Day 198: on a red moon rising

My Moonflow is starting a week earlier than I expected, part of the fun of Peri-Menopause, so this will be a bit shorter than I had planned.

Happy to have made it to our support group. Managed to get some evening business done. Things felt a bit Heavy at times today, but that was explained when I found the early Flow.

I am feeling very tired and about ready for bed. What will get done will get done over the next few days, and the rest will just have to abide.

Day 197: on unplugging (#2-ish)

Feels good to unplug on Saturday. I intend to make this a regular thing, especially once I finish this daily blog challenge. I might even stay off Social Media till Monday.

Need to stay on a little longer to write the Queen Mother's bestie (as our computer is on the fritz) and wait for Himself to check in, but I will be shutting down again very soon.

Maybe some insights to follow. Maybe not. To Be Determined...

Day 196: on wrapping up the week

I was happy to get in my Tea and Morning Pages ritual before turning my attention to the Queen Mother and getting her over to her appointment. I gave her a ten minute warning before the half hour I had allotted to get us over there, and it still wasn't quite enough. Looks like I will have to block out more time next time. :p

Anyway, we got over to the doctor's office and had a short wait before she was called back. Her quarterly weigh-in shows she had gained two whole pounds! A big concern with us is her weight; we want to make sure she's gaining or holding steady, and not dropping any. I jokingly attibuted it to the birthday donuts she'd had when we were conversing with her doctor. After discussion and a brief exam, she was proclaimed "good to go" for another three months. We just need to stop by the Lab next month for her annual (fasting) bloodwork. I called Himself on the phone and we met in the parking lot.

Once the Queen Mother was safely back home, I cooked Himself and myself some gnocchi, as we were going to a First Night Seder with the congregation we're a part of, and I suspected it might be a bit before we would eat again. We got to the Carlsbad Senior Center (where the seder is held every year) a bit early to help with putting everything together, and we also stayed a little later to help take everything apart. I was going to take a picture or two at the start, but my phone died just as I brought up my camera. Himself took plenty of pictures, though.

He was feeling a bit tired after the Seder, so I drove us home after a quick stop at a Starbucks, and I happened to drive through my first ever DUI checkpoint on the way to the 78. I can't imbibe any level of alcohol without winding up projectile vomiting, a fact I mentioned to the nice officer, who chuckled in sympathy. It was an uneventful trip home after that.

Once I got home, though, I had to clean up after one of our Efficient Hunters, namely Inkblot. The Queen Mother pointed out the ex-bird by the computer station, and I may or may not have gone a bit green around the gills in bagging the body for the trash. I suspect it was the same bird I had chased around the house a few days before.

I am happy to have arrived at the end of this busy week. It was a good week, but it was still a long week. Tomorrow feels like a good day to switch off all of my devices; so tomorrow evening will probably feature a short, late post. I feel like I need a bit of a mental holiday.

Take good care of yourselves this weekend, too. :) 

Day 195: on a more orderly day

I got a bit more sleep overnight than I had the previous night, so that was one point of improvement. Today was also full, but not as chaotic.

I accompanied Himself to the all-important Oncology appointment today. In this case, no news was most definitely good news. He is still In Remission and "good to go" for another 90 days. :)

From there, we went over to have his port access removed, and then a trip over to where they schedule GI procedures. The GI folks had scheduled his next "coming and going" appointment for June, three months after the last one, but the Oncology folks say he doesn't need another one until September, six months after the last one. The GI folks saw reason, and his appointment was duly rescheduled. Good news all the way around. We also made notes to schedule the next CT scan (prior to his next Oncology appointment) in May, when we need to pay a visit to the eye clinic. His eyeballs are a whole 'nother story, which I will share later.

Our next stop was at Ralphs, where we got ourselves some sandwiches and chips for a little picnic lunch at the beach. The rip currents were very apparent today; fortunately, there weren't many swimmers in the water yet, as the ocean is still a bit too chilly. I got some quality beach time today, and I was happy.

We stopped at Trader Joe's on the way home, and arrived before dinnertime. We checked the mail just in case - still no letter. In this case, that was a good thing, as Himself's stepmother has stopped payment on the check she wrote and will wire him the money instead. With any luck, we will have it tomorrow; at worst, we might have to wait till Monday.

Between yesterday and today, I am moving to break up the Stinking Thinking that says I am "too damaged" to be helped, and "too negative" to be able to receive (financial) help. Stuff happens, and can happen to any of us, and the worst thing we can do is Suffer in Silence. I am working on telling my truth faster, and speaking up when I need help...and I AM Receiving Help. So there. :)

Tomorrow it's the Queen Mother's turn to visit the doctor for a follow up appointment, followed in the evening by the happy chaos that is a Passover Seder. With this in mind, I chose to skip the caregiver support group today in order to rest up. There will be another one next week that I can attend.

Today I made progress in climbing towards the summit of the mountain.

Day 194: on the fly

Though the alarm went off this morning at 7am this morning, it became apparent that we weren't going to be able to make it to the La Jolla VA Medical Center by 8am for the all important CT scan. The scheduling for Radiology wasn't in until 10am; when Himself got a hold of them, they encouraged him to get there by 11:30, and they might be able to squeeze him in before his Port Access appointment at 1pm. I managed to get in my Tea and Morning Pages before breakfast and a quick shower, and then we were off.

