on, and off, the rollercoaster

Well, that was unintentional. I had planned to blog again last Friday, but Himself and I were delayed in coming home, and then I chatted with a friend for about two hours (because it had been a while and reconnection was long overdue). By the time I got off the phone, it was late, and I was tired. I could have posted after midnight, since the strictures of this blogging process had been eased with the completion of my year long project, but I chose to wait instead, thinking I would post again by Monday at the latest.

Then everything got worse, at least in my headspace.

For me, the trip up to Seattle is not meant to be, not this year. The money is Just Not There for me to go along with Himself; moreover, the only reason he is able to go is because his way has been paid for by the local region! Every time I thought I had hit upon a solution that would work, the solution would dissolve after further inquiry. I have a few very good leads for some help Long-Term, but for right now, all the solutions lie just out of reach. I wound up Imploding, crying off and on (mostly on) through Monday night.

Tuesday was, by and large, a Do Nothing Day. I did help Himself clean up the bathroom a little (though he did most of the heavy work), but for most of the day I felt stuck and numb. Plans had fallen through one time too many, I thought, and I wasn't sure how I would be able to pull myself together once again.

I turned to what I knew best - writing - and took some deep dives, both within my Morning Pages and outside of them in some Timed Writing sessions. As the words came together, so did the Insights. To summarize, I started out questioning why I clung so hard to Expectations, and wound up staring at my Very Little Inner Child sitting atop a pile of Broken Promises, thinking there must be "Something Wrong" with her. It made sense as well: my Depression felt so Heavy not just out of Frustration, but out of Disappointment, that Yet Another Promise had been broken, Yet Again.

This, I can work with. I can meet these images and visions with Healing Ceremonies, speaking the language of Metaphor and Archetype. Once I reached the A-Ha! moment, life began to lighten and clear up again.

In the meantime, I need to back up half a step. Today both Himself and the Queen Mother received their monthly deposits in their respective accounts. Yesterday, we came up a bit short financially, and had to "Make Do" in a few areas. The cats did not complain when they were fed "people" tuna, but the Queen Mother sure did! She did a lot of ranting yesterday, for she felt certain parts of her Daily Routine had been altered in Ways She Did Not Like. Today she paid the price for her stressing with her worst "episode" yet. She still hasn't quite recovered from yesterday, and I might be calling the Nurse Advice line tomorrow if she's still in a Bad Way.

The Queen Mother, you see, is not very good at Screaming or Crying or throwing any sort of temper tantrum. Sometimes I wonder if she tried to "Vulcanize" herself (a la Mr. Spock in Star Trek, as she always prided herself at remaining cool and UNemotional, unlike my father, who never felt the need to restrain himself, at least in mom's eyes. (If I had a dollar for every time she said, "You're just like your father," and not meaning it as a compliment, I wouldn't have near the money issues that I do now!) With her mind unraveling, and gallstones now present, I suspect that she's now paying the price for Stuffing It All Deep Down for most of her life.

Last night was a grabbing of Essentials, as Himself got a wee windfall before the Main Payday; tomorrow is the Full Shopping day, along with Laundry and paying a few bills. We shall be making hay as the sun shines! With any luck, I won't be gone for so long in between blog posts, either. :)

"it could be worse"

Today was not the best day. It wasn't even a good day.

I started with some deep and necessary conversation with Himself, and felt a bit better afterwards. Then the Queen Mother was upset that the cats were in the kitchen and there was no food at that moment for them, never mind that they had eaten their "second breakfast" roughly an hour before. I was in the middle of my "first" breakfast, and Insisted that I was going to Finish My Breakfast before going out and replenishing the cat food. She's all about taking care of everyone else before yourself - and I am So Over that, with my Caregiver Burnout.

I did set out after breakfast and got a decent amount of cat food while Himself stayed home and worked on a grant application for the Alano Club on the computer. After I decompressed a bit, we went out to take care of a few moree errands. As the afternoon progressed, I realized I was going to need to prepare my go-to of mac-n-cheese and stay home this evening, as the crowds were starting to feel oppressive. My already frazzled nerves were fraying all the way down, and I was needing to breathe deeply just to maintain a modicum of control. Anxiety is no fun, folks.

