I have it now, though, and I am picking up valuable tidbits of insight and wisdom as I read. :)

I plugged back in this morning and found that my money had arrived, so grocery shopping we went. There were a couple of surprises today, one quirky and cute, the other not so much. First, when I moved my bags a bit closer to the groceries on the conveyer belt as we were checking out, we found a small grasshopper hitching a ride! Was it there all along or did it stow away in one of our bags? That I don't know, but it wound up hopping onto me as I tried to coax it into a roll of paper towels, so I borrowed the roll and went outside to deposit the little bug into the bushes outside of the store. I did return the paper towels to the cashier afterwards.

On the way home, things got a little scary - some dude jumped out of the passenger door of a black car in front of us. With a baseball bat in hand, he proceeded to bang savagely on the rear bumper of the burgundy pickup trunk in front of us. I have no idea why. When the pickup truck pulled off into a dirt lot a little further down the road, a woman got out of the truck and started looking behind us, as though she was looking for the black car. We didn't see the car behind us, but that was enough for Himself to call 911 and report the whole incident as we continued on our way home.

It wasn't until I was waiting for my dinner to heat up that I realized I was more shaken up than I had given myself credit for; how often do you see some random act of road rage unfold before you in traffic? I'm more than happy to stay home tonight, thank you, and I'm wondering if perhaps I shouldn't start practicing a bit of protective shielding again. :-O

I'm not sure if I'm going to get much constructive done tonight. Tomorrow feels like a better day to pick up where I've left off, methinks. Tonight I shall pray that people start working through their Shadow material, instead of allowing the material to work them over! 

Day 102: on an un-rushed day

Another easy day today. :)

Between my Morning Pages and my journal, I did a lot of mental decluttering. It's interesting how some things I discovered early on in my Shadow Work have resurfaced in this Odyssey, and how much I wound up forgetting, thanks to all of the "cortisol baths" my brain has taken over the past two-ish years. I meet the lessons again, on a different level of the spiral, and my epiphanies feel familiar, and still ring true.

It feels like I have had a lot of Fear cleared out of me. Now I can see where I started projects and other things out of a place of Fear, so of course they weren't going to work out. I see where I have moved from Resistance into Acceptance and life has flowed Much More Easily, and with a modicum of Grace. There are still places where I am experiencing Resistance in my life; there are good times to work on switching to Acceptance, and there are times when I need to let the Resistance have a say, and see what I am resisting, and why. I sorted out a lot in my mental closet today, and reaffirmed a few things, and saw how a few other things now make a whole lotta sense. (Perhaps I'll be a little less vague at a future time.)

I did have to do a bit of grocery shopping today, so I prodded Himself into action, and we stepped out (into a bit of rain) and got the most necessary things. The rest can abide for later in the week, when I have a bit more wiggle room in the account. I am, however, still in the positive, and that's the most important thing.

The rain let up, but is now falling again, light but steady. I no longer feel like I need to hibernate my way through the wet weather, as my Moontime has come to an end for this month. Granted, I didn't get much, if any, "practical work" done today, but sometimes the Inner Work needs to get done first, before the Outer Work can be tackled.

We will see what the morrow brings, besides more rain... ;)

Day 91: on ringing out the old

First, what happened today: Himself kicked off "Appointment Week" with a follow up appointment with the dietician. They discussed where he had made progress and where he still needed to do some work. He will follow up again in three months. We also straighened out a wee snag with his blood pressure medication (a version of which had been recalled recently). We got home a bit late, but everyone managed to have dinner before it was time for our weekly meetings.

Once home, I set to work finishing my Year in Review process, which turned out to be a YearS in Review, as the Dumpster Fire that was 2018 for me had its roots in earlier years. I saw how this process actually started back in 2014, and devoted a few days to write it all out, one day per year, and then a day to synthesize it all. I saw how I was still trying to recover from work stress (in 2014) and a miscarriage (in 2015) when Himself was diagnosed with colon cancer (in 2016) and then the Queen Mother had her blood clot adventure (in 2017). Looking at everything that way, of course 2018 was going to be a Dumpster Fire!

Several pieces of paper have been ripped to shreds and placed in a small brown paper bag, along with a couple of sage stems, ready to be burned. We are going to a friend's party tomorrow and she says she will have a fire for burning things, weather permitting! (I have a Plan B ready to go just in case.) 

As of tomorrow, I will be ready to move forward into the new year...

Day 58: on the gift of a calm day

Today I was able to shift into having a "Day Off." As a caregiver, I don't usually grant myself permission to have a day of doing little to nothing. Being honest, when there aren't appointments to make or chores to tend to, my mind is usually preoccupied with something that I have to Get Done Now, or Tomorrow At The Latest! Today, however, I declared that everything on the to-do list would abide until tomorrow, and kicked off the Ease with a nap after I had helped the Queen Mother with her breakfast. I didn't bother to get up for good until after 1pm.

