Day 245: on calming down

Today Himself and I went out to get a new cat carrier. Though the original plan was to get one more Inkblot-sized, we got one that was nicely Pippa-sized. If I have learned one thing through this whole process, it's to take advantage of the resources offered to us and not to quibble too much about specifics. Flexibility is key!

While we were out, we stopped by the motel and managed to check out one of the suites: it's big enough for the three of us, has decent privacy, and has a sofa bed at the perfect height for the Queen Mother. There is a Mexican restaurant a dozen or so steps away, and the motel also offers its own free hot breakfast daily. Nice!

The one downside is that they don't accommodate pets, but no worries there either: we have combined Plans A and B, wherein a good friend will cover the boarding of the cats at a Petsmart in town. They asked us lovely questions: would you like us to feed them with your food or our food? Would they like some fresh catnip toys? (Our food and some catnip toys, please and thank you. Inkblot tends to rip the toys apart, as catnip makes him a wee bit too excited.) They won't be happy away from us, but at least they will have a boutique experience, and a can of people tuna awaiting them when we're all reunited at home. ;)

We're feeling much better about everything after checking out the motel for ourselves, and with everything covered, can now focus on the bagging of the food we won't be taking with us (as the fridge in the suite is very small) and the trimming of the bouganvillea. 

I am noticing the handiwork of Goddess in all of this, making sure every piece of the puzzle has come together smoothly, even if the pieces didn't look like I expected them to. I am also noticing that I am still easily frazzled and thrown off-stride. Though I can recover quicker these days than I could in the past, I am still hoping for/desiring some Extended Downtime in the near future.

Tomorrow I will be refocusing on the homestead, as Himself tends to his business in San Diego. It's a bit of a bummer that he won't be around, but it can't be helped.

Day 244: on staying close to home

Our sanctuary-from-fumigation plans are coming together. It turns out we are going to be staying at the same place we went to all the way back in 2001, when we previously had to be fumigated. Himself has confirmed with the VFW that they will be paying for our lodging, which is a big weight off of our shoulders. Though the motel ownership has changed several times over the years, they still don't accept pets, but we have a Plan A and a Plan B for the cats, so I'm pretty sure they will be in good hands for the few days we'll be away.

The Queen Mother slept much of the day today, brought down by her Mystery Ailment of Nausea and Dizziness. I keep an eye on her when she's like this in case she does vomit; should that happen, we will be paying a visit to Urgent Care, but so far so good. I suspect that she internalizes stress even more than I do, and rather than express it, bottles it up so tightly that it oozes out as physical illness. I think some geriatric psychiatry would be in order sooner rather than later. 

Between keeping an eye on the Queen Mother and keeping tabs on Himself and the phone calls, I didn't get as much done as I had planned. I find sometimes that it's hard for me to get going, especially when I'm on the verge of diving down the rabbit hole of overwhelm. At one point I was wondering why we were trying to fix something that wasn't necessarily broken, and building up some resentment over it, but it looks like we're going to get a better deal in the end. 

We definitely need to make a run to Petco tomorrow, hopefully before Himself's chiropractic appointment. If the Queen Mother feels better, a meeting would be a good idea as well. All efforts are still being concentrated on preparing for the fumigation; prayers for a easy time would be most appreciated!

Day 243: on romping in the patio

Today's focus was to trim the pepper tree in the patio away from the house. It seemed more intimidating than it actually turned out to be - you see, this tree has been cut back to the trunk several times, and within a year has grown crazy big again. With all of the Spring Rains, it grew crazier bigger than usual. It turns out, however, with the removal of a few choice branches, 90% of the work has been done. There are a few branches yet to be removed, and a bit trimmed off the top of a branch close to the unit, but we are pretty well there.

We emptied out our wheeled green trash can and put three loads' worth of foliage in it, then hauled each load out to the dumpsters. Actually, Himself did most of the cutting, I did most of the loading, and we hauled the trash can out together.

The reason we were playing out in the patio was because the fumigators need all the plants trimmed back from the unit by about a foot, otherwise they will get cranky and possibly charge us for the work they would have to do. (Yes, it's ass-backwards, but these are trying times.) The biggest challenge in trimming back the pepper tree is trying not to annoy the bees that are pollinating the current generation of flowers on said tree right now. We inadvertently came close a couple of times, but they settled down as we went about our business. I'm pretty sure this means they aren't the infamous "Killer Bees" that wreak havoc on unsuspecting humans.