Himself was still considering going to the seminar when he was called down to the Club for emergency coverage of the Coffee Bar shift. When we found out why, I realized that my problems really weren't that bad, and at least one other person was having a worse day than I was. He is on his way home with recycling in tow, which will help with making sure we have enough to cover us for the next week.

I watched a few funny videos earlier to lighten my mood, and they seemed to work, along with the mac-n-cheese. We will take care of the recycling tomorrow, and maybe, just maybe, get a workout in before our joint Friday meetings. As with everything else these days, I am not holding my breath. 

a "bag lady" day

After the anxiety of yesterday, I delibrately made it a Chill Day today, doing a lot of reading. I have two on-screen sources these days: the AgingCare.com support forum, where I can sympathize and cheer on my fellow caregivers, and Flipboard, a site + app where one can browze a gazillion articles on practically every topic under the sun. I receive their "10 for Today" emails, scan the articles presented, and tag the email with a star if I want to return to it at a later date. I have a ton of Forum and Flipboard notifications tagged, so I have a LOT of reading material at my fingertips.

There is a bit of irony to this, if you know me at all: I was one of those people who refused to get a Kindle, refused to listen to Any Audiobooks Ever, because Real Books were the best and only "real" source of reading, didn't ya know! Now most of my reading is on a screen, and I'm looking forward to "retraining" myself to read Real Books over this upcoming Mercury Retrograde. Think of it as NaNoReMo, if you will.

When I started to feel a little restless, I picked up where I left off in my Huswifery: creating an alternative organizational system for all of our bags. Despite the "ban" that was enacted in California a few years back, there are still plenty of plastic bags to go around, especially if you take home anything from a restaurant to eat later. First I got all of the bags together in their various "categories," then I played a little Bag Tetris to slot everything in reasonably well in the bottom shelf of one of our below-the-counter cupboards. (For those who don't know, Tetris is a very simple-yet-addictive video game where you take variously shaped 3D puzzle pieces and try to slot them together with as few gaps as possible...and the rate at which you receive said pieces gets faster over time!)

When I was done, we had one bunch of Target bags ready to be returned to the store for reusing, one bunch each of Walmart and Ralph's bags in progress, the aforementioned "Thank You" bags for takeout ready to be reused for trash bags in the master bathroom, various newspaper bags ready to be used for litter box clearings, and an array of paper bags neatly tucked in the corner, to be used for whatever I can come up with. Finally there is our embarrassingly small collection of actual reusable canvas-with-insulation lunch bags. Perhaps this last bunch will grow as the other categories shrink with use.

Afterwards came some more reading, then dinner for the Queen Mother and myself. (Himself had another day of tending to Club business down in San Diego.) Next on my project list will be to reorganize the shelf above the bag shelf, along with the silverware drawer and junk drawer above them. I acknowledged today that organizing and reorganizing things does seem to help quiet my sometimes nervously chattering mind, so I will keep going and see what happens.

Tomorrow Himself and I plan to go to another "retirement planning" seminar to take advantage of the free dinner. I'll let y'all know if I hear anything remotely interesting. ;)

my little friend, anxiety

The day shifted early, as Himself had planned on getting up very early for a morning meeting down at the Alano Club, but his get-up-and-go refused to cooperate. He also had a Club Executive Committee meeting this evening, so he opted to attend that instead.

Before he left, we needed to get a few grocery essentials. At the start of the day, I wasn't sure if I would be able to get cat food, but thanks to a tiny money miracle, I was. This Need to Get Cat Food probably contributed to the Low-Key Anxiety I felt today, some of which was not mine. At one point, I smudged our room with sage - something which is rapidly becoming a daily practice - and felt better.

Another contributing factor is probably the Santa Ana winds which are blowing all week this week, raising temperatures, lowering humidity, and increasing the fire risk. I know of some fires that were burning north of us in the Pacific Palisades area a day or so ago. We see a lot of the Santa Ana winds blowing in from the desert this time of year, and twice in recent years (in 2004 and 2007), we've had our own big wildfire experiences in San Diego, not to mention a few dozen smaller ones.

