Day 46: on "getting it done"

It's never a good thing when I wake up and my mind is galloping along so fast that I can't go back to sleep. Instead of allowing it to continue galloping into a panic attack or a depressive episode, though, I took some time to brew some tea and dive into my Morning Pages. One nice raging rant later, I realized that I was taking everything WAY too Personally. I found a belief that I was somehow being "singled out" somehow for some sort of "punishment." The interesting places my Stinking Thinking takes me sometimes!

Anyway, once I finished my tea and my Pages, I went on with the day: breakfast for the Queen Mother, gathering up necessary documents, and a quick shower before we were off to the Credit Union to get a copy of my bank statement (since their systems were down, I couldn't print it off at home), and finally to my appointment with the County of San Diego to see if I could get any other help.

The appointment took about an hour and a half, and when it was done, my mind was goo. Answering tons of questions, presenting various documents, filling out and signing a couple of affidavits - and after all of that, I am probably going to be denied a spot on the dole because 1) I co-own a home (with the Queen Mother) and 2) I have a bank account (again, with the Queen Mother). Somehow, if things continue in the slow-yet-steady pace of Cultural Erosion that I've noticed, I think there's a good chance more people like me will start looking for help, and the criteria might need to be changed. Perhaps.

I was asked a question that momentarily stumped me, though, when I was invited to discuss everything I owned. It struck me as odd because most of the household items we have were purchased by the Queen Mother, or at the very least, in a joint effort. I had to think about things that I, personally, had purchased myself and could claim sole "ownership" of. Aside from clothes or a few pieces of costume jewelry, there isn't that much I could say that I actually owned. (As far as the cats go, they own me. Am I right?) When I look at our home as the Queen Mother's Power of Attorney, though, then I come into "ownership" of the items in the household, and that's the card I chose to play.

When I was done at the County offices, I really wanted a stiff drink, but as alcohol does NOT agree with me, I settled for an Arnold Palmer (black tea + lemonade) from Starbucks before Himself and I finished off the day. We paid the car registration and swung by the grocery (which was busy today and will only get busier tomorrow) to grab some essentials before going home. I put my brain in the fridge (metaphorically), had some comfort food for dinner (actually), and promised myself not to Think Deeply until tomorrow.

I have returned to a mandala I started to color in last year, then abandoned part-way through. I am planning to post more of my mandalas on Instagram, if anyone is interested. So once I finish here, I'm going back to coloring and taking it easy. Tomorrow is another day and there is still much to be done.