Day 201: on depression's lessons

There comes a point during each Moontime when I "rise back to the surface," and no longer feel like I'm swimming in the depths. Today was that point.

Every month when I bleed, emotions that are usually hidden under layers of psyche become more easily accessible. This isn't always a pleasant thing. The last few days have shown me what my Depression is most preoccupied with: the idea that Nothing Will Ever Change, and that I Am Stuck (in poverty and in the shadow of my mother and my husband) Forever - more, that I have become "Too Negative" to shift my circumstances. 

Thank you for your concern, Depression.

I managed to get a bit of tidying up done, including sweeping the kitchen floor, before my back started wanting to go out, so I needed to ease back on the throttle and take it a little easier. In the meantime, the toilet in the master bathroom decided to overflow, and I needed to help Himself the best that I could in cleaning up the mess. (Thanks to a friend's generosity, he is getting some bleach to finish said cleaning.) At one point, though, I could feel my mind wanting to "lock up" in Overwhelm. These episodes don't happen that often, but when they do, they are debilitating.

My challenge right now seems to be what will best occupy my mind, and distract my Depression, for however long it takes to receive the funds that have been promised to come our way. At this point, I am considering all options.