Day 221: on a sudden stop

Himself managed to tackle his to-do list rather well. Me, not so much.

I figured things were going to go off track when I spent my time drinking my Chai Tea Latte, yet reading a long article about Generation-X, of which I'm a part. I did not realize Depression was going to pay a visit today and make moving forward super Heavy. I wound up napping quite a bit.

It's not just one reason I was depressed - I have my short list to rattle off - but my challenge is that I'm too tired to either beat back the stinking thinking, or refute it with Positive opposites. I'm worn out and burning out.

The mists parted from the summit of the mountain, for a brief moment, as Himself got a helpline number for the Board of Veterans Appeals. He called the helpline, and learned that progress on his case has been stalled. Apparently, his case manager at the law firm representing him has changed, so they informed the Board. When this happens, they have to Stop Everything, review the change, then they can Restart the process once the change passes muster. Hopefully this doesn't toss the case to the back of the line entirely, but still...a delay. (LE SIIIIIIIIGH)

Then I wonder why Depression paid a visit. That's me in a nutshell: Stalled.

Round two of appointments is tomorrow, so I will be too busy to throw myself a pity party. Action outside of myself is what I need to snap me out of my funk.

Day 220: on following up (part 1)

One week out from Himself's Cardiac Event, we returned to the VA Medical Center for Cardiology's "Discharge Clinic," where they checked him over to make sure he was doing okay post-Event-and-Stent. Some of our questions were answered there; others will have to wait a couple of days until he sees his Primary Care physician on Wednesday. The Weight Management class he was going to retake will have to be postponed until he is a bit more stable and has begun cardiac rehab. We did manage to reschedule his missed eye appointment (from last week) to this Wednesday, so things shuffle around a bit on the calendar. The last order of business before he left was to get some blood drawn for the necessary labs before Wednesday's appointment.

Traffic was not too bad going home, as we managed to beat the evening commute. I did some research into Himself's new medications when we got home, before dinner, and saw why some of his meds had been discontinued. I made some notes for Wednesday's appointment.

Tomorrow looks to be an "adminstrative day," with Himself playing on the computer, me supervising the Queen Mother as she showers, and another handful of phone calls to be made. Tomorrow is also going to be the nicest day of the week, so I will see if I can't sneak out for an hour or two to ambulate in the Sunshine and Fresh Air. Perhaps when I go get the cat food...

I continue to inch forward, even though mists have once again concealed the summit of the mountain, and we have no idea how close, or far, we are from reaching it. It has been just about a month since Himself's VA attorneys passed his case on to the Board of Veterans Appeals, and we are expecting word on a ruling any day now - but we don't know exactly when. So we're doing the only thing we can do: suit up and show up, and do what needs to be done. Thus is progress made, and sanity maintained. Sorta.

With that, I shall declare it a day and see if I can't catch up on a bit of sleep.

Day 219: on a day for mothers

Made our Sunday Support group today. Himself was in the spotlight, as he updated our friends on his Cardiac Adventure this past week. We will be going to the Cardiology department tomorrow, and I have a list of questions to ask them.

On the way back, we stopped at Trader Joes for some shopping, and to pick up a Mother's Day treat for the Queen Mother. We settled on a six-pack of chocolate mousse cakes with white and yellow icing. The Queen Mother will have them tonight for her dessert/last snack of the day. I also managed to get the trash out, so the weekend list is successfully completed.

This year I was pretty neutral for Mother's Day. What makes that remarkable: I had a miscarriage in 2015. The pregnancy was a surprise; the miscarriage, not so much. I had no idea what to FEEL on Mother's Day that year. With 2016 the year of Himself's cancer adventure, and 2017 the year that the Queen Mother's Dementia journey started, I really didn't have time to process anything.

Come 2018, and nothing else to occupy my attention, I fell apart on Mother's Day, and wound up doing a ton of processing. I came away with a greater sense of Inner Peace, something I had previously been missing. I wound up writing a letter to the child I knew for only a short period of time, and was able to let that go on some deeper levels. This year, I find myself still in that place of peace, for which I am grateful.

It will be an early night tonight, so let me end here and grab my to-do lists for this upcoming week.

Day 218: on taking a full breath

Today was the first day that I felt I could take that full breath and let go of the Drama of the week that has just past. I took care of the laundry and the dishes, but not the trash; it was a little too damp today to carry things out, due to our May rain. Still, two out of three aren't bad, and there's tomorrow for the removal of the trash.

