I didn't get a good night's sleep last night, and woke up out of sorts. I knew the best place to take my turbulent thoughts was to my Morning Pages, and I made the full three page entry today, objectively dissecting my thought processes and seeing exactly what was going on in my Stinking Thinking.
90% of that which drags me down, whatever form it takes, stems from the feeling of being Super Tired all of the time. I know I'm not Physically Tired; it's more Mentally and especially Emotionally Tired. My biggest fantasy right now is to take an entire week away from Caregiving and all of the Heaviness that surrounds it. Room service wouldn't be necessary, and a spa day or two would be nice! As you can tell, this would involve some money for this fantasy to become reality.
In the meantime, I put the decluttering and reorganizing aside for today, and stepped out into the clear and cold day to accompany Himself to his Cognitive Behavior Therapy appointment to see if it could help him with his pain. I go along with him to remember what he might forget, at least in theory. Getting back home took forever, as there were several accidents on the 78 going east, and we had to detour onto surface streets, and their traffic lights. Le Sigh...
We did get home, and we did eat, and I did rouse myself up to venture back out into the clear and colder night to attend Erev Shabbat services at our synagogue. Even though I don't actively pray with the congregation, I do enjoy mingling with other reasonably functional adults, and we are greeted warmly every time we show up. Socializing is one of my lifelines that I'm making an effort to attend to this year. I came home feeling better than I did when I left, which is always a good thing.
Perhaps I shall shelve all ideas of doing constructive work this weekend and focus on Recharging my Batteries. Hopefully I'll sleep better tonight. Regardless, I am still climbing that mountain.
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