I will see if I can do a bit more huswifery tomorrow, as the anxiety threw me a bit off stride today. I do give myself credit for getting a full shower in, which basically means I washed my hair. Very important to do when I can't remember when I last washed it! ;)

tying off loose ends

The first loose end I took care of today was laundry, as it was a bit overdue to be done! Inkblot was an "up close and personal" supervisor again, jumping down into the washer to inspect the drum and everything else in it. I twirled him around a couple of times in both directions before scooping him out of the washer so that I could finish loading it. Clothes washed, I made it over to the laundromat and colored a bit in my latest mandala while the clothes were drying. Then ther was a little party in the Queen Mother's bedroom as I sorted and put away her laundry, as both cats came to supervise the proceedings. They weren't nearly as interested with me putting away my laundry. ;)

As to other loose ends, there were some good things that happened last week. For my birthday, I used the free dinner I had been "gifted" by the newest local Mexican restaurant after they had messed up my order on a previous visit. They were able to deliver the promised vegetable enchiladas this time, which were paired with black beans and rice and very, very tasty. Afterward, Himself made me a chocolate "milk" shake afterwards (with almond milk) that was also very tasty, and very filling.

The best news came the day after my birthday, where Himself was declared to be Still In Remission. The oncologists are keeping an eye on an odd nodule or two (lymph nodes, perhaps) in his mesentery; they seem to be growing and shrinking, glowing and not glowing, with no rhyme nor reason. His next CT scan will be in January, and if the nodules don't grow between now and then, he will have been in remission and Tumor Free for three years. That is apparently a Big Number in the cancer world, and means the chances of recurrence drop sharply. So far, so very good!

Switching back to the present: I kept an eye on the time today, because I wanted to do the laundry before Himself left the house for his errands, but I didn't feel too rushed. I am (belatedly) noticing that whenever I am feeling pressed for time, especially in the morning, my temper starts to grow very short. Sometimes breakfast helps, but sometimes it doesn't. Today I had a good day overall. Once the laundry was done, I kept the ball rolling by straighening up in the kitchen, taking care of the recycling and reorganizing a few things in the recycling corner so that it didn't look quite so chaotic.

My next idea is to redo the collection of plastic bags I have by the cooler. Since we have a fancy cooler now (It dispenses hot AND cold water! Himself paid for it a few months ago, as it was on sale), the way I kept the plastic bags isn't working anymore, so I need to rework a few things. Organizing, and Reorganizing, is one of my strong suits - dare I call it a hobby, even? - so I'll see if I can keep going tomorrow. :)

climbing back on the blogging bandwagon

I have not had the best week this week. I went on what I'm calling a Depression Bender for a few days, starting on Wednesday (my birthday, as it happens). I felt better on Saturday after doing a bit of Shadow Work, but today has been an anxious day, and I got to the point where my nerves were completely fried and I could not do anything else but take a nap. I do feel more stable and less anxious after my nap, though.

I thought I had found the perfect set up for watching over the Queen Mother while I went on vacation with Himself to Seattle. When I talked with the lady at SCRC, though, she informed me that the (reasonable) daily rate was for housing mom at the residential facility they work with. Problem is, who would come in and feed the cats? We boarded them during the fumigation of our condo, and that was a near disaster, as they quit eating and pooping and were downright miserable. (Oh yes, and when we got them home again, they puked for nearly an entire week!) When I asked after the hourly rate, I was informed that it would be twice as expensive as the residential price - and the rate of $13.50 per hour is HALF of what any agency in the area would charge.

The tricky part is that the Queen Mother doesn't necessarily need someone to stay all night with her, but she does need help in going to bed the first time, as it is very painful for her, and she usually doesn't get to be till about midnight. (At the moment, she can manage getting up to pee in the wee hours by herself.) She has also mentioned several times that she gets lonely when we have to leave the house to take care of our business. Translation: she relies on me to keep her company. :p

The idea that we wouldn't have enough money to have someone come and watch her, combined with the idea that I would have to give up Yet Another Vacation, on top of the pressure I (unwittingly) put on myself to have a "good day" on my birthday...it was all too much. We're now back to square one to find someone who can come and watch her, hopefully at a reasonable cost. This time, fortunately, Himself is helping me to look for someone. I am saving the research I have already done, because when we get the next infusion of money, I will be going through one of these agencies to bring someone in to spell me for respite.