Himself got a ride back up after his commitment today, so I didn't have to accompany him down to his meeting, but I chose to go. I felt I needed to socialize, for one, and I also took a much needed NAP this afternoon, for two. I got my needed socialization, along with some nice hugs. One can never have too much Vitamin H!

I made an exception to my rule of Unplugging for the weekend, again out of a need for Connection. I balanced it well with my huswifing and my napping.

Himself and I will be attending our Sunday support group tomorrow, and take advantage of a bit more Breathing Room before we launch into two (!) full weeks of appointments. Oh what fun!

Day 217: on wrapping up the week

Himself and I made some more phone calls today, both of us finding still more resources to investigate further in the coming days. I am also undergoing the process to get my Medi-Cal renewed, so I responded to a request that I found in the mail pile from the start of the week, and dropped off copies of the necessary paperwork today. 

Then Himself and I got into a disagreement as to the time of his chiropractic appointment, so I dropped him off at the chiropractor's office and headed home to get dinner ready for the Queen Mother. It turns out his calendar was the correct one. Good news was that there was no change necessary to the adjustments that he gets, due to his cardiac adventure this week.

Something I need to work on: taking the reins completely and making all of the decisions. Himself's mental faculties are still reasonably intact, and we originally agreed to make choices together As A Team. I need to give him his space and value his input, and not automatically assume that He's Wrong and I'm Right.

Something that is working: since I leaned in to the 16:8 Intermittent Fasting, I am not Emotionally Eating. That was one of my big character defects, and I am happy to say that it has all but vanished. I had some significant opportunities to "eat my emotions," this past week, but I have stayed reasonably healthy, and not resorted to midnight snacking or gone to my big Comfort Foods, namely macaroni and cheese. I have been briefly tempted, but the feelings have passed in time.

Focusing on chores tomorrow: laundry and dishes and trash, oh my! Then I'm going to take advantage of needing to pick up Himself (after his monthly commitment) to get out of the house and do some much needed socializing! Taking care of my needs as well...

Day 216: on giving myself a break

As we had no appointments, nor significant commitments, on the calendar for the next few days, I declared the immediate future to be a time of Resting and Slow Moving. Today my big accomplishment was going through the mail that had build up over the last few days.

Himself's big accomplishment was making some phone calls, mainly to family and close friends. He also took it easy. His energy was up and down throughout the day, but he has improved overall, feeling significantly better than he has felt over these past few days.

The cats were quite pleased to have me at home (for the most part) today, though Himself was happy to accompany me on a couple of errands that I had to run in the afternoon. It has been raining off and on this week - more like a heavy mist much of the time, with the most significant rain forecast for tomorrow and Saturday, so the cats have been inclined to stay inside a bit more than usual for this time of year. (Rain in May is something of a novelty in my neck of the woods.)

While writing in the Morning Pages today, I realized how Overwhelmed I was feeling. Both Himself and I are going to be investigating some avenues that might get us some extra help, because I definitely need it, at least for the short term. In the meantime, our weekly Friday night meetings are coming up, and Himself has a chiropractic appointment tomorrow. I will be going along to clarify if there are any changes that need to be taken into account with Himself's Cardiac Adventure.

The crisis has passed, and now we adjust to the New Normal. I won't get all saccharine and trite after this latest chapter, but I will advise this: Stay On Top of Your Health. That is our biggest and best asset to have as we navigate through Life.

Day 215: on adjusting

Most excellent news: Himself has returned home. He was discharged today. He brought with him a few new medications and some guidelines as to Life, Post Heart Attack. We are going to be doing the Medication Shuffle tonight, to see what he is keeping, what he is adding, and what he is removing.

He had been advised, both by the doctors and by close friends who have gone through their own cardiac adventures, to Take It Easy, especially for the immediate future. With his Sun and Mars in Sagittarius, this will be a challenge for him, but one he's going to need to take seriously.

Now that he is home, I have apparently given myself permission on a deep level to Feel My Tired Completely. I am very glad the next few days are agenda-free, as I have mail I need to sort through and a kitchen to tidy up. All of us are going to do some serious Resting.

With that, I think I will bring this entry to a close, and bid everyone a good night/day.