Day 167: on things going slightly awry

This was one of those Testing the Patience days...

Inkblot went to the vet and got his sutures removed, BUT the Cone of Shame has to stay on one more day to make sure all of the wounds are sufficiently scabbed over. I will swear to you he knew something was supposed to happen but didn't, as his tail was thumping mightily against the carpet while he was lying down, after we got home. (That means he was right peeved!) He's now asleep on the far end of the dining room table, where all of the paperwork winds up. Go figure.

We paid a visit to an attorney this afternoon to discuss our financial options. Bankruptcy is still a ways off, fortunately, but after considering the advice we were given, I have some more questions, so I will be making a phone call tomorrow to get some clarification. Then I should be able to make some choices come Monday.

Speaking of, I finally got the notification that my timesheet for the first part of the month was approved, after having turned everything in this past Monday. Now I'm praying really hard that the paycheck gets deposited tomorrow! Oy, oy, oy.

On another related note - the paperwork from both the DMV and the Queen Mother's doctor's office arrived today. Guess what? NO mention of being certified disabled from either one of them! Quick rant: how bloody difficult is it to get the piece of paper that says she's eligible for a vehicle placard or license plates, people?! The Queen Mother has suggested that we scour the paperwork that we have here to see if we have such a record, and I will have a hearty laughing scream if we find such paperwork tucked away in a file somewhere here.

If the search turns up nothing over the weekend, then we will all need to head over to the DMV office on Monday, with the disabled plate in question (yes, I kept the plates for sentimental reasons when we had to let her car go, and I'm totally glad that I did!)

This is the time to remember my tools: Breathe Deeply. Prioritize. Take the Next Indicated Step. Act Just For Today, One Day at a Time. All of this, too, shall pass, even if the outcome isn't precisely what I want. It will be what I need.

So. Moving Onward!

Day 166: on a vernal equinox adventure

On our way to grab groceries today, the skies opened up with rain, and there was thunder and lightning...and a German Shepherd running in and out of the traffic lanes! The poor dog had been spooked and was looking for her person, I guess. She ran right in front of our car, but we were going slow, and were able to stop in time. She came and looked in our windows, like she was looking for a ride.

There was a man in a white pickup truck coming from the opposite direction, and he and Himself were able to corral the dog, in the pouring rain. They discussed strategy for a few moments, as I talked to our police department, who suggested to take the dog to the Humane Society at the northeast part of town. So that's what Himself and I wound up doing.

For the most part, she stayed in the back seat of the car. She did try to come up with us at one point, but I managed to finagle her back. She was panting and shaking nonstop; she shook so hard, the car shook with her. (There's a pic of her in my Messenger Stories.) We made our way through the rain, lightning, and traffic, and made it to the Humane Society, with the help of Google Maps. Himself went in to get a leash, then came back to collect the dog. Most fortunately, she was tagged and microchipped, so she would have a happy reunion with her person at the end of the day.

We made it to Walmart after our little side excursion, and Trader Joe's after that. The rain fortunately let up by the time we made it to Trader Joe's. The car totally smelled like wet dog, as did my jeans, apparently - Inkblot gave them the third degree after we got home. (I would have loved to roll down the windows to air the car out, but it was raining too hard for me to do that.)

Usually, I get tense before a thunderstorm, then ease up as it passes. This time, I found myself holding more tension after we got home. I took a few moments after dinner to ground myself thoroughly. Coloring helped with that as well. Hopefully there will come a day when I'm not so tense all of the time... (le sigh)

There will be more rain tonight and tomorrow, but the thunderstorms were forecast only for today. We'll see if the sky growls again tomorrow. Hopefully it won't, because Inkblot is finally due to get his Cone of Shame removed! He'll be a much happier kitty.

As we say, Never a Dull Moment. It was very interesting: sometimes you feel Providence moving in and through your life, other times, you are the Providence moving through someone else's life. Paying it forward. :)

Day 165: on stepping out solo

I had lunch today at a good friend's place. She lives in an Independent Living complex and "hosts" her various friends in the main dining hall. Today it was my turn.

Himself was at home with the Queen Mother, so it was a rare opportunity to simply leave home and NOT think about Caregiving, or worry about mom (or the cats, for that matter), and leave all of the red tape and wolves at the door at home. Mom did come up in conversation, mainly because I was asked.

