Day 60: on consistency

I'm noting today is the 60th day that I have written something on this blog, and that I haven't missed one single solitary day! This is significant because doing something consistently, day in and day out, has been a challenge, at times, on this odyssey of mine. This blog is a thread of possibility, a Yes I Can item for myself that I can build upon.

As an example: I had restarted a practice to keep my energy clear. I was doing well, until it was time for my Moonflow. Since it has come and gone, I haven't been able to get back into that practice. What I need to do is figure out how best to practice while menstruating, so that it just doesn't drop off and I lose the momentum I had built up. I'm good with it on one level, but super frustrated on another level.

On a related note: I still haven't done the two things I assigned myself to do at the start of the week: tidy up the kitchen and complete + turn in the Queen Mother's Medi-Cal paperwork. Today felt like an "off" day for much of the day; I wound up grocery shopping today because I didn't want to do it in the rain. (Did some of that last week. Not radically fun.) It turns out that the forms for the re-evaluation of the Queen Mother's CalFresh (food stamps) arrived in the mail this evening, so now I don't feel so bad. Tomorrow I can take care of ALL the paperwork in one fell swoop, and leave the kitchen for the rainy times coming up.

That's what my rational mind says, yet there's a part of me that's listening to the whispers of the Comparison Monster in my head, that insists I should have been able to do what I needed to do by now, and pick up where I had left off with my energetic + spiritual work, and why can't I summon up the wherewithal to get things done? Furthermore, what good is a schedule going to be if I can't stick to it for more than a week? The Stinking Thinking can and will get out of hand if I let it.

Part of my response is that I'm really very Tired, and this bone-deep Tired gets in the way sometimes. It's not as bad as it was, true, but I don't see it going away anytime soon, not without a week completely AWAY from the whole idea of caregiving. Part of my response it to give myself a break...much of the time, I have to be a one-woman show, and as long as I don't miss any important deadlines, I'm doing just fine. Even if I do miss a deadline here and there, the world isn't going to come to a screeching halt. Part of my response is that I am improving, and as long as I continue to improve (and sneak in a little REST here and there), I will return to a place where I can "get things done," and stick with routines, on a more consistent basis.

With that, I shall return to the blog, and note with satisfacttion: 60 consecutive days. One-sixth of this journey. Yay me. Perhaps, today, that will be Enough. :)