I am feeling tired on several levels, but here I am in my commitment, checking in.
The flow of the day went well enough. Himself got to his appointments, and I got the Queen Mother to her doctor's appointment. In her case, we are going to stay the course, for now. She has been experiencing more pain as the weather has gotten colder. If she needs to take her pain meds, we will get her a stool softener to take with those meds, to see if we can avoid a repeat experience of the gastrointestinal "roller coaster" she rode a month ago.
Part of why I'm tired now is because the Queen Mother was in a foul mood when she woke up and came out of her room. She despises going anywhere outside the home, mainly because going to and fro is a significant physical challenge. Every bump in the road, every jolt of uneven pavement, causes her pain. Of course, as her dutiful daughter, I'm trying to keep everything flowing as smoothly as possible. We made it to the doctor's office and back again today, but - whew!
Part of why I'm tired is that tomorrow I am most likely going to accompany Himself on a quick trip to LA, helping a friend get to LAX. I found myself super triggered by the idea: Why do I have to Sacrifice my precious time? Why am I making All Of The Sacrifices? How much more do I have to Sacrifice before I/we can emerge from the LACK I/we have been swimming in, sometimes just managing to keep my/our head/s above water? I wound up emotionally vomiting all over Himself on our way to our weekly meetings this evening, but he didn't get angry. He just assured me that everything was going to be okay; and after a while, I did start to feel better - but not before I had done some soul-deep venting.
Fortunately, the day is over, and I can mark this day as done. Tomorrow will be a fresh new opportunity... :)
Victoria, you have so much on your shoulders. The life of a caregiver is often times a thankless job. You are heard. I will hold positive thoughts for you and I hope you get some relief and a moment for yourself. 💕
ReplyDeleteAs Maggie wrote, being a caregiver is often a thankless job.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your journey in your daily posts -- your writing is a reminder of the ebb and flow of feelings around the simple things that need to be done each day, and thoughts that we have around that.
Oh Victoria honey my heart aches over all that you have on your plate with not one but two people to care for. You are amazing and you handle it all with such grace even when you don't think you are. I'm so glad that you took up this blogging challenge, I hope it can provide some solace for you, a place to record your days as a reminder of all that you do, a place to vent when you need to, a place to know that you are loved and heard and supported. I am still looking for a way to subscribe to your blog and I can't find it? Is there a way? I'd really like to subscribe.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and love to you dearheart, looking forward to seeing you in class tonight.
Maitri
I have tried to subscribe as well!
DeleteHi, Victoria- I wanted to subscribe, too. What I did (for my blog) was add the Subscribe by email widget - that works fine. Blogger seems to have dropped all the other ways to “follow!”
ReplyDelete