And about money - the financial windfall has been used up. I'm trying very hard not to blame either Himself or myself for not being more thrifty with the money, and it didn't help that we had to pay a third of what we had received to his DC attorney. I admit, the outlook today isn't as bleak as it once was: the personal injury settlement is in progress, and we are waiting to hear from one of the insurance companies. (The other one has responded in a less than satisfactory way, and he might be pursuing mediation against them.) Himself's attorney in DC is set to present the idea that he is Totally and Permanently Disabled, which would bring his "service connection" to 100%. This would mean a big jump in his monthly pension, dental work covered by the VA, forgiveness of his student loan debt, and insurance for me. Himself is also planning on pursuing the original carpal-tunnel case further, as 2015 doesn't go back far enough, not when he has evidence regarding his condition dating back to 1993. On top of all of that, Himself and the Queen Mother are both set to receive Cost of Living increases starting in January, which will help.

Our financial situation isn't as bleak as it was, as we have definitive progress...but try telling that to my beyond-frazzled nervous system, which has been waiting and waiting and has no cushion left to absorb any perceived blows. Try telling that to my frayed emotions, which have been waiting and waiting for some sort of Relief and takes every setback like it's thermonuclear devastation. Try telling that to my weary spirit, which has traded Expectation for Faith, and has clung to expectations so hard, in a This or Nothing way, that these expectations are becoming toxic. In other words, the windfall was nice, but it didn't alter the fact that I'm still a Hot Mess inside.

This is why I'm returning to daily, or at least weekdaily, posting on the blog. It's when I stopped doing it regularly that I realized its importance: it was serving as a place where I could vent, as well as share, regardless of whether or not I had an audience. (I did/do appreciate the comments, though, so please keep them coming!) More, it was something I could rely upon within myself, and help me get through the day. If I did nothing else on some days but post on my blog, I was doing Something, and often times that was just enough to keep me afloat, or at the very least, ignoring the pressure that threatened to squeeze me into a bloody pulp. I'm already feeling better having reclaimed my "voice" and letting loose here, in fact.

Next I need to share the Good Stuff that's transpired, but I'll save that for the next day or two. Promise. 

missing the daily posting, sort of

Confession time: yes, a part of me misses the daily posting on the blog here. A bigger part of me was preoccupied with my Moontime these last few days, so that part was glad not to post, because I wasn't sure if I would have any words to bring to the table. My rational mind goes fuzzy while I bleed, and I disconnect from the outside world. Once the heaviest of the bleeding has passed, though, I feel myself starting to "ascend" from the depths of my mind and I begin to reconnect with the world and start using words again.

I finally managed to schedule the Queen Mother's Prolia injection for her osteoporosis, which will take place next Monday. We are still waiting for the authorization for her CT scan; we plan to take care of her bloodwork on the same day. She is doing better physically - not as many naps, and she seems to be not so loopy and grumpy - but she has slipped a little more mentally, finding it more difficult to get the words to express herself from mind to mouth. I'm wondering if asking for a urinalysis to look for a UTI might not be a bad idea, since that seems to plague folks the Queen Mother's age (and older) a lot.

Himself has a big week coming up this week. He has a PET scan tomorrow, to track an "odd nodule" somewhere in his intestines and see if it's glowing more, or less. He will also be getting some blood drawn for labs prior to the PET scan. Then we visit the oncologist on Thursday to hear the results of this latest round of tests and see if he's still in remission. I'm betting he will be. Friday brings us a follow up with the weight control people, where he will be updating them on his progress. In the meantime, the Alano Club (where he's the Secretary of the Board of Directors) is keeping him plenty busy. He's had to "imitate a morning person" for the past few days, and he doesn't do as good of a job as I do. ;)

A little something interesting: when Himself and I first got together, I got to the point where I didn't want to do Everything Together because I didn't want to cultivate any codependency. Now that he has been away more than he's been at home as of late, I find myself both missing him, and also wondering where that Independent Streak of mine went! Things at the Club should start slowing down now, with a bit more stability being introduced, so perhaps I'll get my husband back.

