Day 207: on a calm tuesday

The skies were actually just as cloudy today, and it rained a little in the morning. I did, however, sort through the mail that had arrived over the past few days (something I am getting better at), get a bill paid to get us back to current status, help the Queen Mother with her weekly-ish shower, and get the dishes re-sorted and washed in the dishwasher.

There are a few differences between the old dishwasher and the new: more room up top, a little less room down below, with a bigger rack for the silverware. I had to get a bit creative with dish arranging, and will probably have to wash dishes a bit more often, though that's not a bad thing at all.

I also got back on track with my walking and my intermittent fasting today. I am finding that it's becoming easier for me to pick up where I left off, rather than quit entirely and blame myself for not being "consistent" enough in my practices. Perhaps this daily blogging practice is starting to pay off.

I am also receiving another Infusion of Grace: I am Accepting Life, Taking Action, and Not Sweating the Small Stuff (near as much). I'm not entirely sure what the exact dynamic behind this is, but I'm not sneezing on it either!

Laundry day tomorrow, along with some good Moodling. Looking forward to seeing what loose ends I can tie off.

Day 206: on a marvelous monday

It rained off and on today, but that didn't stop me from enjoying a day out with an errand here and a commitment there. An actual April shower - who'da thunk it? ;)

I got a nice bonus today when I found a bigger total in my account than had been there yesterday. Seems my State Tax refund was direct deposited. Now to see when the Federal one might arrive. I was able to pick up a few other things besides chicken for the Queen Mother.

I was totally pleased to find a big jar of mixed nuts on our latest, and hopefully LAST, pantry visit. I have been looking for a healthy snack that I could indulge in on my own, and this will definitely do the trick. 

We would have gone to the peace vigil this evening, but we had a commitment we had made weeks before the insanity unfolded a few days ago. I honored that commitment, and Himself came along in support. Things unfolded rather nicely. We stopped off at the ocean afterwards for a few minutes, inhaling the salty air and doing a bit of stargazing. The skies were busy tonight, as we tracked airplane lights moving toward, and away from, San Diego proper.

We had to make a pit stop at a Hampton Inn. I had booked a stay there when we thought we were going to be fumigated in November, but cancelled it when the fumigation was postponed. We received word over the weekend that the fumigation is back on for mid-June, and I wanted to confirm that they would still accept the cats, and for how much. (Yes and not for much at all.) If the timing works out with the VA settlement money, we could go directly from fumigation into condo renovation, and I have the temporary accomodations worked out.

The skies look to be a bit clearer tomorrow, and it looks like I will have the time to tend to some domestic business. Looking forward to a productive day. :)

Day 205: on a nourishing sunday

My idea to switch off yesterday was interrupted, initially by participating in my monthly conference call, then by wanting to inform everyone that we were okay, and finally a reluctance to switch off again. I wasn't looking for drama; I just wanted to connect and feel connected. That's partly why I went with Himself to his regular Saturday night meeting, so I could converse with adults without cognitive issues!

I chose to switch off today, and I have been much more successful. I switched my phone on briefly this morning, and my tablet just now, but everything has been OFF in between, which has allowed me to read, and begin to color two mandalas. I keep getting stuck on the one mandala and found I could switch to the other one.

The weather was cool and breezy today, with gathering clouds. Earlier this evening it started to sprinkle. There's also the possibility of rain falling tomorrow, so I might carry my easy feeling over for another day or two.

I'm feeling okay. Money is good at the moment. We're all feeling good at the moment as well. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

Day 204: on reassuring...

I said that I would be mainly offline today, but I wanted to hop on and reassure everyone - We Are Okay.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about: there was a shooting at a synagogue in Poway, which is not terribly far down the road from us. We were not attending the service. We're fine.

Work with and through your Shadows! That is all the more I can say at the moment.

Day 203: on rebounding

It turns out Himself's stepmother didn't have our complete mailing address on the first attempt, but had it for the third attempt. We received the letter we've been waiting for, and the enclosed funds will see us through the end of the month. Huzzah.

Before it arrived, I was trying to explain why I had not filed a second appeal in the never-ending bureaucratic Quest, and I found myself edging into a full-blown pity party. I was rearing back to beat myself up yet again for "not following proper protocol in leaving no stone unturned," when it occurred to me: the Average Person would not have foreseen these delays happening. The Average Person would have expected the situation to be resolved by now. Ergo: I'm not actually Superwoman, nor am I Omniscient...I'm just an Average Person! Should I be relieved? ;)

We were able to make our meetings this evening, for we were able to fill up the gas tank. Tomorrow we will be able to buy some things we thought we would have to wait until the beginning of the month to get. Tomorrow I am also going to be mainly switched off, after an early morning conference call. I'm looking forward to the downtime after what has been a more intense than usual week.

We have some breathing room now. Huzzah.

Day 202: on improving further

I had a productive time writing in my Morning Pages. The question I posed was, "What can I do to occupy my mind in this time of Limbo?" The answer seemed at first to be a cliche - Chop Wood, Carry Water - but it spoke to staying more centered in the Present, taking care of my business (trash, recycling, decluttering), and taking care of myself (eating and moving with Intent and Purpose).

This answer might seem obvious, and it is rather obvious in truth, but when Catastrophizing and Apocalyptic Thinking have become second nature, sometimes I need an Obvious Answer to remind me of how best to proceed, and what I need to let go of.

I put my insight into action, taking care of the trash and the recycling. I started in on it yesterday, and will finish it off tomorrow, as I have been letting it slide a little between appointments and bouts of Depression. Himself helped out by running the vacuum. We also aired out the bedroom and the master bathroom; now it no longer stinks of bleach.

We have a few days to go until the end of the month, but I have a few small tricks up my sleeve, so everyone should stay fed and happy until the next month begins, and the monthly pensions arrive.

In the meantime, I have to re-submit my request to the DMV. I received it in the mail today, and the section I thought was an "either/or" is actually a "both/and." So there will be another delay in processing, another delay in getting the Queen Mother off of Income-base Medi-Cal, and another delay in getting my pay. Par for the course at this point! (optional: insert eyeball roll here)

Meanwhile, life goes on, and I will do my best to go with it.

Day 201: on depression's lessons

There comes a point during each Moontime when I "rise back to the surface," and no longer feel like I'm swimming in the depths. Today was that point.

Every month when I bleed, emotions that are usually hidden under layers of psyche become more easily accessible. This isn't always a pleasant thing. The last few days have shown me what my Depression is most preoccupied with: the idea that Nothing Will Ever Change, and that I Am Stuck (in poverty and in the shadow of my mother and my husband) Forever - more, that I have become "Too Negative" to shift my circumstances. 

Thank you for your concern, Depression.

I managed to get a bit of tidying up done, including sweeping the kitchen floor, before my back started wanting to go out, so I needed to ease back on the throttle and take it a little easier. In the meantime, the toilet in the master bathroom decided to overflow, and I needed to help Himself the best that I could in cleaning up the mess. (Thanks to a friend's generosity, he is getting some bleach to finish said cleaning.) At one point, though, I could feel my mind wanting to "lock up" in Overwhelm. These episodes don't happen that often, but when they do, they are debilitating.

My challenge right now seems to be what will best occupy my mind, and distract my Depression, for however long it takes to receive the funds that have been promised to come our way. At this point, I am considering all options.