There is a bigger challenge looming, though, in the form of the bouganvillea bush outside our bedroom door. Unlike the pepper tree, that plant has long nasty thorns that will gouge you if you're not careful. We will be much more careful around it.

For the record, both plants survived the fumigation that we underwent in 2001, even though the bouganvillea looked like it had given up the ghost. Hardy plants, we have!

Tomorrow we are most likely taking a breather from patio work, as I have to get a second carrier for Inkblot, and see if we can find him a harness. I also have a Union meeting I am planning to attend in the afternoon/evening, as they are going to be talking about possible changes to the IHSS program that are being considered on the Federal Level. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" seems to be lost on our Politicians these days...

Anyway, I feel like I will be investing some more time in pruning and such in the patio post-fumigation, when it might be a bit easier to tend to the plants.

Day 242: on returning to calmer waters

I went to the credit union today and sorted everything out. I have some paperwork to fill out for a wee bit of help - which will be moot when Himself's cases are settled - and I will see what I can get done prior to the fumigation. I will see if I can get this squared away by the end of this week.

On the other side of the coin, we are postponing a trip to an estate planner, as we don't have the funds yet, and more to the point, aren't sure when they are going to arrive. Once we have the funds, then we can shop around and see who to go with.,

In the meantime, I have successfully instituted a few new routines to help with some structure and form in my day: to start the day, I wash out the necessary breakfast bowls, and the pot for my tea water if I need to, then fill the pot partway with water and put it on to boil. I then read some daily literature and work my morning prayers while everyone else wakes up or showers. By the time the tea water has boiled and the tea has steeped, Himself and the Queen Mother are taken care of, and I can settle down with my Morning Pages and write to my heart's content.

Sometime after dinner, while Himself is attending to business and the Queen Mother is attending to the news, I put on my shoes and walk around the condo for a couple of laps. It takes me about half an hour, helps with my daily activity and step-count totals, and I am noticing I can work through things in my mind as I move my body, so that's a win-win.

At the end of the day, after I have put the Queen Mother to bed, I inform Himself that I am going to meditate, so that he doesn't inadvertently interrupt me while I'm zenning out. I have a certain technique that I use, and I have been using a special bundle that I put together for Caregiving as my focus. I am finding some inspiration coming through, and I have also noticed I'm getting better sleep. What's also helping in that regard is shutting all devices off at 11pm, to assist further in quieting my mind.

I found myself eyeing Depression before I went to the credit union, but that it dissipated considerably after my visit. I realized that I've become very good at stinking thinking, if not outright catastrophizing, and that I need to retrain myself to accentuate the positive again. I'll see what I can do!

Now I move back to preparing for our Involuntary Staycation... ;)

Day 241: on a whitewater ride

Stepping back into the normal flow of Life these days...

Yesterday was a good day to finish cleaning up the kitchen. Today was a good day to pay some bills, which I did. We are now current on some things, almost so on others. I was feeling pretty good about the flow until I got today's mail. There was a monkey wrench contained therein: a "love note" from our credit union kindly asking for the past due amount on our Home Equity Line of Credit if we did not want them to consider foreclosing on our condo.

We had opened up this HELOC in 2015 to get our bills under control, ironically enough. It worked until Himself was diagnosed with colon cancer, and the Odyssey began. Even so, the wheels didn't start to wobble too badly until the end of last year/start of this year, when it all started to become Too Much financially, and we had to start making Significant Choices...all because we are (still!) waiting to see how the bureaucratic side of the Veteran's Administration is going to resolve Himself's carpal-tunnel claim (They agreed that he had it in his right hand, but he has it documented in both of his hands - and he is left-handed!).

To my credit, I didn't panic or break down. My first thought, in fact, was along the lines of, Well this is bloody inconvenient, especially since our main focus is on the upcoming fumigation next week. My second thought was to see what we could work out with the credit union; after all, we've worked out solutions for every other obstacle that's crossed our path. The truth is, though, if we don't hear from someone in DC by the end of this month, things are really going to start hurting. I'm saying that I'm saving up my panic till month's end, and am only half-joking in this.

In other news, we made it to City Hall, and the kind staff looked at us cross-eyed when we asked them about Public Records. They don't have them there; perhaps at the County office? I know for sure that office really don't have anything to offer, so I will need to wait to see what the Queen Mother's doctor's office has to say. It is terribly ironic that I can look up the marriage record of my paternal great-grandfather from the start of the 20th Century but cannot seem to find any note about mom becoming officially "disabled" some twenty years ago! 