One of the reasons I'm feeling so refreshed is because I actually got out and socialized for a few nights. (We made it to the Yule Party right on time last evening, and I enjoyed the Sister- and Brother-hood for the first time in what seems like forever, though I'm sure it's only been a few months.) I realized as I wrote in my Morning Pages today that as much as I need Me Time out in Nature, I also need We Time with peeps of like vibe. This came as a bit of a surprise to me, as I had previously not been aware of the Hunger I had to relate to folks who could relate back, and not necessarily be a part of a support group. I love and need my support groups, don't get me wrong, but I'm more than "just" a Caregiver, and I need to be in situations where I can perhaps bring out those parts of me that I might otherwise forget and give them some fresh air and sunshine as well.

All of this more or less started with an observation I had made about myself (in the Morning Pages), and the question I then asked myself: What is wanting to take everything so Personally within me? because I was taking everything that Life was throwing at me Very Personally. I remembered stories I had found within my Shadow Realm from earlier inquiries, but looked at them from a different angle this time. Not only did this lead to my current ideas around parceling out my days, but I've also let go of a lot of hard feelings and excessive mental gunk that I was carrying around. In a nutshell - my Caregiving experience is MY experience, but I've allowed Other People's Experiences to influence me a little too much. Knowing this, it becomes much easier to keep my own counsel about what works and what doesn't, and allow the opinions of others to slide off my back.

Today was a good, restful day, and I will be in a much better place to tackle what lies before me in the week ahead. :)

Day 19: on digging deeper

So after writing down my frustrations and sorrows, I allowed things to percolate, and further insights arose...

I realized I have been projecting a lot of my frustrations about my life onto my mother. As a single mom for much of my childhood, she did her best to shield me from the world's unpleasantries, and did her best to stay independent, despite her physical challenges. My frustrations are mine to own and work through; perhaps I could have flown further from the home nest at times, but what would additional adventuring have brought me?

This leads to the second, and deeper, realization: I might be more sensitive than I care to admit. I was introduced to  the harsher vagaries of the world when I entered junior high school, and it was a HUGE shock to my system. I renounced much of the popular culture I observed around me in the 8th grade and vowed to "go it alone" until such time as I felt differently...and I find myself repeating some of the same Vows of Renunciation more than thirty years later!

"Losing" my vacation has helped me look within and given me some prime Shadow material to work through - absolutely necessary if I'm going to complete this odyssey! So now I will allow these further insights to percolate, and go from there. In the meantime, I have a Toolbox of tips and techniques to look through to help with Life On the Daily.

One day at a time... :)  

Day 9: on doing the shadow work

As I mentioned previously, I started in on journaling around the Heaviness I was experiencing a couple of days ago, in order to unpack what, exactly, was stinking in my thinking. Whereas I would normally wait until the entire process was finished before sharing my results, I was inspired by a video made by a friend about sharing during the messy in-between times, as well as sharing the nice shiny journey when it was all over - and frankly, this whole blog is about sharing during the messy in-between times! So, a bit of sharing the preliminary results of my digging down to find the root, if you will...

The main source of my Stinking Thinking is feeling Overwhelmed by life, whether I'm thinking about what I still have to do around our home in order to get it a bit more "reasonable" (I abandoned the "Grandma Clean" standard a long time ago, trust me!), or whether I find myself carrying the angst of the world upon my shoulders. In the latter case, I seem to have this idea that I (and I alone) need to "transmute the suffering of the world" so that everyone will feel better. I'm not quite sure where I picked up this Goddess complex - heh, I just came up with that - and I'm not quite sure how to drop it Once and For All. Still working on that.

Both of these concepts were part of the Heavies, but neither was ultimately the real root. Beneath these concepts, however, the word Sacrifice suddenly leapt into my mind. I dug a little further, and found the root at last: I have been feeling for some time that I've just been Sacrificing more and more and more of myself - whether financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically, or whatever - and getting nothing in return. It has that "Suffering in Silence" quality to it as well.

I found some resentment towards Himself brewing there, for I don't feel like he's been Sacrificing "as much" as I have. I challenged that resentment immediately: "So how many times have I asked for help on a Social Media platform? or in Real Life, for that matter?" I acknowledged I haven't asked for help near as much as he has, when push has come to shove. "Why not?" I asked next...and I don't have an answer to that question. Yet.

This is where I am now - what is the Block within me that prevents me from asking for help more?

Asking questions and receiving answers, which often lead to more questions, is how I do my Shadow Work. Finding the root of my Stinking Thinking solves half of the puzzle; then I know what I need to do to edit my Story, and how best to go about that. There will be a Part 2 to this, which will arise in the fullness of time. I just need to keep digging, keep writing, and keep percolating.

In the meantime, there is another week to look forward to, with one very special occasion set to unfold on Tuesday. :)