When we got to Radiology, Himself asked if he could reschedule to later today. There did happen to be an opening - at midnight tonight. So guess where he's going in about an hour? Yup, back to La Jolla for the CT scan.

With time opening up, we had a serviceable brunch in the cafeteria: Himself had a breakfast sandwich, and I had soup (a creamy tomato bisque) and a salad. Then we went to his "regularly scheduled" appointments at 1pm (where he got some blood drawn for labs through his port), and 2pm to the Pain Clinic (where we went to see if we could get him re-authorized for a chiropractic referral). We learned that there was a yoga study going on to evaluate if yoga could help with lower back pain in veterans; if he qualifies, he could get paid to do yoga for a few weeks! We will definitely look into that further.

With traffic its usual hot mess, we managed to get home right after the usual dinner time, but not too late after. Once again, we checked the mailbox, and still didn't find what we were looking for: a little financial help from Himself's stepmother. He rang her up, and if we don't get anything in tomorrow's mail, she will stop payment on what she sent us and use Priority Mail to resend it. In the meantime, the generosity of friends has once again come through, and we have enough for gas and cat food...for now. (Thanks to Cancer Angels, an organization that helps Stage 4 cancer patients, we're good with people food...for now.)

I am feeling the Heaviness of Depression wanting to weigh me down, and insist that I am a permanent resident of ScarCity. Part of that comes from being tired, as it has been a long day. Part of it is a test of my pragmatism. I still feel like I'm moving forward, even though it also feels like snails are moving faster than I am.

Tomorrow is Himself's all important Oncology follow up, where we intend to hear the magic word Remission being spoken again, and then he'll be good for another three months. If we're not delayed too badly, I think a detour to the beach will be good for both of us. Fingers crossed in both cases.

Day 193: on testing the resolve

We have been awaiting a key piece of mail for a bit more than a week, now, and it hasn't arrived in our mailbox yet. I find my new resolve to take it day by day, and not worry about (financial) things that I can't control, tested a bit. So far, the pragmatism is holding. So far.

I finished coloring my latest mandala and posted it on Messenger as part of my Daily Stories. I'm probably going to take pictures of my recent mandalas and post them on Instagram. I finally returned to it last night, and I was okay. I don't feel a call to return to Facebook at this time. I'm not sure if I will return to Facebook, and I don't feel like I will be on Instagram for long stretches of time. I need some more Stability in my life for that to happen, as I have enough on my plate without having to worry about random Drama Llama stampedes on Social Media.

I went with Himself to the first of his latest round of VA appointments. Today was his next to last Cognitive Behavioral Therapy session. He will return in a month for a final "progress report" before finishing this round. Tomorrow we have a grand total of three appointments in La Jolla, starting bright and early with a "last minute" CT scan that everyone forgot was needed before the next Oncology appointment! This is what happens when things don't get scheduled right away... ;-p

Sometime tomorrow we will also need to get cat food, and I am hoping we'll be able to do that sooner rather than later.

Hoping and praying for the next miracle to arrive...

Day 192: on reflecting in the calm...

I have had a restful day today. The closest I came to doing any sort of work was proofreading a document Himself had typed up before he sent it out. Other than that, the day has been filled with Morning Pages and mandala coloring.

I am happy to confirm that Himself's VA attorney has filed his case with the Board of Veteran's Appeals (I've been calling it the Board of Veteran's "Affairs" all this time. Oops!). Now we are officially scaling the last of the mountain, aiming for the summit.

In the meantime, we are still awaiting a key piece of mail, and as of today, it still hasn't arrived. Instead of my previous reaction to this development, I am experimenting on letting go of the pity poverty party that's been playing in my head. Yes, money is coming, and until it does, I still have Life to deal with, so that's what I'm going to do. I even drew and colored in a mantra in my Happy Yellow Book: "Expect Miracles Every Day!" Doubtless there is some irony in being inspired to do that on the same day Notre Dame is engulfed in flames...

For dinner this evening I successfully pan-fried some of my Veggie Gyoza and had it with some steamed rice and a salad. I used some of my Goddess Dressing as a dip, and oh yes indeedy that was a delicious choice! I will definitely be doing that again in the future. 

Riffing off of that: I am leaning toward joining the Intermittent Fasting posse and seeing how that works for me. I am thinking of doing the 16:8 variation, wherein one eats normally for eight hours in the day, then fasts for the other sixteen hours. It actually makes sense, and it's something that I can see myself doing more days than not. In the near future, I'm thinking of returning to (mostly) Veganism as well, because I feel better when I'm eating plant-based, Living Food than when I'm not. I say "mostly" because I love Honey, and I'm not quite ready to let that go yet. ;)

Tomorrow begins the latest iteration of "Appointment Week," which includes Himself's all important Oncology follow up. Our intention is to learn that Nothing is Untoward and All Is Still Well, and then perhaps have a picnic at the beach. Wish us luck.