First course was (for me) a roasted red pepper and tomato bisque, with a trip to the salad bar. I had planned on the veggie rice bowl, but when the sandwich du jour turned out to be a three-cheese grilled cheese sandwich, with carmelized onions and a slice of tomato thrown on for good measure, I requested that instead. My sides were rice pilaf and lemon-garlic spinach, so I was good in that way. The meal was sufficiently decadent; to balance that out, I wound up having a second salad with my dinner (which was simply spaghetti).

When I returned home, everyone was fine and there was no drama to take care of, so I felt rather refreshed. I took a brief nap and did some more coloring in my "spring" mandala. I read my usual newspaper sections (Dear Abby and the comics) along with the monthly Caregiver section the paper is now publishing. It's always good to see what the topics are, and how I resonate with them.

Tomorrow and Thursday we get some more rain (almost unheard of in our neck of the woods), so we'll be staying close to home, at least for most of the day tomorrow. It is shaping up to be a rather decent week. :)

Day 164: on remembering & receiving

Made it to the beach today. Didn't stay as long as I would have preferred, but I remembered the lesson of Going Small: sometimes a few minutes will expand and fill up all of the time. The beach was covered with rocks, with all of the Winter storming we've had, yet at low tide, there was plenty of sand to be seen. We got a chance to see fog actually rolling in. It was really cool watching wisps of mist blowing by only a few feet away at ground level.

I found a pair of magic stones to take home with me: one is a "holey stone" - that is, a hole has been drilled all the way through it by an industrious mollusk, or worn through it by water. (In my case, it was the former.) They are considered very lucky and are variously considered to be protective, and/or revealing the truth about another person if one looks through the hole in the stone. I am very happy to have one that is authentic. The other stone is a mottled black and white stone that fits perfectly in my left hand, and almost perfectly in my right hand. I'm calling it a "worry stone," because I can focus on releasing my worries while I'm holding it. I asked both of them if I could take them home with me, and they said yes.

This turned out to be Himself's last physical therapy appointment through the VA, at least for the time being. He's inspired now to find a program he can sign up for to start swimming and doing some hydrotherapy, as his leg and back muscles won't hurt while exercising in the water. On the way home, the Queen Mother called up all upset about a minor deal. I found myself doing my usual wind-up-to-get-angry, until I realized: if it truly was a minor deal, why was I about to make it a major deal? I actually managed to let it go and not grab it back again; in so doing, I found the Courage to Change the Things That I Can, that is, my own reaction to what I had been given. Hopefully I will remember this beyond today!

After getting Home, Himself went on to the chiropractor to get his final "personal injury" treatment and evaluation. He already has the ball rolling with the VA to get monthly "maintenance" appointments moving forward. I had a phone call to make with one of our more obnoxious creditors, and it went much better than I had anticipated; I made a deal with them that we can live with, at least in the short term. Afterwards, I had a very tasty dinner with a veggie pot pie and a bowl of split pea soup. It boggles my mind that I went so long in life without knowing the joy of split pea soup, but at least I rectified that "error" in my education. ;)

Looking very much forward to tomorrow, as I shall be getting some time out with a good friend, and Himself will be looking after the Queen Mother for once. This Equinox Week is shaping up to be a good one, so far!

Day 163: on an easy sunday

The cats got me up a bit before 9:30 this morning, so I took advantage of the earlier than anticipated start and washed my hair, especially since I couldn't exactly remember when I last washed it. I got out of the shower and dressed in perfect timing to help the Queen Mother with her breakfast.

Himself and I were a bit early to our support group, for once! There was some good sharing had by all, and I confirmed my plans with my friend from the group for early next week. Ocean time will abide until tomorrow, when we shall pay a visit before Himself's mid-afternoon appointment at the VA Medical Center. Today, we paid a visit to Wal-Mart so I could get enough cat food to tide us over until I receive my next paycheck next week.

It was a lovely day to be outside. Tomorrow will be a little cooler, but still sunny enough to visit the beach. It's fixing to rain on the Equinox itself, so I will probably have to postpone my labyrinth visit until after the next storm passes through. In the meantime, I'm happy to soak up some rays and make myself some Vitamin D.

