Day 4: on balancing time commitments

Today was a more "typical" day for us, as far as the quality of our days go...

After we got up in the morning (and fed the cats), I helped the Queen Mother assemble her breakfast. I grabbed things out of the fridge and carried her bowl and tea mug to the dining room table, for mom is unstable on her feet and needs to hold on to her canes for balance. I got her chair ready to sit in and opened the curtains behind her so the sunlight could illuminate her dining area.

Once Queen Mother was squared away, Himself and I set about fixing our breakfasts and finishing the process of waking up. I got in a quick shower, and we set off to our "home away from home," aka the Veterans Administration Medical Center. Since his cancer diagnosis, we've had numerous trips down to the VAMC, so many that 1) I can put the car on autopilot to drive down there, and 2) I could find my way around inside the hospital blindfolded. Today there were a pair of routine appointments on the docket: a port access with bloodwork to be drawn for lab analysis (for his next oncology appointment on Thursday), and a follow up visit with the pain clinic to make sure his pain management was on track. We're trying to see if the VA will cover future chiropractic visits for him after his Personal Injury treatment is finished...and for those of you joining this journey who aren't in the know via Facebook, it's a story I will share at another time. We also got the written report of the CT scan he had this past Sunday (another piece of the Personal Injury puzzle), and stopped by the Neurology department to see if there is an appointment available before January 30th, 2019. That is to be determined, as he was told to expect a phone call sometime this week.

I go with Himself to his VAMC appointments to help him answer the questions his doctors ask him, since he has Traumatic Brain Injury, and is challenged with dates and times. I also go with him so we can take advantage of the carpool lane that runs in the center of I-15, which is a necessity coming home; otherwise, he would either be stuck in the Commuter traffic, which starts up somewhere between 3-4pm on weekdays, or he would have to pay a pretty penny to use the carpool lane during peak hours - which can get up to $9 one way - before it goes "HOV Only," meaning there must be at least one other passenger in the car if you want to use the carpool lane, no exceptions. We returned home just a bit after 4pm, and I switched back to helping the Queen Mother, this time getting her dinner assembled and carried out to the table.

My husband needs my support. My mother needs my support. Though Himself rarely complains about the situation, Queen Mother often tries to play the guilt card: talking about how "lonely" she is when I'm not there, or complaining about the house being a mess "because nobody is home to clean it up," among other things. To be fair, she feels challenged by her physical disabilities, more so as she gets older, and I suspect that there are times she gets jealous of Himself because she has to "share" me with him after my many years of being a Singleton. Some days I can let her complaints slide, and reassure her that I won't abandon her, and that I'm doing the best I can. Other days, I get short tempered and resentful, and I retreat to be alone in my room for a time, lest I unleash my anger upon her. It's a fine line to walk some days, and that's even before I consider where my energy levels are, and whether I need to support myself, and what I need to do to support myself.

Today wasn't a bad day in that regard; everyone got their needs met, and I'm satisfied overall. If I could string a few days like this together, it would help...but tomorrow might be different. Fortunately I have an opportunity to attend a Caregiver Support group tomorrow, so I'll check in after I get home and speak on that...or maybe I'll speak about something else. We shall see.