Today I chose to stay home and REST. It had been a trying week, one more I somehow survived. I also knew that the next couple of weeks were also going to present their own challenges, so since today was/is the first significant day of my Moonflow, it would be best to consolidate my energies as much as I could...and with the exception of a quick run to Trader Joe's for some necessities, I did.
I sipped tea and wrote in my Morning Pages. I caught up in reading the blogs of the other members of the Squad. I looked through the brochures and flyers I picked up from the most recent seminar I attended. I finished coloring a mandala I had started last month. I had dinner and napped for a time. I feel nicely relaxed.
Besides recalling how well I deal with Ambiguity - which is to say, not that well at all - I'm also coming to recall the Wisdom in a phrase I once heard somewhere, though I don't recall exactly where: Hard times will either make a person Better, or it will make them Bitter. I'm noting that it's frighteningly easy to allow myself to become Bitter... many days I feel like I'm taking two steps forward, then three steps back. I wonder if anyone is seeing my GoFundMe request on Facebook, or if I'm just being ignored. I question if we're ever going to get out of this seemingly unending cycle of Lack and Poverty. I wonder how long the Queen Mother is going to last before she finally dies - and what shape I will be in when she finally does.
*A note about the GoFundMe: yes, people have seen it, and shared it, and donated to it, and I am grateful for the response I've gotten so far. Having said that, when I see other campaigns meet their goals in one or two days - and I haven't reached a tenth of my asking goal after almost two weeks - I'm tempted to throw my hands in the air and wonder what's the use, and wonder if all of my friends are secretly Judging me for caving in and begging online for money. There's a part of me that's just about ready to quit Facebook for good, or at the very least, significantly pare down my Friends List. Okay, rant over.*
It's super tempting to close up my heart, withdraw from interacting with the "outside world," and just forge forward along, to Hell with everyone else. I know, however, that the more challenging option, keeping my heart open and continuing to show up for what Life has to offer, is ultimately going to be what sustains me after the Queen Mother passes, and for many years beyond, Goddess willing. Basically, though it might be easier to allow myself to become Bitter, I need to put in the effort to become Better through all of these challenges. I believe I'm up to (the latter) task.
Fortunately, I can ease into the craziness of the week/s ahead tomorrow, so I'll make an effort to pace myself. I'm getting pretty good at doing just that. :)
I think the recent fraud in GoFundMe, the hurricanes and the California fires may be an impediment to your request for donations. This is a time of high expenses for a lot of families and the need for donations is greater that ever. People seem more cautious than ever to donate to individuals. Maybe you can do some research on how to write a convincing 'ask'. There are a lot of suggestions out there. It is a delicate balance. Sending positive vibes your way in hopes you get some relief soon.
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