I'm also going to enroll in a program that the Southern Caregiver Resource Center is offering, where we pay half of the going rate for an Agency-supplied caregiver, and SCRC will pay the other half. I've narrowed it down to two agencies, and I have a few questions I need answered before I make my selection, the most important being whether or not we can get someone who likes cats! I'm thinking I will need to get another bags of bribes - I mean, treats - in order for the caregiver to win the cats over. One big step in getting ready to go to Seattle!

Thus and so, what has been going on for me over the past few days, and what is to come.

after fasting and feasting

Indeed it is Thursday and not Wednesday, but yesterday was another long day, and I was ready for bed by the time all was said and done.

Yesterday was Yom Kippur, often considered the most important Jewish holy day of the year. It is the Day of Atonement, of fasting from sundown the day before to sundown the day of. Himself and I fasted most of the time, breaking the fast only midday to have a croissant and some tea from Starbucks. With his cancer adventures, it's not medically advisable for him to fast the entire day, and his digestive system is thrown off kilter if he doesn't eat a lot, which can lead to other messy and nasty issues. So he did eat a small bit, but adhered to the fasting overall. I also snacked on a few baby carrots before we returned to the synagogue.

It's true that I didn't need to fast with him. We are an "Interfaith" family officially, as Himself is Jewish and I am Pagan, which leads to some interesting conversations. However, I also believe that occasional fasting is a good way to reset the body and the spirit (prayer work optional), and I'm not going to be completely rude and eat in front of him when he can't eat at all. I wasn't in significant discomfort, thanks to my little "cheats," and I didn't get terribly bent out of shape as happens occasionally when I get Hangry. Part of it, I bet, is in the Expectation: when I am expecting to eat, vs. when I am fasting and not expecting to eat, at least not before sundown.

Back to yesterday: after sundown, there were "appetizers" of juice, challah bread, and apples with honey to dip them in, which were consumed most enthusiastically. Then we caravanned up to the home of one of the congregants for the Breaking of the Fast, where we did indeed break the fast with a potluck feast. After attending a few of these potlucks, I have decided I am going to start bringing salads, as there has been a marked deficit of veggies!

Everything, of course, was very tasty, with the exception of some macaroni and cheese that was very cold and off-putting. There was good conversation to be had during and after the feasting, with Himself doing most of the talking. It's not that I'm a bad conversationalist at all. He is quite happy to talk about his naval adventures, his cancer adventures, and all of his adventures, and I'm happy to let him have the spotlight in these situations. When all was said and done, we wound up bringing home more food than we had taken, some of which has been eaten today. I gathered together a few of our own leftovers and combined them with a can of beans to have with my salad for dinner tonight. 

I slept long and well last night into today. This day has been very slow and quiet, as I am re-entering the Moon Lodge and am waiting for the trickle to become a flood. The days immediately before, and the first days of, my Moonflow, I become super introverted and not at all willing to do more than the bare minimum of interaction. The fact that I'm doing this blog tonight is a minor miracle. Whatever else my life looks like, I am super blessed to be able to ease back on the throttle and REST, and be very quiet, for a few days out of every month.

Inkblot is dozing on the bed beside me as I type, and Pippa has claimed the top of the dresser for the moment. The top of the dresser is Prime Territory for both of them. Sometimes they're good at sharing, other times they're not. Today has been a good sharing day so far.

I think that will do it for now. Until next time...

blogging when i don't feel like it ;)

Yesterday I said I would see everyone today, and of course, today I don't feel like blogging, because for the past few days I have been anti-social and anti-people. Part of it is being tired, part of it is trying to keep my energy strong and open when I'm not feeling that way, and part of it is unintentionally carrying around the baggage from everyone else. For this last part, I have a little trick I use: I ask, deliberately and sometimes aloud, "How much of what I'm feeling is Actually Mine?" I always feel lighter after about a minute or two and can usually ascribe a percentage to what has sloughed off. Today, a whopping 80% I was feeling was NOT mine! Such are the joys of being a Sensitive. :p

I also know a part is directed toward the Queen Mother. Mom can be trying on the best of days, and as her Dementia progresses, she can get quite obsessive over things that wouldn't have bothered her ten years ago. Today it was about the cats "not being allowed to go outside anymore." She freely admits that she is projecting her limitations upon them, and she considers the coyote sightings we have had around her the equivalent of Fake News. Nothing that I have said to her makes a difference. Tonight, Himself called at just the perfect time to leave the room, and it was time for the evening news when I got off the phone with him, so I turned on the tv and left her to watch the news as I went into the other room to eat my dinner in peace.