I am still hoping to get some pruning done tomorrow, even though it looks like both Himself and I are going to be making a few phone calls. The summit of the mountain is so close, yet so far, in the latest glimpse through the mists.

Day 240: on how we met

As today is our official Meet-iversary date, here is the story behind it...

One of my friends was (and still is) a facilitator of what is called Cuddle Parties. In a nutshell: a Cuddle Party is an event where people get together and rediscover the power of Loving Touch. There is no sex involved, and everyone stays fully clothed, although pajamas are often the outfit of choice. There is also a strict set of rules for folks to adhere to in order to keep the space Safe for everyone.

I had attended several Cuddle Parties previously, and had experienced some major breakthroughs as a result. I had taken a breather to better process my experiences, and was toying with the idea of attending this particular Party for a number of reasons: I was about to start training to be a supervisor at the answering service I was working at, and my elderly cat who was with us at that time was starting to decline in health. (She would actually pass away later that month.) I was feeling I could use some Deep Human Sharing, but was it worth attending?

I received my sign when she requested a ride to the venue where the Party was going to take place, and she would comp her "chauffer" in return. I had the day free, my car had a full tank of gas, so why not? I navigated my way through the Friday commute down to where she lived (which I believe was the least friendly condo complex ever - only three guest parking spaces outside the complex itself!) and then out to the coast. Shortly after we arrived, a gentleman arrived on a bicycle and came in as one of the participants.

The prospective Cuddlers made their/our introductions, we went over the rules, and then broke up into small groups or pairs and took turns in asking for what we wanted. At some point, the gent who had arrived on the bicycle came up to me and asked if we could do some eye-gazing, which is staring intensely into each other's eyes for a period of time. I had a reputation for having a "cat's stare," and I've had other men look away from me after a few moments because they had gotten too uncomfortable. So I brought out my Cat's Stare - and he matched it. We would up eye-gazing for thirty minutes. That's how I met Himself.

At the end of the evening, we exchanged phone numbers and email addresses. I dove into to my training at the start of the following week; at the end of the week I received an email from him: I've been trying to text you, but you haven't answered. Did I do something wrong?

I called his number and apologized: the number I had given him was not a cell phone, it was my landline, and therefore could not receive texts!

He then asked me if I liked long walks on the beach. This is one of the biggest dating cliches ever...and yes, I do like long walks on the beach.

This led to our first date: at a Ruby's restaurant at the end of the pier in Oceanside. At one point, I asked him if he wanted to see "to the Center of the Universe," as I have a fairly strong prescription for my glasses. We exchanged glasses; not only was his prescription rather close to mine, but he said he could see better through my glasses!

After dinner, we took that long walk on the beach. The rest is history.

He will tell you it was love at first Cat-Stare. I needed a bit more convincing.

Here is the kicker: At the start of May of that year, on Beltane, I had stood sobbing in the middle of a circle towards the end of a powerful retreat and declared to the Universe, in no uncertain terms, my readiness to meet my Beloved. The Cuddle Party took place exactly 33 days later. Trippy, eh?

Everyone thinks we've been together longer than seven years. Even the Queen Mother remarked upon this yesterday. What we might lack in "quantity" we have more than made up in "quality."

So there you have it. :)

Day 239: on attending to pleasurable business

Today was an Out and About day, taking full advantage of the nicer weather we are having.

First, we returned to the synagogue for the semi-annual congregational meeting. It's not a big congregation, but it's an enthusiatic one. Fortunately, Himself sat on his hands today and didn't take on any more commitments! We soaked in a little Community Time schmoozing before and after the meeting.

On the way home, we stopped in at one of the stores of our cable company. We thought we would be in for a bit of a wait, as it was plenty busy, until I saw the little "Pay here" machines at the other end of the store, being completely ignored. With a little help from a friendly customer service representative, we paid the cable bill and went our merry way.

I had a snack and got dinner assembled for the Queen Mother, then Himself and I headed down to San Diego for his regular Saturday night meeting. We got there a bit early since he is the Coffeemaker, one of the two Very Important Positions, the other being Secretary. He celebrated a milestone this evening with another Community.

Post-meeting, we went out to dinner with some of our friends, both to continue Himself's celebration, and also to celebrate our 7th Meet-iversary. Himself and I first met seven years ago tomorrow, but since we're keeping an eye on the cashola, we chose to consolidate reasons to celebrate, and had one special dinner tonight. If I remember tomorrow, I will share the story of how we met. :)

We came home with full bellies and happy hearts. Tomorrow he tends to business outside the home, and I tend to business inside the home.