Day 62: on rainy day reality

I have mentioned before how much I have wanted to have a rainy day at home. Today I did - and the reality didn't match up to the fantasy. Sir Isaac Newton says it best in his Third Law of Motion: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

My action was to cultivate a sense of Abundant Gratitude within. The reaction was a doubling down on my Depression. I had a massive case of the Heavies, a sense of Why Bother? flowing and ebbing through the day. Instead of curling up in bed and settling in for a 24 hour nap, this time, I resolved to Push Through...

While Himself watched the "never ending" coverage of the last journey of former President Bush (the elder), I put on headphones, found a jazzy station on Pandora, and tidied up the kitchen. That helped a little. Eating a late lunch helped a little. Doing some Shadow Work in the shower helped a little. The Heavies stayed stubbornly with me.

Finally I chose to step out into the Wild Wet Weather and check in with one of my caregiver support groups. There was actually a thunderstorm on the way down, and I felt the Heavies dissipating with each visible lightning strike. Suddenly, my angst didn't feel so big and overwhelming, when compared to the Awesome Power of Nature - not to mention that i felt rather grounded when we reached our destination.

The axiom When you don't want to go to a meeting, is when you really need a meeting, rang quite true. Himself and I got to the group at about 6pm. Both of us got a chance to share, and both of us got a chance to Witness. I came away with the idea that being an Only Child isn't necessarily a bad thing. Sibling rivalries, particularly around Wills and Trusts, can be very ugly.

Himself had originally considered hitting up a casino after the support group (he's rather good at Blackjack, and we're willing to try and curry Dame Fortune's favor at this point), but looking at the weather, and considering the winding twisty roads we would need to navigate to get to one of the decent non-smoking casinos, we chose to wait for the weekend (when it won't be raining), and chose to have a nice dinner instead (with a bit of his birthday money that he had stashed away).

I realized this was another thing I miss: just the two of us, having a nice dinner out, putting aside Duty and Responsibility for a couple of hours, eating tasty food and enjoying the ambiance. This is something I can prioritize, particularly in my "Going Small" perspective; dining out once a month doesn't seem too much to ask.

So we are back home, with a pair of coping cats who don't like the rain, and the Queen Mother, who is shuffling along the best that she can. Aren't we all...coping and shuffling along the best that we can?