It was another double laundry day for Himself and myself, as we each washed a load and took our loads to the laundromat for drying. Inkblot did some of his up close and personal supervising again, this time waiting until I had almost loaded the washer completely before jumping in. Of course I took him out before I started the washer up. I think he rebalanced the washer tub after his sojourn in it, which is a good thing; the unbalanced tub jolted me awake this morning as it went into its spin-dry and sounded like a train about ready to go off the tracks!

I also posted what seems to be my most popular Inktober drawing to date: the "Coffee Zombie," who is drawn more to coffee than to brains. I felt like I had lost the spark last night when I attempted to draw a dog looking at a fly that had landed on its nose. I posted it even though I didn't want to, because I felt like it wasn't at all good, even for a doodle. Not everything is going to be a winner as I exercise my doodling muscles, though - and in truth, I was feeling a little rushed because it was after 11pm when I realized I hadn't drawn anything, and it had already been a long day. So yeah, dog-with-fly wasn't my best, and Coffee Zombie, which I had the idea of doing and the time to doodle it, felt much better.

We will be shopping for groceries tomorrow and getting ready for Yom Kippur, the famous Day of Atonement in the Judaic tradition. Not sure if I'm going to blog tomorrow or Wednesday, so watch this space...

Day 365: on "running away from home" + what comes next

Himself had arranged to train a new volunteer about opening up the Club and working at the coffee bar today. I thought, Wouldn't it be nice to join him and have some breakfast before we headed back home? So I woke up bright and early (thanks again to our fuzzy alarm clocks, aka the cats) and had enough time to wash my hair before getting the Queen Mother's breakfast put together and hitting the road. There was almost no traffic to speak of as we headed down to San Diego.

Here's the Plot Twist: the new volunteer never showed up today. We did have our Yummy Sunday breakfast, courtesy of take out from the cafe two doors down from us. I had a breakfast sandwich, which was decent but not great. Himself had scrambled eggs with country style potatoes and toast. We each got an orange slice and a cantaloupe slice; I gave him my cantaloupe (as I can't stand them) and took his orange (as he can't digest it with his "semicolon").

Then it was up to me to choose what to do. The Dutiful Daughter wanted to go home and be with the Queen Mother and do the laundry, but the Loyal Wife wanted to stay with Himself at the Club. This time, the Loyal Wife won, and I jokingly said I had "run away" from home. We wound up staying for the entire "morning" shift, then Himself briefed the "evening" shift volunteer about what was going on. I think we finally left about 3:30, did a couple of errands, and got home about an hour later. The next order of business was dinner, which Himself took care of for himself, and I took care of for the Queen Mother, the cats, and myself.

I don't regret staying with Himself today. If anything, I would have been peeved if he had gone down by himself and then been unable to come back up because of the no-show. I made the best out of the curveball Life had thrown my way.

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So, now that I have reported on the day, normally this would be the time I would sum up and log off. However, this is the last blog entry of the 365-day challenge that I set out upon exactly one year ago today. I've pleasantly surprised myself by blogging every single - less one - day in this challenge. I have gained a sense of Consistency from doing this daily posting, even if it hasn't always translated over into my Real Life adventures. It was my through-line to get through the deepest and Heaviest of my feelings, and saw me out of the long dark tunnel and to the other side. That bit I think I'll share more about in the near future.

Moving forward, I'm not going to blog every day. I will blog more than once a week. 3 times, possibly 4, sounds doable. I will be non-blogging every weekend for sure, and as a heads-up, I'm going to be offline most of, if not all of, November, as Mercury Retrograde starts on the 31st of this month. Yep, we kick it off on Halloween/Samhain this year (ooh, scary)! I'm also going to drop the day counter and the "on..." conceit of the title, and title things in a more straightforward fashion.