I have the next week to put into my paper calendar, and figure out what needs to be done when, but I'm pretty well ready to begin the next week on a good note, instead of with dread. A nice change of pace! :)

Day 162: on listening in the shadows

Today was a day to note all the little aggravations, sit down with them, and listen to them one at a time to see what story they were trying to tell me. 

The main aggravation was in not getting to the beach today. Between me pulling myself together, Himself pulling himself together, the Queen Mother putting in her two cents, and the absolute chaos on the freeways, I figured that by the time we actually got to the beach, it would be just in time to turn around and come back, to help the Queen Mother with her dinner. 

However, with the first refreshing Spring Beverage in hand (my go-to of Black Tea & Lemonade), I came up with an excellent Plan B: the duck pond at Kit Carson Park, less than five minutes away. We made it there and had a good breather there instead. The pond was almost full to its brim, thanks to all of the Winter rains, and there were many ducks and coots enjoying the renewed pond. There were also at least two turtles there, but they were more secretive, preferring to avoid the attention of all of the people who were out enjoying the fabulous weather.

There was also an astounding number of butterflies fluttering through the air. Their migration has been going on for a week or two now, as they have been flying roughly east-to-west. I also noticed them after we got home, and even took some video of them temporarily inhabiting a flowering tree in front of the condo directly across from us. You can see the video in my Messenger Stories. (I'm not quite ready to pick up the Daily Story thread again just yet; I thought I would give myself until April before I tried again.)

So, I prepared the Queen Mother's dinner, had my dinner, then settled in for some Timed Writing exercises in my trusty Writing Circle journal. The first idea was to write around the idea of "Sacrifice," because I was feeling it coming up again within me. I poured out a lot onto the page in ten minutes, and there was a lot of Resentment that came out as well. Then I turned my attention to how I felt whenever I was requested to do something "Right Now." That didn't flow as smoothly as the first, but more juicy material flowed out through my pen onto the paper. Finally, I put the two together, and found myself writing about the fear of Erasure: that since my needs "didn't matter," I felt like I was in danger of being Erased. What came up and flowed out here was pure gold, and perfectly expressed what I have been feeling, on and off, since I began my Odyssey. I have a few ideas about how to proceed from here.

As I allowed the Shadow Material to percolate, Himself passed along some shocking news: one of our friends (who is a bit older than Himself) is currently in Intensive Care at a nearby hospital, having suffered TWO significant strokes in three days! His situation right now is touch and go, and any prayers that can be made on his behalf would be most appreciated.

I am very glad we will be going to our support group tomorrow. Perhaps our beach time was meant to unfold after that. We shall see.

 

Day 161: on returning to stability

Today the cats woke me up about 15 minutes before the alarm I set was to go off. They've been very good and Patient as of late. I gave them breakfast, then chose to embark into the day. Tea and Morning Pages followed, then my breakfast. Today I had to get Himself to cool his jets and wait until I was ready, when so often it has been the other way around. He wants to make an effort to be more Timely to his appointments, and I can work with that.

We were a few minutes early to his Cognitive Behavior Therapy appointment in Oceanside. I'm glad that he insisted that I tagged along, because today's session included Stretching Exercises and Relaxation Techniques, with the appropriate handouts. These I can share with the Queen Mother, because they can all be done from a seated postion.

We saw the traffic going home was already snarling up, so we plotted out a surface-street route to avoid the worst of it. Along the way, we stopped at a Starbucks, and took about fifteen minutes doing nothing but sitting outside and watching planes land at Palomar Airport. (It supports the smaller planes, instead of the commercial jets that land at Lindbergh Field in San Diego.) I actually found myself watching the progress of a wee caterpillar crawling along in front of my feet, while it was being inadvertently helped along by the strong coastal breeze that was rustling all of the plants. We still made it home in time for me to prepare the Queen Mother's dinner, and to make my own.

It has taken me about a week to recover from the Craziness I experienced last week, but I finally feel like I have regained my footing, and am able to move forward reasonably well. The most important thing I did today was to fax the revised medical records request for the Queen Mother to her doctor's office, so I should hear back from them in fairly short order, even if it takes a FedEx delivery to get her records.

Looking very much forward to some well-deserved Beach Time tomorrow. :)