For those who have traveled with me this far: we did it! And I will still read your blogs. Switching phones, though, knocked out my ability to comment on other Wordpress blogs, so I will have to use Messenger instead.

With that, I will see y'all tomorrow for sure. The pace of blogging might slow a bit, but the pace of Life definitely is not. ;)

Day 364: on playing some catch up

Today has been a completely chill day: catching up on some reading, taking a nap, being in no hurry to eat breakfast. I fixed my dinner right after I fixed the Queen Mother's dinner: for me, it was a Japanese style dinner with vegetarian gyoza and a miso ramen cup, combined with a salad. I indulged a little with some chocolate ice cream for dessert.

Today and yesterday, Himself has been dealing with some Club challenges. Tempers there are getting short these days. See, they lost the lease at their original location last December, and moved into what they thought was going to be their temporary space, for about three months, in January. Three have since become ten-and-counting, and now they might move into their intended permanent home at the start of next year, or maybe find somewhere else entirely. Needless to say, some members of the Club are not taking all of the Uncertainty as well as others. 

I feel significant sympathy for Himself and all of them, for I/we have also been in a "permanent temporary" situation with our finances. The tide finally turned in our case, and I feel it will also turn with them as well. When, of course, is the Big Question.

Yesterday, Himself took the bus down to San Diego to tend to his part of Club business. I kept the car, filled the gas tank, grabbed a few groceries, and paid a visit to Starbucks for an iced Chai Tea Latte. I made a mini-outing for the day and enjoyed myself. In the evening I stepped out and attended my first meeting in a few weeks. I am responsible for "anchoring" this particular meeting the first Friday of each month. Last night I was grateful for the opportunity to meet up with my West Coast Bestie and bring her up to speed, even if folks were driving like it was a full moon on the freeway. (though it wasn't even a First Quarter moon last night!)

Today, Himself took the car and I have been home, so it has been super chill. I did do a bit of adulting: putting away the receipts for the paid bills, and setting up a few reminders. I also charted what I need to do in order to bring in "vacation care" for the Queen Mother so I can go with Himelf up to Seattle in November. I'm not feeling excited about my upcoming vacation quite yet, but once all of the pieces of this particular puzzle have been put together, I will. 

I just realized tomorrow will be my Completion Day of this 365-day blogging challenge. I will be sharing a bit about my future plans for this blog, so watch this space tomorrow as I tie it off and put a fancy bow on this past year. :) 

Day 363: on a quick word

It's late and we have finally returned home. I will be able to go into more detail tomorrow, but there are no crises or significant worries. All is well; I'm just ready to put today to bed.

Day 362: on making it a tiny adventure

Today was Bill-Paying day, where I visited the credit union to get the cash I need to pay the homeowner's insurance, the water bill, and the gas & electric bill. As the Queen Mother is feeling better, Himself and I turned it into a fun outing day. 

In between paying bills, we stopped by Michael's, ostensibly to get some double-sided tape that would help keep Himself's kippah (the little cap he wears for religious services and during special occasions, like High Holidays) securely attached to his head. Then we took turns drooling over our special sections: he drooled over the baking & food decorating sections; I drooled over the journals and lettering in the scrapbooking section. We escaped there with our wallets intact. ;)

The topic of eating came up, so we went elsewhere in the ersatz mall to visit Firehouse Subs for the first time. I got a veggie sub and he got a turkey with avocado and cheese sub. I didn't realized the subs were toasted, so getting a warm sandwich with melting cheese was a pleasant surprise. The Five-Cheese Mac and Cheese, however, left much to be desired, and I shall be informing them of such on their website.

The bills have been paid, the tummies have been filled, the double sided tape has been secured and is being used, and I managed to get more cat litter and ice cream - you know, the important things in life. I got the Queen Mother's dinner ready, then settled down and drew my Inktober doodle for the day. I believe that I will jump on to Instagram very briefly during the weekends, just long enough to post the day's drawing, before jumping off again. I feel good about this because I'm going to be off social media for most of November, avoiding the drama llama stampedes during Mercury Retrograde. I'm three drawings in and having a lot of fun. 

Not sure how the day is going to unfold tomorrow, other than I will be completing another drawing. 

Day 361: on returning to duty

I dipped my toe back into Adulting today, paying some bills, figuring out how much I would need to withdraw to pay other bills, making phone calls, and starting to solidify my plans for who would be watching the Queen Mother while Himself and I were on vacation. I also posted a doodle of Inkblot, who was originally going to kick off Inktober, until I made that wrong turn with the avocado in my veggie wrap.

Tomorrow I will continue to reach out and contact folks on my short list to check their availability, after I go out and pay the bills. Once again, I will actually have Money Left Over when all is said and done, which is a wonderful feeling.

Now I will consider "napping" until it's time for the Queen Mother to be tucked in to bed, then I will definitely sleep soundly afterwards.

Day 360: on inktober and *feeling* my pluto

As I come into the home stretch of one project, I am starting a new one with Inktober. It's doing a drawing a day, ostensibly to sharpen one's drawing skills, but also to have some fun. I'm going to be sharing my "daily doodles" on Instagram, but I'll put the first one here as well...

Here's a wee story as to why I'm participating this year:
I consider myself a strong writer; my storytelling is mainly through my words. I have become pretty good with the art of collage. Photography is also something I work with rather well, when I put my mind to it. Drawing I have considered a "weaker" mode of creative self-expression, because my "realistic" drawing skills are not that good. Back in junior high and high school, I took the odd art class and tried very hard, but found myself being lapped by other students who were way more talented at drawing a shoe, a cat, a tree, and making them look really good.

However, as the years have passed, I've had a significant a-ha moment: though my shoe, cat, or tree might never approach photo-quality realism, I CAN draw a "cartoon" shoe, cat, or tree, and it looks halfway decent. My goal for Inktober is to exercise my doodling muscles, and see what happens from there. My plan is to draw something at random (though I already have some ideas in mind), and maybe go off a prompt now and then from the website, or maybe not.

I almost didn't start Inktober today because I felt so radically sick to my stomach earlier. Today had some good moments, but it was definitely an Out of Sorts day, the first one I've had since our financial windfall in August. I was feeling the Heavies pretty much from the time I woke up this morning. Part of it was feeling tired from not getting as much sleep as I optimally need for the past couple of nights; part of it was anxiety from having to leave the Queen Mother when she wasn't feeling very well (in her words). It's not the easiest, providing care and support for two people, even if one of them is striving to be as independent as he can.

A lot of other folks have been, or will be, feeling Super Heavy feels as Pluto stations direct in a few days. Pluto was the Lord of the Underworld in Roman Mythology, and this planet/oid stationing direct always tends to bring Dark Material from the Shadow Realm up to the surface of awareness to be examined and worked with/through. So no, you and I and she and he are not alone in this.

Back to today: our "quick trip" to the VA Medical Center turned out not to be quite as quick as we had intended. Yes, Himself got his port flushed, but we also picked up a prescription for his newest statin to try. He also stopped by the Gastro-Intestinal department to see about his next "coming and going" appointment, only to find out the combination Endoscopy and Flexible Sigmoidoscopy procedures had been put On Hold by the Cardiologists until he was off the medications he had been put on post-receipt of his stent, which was last May. Well then! No more GoLytely until next May! (oh gee, what a pity.) He also got his annual flu shot before we departed.

Once finished, we went to a nearby deli to grab some sandwiches, and the veggie wrap that I purchased had avocado on it. The avocado, I believe, is what did me in physically. I am one of those unfortunate people who gets wicked stomach cramps whenever I eat it, though they had subsided to nothing over the past ten years. Now, my body chemistry appears to have changed again, and I'm back to not being able to digest avocado properly. All things considered, though, I don't feel it's a big loss.

We ate lunch at the beach, saving Tashlich for another day, then did our necessary grocery shopping - those cats have to eat every day, ya know. I laid down when we got home, got up to fix mom dinner, then laid down again and eventually had an extended nap. I fixed myself a salad after waking up and feel much better now. :)

Himself is making noises once again about resuming his cardiac rehab workouts, so we will see how tomorrow unfolds. I can guarantee another drawing for Inktober, but that's about it.